5 Tips for Being a Confident Warrior Wife

April 5, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

I clearly remember sitting in front of our new marriage counselor, my face burning with both embarrassment and anger. Within the first few minutes of meeting, it became clear to me that he had already assumed that I wasn’t walking with the Lord. In truth, I was a confident warrior wife, determined not to give up!

If only he knew the time I spent searching the Word for comfort and wisdom. If only he knew the time I spent confessing my own sin and inviting the Lord to search my heart, the time I spent in prayer for both myself and my husband, begging the Lord to intervene.

If only he knew… perhaps he would have been more gentle and less presumptive.

Goodness knows those hinted at accusations were true of me in the past, but praise the Lord, I had changed as a wife.

Nevertheless, I began to question myself. His suggestions played right into my perfectionism as I wondered – maybe I haven’t prayed enough? Maybe my faith isn’t strong enough? Maybe I’m really not a good enough wife and that’s why our marriage is struggling?

These are questions many Christian wives struggle with!

How can a Christian wife know she is doing her best? How can she be a confident warrior wife who perseveres, one who fights for her marriage?

Fighting for a healthy marriage may feel like an impossible task, friend, and it is if we try to fight in our own strength. But let’s not forget that we who are in Christ belong to the God of the impossible.

Lately I’ve been reading through the Chronicles, and I’m impressed with the number of times God helped his people overcome enemies, even when outnumbered! Often, God’s people didn’t even have to go into battle because the Lord went before them and destroyed their enemies in miraculous ways.

A confident warrior wife is one who remembers her strength doesn’t come from herself, but from her Almighty God!

A confident warrior wife exercises her faith daily – not perfectly, but persistently. She prepares for battle in very specific ways.

Follow me over to my friend and co-author Rebekah Hallberg’s site for 5 Tips on How to Be a Confident Warrior Wife.

I’m also sharing some encouragement for times when God doesn’t intervene and a marriage fails.

7 Tips for a More Peaceful Christmas

December 17, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

Several Christmases ago, as I looked at the family calendar, my heart hardened with resentment. For a season said to bring joy and light and peace, it was only bringing me stress!

In addition to my overwhelmed schedule, the desire to provide gifts for our family led to financial stress. And then there was our marriage… Due to my husband’s PTSD and years of repeated struggle during the holiday season, we barely dared to hope for a completely peaceful Christmas.

Peace is what I desperately longed for, yet peace seemed distant and unreachable.

It shouldn’t be this way for a Christian woman, I thought.

I should be radiating peace now more than ever in anticipation of Jesus’ birthday! Christmas celebrations are supposed to be fun, not stressful, so why am I so discouraged and weary?

Friend, as much as Hallmark and Hollywood tell us otherwise, there’s nothing perfect about the Christmas season!

Problems don’t magically disappear, relationships often remain strained, and Christians, even strong Christians, still struggle with sin.

Because we live in a fallen world, sin and suffering taint our Christmas joy. Scripture speaks of how all of creation groans in anticipation of that day when Christ’s return ushers in the full completion of His love story and a restoration of peace on Earth, a perfection only possible when this world ends and eternity begins.

In the meantime, Christmas stirs up the longing for that completion, that elusive perfection we so desire. So as we observe the hard parts of our everyday lives side-by-side with our expectations of joy and light and love, we feel dissatisfied.

And praise God that we do, for this world is not our home! We’re meant for a glory this world can never provide, even at Christmas time.

7 Tips for a Peaceful Christmas

So how can we reconcile these feelings of longing and hope not yet realized with our ideals of a peaceful Christmas?

The answer is the same today as it was all those years ago – we look to Christ!

Adjust your expectations.

Part of our struggle for peace in the face of perfectionism is our tendency to set up unrealistic expectations for what Christmas looks like for our home, family, and even church! If you expect perfection this year, friend, you’re bound to be disappointed sooner rather than later. Perfection just isn’t possible!

Read about how overcoming expectations and finding peace in the longing is a good thing!

2. Rest in your work-in-progress status.

If you want a peaceful Christmas, friend, you must learn to approach the holidays with a confidence that is rooted in your position in Christ. If your confidence comes from how well-decorated your house is, how delicious your baked goods, how spiritual your advent plan, or how awe-inspiring your gifts, then your confidence rests on sinking sand rather than on the Solid Rock.

One broken decoration, one burnt cookie, one missed day of advent, or one failed gift – one less-than-perfect moment is enough to bring it all tumbling down.

Read about how embracing your work-in-progress status strengthens you for the fight for Christmas joy here!

3. Guard against strife in your marriage.

Did you know that January is the month when the most people file for divorce in America? Christmas places a burden of extra stress on marriage relationships if we let it! Even healthy marriages are at risk for extra bickering and disappointments that result when we realize our family is not Christmas-card perfect. Taking a family photo alone can be quite the ordeal, am I right?! 😉

The Enemy knows this to be true, and it seems he works overtime to create distance in families during the Christmas season. As Christians, we must be on guard, lest we allow him to rob us of our Christmas joy!

Read about how to protect your marriage as a necessary step toward a peaceful Christmas here!

You can also read about how to survive Christmas as a hurting wife in my friend and co-author Rebekah’s piece here.

4. Focus on what your family really needs most.

In the commercialism of Christmas, we parents tend to worry over Christmas gifts. After all, we want to bless our children and demonstrate our love for them in the same way our Father God did for us – through a gift.

While there’s nothing wrong with gift-giving, if finances are tight or if children have asked for one of those impossible gifts that parents have no control over, we can easily feel like we’re unable to give our kids what the world would call a “good” Christmas. Feeling inadequate hardly leads to a peaceful Christmas, does it?

Whether your world has been turned completely upside down or this year has just been more challenging than most, rest assured that you can give your children what they really need this Christmas, friend!

Read about the best way to give your kids a good Christmas here.

5. Let go of Holiday guilt!

If you’re a woman of faith who has children, then you know the emphasis of keeping Christ in Christmas, right?

Good Christian mamas are supposed to purchase or create thoughtful gifts, maintain an atmosphere of peace in our homes, and participate in all of the joyous programs and celebrations, and on top of that we’re also supposed to teach our children the real meaning of Christmas at the same time, too.

Sometimes all of that pressure to perform adds up to a burden of holiday guilt, doesn’t it? And with it, our desire for a peaceful Christmas slips quietly away…

Read about overcoming guilt by simplifying advent here!

And follow my friend Aimee’s tips for simplifying all of your Christmas plans here. I love how she says she doesn’t have to make pies anymore! 😉

6. Look for peace in the right places.

A peaceful Christmas doesn’t happen by accident, friend.

No, a peaceful Christmas requires intentional action to keep ourselves grounded in God’s truth. Only then can we ignore the holiday hype in favor of realistic expectations in this season of joy! The good news is that there are practical steps we can take toward peace this year.

Read these tips on how to savor the season and have a meaningful Christmas here! (and this one comes with a FREE printable – my Christmas gift to you)

You can also find more practical tips on how to keep first things first this Christmas season for a more peaceful Christmas here (and another FREE printable!). I appreciate this author’s take on Jesus’ example in this area of Christian self-care.

7. Be prepared.

I’ll be honest, some of my holiday stress often comes from feeling unprepared and overwhelmed.

As a woman who continually over-estimates her ability to get things done, Christmas tends to sneak up on me!

If you’re like me, then you might appreciate this advice to organize and prepare ahead of time so you can experience less stress – that sounds like a good step toward a more peaceful Christmas!

The truth is you can have a more peaceful Christmas this year, friend, if you so choose!

Don’t buy into the holiday hype and set yourself up for failure.

Say no to busy schedules and fancy gifts. Say no to unrealistic expectations and the Enemy’s attacks on your character and your marriage. Say no to stress and holiday guilt.

Instead, say yes to Christ. He came so that you might have everlasting peace.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 (NIV)

Your hope and faith in Jesus is the best way to experience a peaceful Christmas!

Jen 🙂

For the Wife Who’s Not in Love Anymore

February 1, 2018 by jstults 6 Comments

I’m just not in love anymore.

It’s a phrase we hear often enough, a phrase that’s no longer attached to any one generation in particular. In fact, wives who have been married for decades are just as likely to utter these words as those who’ve only been married a short time.

I’m not in love anymore.

I’m sure the words pain you as much as they pain me because I remember a time when the same thought reverberated through my heartstrings.

Yes, me, a pastor’s wife who once upon a time fell madly in love with an enthusiastic young youth minister, only to quickly learn that marriage wasn’t all happily-ever-after wedded bliss.

We struggled off and on for the better part of a decade before learning how to consistently enjoy being married to each other!

But I’m not in love anymore, and my husband isn’t in love with me either, what else can I possibly do?

Personally, I have some strong feelings about those words because I have learned that real love, true love is a choice, not a feeling – despite what our me-first culture would have us believe.

However, let’s set aside my personal feelings for now and dive right into what the Word of God has to say on the issue.

6 Essential Scriptures about Love:

1. According to scripture, our hearts are deceitful. We cannot trust the feeling of being not in love anymore.

Feelings come and go, sometimes without rhyme or reason, so we cannot trust our hearts to lead us in God’s ways. Instead, we must rely on what we know to be true, and we find such truth in His Word.

“The heart is deceitful above all thing and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

2. God’s Word reveals that loving each other isn’t an option, it’s a command!

Whether or not we feel like loving our spouses, God expects us to love them in our choices.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 (NIV)

3. According to the Bible, agape love is the kind of love that sacrifices self in favor of another.

Jesus gave us the greatest example of agape love at the cross.

We are to follow Jesus’ example in living out that kind of sacrificial love. Agape love might be as simple as making a meal for your spouse, or ironing his clothes, or as difficult as keeping silent even when a spouse is wrong.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13 (NIV)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

So how do we know what God expects from us in living out agape love? After all, no one wants to be a doormat!

We must abide in Him and be sensitive to the Spirit, who will guide us when conflicts arise.

The next time the Spirit nudges you to do that kind thing for a loved one, pay attention and choose to obey even if you don’t feel like it!

4. The infamous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) reminds us that God has high standards for what real love looks like.

According to these verses, we can be obedient in so many other areas, but without love, all of those good works are meaningless!

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)

5. God’s Word claims that if we don’t love others, then we don’t really know God – ouch!

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 (NIV)

6. **We are capable of loving others** (even when we don’t feel like it) because Christ loved us first!

Sometimes we’re tempted to doubt this truth. We wrongly believe that we cannot love our spouses, when in fact, we have all power to do just that in Christ!

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19 (NIV)

Even when the loving feelings just aren’t there, we can choose to act on the very real love that flows from Jesus.

We choose love out of gratefulness for what Christ has done for us.

*This page contains affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Being Confident of This!

After all, I’m not perfect, and neither are you, yet Christ loved us at our very worst when we were unlovable, unworthy, enslaved to sin. We can and should demonstrate that same Christ-like love toward our spouses, even when they’re wrong, even when they are at their worst.

Friends, I know biblical love is not an easy standard to live up to. I fail so often in my own life!

I know the frustration of living in a broken marriage. I know the despair of feeling like things will never change.

I know the sorrow of feeling I’m not in love anymore.

But I also know the joy of seeing the Father change my own heart, as well as my husband’s heart. I know the joy of renewed hope.

I even know the joy of rekindled feelings when we got to the sweet spot of marriage, the “for better” that waited for us on the other side of the “for worse.”

So you’re not in love anymore – that may be true.

Your feelings may have changed, but God’s Word is clear: love is a command, a choice, and the power to love comes not from our feelings but from Christ alone.

Let me encourage to choose love today, and when you do, may you reap the rewards that are promised!

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 (NIV)

Above all, don’t give up hope that your marriage can change. Let that change begin with you.

As my gift to you to encourage you along those lines, I’m offering the lovely printable below to all subscribers! Just fill in your information and look for your confirmation email (be sure to check the spam folder if you don’t see it right away).

Please remember that you are not alone, my friend. Fellow warrior wives have lived in these same trenches and have won the battle for healthy marriage by God’s design. And the Lord your God is with you in all things!

Jen 🙂

For further reading: I Didn’t Want My Husband Anymore

What If God Actually Answered My Prayers?

August 29, 2016 by jstults 10 Comments

His words caught me totally by surprise. I looked up from what I was doing to be sure I’d heard him. My husband has never been very definitive about anything, especially pertaining to our marriage, so his matter-of-fact response caught me off guard.

My husband and I have had a rough few years. We’ve had legal, financial and marital issues, to name just a few. The trauma we’ve dealt with has been almost unbearable. My husband has had to deal with some very difficult issues, and while we’ve tried to navigate them together, ultimately they have been his demons to wrestle while I prayed.

I was frustrated at where we were in our relationship – seemingly stuck. The struggles that we faced took us on very different roads than I ever intended. Navigating them has not been easy for me.

I think I said something like, “I don’t like where we are. I want to feel like we’re moving forward. I want to feel unstuck.”

He answered that we won’t be in this position forever. I won’t always feel stuck. No, someday this will be behind us.

“You want to move forward? Then we start today. We start here. We may not know where we are going to end up, but we can start right here and move forward together.”

Friends, I have prayed for this moment. I have prayed for my husband to step into the position to want to lead our family, our marriage.

And there I stood, surprised, uncertain, not sure what to do.

What if…

What if God actually answered my prayers?

The world is so quick to speak their “truths” into our lives:

You’re not good enough.
Your prayer is too big to get answered.
Your relationship is too broken.
Your God isn’t big enough.

Even those 4 lies right there – they’re huge. We’ve all probably heard them (or a variety of them) at some point.

But what does God do?

God calls us out.

God calls us out – He makes us holy, set apart.

In Exodus 3:5, God called to Moses from the burning bush.

“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”

And in Joshua 5:15, the commander of the Lord’s army met Joshua near Jericho.

The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

When God is ready to use us, when He answers our prayers and prepares us for what’s ahead, He will set us apart for His purpose.

We may not see a burning bush, and we may not talk with the commander of the Lord’s army, but that doesn’t diminish God’s work in our lives! God’s power to work is as strong whether we have a Damascus road experience, or whether we’re struck by the words of our husband.

God is not finished with my marriage. He still has a plan for us. He is answering my prayers for my marriage in ways I can’t even believe.

What are you praying for today? How can we be praying with you?

We will pray, but friends, I ask you to pray, believing.

Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in her own marriage. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – encouraging wives who are praying for redemption in their marriage.

3 Ways to Calm Your Emotions ~ Before They Ruin Your Marriage

April 25, 2016 by jstults 5 Comments

Have you ever looked at your marriage and wondered what has happened? Have you been completely dissatisfied with the state of everything? Have you gone so far as to maybe even ponder divorce?

You’re not alone.

I know that as a culture, we tend to keep doing what we do, so long as it is beneficial to us in some way. But when we turn that corner where we feel it is no longer beneficial, we’re quick to throw it away – whether it’s an old book that our kids have outgrown, a faulty appliance, broken furniture, and even our marriage.

I wrote about the day I took my ring off, and I’ve been open with struggles in my own marriage. It’s hard to want to stay, to want to work things out, when the struggles seem too big.

Fear can play a major role in trying to work through our problems. We fear more pain, rejection, we even fear other people finding out about our troubles. Fear can truly mess us up in our day to day lives.

But there is something that can add fuel to fear’s fire and really make matters seem worse than they need to be.

Our emotions.

I’ve found that when my emotions run wild, the fear flares up. When the fear seems out of control, everything seems impossible. So to quiet the fear, I have to calm the emotions.

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

1. REST

I’ve found that my emotions are the most difficult to control when I’m tired. No matter how hard I try to keep things in check, every little issue seems more magnified when I’m tired. I try to deny the tiredness and convince myself that the problem truly is just that big.

Lately I’ve gone back to intentionally lying down on a Sunday afternoon. I don’t always sleep, but I do intentionally give my body a bit of a break. Funny how we have to be so intentional about these things, isn’t it?

One time, early in my marriage, I was having trouble sleeping – or maybe adjusting to another body in the bed. My husband suggested sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, which I did. I was able to fall right to sleep and I slept very well. I’ve gone back to that practice from time to time, as the need presents itself. There’s something special about having God’s Word close to our minds while we sleep.

2. WORSHIP MUSIC

Ready for a bit of honesty here? This one is the hardest for me. Yup. This is where it becomes a battle of the will.

See, once I realize that my emotions are the problem, therefore, that I’m the problem (or at least a part of the problem), I don’t want to have to own up to it. I don’t want to be accountable for what I’ve contributed to the situation. I want to push the blame to anyone else.

It’s become a heart issue by this point – one that I don’t want to deal with.

I have to physically choose to turn on the music, put in the earbuds, and let God’s Word sink into my heart through worship songs.

I don’t have any particular favorites. It seems each time I listen, there are songs with lyrics geared specifically to what I need to hear. I love how God does that!

3. TIME WITH GOD

I often go to a favorite Scripture and just meditate on that. I read the verses around my favorites, to try to understand the context, to try to get a little more out of the passage. But I meditate on verses that have strengthened my heart previously, that have helped me find rest, that have provided the assurance that I need.

Just a few of my favorites:
Psalm 71:14, Jude 24-25, Revelation 12:11, Isaiah 61, Isaiah 43:1.

There are many others – I’d love to hear some of your favorite go-to verses for when you’re needing to refocus.

I have a few books that are easy-reading, that help me to rest and quiet my heart, but also remind me that my time right then is dedicated to focusing on God.

The first is called An Angel, A Miracle, or Simply God at Work? It’s the true stories of a missionary, shared in an easy-to-read manner. He shares the stories, shares God’s work through the stories, and leaves it up to you as to what you would call it – intervention from an angel? a true miracle? or simply God at work in our world today?

The next is called When Words Won’t Come and this one is rather new to me. I’m still reading through it, but I’ve been so blessed by it. The author provides a short Scripture and just a few, small thoughts to meditate on. This book has been a tremendous blessing on the days when I’ve faced difficulty or have struggled to keep going.

These 3 ways to calm your emotions are easy to do, but can provide so much heart-relief. There are plenty of other great ways to regain control of wild emotions – a walk, quiet time by a fire, a favorite hot drink on a cool evening, time talking with a friend.

I’ve found that once I quiet my emotions, then the fear settles and it’s easier to face the realities of the situation for what they are – not for the blown-out-of-proportion image that my emotions have made them to be.

I’d love to hear how you purposefully quiet your emotions to regain control of a seemingly out-of-control situation. I pray these 3 tips are a blessing to you!

Blessings!

-Rebekah

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

When You Don’t Want to Pray for Your Husband

February 16, 2016 by jstults 17 Comments

Sometimes I don’t want to pray for my husband.

There, I said it. And saying it makes me feel all sorts of ugly inside, but it’s the truth.

When I’m angry with my husband, or when we’ve had a disagreement and the emotions that come along with that are still fresh in me, I have little desire to pray for him. In fact, even if I do pray, my prayers are likely to be punitive rather than uplifting.

Lord, smite this man’s heart and convict him of his sin!

Father, make him suffer for what he did to me!

I’m ashamed to even type these words out, much less admit that I’ve prayed them before. Have you been there, friend? Have you been so frustrated with your man that even praying seems beyond what you can handle?

So what should we do when we just don’t want to pray for our husbands?

We pray anyways.

Yes, I know that’s not the answer you or I want, but it’s the answer we need to hear.

Listen, when we sit down in prayer for our husbands, a funny thing happens – our hearts begin to change. In the midst of praying for the Lord to smother my husband with conviction, the Holy Spirit smothers me with conviction. He shows me all of the ways in which my sin is no different from my husband’s sin.

That self-righteous attitude isn’t so easy to uphold when we’re communing with the God of the Universe, is it?

Sometimes I’m tempted to hold back, even while praying, and hide away those sinful thoughts. But our Father sees and knows all. One of the best perks of praying is being able to unleash all of that pent up anger and frustration to the One who loves me anyways.

Like a frustrated, independent toddler who finally gives in to a parent’s offer of help, I find peace in the arms of the One who holds me when I’m hurting.

Praying opens doors I’ve slammed shut in my own heart and brings the necessary change to forgive.

In years past, I sometimes felt so overwhelmed by marital strife that I wasn’t even sure what to pray for. Even in times such as these, the best course of action is to pray anyways.

“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words…” Rom. 8:26 (NASB)

Praying for my husband even when I’m hurt or angry invites God to step into our marriage and smooth over the rough edges where we grate against each other. It invites Him to heal the wounds and bring redemption.

Praying for my husband doesn’t just change me, but it also changes my man.

After nearly seventeen years of marriage, I’m learning that a well-timed prayer does infinitely more good than any words I have to speak to my husband.

“Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.” Ps. 4:1 (NASB)

I can ask the Lord to soften my husband’s heart and help him see my point of view. I can ask the Lord to convict my husband of any sin, not out of malice, but out of a desire to see him walk uprightly.

When I obey the Lord and pray anyways, I’m never sorry that I quit fighting long enough to pray. But in those times when I disobey and cling to my right to fight instead, when I don’t pray because I don’t want to pray…. I’m always sorry later.

That’s why I recently decided to take the plunge and commit to Kaylene Yoder’s new course, Becoming a Better Wife. If you’d like to learn more about praying and fasting for your husband and your marriage, I highly recommend this course.

The material is both helpful and convicting, but what I like most about this product is that it comes from the heart of a wife who has been desperate for change. She really gets it.

The course also offers printable material that you can keep handy for quick reference and encouragement – so many bonuses!

I’m especially pleased to be able to offer my readers a ten percent discount on the already affordable price because I believe in the power of prayer to effect change. And I know from experience that having a specific action plan is so very helpful in sticking to that commitment to pray!

So, for those interested in the course, be sure to type in code JS10 to receive your discount!

Please let me know via e-mail or facebook if you take up the Better Wife challenge so that we can encourage one another along the way. 🙂

So the next time you don’t want to pray for your husband, just do it anyways.

Even in the midst of an argument, stop and ask for a time out. Praying is the best possible choice you can make in that moment!

And if your prayers start out a little angry and vengeful, trust the Lord to work the necessary change in your own heart first.

You won’t be sorry.

Jen 🙂

For more information on the Becoming a Better Wife course, click this link. (Disclosure: Jen is an affiliate for the Becoming a Better Wife course and as such will receive a percentage should you choose to purchase through this link. Thank you for helping to support the ministry of Being Confident of This!)

For more marriage encouragement, check out my friend Jenn’s Encouragement for Imperfect Wives series! It has some excellent content from many seasoned wives. 🙂

Sharing with: Messy Marriage, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Grace and Truth

Learning to Recognize Progress Can Save Your Marriage

February 8, 2016 by jstults 1 Comment

Believe it or not, the whole fight started over a pile of clean laundry. We had just finished family fun night with our children, an evening of homemade, personalized pizzas and fun games and silly antics. After tucking the kids into bed, we were ready for some relaxation, some time to cuddle in front of our recent Netflix favorite.

But as we entered the bedroom, there it sat – a large pile of clean laundry just waiting to be folded.

I sighed.

I hadn’t meant to leave it there all day, but like most moms, I just got busy meeting all. the. needs. So there it sat, and as I flopped down to fold it, I spotted The Face, you know- the one that means your husband is a little miffed even if he doesn’t say anything.

Instead of following my better judgment and ignoring The Face, I immediately took offense.

Why in the world should he get mad at me – at least having laundry on the bed means that we actually have some clean laundry, which is no small feat after the week I’ve had! He should be happy that I managed to squeeze in a few loads here and there today. It’s not like I’m the only one in this house capable of folding laundry, anyways!

He should be thanking me!

Am I right, ladies?!

Of course, that line of self-righteous thinking led to an ill-timed argument, and what could have been a beautiful end to the day quickly degenerated into angry words and hurt feelings…

To find out how learning to recognize progress can save your marriage, join me over at my friend Becky’s blog for the rest of the story!

Sharing this with: Grace and Truth,

When Life Gets Busy ~ Grace and Truth Week 33

August 28, 2015 by jstults 2 Comments

I’m so happy it’s Friday already, friends! We’ve had one of those weeks when you just fall into bed exhausted every night. 🙂 Has it been unbelievably busy at your house lately, too?

Today we lay a friend to rest, and yesterday we visited a friend in in the hospital who is hopefully waiting for word on whether or not she qualifies for a heart transplant. And as I type these words, an MK acquaintance of mine sits in intensive care with her baby, waiting for healing to take place.

I know we hear it all of the time, but that doesn’t make it any less true: life is short. We’re not even guaranteed another day with our loved ones.

So as you finish out this week and all of its busyness, don’t forget to take time for one another as a husband and wife, and as a family (yes, I’m telling myself this, too!). Keeping those bonds strong is more important now than ever before!

This week’s featured post is from Gwen at An Island Family by Grace. Gwen shares about a difficult time in their marriage, as well as 7 strategies for coping. I especially like suggestions #2 and #7! Be sure to stop by and visit her this week. 🙂

Find more encouraging words in the link-up below!

Hold fast,

Jen 🙂

Thanks for linking up with us last week. If you were featured, feel free to grab a featured button below!

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How to Trust God With Your Marriage

August 15, 2015 by jstults 3 Comments

Sometimes trusting God with your marriage is just plain hard! Our men go through tough times and so do we. Maybe there has been a breach of trust, or maybe you’re both caught in the midst of a painful trial.

Maybe you’ve simply grown apart.

Whatever the case may be, trusting our husbands isn’t always foremost in our minds.

The hard part about being married to an imperfect man is that we are called to trust him and submit to him anyways, even:

When he forgets to pay bills
When he breaks a promise
When he grows depressed
When he acts irresponsibly
When he acts unloving
When he runs from God like Jonah

Do you find that challenging?

Because I certainly do!

When I see evidence that my husband is really struggling in his faith and not walking well with the Lord, I begin to question his judgement and leadership for our family.

That slippery slope of distrust quickly leads straight to disrespect if I don’t catch it in time.

How to Trust God with Your Marriage

Join me over at my friend Starla’s place for the rest of this piece on learning to trust God by trusting our husbands! It’s my contribution to her awesome 31 Days of Trusting God series. 🙂

Click the picture below to read!

Every Wife’s Choice Review

July 28, 2015 by jstults 16 Comments

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. To find out more about affiliate links, please visit the About page. Additionally, a free copy of this book was provided for review purposes. However, all opinions are my own and I have not been compensated in any way for them.

From the very first lines of Sarah Fairchild’s new release, Every Wife’s Choice, I knew this book had the potential to powerfully impact women, especially those in modern marriages.

Every Wife’s Choice: Loving beyond the mood of the moment speaks to the current culture of do what feels good for you and the selfish human tendency to look out for our own interests.

I’ll be honest; as a woman, even a Christian woman, my emotions often dictate my behavior if I allow them to. So stressful moments with my mate are compounded by the fact that emotions come into play and cloud my thinking.

That’s why Fairchild’s book is so important for wives!

“Sure, love is patient, but how do I choose patience in the midst of emotional turmoil? When frustration boils over into meltdown mode how do I release those pent up feelings and act patiently instead? Love is kind, but where do I draw the line before my heart begins to feel like a doormat?

I needed more than pretty cliche’s. I needed practical answers.” ~Sarah Fairchild

More than obvious cliche’s or trite sayings, Every Wife’s Choice delves into Greek word study to discover the significance of the First Corinthians love passage and apply that knowledge to everyday life in a practical yet biblical way.

From chapter one, it’s clear to readers that the foundation for Every Wife’s Choice comes straight from the Gospel itself. The mercy and grace shown to us by a loving Father is what empowers us wives to choose to agape love despite what we are feeling in the moment!

“Jesus never asks us to do more than He has already done, however, and He understands exactly what it means to love an enemy.

After all, He loves us…” ~ Sarah Fairchild

That’s why I wholeheartedly recommend Every Wife’s Choice for women from every walk of life.

In fact, the application of the Greek word study contained in this book reaches beyond marriage, beyond women, and to all Christ-followers. It’s themes are universal!

Although this study comes from a marriage perspective, the information contained is applicable to all women (and even men) desiring to love others as Christ loves us.

It doesn’t hurt that Fairchild’s book is full of humorous anecdotes from her own life, either! The chapter titled “Till Dogs Do Us Part” had me giggling all the way through yet the humor did not distract from her important message.

Fairchild’s easy style and quick humor remove any potential dryness that some readers might find in a typical Greek word study. And although the author’s approach is academic in nature, her effective use of story-telling sets readers at ease.

Each chapter of Every Wife’s Choice builds on the previous, just as each attribute of love described by Paul in the First Corinthians passage builds on the previous one. Such scaffolding of knowledge and application are aptly described by the author in the final pages:

“There is a Rock upon which we can build our love, brick by brick, choice by choice.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Thus, Every Wife’s Choice is clearly a book for all wives:

~ the newly married wife

~ the fifty-years-in wife

~ the struggling wife

~ the happy wife looking to keep her marriage strong

“[Agape] love enables us to give ourselves fully to the marriage we’re in, whether it’s the marriage we dreamt about or a painful work in progress.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Fairchild’s aim throughout is to free wives from the tight grip of emotions so that we can become the wives God intended us to be, wives who reflect His heart for others.

What better way to learn to be a godly wife than to study His Holy Word?

You’ve read many a time here on Being Confident of This that we are work-in-progress women. Perhaps that is what I love most about Fairchild’s book – she recognizes the work-in-progress nature of married life.

And she anchors the hope of progress firmly in our Lord.

Now, who wants to win a free copy??! 🙂

Enter to win a free copy of Every Wife’s Choice!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Keep the up the good work-in-progress, friends!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth
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Follow me over to my friend and co-author Rebekah Hallberg’s site for 5 Tips on How to Be a Confident Warrior Wife.

7 Tips for a Peaceful Christmas

Adjust your expectations.

2. Rest in your work-in-progress status.

3. Guard against strife in your marriage.

4. Focus on what your family really needs most.

5. Let go of Holiday guilt!

6. Look for peace in the right places.

7. Be prepared.

6 Essential Scriptures about Love:

1. According to scripture, our hearts are deceitful. We cannot trust the feeling of being not in love anymore.

2. God’s Word reveals that loving each other isn’t an option, it’s a command!

3. According to the Bible, agape love is the kind of love that sacrifices self in favor of another.

4. The infamous love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) reminds us that God has high standards for what real love looks like.

5. God’s Word claims that if we don’t love others, then we don’t really know God – ouch!

6. We are capable of loving others (even when we don’t feel like it) because Christ loved us first!

What if…

What if God actually answered my prayers?

God calls us out.

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

Praying opens doors I’ve slammed shut in my own heart and brings the necessary change to forgive.

After nearly seventeen years of marriage, I’m learning that a well-timed prayer does infinitely more good than any words I have to speak to my husband.

So, for those interested in the course, be sure to type in code JS10 to receive your discount!

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How to Trust God with Your Marriage

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. To find out more about affiliate links, please visit the About page. Additionally, a free copy of this book was provided for review purposes. However, all opinions are my own and I have not been compensated in any way for them.

Enter to win a free copy of Every Wife’s Choice!

6. **We are capable of loving others** (even when we don’t feel like it) because Christ loved us first!

Satisfaction Through Christ
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER |G+

Kaylene Yoder
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER | G+

The Brown Tribe
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER | G+

Arabah Joy
BLOG | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | PINTEREST | G+

A Divine Encounter
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | G+ | STUMBLEUPON

Being Confident of This
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER | G+

Busy Being Blessed
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER | G+

Sharing Redemption’s Stories
BLOG | FACEBOOK | PINTEREST | TWITTER | G+