Sometimes I don’t want to pray for my husband.
There, I said it. And saying it makes me feel all sorts of ugly inside, but it’s the truth.
When I’m angry with my husband, or when we’ve had a disagreement and the emotions that come along with that are still fresh in me, I have little desire to pray for him. In fact, even if I do pray, my prayers are likely to be punitive rather than uplifting.
Lord, smite this man’s heart and convict him of his sin!
Father, make him suffer for what he did to me!
I’m ashamed to even type these words out, much less admit that I’ve prayed them before. Have you been there, friend? Have you been so frustrated with your man that even praying seems beyond what you can handle?
So what should we do when we just don’t want to pray for our husbands?
We pray anyways.
Yes, I know that’s not the answer you or I want, but it’s the answer we need to hear.
Listen, when we sit down in prayer for our husbands, a funny thing happens – our hearts begin to change. In the midst of praying for the Lord to smother my husband with conviction, the Holy Spirit smothers me with conviction. He shows me all of the ways in which my sin is no different from my husband’s sin.
That self-righteous attitude isn’t so easy to uphold when we’re communing with the God of the Universe, is it?
Sometimes I’m tempted to hold back, even while praying, and hide away those sinful thoughts. But our Father sees and knows all. One of the best perks of praying is being able to unleash all of that pent up anger and frustration to the One who loves me anyways.
Like a frustrated, independent toddler who finally gives in to a parent’s offer of help, I find peace in the arms of the One who holds me when I’m hurting.
Praying opens doors I’ve slammed shut in my own heart and brings the necessary change to forgive.
In years past, I sometimes felt so overwhelmed by marital strife that I wasn’t even sure what to pray for. Even in times such as these, the best course of action is to pray anyways.
“In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words…” Rom. 8:26 (NASB)
Praying for my husband even when I’m hurt or angry invites God to step into our marriage and smooth over the rough edges where we grate against each other. It invites Him to heal the wounds and bring redemption.
Praying for my husband doesn’t just change me, but it also changes my man.
After nearly seventeen years of marriage, I’m learning that a well-timed prayer does infinitely more good than any words I have to speak to my husband.
“Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.” Ps. 4:1 (NASB)
I can ask the Lord to soften my husband’s heart and help him see my point of view. I can ask the Lord to convict my husband of any sin, not out of malice, but out of a desire to see him walk uprightly.
When I obey the Lord and pray anyways, I’m never sorry that I quit fighting long enough to pray. But in those times when I disobey and cling to my right to fight instead, when I don’t pray because I don’t want to pray…. I’m always sorry later.
That’s why I recently decided to take the plunge and commit to Kaylene Yoder’s new course, Becoming a Better Wife. If you’d like to learn more about praying and fasting for your husband and your marriage, I highly recommend this course.
The material is both helpful and convicting, but what I like most about this product is that it comes from the heart of a wife who has been desperate for change. She really gets it.
The course also offers printable material that you can keep handy for quick reference and encouragement – so many bonuses!
I’m especially pleased to be able to offer my readers a ten percent discount on the already affordable price because I believe in the power of prayer to effect change. And I know from experience that having a specific action plan is so very helpful in sticking to that commitment to pray!
So, for those interested in the course, be sure to type in code JS10 to receive your discount!
Please let me know via e-mail or facebook if you take up the Better Wife challenge so that we can encourage one another along the way. 🙂
So the next time you don’t want to pray for your husband, just do it anyways.
Even in the midst of an argument, stop and ask for a time out. Praying is the best possible choice you can make in that moment!
And if your prayers start out a little angry and vengeful, trust the Lord to work the necessary change in your own heart first.
You won’t be sorry.
For more information on the Becoming a Better Wife course, click this link. (Disclosure: Jen is an affiliate for the Becoming a Better Wife course and as such will receive a percentage should you choose to purchase through this link. Thank you for helping to support the ministry of Being Confident of This!)
For more marriage encouragement, check out my friend Jenn’s Encouragement for Imperfect Wives series! It has some excellent content from many seasoned wives. 🙂
Sharing with: Messy Marriage, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Grace and Truth
Jen, thank you so much for sharing! Love your honesty here. There are many days I don’t feel like praying either, but it’s most important when I feel it the least. It’s always amazing to experience how God softens my heart when my prayers are angry, accusatory or even whiny.
Blessings to you, friend! Praying your faith and marriage are strengthened and blessed through the study.
Exactly! 🙂 Thanks, Kaylene – I appreciate extra prayer coverage.
Leah Adams says
Yes! I learned years ago the value and benefit of praying for my husband. I really love this >>>>Praying opens doors I’ve slammed shut in my own heart and brings the necessary change to forgive.<<< Always, the heart that needs changed is my own. Even when I do not realize it, there are uglies that need dealt with. Love this post, Jen, and I love Kaylene's course!!
Whew, so glad I’m not the only one, Leah! Yes, I’m excited about her course, as well – lots of “meat” there.
Such true and wise words here. I found myself blushing because many times when I’m praying for my husband, it’s only to get him to change his mind about something concerning me. You offer great advice for us imperfect wives!
Thanks for mentioning the series!
Oh, I’m the same way, Jenn. That’s why I had to tell on myself here. 😉 I’m learning that often my heart needs changing, as well, though. Glad we imperfect wives can stick together!
Tiffany Parry says
Just do it anyways … that’s a lesson that applies to so much of our faith walk. It’s amazing what God can do when we get over ourselves and come to Him in humble obedience. It’s certainly not easy, but He always shows up with grace. Thanks for sharing, Jen.
How true, Tiffany! Thanks for stopping by here and sharing with us.
Hi, I am interested in getting the “Becoming a Better Wife” book in print. Is there any way to do that?
As far as I know, it’s only a digital product. However, I can highly recommend Hope for the Hurting wife (by myself and Rebekah Hallberg), A Wife’s 40-day Fasting and Prayer Journal (by Kaylene Yoder – who created the Become a Better Wife course), and also Every Wife’s Choice by Sarah Fairchild. All three of these books have great insight into different things you can do as a wife to invest in your marriage!
How do you pray for restoration of a marriage you just no longer want? I’ve tried praying for it but it is a struggle knowing I no longer want it. I’m just unhappy and rather be single for the rest of my life. As a result I dont respect him as a man and wish he’d find someone else.
In that situation, I think you pray and ask the Father to mold your heart to His will. There are times where I have asked Him to restore the love and joy to my own marriage because honestly, I didn’t like my husband very much at the time. I prayed the Lord would help me see the good in him because I wanted a way out, too. Not only did I ask the Father to help me love my husband and pray for him, but I also asked God to help my husband do the same for me. I highly recommend seeing a Christian counselor (with or without your husband, if he’s unwilling), and digging down to the root issues! It has been really helpful for my husband and I over the years.
Thanks for the advice. I’ll pray that way for I never prayed like that. He will not see a marriage counselor because he says “no one can tell him about his marriage,”. Just stubborn. I’ll have to go alone. I’ll post again if my outlook changes. I genuinely appreciate your response.
I will pray for him, too, that his heart will be softened and that he will be the husband God wants him to be. 🙂
**Update** I have seen a change. My husband has changed in areas I couldn’t imagine someone being able to, in less than two months. It has really increased my faith in God.I had to literally ask him was he ok, what is going on, and why the sudden change, lol. Almost like I wasnt acknowledging God was hearing my prayers. Its surreal. Thanks for that simple prayer pointer because I never prayed that way. Also thanks for posting this article because it was waiting for me to eventually read in just a few years. God bless you. I’ll be praying that God sends a special blessing your way and that your union will continue to thrive in God.
Please do, please do pray for me. I have the prayer pointer written down as a reminder to pray in that way daily. I’ll trust God that HE will work on my heart as well as my husbands.