Emotions Archives | Being Confident Of This

When Your Feelings Deceive You

May 15, 2019 by jstults 2 Comments

I entered the large waiting room with my family in tow. We knew it would be a long wait, so we brought games with us to play. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find an open spot to set up camp.

Just as I found a table that would work for us, a woman came and began to take it apart, feeding its pieces to the flames in the nearby fireplace.

At first I felt shocked, but then anger and frustration quickly followed. It seemed we faced obstacles in every direction we turned.

To top it all off, as I looked for a space to settle in, my phone and my mom’s computer went missing – stolen while my back was turned!

I stormed around the waiting room, looking for the culprit and managed to find my mom’s computer … just before my alarm woke me.

A sigh of relief.

It was just a dream, and boy was I ever thankful!

Yet even as I walked through our morning routine, I felt the lingering effects of the bad dream. Frustration and anger clung to me even as I dropped our children off at school. I knew what happened in my dream wasn’t real, but my feelings weren’t catching up to reality!

The truth is, my feelings often get the best of me!

Exercising self-discipline over my emotions is still a work-in-progress area for me. I tend to be an over-reactor with big emotions that often feel overwhelming. But the truth is, as a follower of Christ, I have everything I need to boss my feelings around instead of letting them boss me. So do you, friend!

My weird dream was just the reminder I needed – my feelings lie to me, and your feelings deceive you, too, friend.

The fact that our emotions don’t always reflect reality is scientific.

Did you know your emotions can hijack the function of your brain? You can literally be deceived by your own feelings!

When we find ourselves in what we perceive to be a fight-or-flight situation, our internal “alarm system” essentially overrides our ability to think clearly. According to this article, your feelings deceive you most often when the powerful emotion of fear comes into play.

We’ve all experienced this truth for ourselves, even if a situation isn’t as dire as a fight-or-flight problem. We know our feelings, whether good or bad, tend to linger. Sometimes they linger long past their welcome!

Recall the last time you argued with your spouse or a loved one. Even after resolving the situation, often sadness follows. How about the last time you watched a scary movie; were you just a bit more jumpy than normal when turning out the lights for bed? Or think about the last time you enjoyed some really great quality time with people you care about – the good feelings linger, too, don’t they?

Just as with my dream above, we can easily get worked up or upset about things that aren’t even true! Your feelings deceive you more often than you realize.

That’s why the Bible cautions us to guard our hearts and to avoid trusting in our own wisdom and emotions.

Your feelings lie to you – that fact isn’t just scientific, it’s also biblical!

When God created man and woman, he created us in His image, which means we have a spirit, a mind/will, and also emotions.

Our emotions are an important part of life here on earth – they bring us joy and purpose, while also serving to protect us from danger and harm.Yet our feelings can be tricky to interpret, and even more dangerous to trust.

In our current culture, feelings have become king. We hear many phrases that encourage us to fully embrace our tricky emotions:

“Follow your heart”
“Do what makes you happy”
“Find your best life”
“Just be yourself”

The problem with elevating our feelings and emotions to the point of “absolute truth” is that our human bodies, and therefore emotions, are hopelessly flawed!

Ever since Adam and Eve chose to break the one rule they were given because they falsely believed they knew best, humankind has been prone wander from what’s best. We consistently choose our “truth” over our Creator God’s omniscient Truth!

The Bible makes our tendency to wander very clear:

The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. Genesis 6:5

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. Galatians 5:16-17 (NIV)

According to this scripture, by nature our flesh wants the opposite of what the Spirit wants. We cannot follow our own desires if we truly want to be Spirit-filled women of God!

To focus our minds on the human nature leads to death, but to focus our minds on the Spirit leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 (NIV)

There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death.
Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and rejoicing may end in grief. Proverbs 14:12-23 (NIV)

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. Proverbs 28:26 (ESV)

Romans and Proverbs agree that what seems right to sinful man, leads to death. Proverbs also points out how finicky our emotions are, too. Trusting our emotions seems to be a risky business!

The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

Even Jeremiah agrees that our hearts are deceitful and difficult to understand.

My work-in-progress friend, don’t be deceived by your feelings. Don’t elevate emotions above the truth of God’s Word, even if the culture around you encourages you to do so!

Choose instead to give God’s Word the proper place of authority in your life, and you will reap all the benefits of a life lived according to the Word!

5 Christian Responses to Difficult Feelings and Emotions

If trusting in our own feelings and wisdom is really trusting in the flesh, then how should a Christian woman rightly respond?

Scripture encourages us to guard our hearts.

We must be careful what we take in, much like words of the childhood song tell us “Oh, be careful little eyes what you see..”

Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

The more we think on things above, rather than earthly things (including our own feelings), the more we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Philippians 4:8, Romans 12:2)! When your feelings deceive you, examine the diet of your life – what are you taking in that may be contributing to negative feelings?

2. When struggling with your feelings, ask God to search your heart and reveal the truth to you.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)

God is faithful! He has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us. We must be aware that our perception is often tainted, but we must be equally aware that our God is greater.

3. Be aware of the Accuser and His power play for your feelings!

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. Revelation 12:10 (NIV)

Satan is often referred to as the accuser. He loves to prey on our emotions and make us feel condemned. He desires to make us slaves to perfectionism and the kind of religious living that focuses on the outward rather than the inward. He is the great deceiver, eager to find our weak places.

Scripture teaches us to resist the Devil (James 4:7), and Jesus showed us we can do so using the truth we find in scripture (Matthew 4:1-11)!

4. Rather than trusting in your own heart, emotions, and understanding, place your ultimate trust safely in God’s hands.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Your feelings deceive you, but God has the power to make your way straight. All it requires, according to this scripture is submission to Him!

5. Let God’s truth boss your feelings around!

Remember if you are “in Christ,” you have been given a totally new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17)! Not only are you new in Him, but you also have direct access to His throne, meaning you can pray with full confidence! (Hebrews 4:16, 10:19) Don’t let your feelings deceive you into thinking life is too hard or too scary, or that you’re all alone.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

The new spirit God gave us is not one of fear, friend! According to the verses above, we have all that we need to walk in the Spirit – power, love, and self-discipline. We also have a God who cares about even that which seems insignificant. He wants us to come to Him with our cares and anxieties!

Let me leave you with this final scripture prayer today:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)

The next time you struggle with difficult emotions, choose to respond in the Spirit rather than in the flesh. Look to the One who made you, the Author and Perfecter of your faith. Believe what His Word says is true!

Don’t let your feelings deceive you, friend.

Jen 🙂

3 Ways to Calm Your Emotions ~ Before They Ruin Your Marriage

April 25, 2016 by jstults 5 Comments

Have you ever looked at your marriage and wondered what has happened? Have you been completely dissatisfied with the state of everything? Have you gone so far as to maybe even ponder divorce?

You’re not alone.

I know that as a culture, we tend to keep doing what we do, so long as it is beneficial to us in some way. But when we turn that corner where we feel it is no longer beneficial, we’re quick to throw it away – whether it’s an old book that our kids have outgrown, a faulty appliance, broken furniture, and even our marriage.

I wrote about the day I took my ring off, and I’ve been open with struggles in my own marriage. It’s hard to want to stay, to want to work things out, when the struggles seem too big.

Fear can play a major role in trying to work through our problems. We fear more pain, rejection, we even fear other people finding out about our troubles. Fear can truly mess us up in our day to day lives.

But there is something that can add fuel to fear’s fire and really make matters seem worse than they need to be.

Our emotions.

I’ve found that when my emotions run wild, the fear flares up. When the fear seems out of control, everything seems impossible. So to quiet the fear, I have to calm the emotions.

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

1. REST

I’ve found that my emotions are the most difficult to control when I’m tired. No matter how hard I try to keep things in check, every little issue seems more magnified when I’m tired. I try to deny the tiredness and convince myself that the problem truly is just that big.

Lately I’ve gone back to intentionally lying down on a Sunday afternoon. I don’t always sleep, but I do intentionally give my body a bit of a break. Funny how we have to be so intentional about these things, isn’t it?

One time, early in my marriage, I was having trouble sleeping – or maybe adjusting to another body in the bed. My husband suggested sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, which I did. I was able to fall right to sleep and I slept very well. I’ve gone back to that practice from time to time, as the need presents itself. There’s something special about having God’s Word close to our minds while we sleep.

2. WORSHIP MUSIC

Ready for a bit of honesty here? This one is the hardest for me. Yup. This is where it becomes a battle of the will.

See, once I realize that my emotions are the problem, therefore, that I’m the problem (or at least a part of the problem), I don’t want to have to own up to it. I don’t want to be accountable for what I’ve contributed to the situation. I want to push the blame to anyone else.

It’s become a heart issue by this point – one that I don’t want to deal with.

I have to physically choose to turn on the music, put in the earbuds, and let God’s Word sink into my heart through worship songs.

I don’t have any particular favorites. It seems each time I listen, there are songs with lyrics geared specifically to what I need to hear. I love how God does that!

3. TIME WITH GOD

I often go to a favorite Scripture and just meditate on that. I read the verses around my favorites, to try to understand the context, to try to get a little more out of the passage. But I meditate on verses that have strengthened my heart previously, that have helped me find rest, that have provided the assurance that I need.

Just a few of my favorites:
Psalm 71:14, Jude 24-25, Revelation 12:11, Isaiah 61, Isaiah 43:1.

There are many others – I’d love to hear some of your favorite go-to verses for when you’re needing to refocus.

I have a few books that are easy-reading, that help me to rest and quiet my heart, but also remind me that my time right then is dedicated to focusing on God.

The first is called An Angel, A Miracle, or Simply God at Work? It’s the true stories of a missionary, shared in an easy-to-read manner. He shares the stories, shares God’s work through the stories, and leaves it up to you as to what you would call it – intervention from an angel? a true miracle? or simply God at work in our world today?

The next is called When Words Won’t Come and this one is rather new to me. I’m still reading through it, but I’ve been so blessed by it. The author provides a short Scripture and just a few, small thoughts to meditate on. This book has been a tremendous blessing on the days when I’ve faced difficulty or have struggled to keep going.

These 3 ways to calm your emotions are easy to do, but can provide so much heart-relief. There are plenty of other great ways to regain control of wild emotions – a walk, quiet time by a fire, a favorite hot drink on a cool evening, time talking with a friend.

I’ve found that once I quiet my emotions, then the fear settles and it’s easier to face the realities of the situation for what they are – not for the blown-out-of-proportion image that my emotions have made them to be.

I’d love to hear how you purposefully quiet your emotions to regain control of a seemingly out-of-control situation. I pray these 3 tips are a blessing to you!

Blessings!

-Rebekah

Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in her own marriage. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – encouraging wives who are praying for redemption in their marriage.

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

How to Love When You Feel Unloved

October 2, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 47 Comments

In the spirit of truth-sharing, I’ll tell you that being the wife I am called to be is my weak area, my Achilles heel. I never feel so much like Paul in Romans 7, battling with the flesh, as when marital issues arise. How can I love my husband when I myself feel unloved?

Often Satan and sin have me so ensnared that I even become confused as to what “right” really is.

Like many married couples, we tend to get caught up in the cycle of an argument that’s been played out time and time again. And that can be so frustrating!

Revisiting those same issues makes us feel like failures, trapped by the past, stalled in our progress.

But I’m not satisfied with a marriage that’s merely okay, and I mean that in the best of ways, I really do. I desperately want to grow ever closer to the type of intimacy God intended for us to experience as man and wife.

I don’t want to be fatalistic or resigned in my outlook, even though I may feel that way at times. Because if I settle for “this is as good as it gets,” then where is my hope in the God who transforms souls, including my own?

Marriage is hard work, just like parenting is hard work. If it were easy, we would not be challenged to grow!

Marriage teaches me things about myself that I loathe: how selfish I am, how easily offended, how weak and needy. But unless I see the truth of where I stand, what chance do I have to move on from that spot?

When Marriage is Difficult

By far the most difficult times in our marriage occur when we are both bearing unusual burdens that slowly wear us down, burdens like extended illness, or financial stress, or parenting issues, or major decisions, or unpredictable catastrophes.

We’re both weak.

We’re both worn and frayed.

We’re both longing for rest.

You’ve been there before, I’m sure – those times in life when you both feel like you need a good long vacation from reality.

As much as I’d like to blame our marital strife on my husband’s inadequacies, I know the issues at hand aren’t his alone. We’re called to be sacrificial in our love for one another, but when I’m already at the end of my rope, I often feel there is nothing left to give.

I become selfish;

I withhold kindness.

I justify: how can I love when I feel unloved?

How can I lift my husband up when I can barely lift myself up, Father?

How can I?

I’m certain I’m not alone in this desire we wives have to be rescued by our husbands when the going gets tough.

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This desire to have men of strength come charging in to save the day. This desire to let ourselves be the weak ones for once. This desire to feel protected and cherished and cared for.

Because for all of our outward strength, we women often harbor needs that remain hidden.

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

The problem is that in wishing my husband would take on that role of Rescuer, I’m asking him to fill a space only our Father God can truly fill.

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

My husband is imperfect. Sometimes he lets me down, as I do him. Sometimes he needs a Rescuer just as I do. Sometimes he is weak. He is only human after all. My desire for him to be what even I cannot is quite unfair, isn’t it?

I’ll be honest. As a busy mom of four, I wrestle with this idea that God should be my sole supply. After all, God cannot help with the bedtime routine or sweep the kitchen or sign permissions slips or pay the bills, at least not in a physical sense.

I wrestle, too, with feelings of disappointment and unkind thoughts toward a husband whom I truly wish to respect.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

How can I be so filled with the Spirit, so filled with the Father’s love for my husband, that I have a constant and abundant supply to give?

Honestly, I have no clear answers.

I have only ideas, inklings of what it takes.

Prayer would be a good start – telling God where I’m really at, even if it’s ugly. Letting Him know how unfair it feels, how I feel unloved, how hurt I am, how afraid. Asking Him to bring light to the Enemy’s lies, lies about how it will never change, about how it never has changed, about how you’re stuck.

They are Satan’s favorite lies. You’re trapped in this loveless marriage forever! He’s unfair! He doesn’t appreciate you! You shouldn’t have to put up with this!

Praying for supernatural intervention certainly helps! God can change my husband’s heart, as well as my own, quicker than an hours-long “discussion.” He can give me a supernatural love for my man, something that is not naturally “in me,” especially when I feel unloved.

The Father can melt my stubbornness, soothe my anger, hold my hurt, and forgive my sin, too.

He can also help me see the truth in the situation and who my husband is in the Father’s eyes, a dearly beloved son. He can remind me of how big my husband’s shoes are, how broad his shoulders. He can help me see clearly the load that often sits there and understand why my man sometimes stumbles beneath it.

When I see that truth, who my husband really, truly is at heart, I’m overwhelmed by compassion and ashamed by my traitorous thoughts.

I may not feel any stronger. I may still desperately need rescuing. I may even carry wounds from the wrestling.

The Solution

But at last I see that we two are the same: lonely, weary hearts in search of love and acceptance and a Rescuer.

You’re tired? Me, too.

You want to escape from life right now? Me, too.

You feel inadequate? Me, too.

You hurt? Me, too.

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.

This is how we love, friends,

by gazing into the face of Love Himself.

I’m not trying to make it sound simple or easy because I know how difficult it is to choose love when the world tells us it’s easier to give up and call it quits.

We can choose to love even when we feel unloved because Jesus did.

Greater Love has no man than this…

And so we stand, my husband and I, in the face of Perfect Love.

Side by side.

Fear washed away.

Compassion in our eyes.

Forgiveness on our faces.

Wearing our Grace-colored glasses because we serve the God of all Hope!

We’re merely works in progress here on Earth.

But we are not alone.

And this is not our home.

Jen 🙂

Find more great posts on marriage here:

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The Power of Music

May 20, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 2 Comments

I love music. I love to sing it, I love to play it (when I have time), and I love to listen to it. I love all sorts of music, too. In our house you might hear contemporary christian, classical, broadway, oldies, big band, some jazz, a little country, a little rap. and even some of what my husband refers to as “love music” (think ballads!). By far my favorite music is the kind that speaks truth directly to my soul! You know what I’m talking about – those songs that are almost devastating in their truth and beauty.

Even my young, four-year-old daughter knows the power of music. I can no longer sing, “Rock-a-bye baby” to her because the melody makes her sad. On the other hand, my seven-year-old son likes enthusiastic jams from artists like TobyMac, not surprising since he’s our energetic one. When the kids are fighting with each other and just can’t seem to get along, a dance party to some great music goes a long way toward re-establishing their sibling camaraderie. When nothing seems to be going right, I find solace in music.

Music is powerful.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo

Music is an outburst of the soul ~ Frederick DeLuis

Psalms 95:1 – O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.

James 5:13 – Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

In the scriptures we read about times of rejoicing, accompanied by music, and times of sorrow, accompanied by music. When David killed the Philistine giant, God’s people rejoiced through music. When King Saul struggled with sorrow and other emotions, David’s instrument soothed him. When Paul and Silas sat imprisoned, they sang songs of thankfulness and praise to the Lord. Music is for happy times, sad times, and all of those times in between. Praise the Lord for the incredible gift of music!

So today when my head and heart are full of so many different thoughts and emotions that I don’t even know where to begin, why not begin and end with a song?

Jen 🙂

When do you turn to music?

The fact that our emotions don’t always reflect reality is scientific.

Your feelings lie to you – that fact isn’t just scientific, it’s also biblical!

5 Christian Responses to Difficult Feelings and Emotions

Scripture encourages us to guard our hearts.

2. When struggling with your feelings, ask God to search your heart and reveal the truth to you.

3. Be aware of the Accuser and His power play for your feelings!

4. Rather than trusting in your own heart, emotions, and understanding, place your ultimate trust safely in God’s hands.

5. Let God’s truth boss your feelings around!

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

When Marriage is Difficult

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

The Solution

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.