4 Ways the Term Self-confidence Misleads Christian Women

September 30, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Mom, I can’t find my soccer jersey!” The oldest boy called out from his room. A frantic search party ensued as we had only 15 minutes until we needed to walk out the door for his game.

With a sinking heart, I headed for the laundry room, only to have my suspicions confirmed. I had completely forgotten to wash his jersey! Now he would have to play with already stinky pits.

I felt so frustrated with myself, but even more, I could see the disappointment on my son’s face. And just like that, I felt like a terrible mom. A complete failure who can’t even keep her kids in clean clothes!

What’s wrong with me?

But it didn’t stop there, no….the enemy of our souls used that stepping stone for the rest of the night to pummel me with reminders of just how worthless I was.

You’ve been there before, right friend? Maybe you let a friend or a spouse down? Maybe you deeply disappointed people at work or at church? You forgot an important appointment? Lost your temper? Didn’t meet your personal goal?

You failed in some way (whether major or minor), and your confidence is shaken.

You’re not alone!

4 Ways Self-Confidence Misleads Christian Women

The truth is that what the world calls self-confidence is actually very misleading in many ways. In fact, self-confidence is pretty much the opposite of what the gospel teaches us about ourselves.

First, self-confidence misleads Christian women by focusing on self.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV)

Did you catch that, friend? To follow Christ is to deny self in favor of following Him! If we want to be confident, Christian women, then we cannot be focused on self. We must recognize that our confidence doesn’t come from who we are in this world.

We know that according to Scripture, there is nothing good in us and we all miss the mark of perfection (Rom. 3:23, Rom. 7:18). We are inherently sinful beings, prone to wander (as the hymn rightly claims). So any confidence based on the flesh is already on a shaky foundation.

Second, self-confidence misleads Christian women because it doesn’t last!

Self-confidence is often based on what we do, how others see us, how we appear – everything external rather than internal. It is rooted in comparisons, achievements, popularity with others, and so forth. Thus, we all relate to modern catch-phrases like “mom guilt.”

Confidence based on self is just one moment away from failure! It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve been patient with our children, sacrificed for our husbands, served our friends, obeyed God, and so forth. Because the one time we mess up, we’re back to square one. We’re failures. We can’t do anything right. Right?!

Again, confidence in the flesh is only temporary: one moment away from disaster.

Third, self-confidence misleads Christian women by being easily faked.

One look at social media opens our eyes to this truth! Because self-confidence is based mostly on external factors rather than internal worth, it can be easily faked. We can photoshop all we want, throw out all of the positive affirmations we can think of, stage our photos, and so forth, but still struggle with insecurity on the inside!

How often are we shocked when someone we know, someone who seemed to “have it all together,” admits to feeling depressed or lonely? Why are we surprised when seemingly happy celebrities end their own lives?

Confidence based on self is only as strong as our swagger.

Sad, isn’t it?

Fourth, self-confidence misleads Christian women by enslaving us.

When we set our sights on self-confidence, we either become content that we are “enough” already or we strive for perfectionism and the elusive “got-it-all-together” act. One extreme or another.

But even more concerning, often, as Christian women, we trend toward works – being the “good Christian girl.”

Either extreme leads us away from God’s plan for us, and guess who wins then? The enemy.

You see, friend, self-confidence is directly opposed to the gospel truth that we all fall short, we all need a Savior to redeem us and transform us from the inside out. We’re not “enough” on our own, yet like the apostle Paul, none of us have already arrived at perfection (Philippians 3:13-15).

So when we swallow the world’s self-confidence pill, the one that trains us to focus on the external, we miss out on real peace, lasting joy, secure faith, and an authentic confidence that is not easily shaken!

When will we rise up and say, “No more!”?

What does the Bible teach about growing in authentic confidence?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Scripture commands us NOT to conform to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed, from the inside out, starting with our minds! So, the first step toward a confidence that is centered on Christ rather than self is to change our patterns of thinking.

As Christian women, we cannot afford to approach confidence from the same perspective as the world!

This is why I’m so excited to tell you about The Confidence Journey online Bible study. With a focus on wisdom from the Word and a prayerful examination of lies we might be believing, transformation IS possible. We CAN have godly confidence!

The Confidence Journey is a Bible study workbook, a companion to the book I released last year, Being Confident of This. And I want to invite you all to join us for an online Bible study experience where we will study the root of authentic confidence together!

Class starts October 14th and runs for 6 weeks. Registration is OPEN now through October 8th – just click here for more details. And don’t forget to check out the BONUSES we’re offering for this unique experience.

My heart for you, my friend, is to see you walk in real, lasting confidence.

This world needs more confident Christian women. Women who understand their worth, who walk free, who say yes to God, who live out the abundant life He has planned for them!

Will you join us?

Jen 🙂

The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need – 31 Days of Hope for Marriage Event

August 20, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

If marriage is a gift from God, then why isn’t it easier? Have you ever asked this question? From little-girl dreams of white walking down the aisle to grown-woman desires to build a life together, most women have pretty high expectations when it comes to marriage. After all, we’ve been trained to expect a “happily ever after” ending to the search for a perfect mate, have we not?

Truth be told, unmet expectations are one of the first and most difficult hurdles for young married couples to overcome. Even mature married couples can struggle with unmet expectations as they journey through new seasons of life!

So what hope can we have when our deepest desires for a healthy marriage seem so far from reality?

The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need

We need a game plan – no, a battle plan – because whether you realize it or not, fellow wife, you are in a war for your marriage. The enemy of our souls would love nothing more than to ruin the union God has given you!

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph. 6:12 (NIV)

A battle plan for Christian wives prepares us for those difficult moments when love feels fleeting and war seems imminent! A battle plan for Christian wives gives us direction when the enemy comes knocking and refuses to leave!

Follow these tips for surviving (and even thriving!) the tough marriage moments:

1. Stand firm in God’s truth by resisting the enemy’s lies about your marriage!

So often women feel shame over marriage issues, whether those issues are a result of their own sin, their husband’s sin, or both. This is perhaps especially true in Christian marriages because we have that deep desire to be the godly wife we know God wants us to be.

Because we’re ashamed, we hide our problems from others by putting up a good front. We begin to believe the lie that we’re alone in our suffering. It’s the oldest trick in the book, dating all the way back to the Garden of Eden; the Enemy uses it often.

In those early years, I felt so alone and ashamed that my marriage wasn’t all I thought it would be. I feared I was doing something wrong as a wife, and that’s why we were having troubles. I assumed that other marriages were much stronger, better than ours.

If only I would have brought those lies out into the light sooner! I could have avoided so much lonely heartache. The battle plan for Christian Wives begins with truth!

2. Stand firm in God’s faithfulness by remembering His character!

In the midst of real pain and suffering, we quickly forget who God is and what He is capable of, much like the Israelites in the Old Testament.

How often did they grumble and complain (and sometimes outright rebel) just a short time after God had rescued them? He rescued them from Egyptian slavery, but they were thirsty. He gave them manna from Heaven, but they wanted meat.

We often suffer from that same forgetfulness, friend, yet God is faithful. He is true to His own character, and He comes to the aid of His people time and again even when they don’t deserve it.

You serve a God who is still in the business of redeeming marriages. If you are wondering how to fight for your marriage, begin by…

*Join me over at the Hope for Marriage online event, hosted by my friend Tiffany Montgomery of HopeJoyinChrist.com to read the rest of The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need AND be sure to enter the giveaway for my devotional book, Being Confident of This!

For more help for tough times in marriage, visit this page!

**This page contains affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Being Confident of This!

The Power of Your Choice (and Romans 7)

August 5, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

Have you ever felt caught, without escape? No way to possibly win? The power of your choice is something I have learned over years and yet in moments, all at once. One more memorable lesson came on a hot summer day years ago…

The day soured suddenly, like spoiled milk.

First came the bee sting; then disobedient children added to the chaos. In the midst of all that, I realized all was not well with my husband, either.

Disappointment, frustration, harsh words, and fear all balled up into one, a gaping wound ripped open in the midst of a beautiful day.

All thoughts of fun or enjoyment vanished into thin air. And the children were watching. And I felt stuck.

I didn’t want to go to the beach anymore. I didn’t want to spend another second within a five-foot radius of him.

Instead, I wanted to admit defeat, to go home and sob in my bed, alone. I wanted to rage against him and flail my fists and ask, “How could you??”

But the children were there, conspicuously quiet in their seats, and everyone was waiting for me. We could either go to the beach and hope for redemption or we could suffer in silence for hours on the drive home.

I felt powerless to move forward, but I couldn’t leave and give up either. A rock and a hard place. And the children were waiting in the backseats.

Silent tears fell, and an inward scream of, “It’s not fair!” But it wasn’t fair for them, the innocents in the backseat, either. And I knew he was sorry. And I knew I should be sorry, too.

Recognizing the Power of Your Choice

In the moment I completely identify with Paul, who writes in Romans 7:

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Romans 7:21-24 (NIV)

A war wages within, but I cannot seem to call a truce. What is Paul’s solution?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:25 (NIV)

Then a prayer, a pleading for mercy and forgiveness, a desperate cry for joy and peace rather than chaos.

Slowly, the tears dry up as peace floods my being. He’s with us, our Comforter and Redeemer.

I recognize the power of a choice, a choice to trust my God can mend what’s been broken and redeem a day turned ugly.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

I’m ready now.

The walk to the beach is long, sandy dunes, four-year-olds floundering in flip flops, and heavy bags filled with towels and clothing. I’m tempted to go back to the struggle, but I don’t.

Instead I focus on the prize, the joy that awaits on the other end, the fun I know we’ll have if we can just get there without falling to pieces. I’m focused on the freedom and victory promised to all of us in Romans 8!

The Victory Following the Struggle – Romans 8

The sun and the sand, the waves and the seagull calls, the laughter of children happy to be at peace, happy to run and dig and splash – they were all worth it, the sacrifice of giving in when I had the “right” to fight, the obedience to trust my Father could bring joy in the midst of pain.

He is powerful when we are powerless.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)

You see, friend, we serve a God who doesn’t leave us to struggle alone. In fact, He gave His own Son willingly that we might experience eternal life and freedom from sin.

Jesus’ death is what gives you the power of your choice. Infused by the Spirit, we have everything we need (2 Peter 1:3-4) to make a right choice, whether we feel like we do or not! That’s the truth as proclaimed by God’s Word for His people.

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

I pray my family won’t remember the ugly of that day, that 15 minutes that threatened to ruin it all.

I pray we’ll remember instead the wild beauty of the dunes, the slippery feel of the clay on the lake bottom, and the giant sandcastle that was bigger than any we’d ever built before. Father God, let us remember the laughter of buckets of water raining over unsuspecting heads, the rocks we collected, and the look between just the two of us as we recognize our many blessings. Let us remember the power of a choice to trust in His strength rather than our own.

It was ugly.

But then… then it was beautiful.

Jen 🙂

If you enjoyed this read, you may also enjoy:

Christian Beware – The Dangers of Greener Grass

Verses that Pack a Punch (with printable!)

10 Powerful Verses for your War Room

Six Practical Ways to Take Your Thoughts Captive

June 24, 2019 by jstults 4 Comments

It was on my mind first thing in the morning, last thing before bed, and seemingly every other moment in between. I just couldn’t seem to escape the negative thoughts that had plagued me all week long.

The negative attitude I wrestled with came out not only in my thoughts, but in my speech, as well. Every chance I had, I grumbled about the undeserved injustice to my husband and to the Lord. I felt trapped by my own sin.

Take your thoughts captive.

The Spirit nudged me time and again, yet I couldn’t quite figure out how to do what Scripture so clearly teaches and make myself obedient to Christ. The idea seemed good in theory, but much more difficult in practice!

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NIV – emphasis added)

We know that as Christian women, we are responsible for not only our actions, but also our actions and attitudes. We know we’re supposed to control our thoughts and to renew our minds, but how do we actually do that?

The following practical tips will help you take your thoughts captive!

6 Practical Ways to Take Your Thoughts Captive

1.Truth Journaling to take your thoughts captive.

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32 (NIV)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Scripture teaches us that a knowledge of God’s truth brings real freedom! And that transformation takes place as we allow our minds to be renewed with such truth. When we feel paralyzed by a negative attitude, we must take our thoughts captive by comparing each thought with the truth.

You can easily do this by simply writing down a lie you might be tempted to believe or a wrong thought you’re having and then write the truth right next to it. Even better, add a scripture to back up the truth you wrote down.

If you struggle with the same negative thoughts often, you’ll want to pay close attention to the next tip because it is a natural extension of truth journaling!

2. Scripture Memorization & Meditation to take your thoughts captive.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 (NIV)

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:8 (NIV)

The Bible teaches us to think about things that are true, honorable, pure – everything that is good (rather than everything that is negative!).

One of the most practical ways to “set your mind” is to memorize and meditate on Scripture, especially bible verses that pertain to the particular negative thoughts that plague you!

Do you wrestle with Anger? Memorize and meditate on Proverbs 15:1. Unforgiveness? Memorize and meditate on Ephesians 4:32. You get the idea – find a bible verse that speaks to your specific negative thoughts and take your thoughts captive!

The more time you spend with scripture, the easier it is for the Spirit to bring those previously memorized verses to mind in the midst of a negative thought. In addition, hiding God’s Word in our hearts (memorizing it) and meditating on it can actually prevent sin and encourage obedience in our lives!

Even Jesus fought temptation using scripture when faced with the enemy in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-4)!

3. Sensory Input for taking your thoughts captive.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:1-2 (NIV)

Next to the Word of God, the noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world. ~ Martin Luther

One trick for changing a thought pattern my husband and I learned through counseling is to use some sort of sensory input as a trigger to remind you to focus on truth or reality rather than fear, anger, etc.

My husband prefers a physical object (like a coin he can keep in his pocket) to touch when negative thoughts assail him, while I prefer to turn on some encouraging music.

Perhaps you need a visual reminder (like a Bible verse or a quote) placed in a strategic spot is a better form of sensory input for you. Likewise, your sense of smell could be a better trigger for truth through the use of an essential oil or a scented lotion.

Find a method that works best for you – something that will get your attention and remind you to set your mind and heart on things above!

4. Confessing your sins to take your thoughts captive.

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13 (NIV)

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16a (NIV)

Hidden sin festers like rotten food, destroying us from the inside out. However, we cannot overcome what we aren’t willing to even acknowledge.

As Christ-followers, we are called to honest confession (1 John 1:5-9) because dragging our darkness out into the light brings freedom!

Confessing sin isn’t easy, but it is necessary for real Christian growth. If you struggle to take your thoughts captive, enlist the help of an accountability partner – someone rooted in the Word and reliable enough to confront you regularly about your thought life.

An accountability partner can serve not only to help you drag sin out into the light, but they can also be a good prayer warrior on your behalf, which leads to the next tip for overcoming negative thinking…

5. The Power of Prayer for taking your thoughts captive.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. Romans 8:5 (NIV)

The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16b (NIV)

If we want to be Spirit-led women, then we must set our minds on God’s ways rather than our own desires.

Yet some days, setting our minds on the Spirit feels impossible, doesn’t it? Whether we are simply wrestling with the flesh or experiencing a spiritual attack, resisting negative thoughts is often a moment-by-moment choice.

Alongside the Word of God, prayer is our next best weapon against the lies and temptations we face daily. Prayer is powerful, friends!

If your negative thoughts have to do with your self (your flaws, your identity, etc.), then ask God to guard your mind and keep you centered on His truth (Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Peter 5:7).

If your negative thoughts concern others, pray for them (Matthew 5:44). Ask God to give you His love for them.

When you’re really wrestling with a sin or an issue, enlist other prayer warriors like the apostle Paul did (Philippians 1:19, Romans 15:30). After all, even Jesus requested the prayer of his closest friends when he faced the cross (Matthew 26:36-38). link to Divine Encounter

6. Physical activity to take your thoughts captive.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV – emphasis added)

One final practical way to overcome negative thinking by adjusting your attitude is to get some exercise! The natural endorphins released when we are physically active can turn a sour mood into a sweeter one. I’ve witnessed this truth at work not only in my own life, but also in the life of one of our sons who always has a lot of pent up energy and emotions.

Angry thoughts, in particular, can often be overcome by working out some agression physically (go for a walk or run, punch a punching bag, etc.). Sadness and anxiety can also be helped by a brisk walk, especially if it gets you outdoors into nature!

And while you’re exercising your body, you can exercise your mind by training it to think on all that is true and lovely.

As much as we might wish for it, there is no magic pill to cure a negative attitude. Even the tried and true methods mentioned above for an attitude adjustment won’t always work alone. Many times we need a combination of scripture, prayer, confession, accountability, and other practical helps to overcome our negative thoughts!

Don’t give up, friend.

Renewing your mind isn’t a one-and-done deal. It takes real perseverance!

But as women who are new in Christ, we are no longer slaves to sin.

Choose a mind that’s been renewed!

Jen 🙂

Don’t forget to grab your FREE printable of scriptures selected to help you overcome negative thinking and take your thoughts captive! Join our newsletter list for access to our entire library of free printable resources for Christian women.

What God Really Wants from You

March 18, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

Have you ever gone out of your way to do something really nice for someone else only to find out it wasn’t really what they wanted? The thought of all that wasted effort is enough to make one heartsick!

As humans, we do this all of the time, though, don’t we?

I could slave away all day in the kitchen creating the most lavish culinary masterpiece for my husband, but at the same time, I could also be ignoring his need for a listening ear. Imagine it with me – busy with the gift I wish to give him and the work I deem most important, I brush off his questions with curt answers and make it clear that I’m too busy at the moment. I offer him my hard labor instead of the attention he so desires.

What if I told you we don’t just treat loved ones this way, but we also often treat God this way – offering up things He hasn’t even asked for, undesired sacrifices, in place of what He really wants from us?

Imagine waking up every morning, trudging out to your backyard, and building a fire to offer a burnt sacrifice on a stone altar.

You head back out again later in the day when you choose self over others, and again after that unkind thought, and again after snapping at a loved one. In and out of the house, offering sacrifices for sins committed throughout the day – it’s an exercise in futility.

Today we would call such behavior crazy, wouldn’t we? Of course we would because we no longer offer burnt sacrifices like the Israelites did in the Old Testament …or do we?

What We Think God Really Wants

In Hebrews, I read these words:

Every priest stands daily ministering and offering time after time the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins; Heb. 10:11

“Daily,” the priests stood at their posts; “time after time” they offered the “same” sacrifices for the same sins. Such repetition calls attention to the never-ending nature of their tasks.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary explains that at the time the letter to the Hebrews was written, the Jewish Christians continued to offer sacrifices at the temple.

For those who believed in Christ and His resurrection, such offerings should have been rendered meaningless by His atonement as the final sacrifice. So, why were they still trudging back and forth to the altar of sacrifice, so to speak?

The early Hebrew Christians continued to offer sacrifices in spite of their belief in Christ.

They knew of the gospel, the good news that abolished the old system and established a new covenant built on the cornerstone of Grace, but they struggled to let go of their old ways.

At first glance, I was tempted to think, how silly of them – they’re doing so much work and it’s all meaningless!

How We Get Pleasing God All Wrong

But lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to an alarming truth: I sometimes offer my own daily sacrifices, often without even realizing it. How often are we guilty of offering modern-day sacrifices instead of what God really wants most?

Just think about it for a moment.

This is what we like to do, friends. We wake up in the morning thinking we’ll do His work today. We’ll be the best mom, wife, aunt, sister, friend, child, Christian we can be.

We even have this list of good things to do in mind.

And we offer these things up to Him as our very own sacrifices, sometimes without even realizing what we’re doing.

Okay, Lord, I’ve accomplished all of those things on the list. Here ya go. Are we good now? I can go about the rest of my day as I please, right?

Or maybe, I’ve tried really hard today. You’re pleased with me now, right?

I pile the sacrifices of good behavior up in a nice neat pile on my “altar,” thinking I’m good to go, except I’m not because while I was busy checking off my good-Christian-girl-things-to-do list, I withheld the very thing He wanted most: myself.

What God Really Wants from You

Look at what Jesus says about such undesired sacrifices in Hebrews 10:5-7:

Sacrifice and offering You have not desired,
But a body You have prepared for Me;
In whole burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin You have taken no pleasure.
“Then I said, ‘Behold, I have come…
To do Your will, O God.”

Here Jesus reveals that God the Father takes no pleasure in burnt offerings. Instead Jesus offers something else – His very being – so that He might do the will of the Lord.

The same is true of us, co-heirs with Christ. The Father doesn’t desire our sacrifices in the first place. He desires our hearts, our very beings.

What God really wants is so much less about doing than we like to make it, and so much more about being than we like to offer.

Don’t get me wrong, friends. We should be loving others, choosing joy, offering praise, living in the Spirit. But if any of those good things are done out of a sense of obligation, duty, or an attempt to earn His favor, then they are pointless.

Filthy rags.

You might as well build altars in your backyard and start burning animals.

We cannot offer doing on the sacrificial altar at the expense of being.

When we do, we get the horse before the cart, for no good thing can come from us on our own. Good works only come from the overflow of a heart that lingers in His presence! We must constantly choose “being” in Him, abiding moment by moment, day by day.

Doing never leads to being, but being always leads to doing.

It’s all about embracing that personal relationship with our Father God, abiding in Him.

Am I Offering What God Really Wants?

So, ask yourself: what am I offering up to the Lord today?

Is it what God really wants?

This section of scripture in Hebrews concludes with the following words:

And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin. Hebrews 10:17-18

The truth is that we who are in Christ already have the Lord’s favor.

What God really wants most then is really very simple and has little to do with how we mother, how we serve at church, how clean our houses are or how happy we make our husbands.

What He desires is you.

Simply you.

What a sweet relief to realize that our falling down at His feet in surrender is enough!

Father, remind us that it’s meaningless to offer undesired sacrifices. Help us to let go of the doing and embrace instead the being. Remind us that if we abide in You, the doing naturally overflows. Help us to rest in the grip of Grace, for Your Son was and is enough. The debt is paid once and for all. Now we are set free.

Set free to just be.

Amen.

Jen 🙂

*This post is an excerpt from the devotional, Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. Click here for more information. or click the image below to purchase (my affiliate link – to read more about our affiliate partnerships, please visit the About page).

Here’s another great read on what God really wants from Christians from Satisfaction Through Christ.

For the Woman Who Feels Like a Failure This Christmas

December 11, 2018 by jstults 2 Comments

A few years ago, I set myself up for some epic Christmas failure. December had finally arrived. The hope and joy of the Christmas season lay spread before me as thoughts of maximizing holiday fun and education swirled through my head.

I envisioned handmade gifts and peaceful evenings at home near the brightly lit tree, my husband walking our children through the Christmas Adventure Box advent plan.

Yes, I fell prey to Pinterest Syndrome, quite deadly to a mama’s often already shaky confidence. It all began with a few deceptively simple ideas and grew into a nasty and surprisingly strong anticipation of all things good and no things ordinary…. or, heaven forbid, even bad.

My Christmas expectations soared to incredible heights, destined to plummet at the first sign of potential failure. And here I thought I was creating a “simple” Christmas this year (I’ll forgive you if you snicker a little at this point.)

In my defense, the holiday season was progressing suspiciously well for our family. Thanksgiving came and went with no major incidents, and everyone was healthy for the moment, a rare winter treat in a family of six.

My husband and I even managed to put up the Christmas tree and lights with no arguing and minimal frustration, despite the circus of craziness that four enthusiastic children create when forced to wait.
We had conquered a pattern of holiday frustration for the first time in years!

The Holiday Hypocrite

Then somewhere along the line, life began to get very real. Our youngest son, four years old at the time, decided the holiday season would be a good time to test our parental authority in various, publicly humiliating places.

Our budget grew tight.

I stressed about all of The Things on my list.

On top of all of that, we became suddenly busy with all of the typical holiday concerts and programs and gatherings. Not exactly the peace I had anticipated.

And it was all fun and good and mostly necessary, but it does make one a little weary…

For the most part, I was able to maintain the joy and hope of the season, after all there was a lot of sweet memory-making sprinkled into the mix. But I held onto a dark secret.

After all of the praise and promise of the Christmas Adventure Box that I shared with you previously, we didn’t even manage to do it this year! At all.

Nothing. Nada. Zip.

It just didn’t happen.

In fact, we only managed to hang onto a few of our typical holiday traditions. I didn’t even attempt to mail out Christmas cards or get a family portrait.

I felt like a failure, no worse – a holiday hypocrite!

My carefully planned and highly anticipated season of hope and joy crumbled before me. The disappointment that followed was slightly bitter and came with a side dose of viral illness, as well as over a foot of snow, that kept us cooped up at home for weeks.

I could have written about it, but to be honest, I felt unworthy. So like most hypocrites, I hid from you all. I quit writing. I quit taking pictures.

I made excuses and planned to resume in the new year. And when I finally succumbed to the viral plague making the rounds in our home, I wallowed in my misery.

For a few days, God and I were barely on speaking terms.

I wasn’t just disappointed about failing to do advent as a family – after all, sometimes as mamas we have to pare life down to the nitty gritty in order to survive with sanity (and with a family who still wants to be around us). My disappointment came more from my hiding away in blogger shame and silence.

The thing is that I believe in Grace, I really do.

I’m very aware that without Grace, I’d be a hopeless mess. Even with Grace I still have nothing to boast about except for a God who gives second chances, and third, and fourth, to infinity and eternity, a God who loves me deeply for who I am, not for who the world thinks I should be, a God who through the blood of Jesus, sees the best version of me even when I’m acting my worst.

But like many mamas, I have a hard time extending that grace to my own messy self.

So, I confess: I’ve been a Holiday Hypocrite.

In fact, I could be called an everyday hypocrite, too, because I’m far from perfect. I still lose my temper. I still forget important events and birthday cards.

I still argue with my husband and become impatient with my children. I’m still selfish with my time. I’m still prideful. I still say “no” to the Holy Spirit in so many ways.

I’m still learning who God made me to be.

But that’s the beauty of our journey in Christ, friends, that we get chance after chance to do things differently.

Those failures we feel so deeply are not the end of the story. We are given an abundance of opportunities to let our Father God change who we are, from the inside out. And that good work He began in saving us from a life of sin, He promises to continue to the very end (Phil. 1:6). We can have complete confidence in that!

So, keep up the good work, friends, even if your holidays fails to live up to your expectations.

Fight the good fight.

Run the good race.

And when you fail or fall, let Him pick your hypocritical self back up again and hold you for a while, heal your wounds if needed, and send you off on your way. Not alone, for He runs alongside you.

Don’t let those fiery darts from the Enemy bog you down, not now, but put on the full armor of God and stand firm in your faith.

No more hiding away, no more pretending to be something we are not, no more fearing what the world thinks.

Instead, let’s embrace our work-in-progress status and the indescribable hope that it affords.

Not to us, Lord, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1

Praise be to His Name!

Jen

For further reading: https://arabahjoy.com/uncommon-spiritual-discipline/

Why You Need to Study God’s Word for Yourself

November 5, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

My fun-loving pastor (who also happens to be my husband) really enjoys teasing others to the point that I’m convinced teasing is actually his primary love language. One of his favorite jokes in church settings is to use the eleventh commandment to his advantage.

When speaking to a church member recently, he said something along the lines of, “You know the eleventh commandment says ‘Thou shalt volunteer five hours a week until the work on the church building is completed.’”

The usual response to one of his eleventh commandment statements is surprise, often followed by confusion.

Those who know his teasing ways well are quick to catch on while others question whether or not there is an eleventh commandment, but many just accept what he says as fact. He IS a pastor after all, so he must know what he’s talking about, right?

Of course, my husband is quick to point out his own teasing, but in our current world, not all would-be deceivers are benevolent. In fact, most are quite the opposite – most set out to deceive us in order to lead us away from God’s ways and toward our own destruction.

From the story above, you can see how blind acceptance of what another person claims to be true about God’s Word can be a real problem for God’s people. Confusion over God’s truth has been a problem since the very beginning when the serpent in the garden used a portion of God’s very words to deceive Adam and Eve.

When Christians are unfamiliar with what the Bible actually says, when they haven’t dedicated time to learning biblical truth for themselves instead of just believing what they’ve been told, they become easy targets, sitting ducks. If you fail to study God’s Word for yourself, you set yourself up for a failure of faith.

How can you recognize or contradict false teaching if you don’t first have a foundation of truth?

How can you overcome spiritual warfare and answer Satan’s lies with truth without knowing where in the Bible to find it?

How can you lead others to walk in truth, too?

3 Vital Reasons to Study God’s Word for Yourself

As Christian women, we must choose to prioritize the practice of real Bible study so that we have what we need to stand firm when doubts come knocking, when trials threaten to overwhelm us, when Satan tempts us, and when the world attempts to manipulate us.

1. Stand firm in your beliefs.

Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. Colossians 2:6-8 (NASB)

We want to be captivated by Christ and His truth, not taken captive by false teachers or worldly wisdom.

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We need to be more like the Bereans, who when they heard the gospel, examined Scripture daily to see if it was really true (Acts 17:11)! The only way to grow in your understanding of Christ and how to follow Him is to study God’s Word for yourself.

I’ll never forget the lesson I learned about this truth during my first biology class as a freshman at a Christian college. Since I spent much of my growing up years as a missionary kid, I lived a fairly sheltered life. So I was surprised to discover that my faith-professing biology professor at my Christian college believed in evolution. In fact, not only did he believe in evolution, he actively worked to convince us that real faith, strong faith was compatible with this belief, also.

He even insinuated that to believe otherwise was either to be ignorant or to have weak faith.

In the months that followed, I felt increasingly conflicted. I valued academics and knowledge, but I also valued my faith. I wondered if what I believed about God being the Creator of the Universe was really true or not.

It was a mini crisis of faith for me, and I was on my own. My parents were still serving overseas – literally halfway around the world.

At some point I realized that choosing what to believe was totally up to me now. I had to decide for myself what to believe about the beginnings of our world, and I could only do that by studying the Word. So that’s what I did. I studied the biblical account of Creation. I studied what critics said about a seven-day creation model, as well as what Christian scientists said about it.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I either believed God’s Word or I didn’t, and if I didn’t, well then my entire salvation was a lie because a virgin birth is just as “scientifically impossible” as Creation.

I came out of that crisis with a firmer belief than before because instead of relying on what my parents and other Christians claimed to be true, I had studied it out for myself. I’ve never questioned that particular doctrinal belief since then. Instead of being susceptible to the persuasive words of my professor, I could stand firm in my belief because it really was MY belief, not just teaching passed on to me by someone else.

2. Grow into a mature believer.

Here’s the truth, friends: we most certainly can and should learn from other Christians and leaders in the faith. In fact, that’s likely how believers who are young in the faith gain much of their knowledge initially. But at some point, we have to grow up in the faith and quit relying on others to tell us what God’s Word says.

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. Hebrews 5:12-14 (NASB)

At some point, we must choose to dig into the Scriptures and discover truth for ourselves, and we CAN do that with the help of the Holy Spirit! Don’t content yourself with mere milk, friends, when the banquet of the entire Bible is yours to feast on!

If you don’t study God’s Word for yourself, then your faith is only as strong as your trust in what others say. Living on second-hand knowledge is choosing stunted growth.

If you want to be a strong Christian women with confident faith, you must begin by studying the Bible.

3. Experience the abundant life He has planned for you.

For the next few weeks, we’ll be looking at the spiritual discipline of personal Bible study and the promising benefits that are ours for the taking!

The Benefits of Bible Study series will lead you to understand not only the importance of studying God’s Word but also the blessings of it, as well. What you may not realize is when you study God’s Word for yourself, you reap rewards beyond acquiring knowledge and understanding – bonus benefits, so to speak. Likewise, there are some not-so-pretty consequences for lacking an understanding of the Bible.

Failing to spend time in Scripture is like turning down a gift! Who does that, right? 😉

At the end of the series, I’ll be offering some practical tools and resources to help you learn how to make God’s Word a vital part of your everyday life – through Bible study and meditation, scripture memorization, and so forth. So plan to stick around, and invite your friends to join us, too!

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4 (NASB)

Let’s be women of the Word!

Jen 🙂

What Every Christian Woman Needs to Know about Authentic Confidence

October 22, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

In 2011, my husband and I took a leap of faith, one that was ten years in the making, one that required a move for our whole family away from all that was familiar and comfortable. After taking an extended break from paid ministry positions to focus on our marriage and family, we were jumping back into full-time ministry with both feet.

And it was scary, and exciting, and…scary.

My husband worked mostly as a youth minister previously, so this position would be our first real pastorate. And for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be the youth pastor’s wife, I would be The Pastor’s Wife. To some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but if you’ve ever transitioned from one to the other, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. 😉

In my naivete, I failed to recognize what an adjustment this would be for me. Suddenly women twice my age were looking to me for leadership. Me!

Becoming a Woman of Authentic Confidence

To say I felt inadequate and ill-prepared would be an understatement. How could I, flawed and imperfect as I was, possibly lead women with so much more spiritual and life experience than me?

What if I misused or abused God’s Word? What if I failed to have the right answer to a question? What if they saw me as I really was, a messy, easily-offended, often-struggling Christian woman?

You might say that was the beginning, the start of my growth into the women’s ministry leader that I am today, by God’s grace. I learned much about God’s grace in the years that followed. There were successes and there were failures, lots of failures – both personal and in ministry, but He carried me through.

Those early years as a women’s leader caused me to seek an authentic confidence that I sorely needed, one I’d been searching for my whole life long. I was tired of the roller-coaster ride of victory followed by defeat followed by doubt, and then back up again. I was tired of being a slave to perfectionism. I was tired of feeling like an Israelite lost in the desert.

I wanted a more steadfast faith. I wanted that assurance that I was pursuing the path God planned for me.

It didn’t come all at once, friend, and sometimes I feel as if I grab hold of it for a brief moment only to lose it again, but I’m understanding that authentic confidence is not as elusive as many Christian women think!

The Mistake We All Make

The problem is that the world so often begins the idea of confidence with a lie, as in self-confidence.

As Christian women, we know confidence cannot possibly begin with self because self is sin-ridden and hopelessly flawed (Romans 3:23). Any confidence placed in self is doomed to fail eventually. We know this to be true yet somehow many of us have accepted this worldly idea that confidence is something we must manufacture on our own! Even many recent best-selling “Christian” books promote this anti-gospel.

So we tend to make one of two mistakes. Either we downplay our sin and our imperfections so that we can make ourselves acceptable to a holy and perfect God, or we waste our one life striving so hard for an acceptance that is already ours in Christ! We bounce back and forth between the two, trying to find our way to real confidence.

No wonder we are such weary Christian women!

What every Christian woman needs to know about authentic confidence is that it has nothing to do with our performance.

Nothing.

The Christ-confident Woman

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thanks for supporting the ministry of this site!

Friend, the answer you are looking for, the only way to real confidence, lies in understanding your God-given identity. The only truly confident woman is the Christ-confident woman, one who recognizes not only her sin but also her Savior!

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

That’s why I put together Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This devotional comes from my personal experience as a woman trying to understand who God created her to be, a woman who daily sees her own flaws and imperfections yet longs for love and acceptance, a woman who deeply desires to be used by God for His glory, a woman who seeks to be a good wife and mother, and a woman who wants other women to experience real freedom.

Authentic confidence is not a mask you put on and take off, neither is it something you can manufacture on your own. Authentic confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt, but a laying down of control and concern at the Father’s feet. Authentic confidence naturally flows from the woman who is Spirit-filled and grace-oriented.

It’s this kind of confident faith that enabled me to write out some of my deepest confessions here on this blog and in Hope for the Hurting Wife. It’s this kind of confident faith that upheld me when marriage became hard work and I grappled for hope. It’s this kind of confident faith that propelled us out of our comfortable and safe ministry position straight into the unsettling unknown of church-planting. It’s the confidence that continues to sustain me.

If you want to be this kind of Christian woman, I invite you to join me. In Being Confident of This you will learn about the benefits of:

Overcoming the superwoman myth
Having courage to face a giant
Avoiding the danger of greener grass
Embracing a work-in-progress mindset

Don’t waste another moment of your one life on fear, doubt, or insecurity, friend.

Choose today to ignite the confidence befitting a cherished daughter of the King!

Praying for you, my work-in-progress friends,

Jen 🙂

Launch Week fun & a GIVEAWAY for Being Confident of This

In celebration of the release of Being Confident of This, we’re having a giveaway! You can enter the one hosted here (see bottom of post!) at BCOT below, but you should also be on the lookout for other giveaways hosted by our launch team members. Keep an eye on our facebook page and Instagram feed for more information!

As an added BONUS, for readers who purchase through the links on this page during launch week only, I’m offering the Work in Progress Toolkit. This is a tool I created last year as an exclusive bonus for Grace Goals, but it fits so well with the themes of this new devotional that I want to give it to you for free. 🙂

The Word is clear that Scripture changes us (Psalm 119:11). When we meditate on truth, our minds and spirits are transformed, and transformed minds lead to transformed actions. It’s that work-in-progress in us, that sanctification that molds us into Christ-likeness.

But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” Luke 11:28

The Work in Progress Toolkit is designed to help you saturate your life with truth so that you can overcome the lies that so often hold Christian women back. It contains beautiful 8×10 scripture prints to hang on your walls, as well at a truth-journaling sheet that will help you identify lies you are believing so that you can fight back with God’s truth!

How to get your BONUS

The only way to get this bonus is to purchase Being Confident of This during launch week through the links on this page and email me your receipt along with a request for the toolkit. It’s that simple! I will then send you the link to download your FREE resource.

And if you really want to make my day, you can share the news about Being Confident of This with your friends, leave a review of the book after reading, or send me an email telling me how it’s impacting you. Hearing how the Lord is working in you makes my joy complete. 🙂

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3 Ways to Fight for Joy in a Difficult Marriage

July 31, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

When a marriage relationship is difficult, finding joy in the midst of painful moments feels nearly impossible.

How can we possibly experience real joy in the face of real suffering?

Ongoing marriage problems can wear a wife down to a place of discouragement and grief. The burden often feels too heavy to bear. Even women who are determined to be warrior wives, who fight for marriage like only women of faith can, who fight for joy in everyday moments, feel the weight of the battle for their marriage.

Where is joy when you’re weary and in need of rest?

Here are 3 Biblical Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Difficult Marriage

Recognize progress.

One strategy Satan uses often to discourage me in a rough patch is the sneaky little lie that my marriage will always be difficult. He tries to convince me and you, too, that things will never change.

If you believe that you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, to remain stuck in the same destructive patterns, then where is your hope? What motivation do you have to keep working toward a healthy marriage?

Do you see how that works, friend? Believing those lies saps us of our strength!

Fight back against the Enemy’s lies and reclaim your hope and joy in the Lord by learning how to recognize progress.

Yes, maybe today even basic communication felt like nails on a chalkboard, but was it as bad as a few months ago? How about a few years ago?

Ask the Lord to help you see the ways in which your marriage relationship is changing, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Claim the promise of Philippians 1:6 for yourself, and if your husband is a believer, then claim it for him, too.

Quit believing the lie that your marriage is forever doomed, and fight for joy!

Please join me over at the Reclaiming Joy in Marriage online marriage event to read the rest of this article! Here you’ll find 31 days of marriage encouragement from a variety of writers – all for FREE!

Jen 🙂

How Truth Helps You Overcome Temptation

June 26, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

A few years ago, we endured a time of discouragement and trials galore. My husband and I were both under a lot of external stress, both personal and from ministry, and our marriage temporarily suffered. I faced the temptation to give up nearly daily!

I felt like one of the Israelites in the desert, bemoaning my situation and feeling helpless to enact change.

I share this story with you today, hoping that it may encourage you if you’re facing a situation that seems impossible, or even unbearable. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that He always provides a way to overcome temptation! 🙂

…………………………………………………….

It’s almost supper time, but the stove top sits empty and no pleasing aromas fragrance the air. I’ve not even yet decided what to cook, let alone made any sort of preparations. Instead, I’m sitting in my bedroom trying desperately to pray while my preschoolers whine for attention right outside of the bedroom door.

My husband, weary from our recent argument, sits slumped over just outside the door at the dining room table. He’s grumbling over the budget and seems unaware of the noise around him.

There is no peace, no quiet here.

But I need to pray because I am one moment away from falling. One moment from allowing my impatience, anger, resentment, and frustration to spill over onto my family. One moment away from blowing it.

One moment from losing any chance to overcome temptation.

At this moment I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Satan has set his sights on me; I’m being tested.

It isn’t the first of such evenings in my home. In fact, our marriage relationship has been under strain for a few months now, and I’ve grown oh-so-weary of “fighting the good fight.” However, this past week, God has shown me the truth of my situation; I haven’t been doing my part, either.

I have been selfish. I have been lazy. I have been avoiding the time with my Lord that I need. Thus, I recently resolved to make some positive changes, knowing full well that temptation would linger near.

So as I sit here in my room praying while the chaos rages just outside of the door, I laugh.

Yes, I laugh!

It’s absurd, even comical, that every other person in my home would suddenly become distractions at the very moment I attempt to find peace. I want to complain to the Lord that I’m trying so hard to do what is right, to seek Him in my moment of weakness, but He’s not making it very easy!

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

According to His Word, I can overcome temptation, even this temptation.

In that moment of laughter, I realize the truth that as long as I’m trying to do right, to obey God, Satan is not going to leave me alone. In fact, He’s even going to use good things like bible study and prayer against me by causing frustration and chaos at just the right moment.

Thankfully, now that God has shown me the truth of the matter, Satan cannot win. I see his game plan for what it is, and prayer is a powerful tool!

Sorry, Satan, I’m getting up from my throne of self-pity and frustration, and I’m cooking supper tonight.

Lord, I thank you for always providing a way out for us, even when it seems impossible or unbearable! I ask that you would encourage my sisters in Christ today to look for the way out when they face temptation. Help them to see the truth in whatever situations they face. Remind them that You are with them always, every step of the way, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Give them the strength they need to resist temptation and to flee the Devil and remind them of your unfailing love and grace for them because of your Son, Jesus Christ. I ask all of these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.

We can overcome temptation, friends, by standing on God’s truth!

Jen 🙂

P.S. When you’re struggling with temptation, write or print out the verse above and hang it where you will see it frequently. Use God’s Word as a reminder that you CAN overcome!