insecurity Archives | Being Confident Of This

What Every Christian Woman Needs to Know about Authentic Confidence

October 22, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

In 2011, my husband and I took a leap of faith, one that was ten years in the making, one that required a move for our whole family away from all that was familiar and comfortable. After taking an extended break from paid ministry positions to focus on our marriage and family, we were jumping back into full-time ministry with both feet.

And it was scary, and exciting, and…scary.

My husband worked mostly as a youth minister previously, so this position would be our first real pastorate. And for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be the youth pastor’s wife, I would be The Pastor’s Wife. To some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but if you’ve ever transitioned from one to the other, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. 😉

In my naivete, I failed to recognize what an adjustment this would be for me. Suddenly women twice my age were looking to me for leadership. Me!

Becoming a Woman of Authentic Confidence

To say I felt inadequate and ill-prepared would be an understatement. How could I, flawed and imperfect as I was, possibly lead women with so much more spiritual and life experience than me?

What if I misused or abused God’s Word? What if I failed to have the right answer to a question? What if they saw me as I really was, a messy, easily-offended, often-struggling Christian woman?

You might say that was the beginning, the start of my growth into the women’s ministry leader that I am today, by God’s grace. I learned much about God’s grace in the years that followed. There were successes and there were failures, lots of failures – both personal and in ministry, but He carried me through.

Those early years as a women’s leader caused me to seek an authentic confidence that I sorely needed, one I’d been searching for my whole life long. I was tired of the roller-coaster ride of victory followed by defeat followed by doubt, and then back up again. I was tired of being a slave to perfectionism. I was tired of feeling like an Israelite lost in the desert.

I wanted a more steadfast faith. I wanted that assurance that I was pursuing the path God planned for me.

It didn’t come all at once, friend, and sometimes I feel as if I grab hold of it for a brief moment only to lose it again, but I’m understanding that authentic confidence is not as elusive as many Christian women think!

The Mistake We All Make

The problem is that the world so often begins the idea of confidence with a lie, as in self-confidence.

As Christian women, we know confidence cannot possibly begin with self because self is sin-ridden and hopelessly flawed (Romans 3:23). Any confidence placed in self is doomed to fail eventually. We know this to be true yet somehow many of us have accepted this worldly idea that confidence is something we must manufacture on our own! Even many recent best-selling “Christian” books promote this anti-gospel.

So we tend to make one of two mistakes. Either we downplay our sin and our imperfections so that we can make ourselves acceptable to a holy and perfect God, or we waste our one life striving so hard for an acceptance that is already ours in Christ! We bounce back and forth between the two, trying to find our way to real confidence.

No wonder we are such weary Christian women!

What every Christian woman needs to know about authentic confidence is that it has nothing to do with our performance.

Nothing.

The Christ-confident Woman

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thanks for supporting the ministry of this site!

Friend, the answer you are looking for, the only way to real confidence, lies in understanding your God-given identity. The only truly confident woman is the Christ-confident woman, one who recognizes not only her sin but also her Savior!

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

That’s why I put together Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This devotional comes from my personal experience as a woman trying to understand who God created her to be, a woman who daily sees her own flaws and imperfections yet longs for love and acceptance, a woman who deeply desires to be used by God for His glory, a woman who seeks to be a good wife and mother, and a woman who wants other women to experience real freedom.

Authentic confidence is not a mask you put on and take off, neither is it something you can manufacture on your own. Authentic confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt, but a laying down of control and concern at the Father’s feet. Authentic confidence naturally flows from the woman who is Spirit-filled and grace-oriented.

It’s this kind of confident faith that enabled me to write out some of my deepest confessions here on this blog and in Hope for the Hurting Wife. It’s this kind of confident faith that upheld me when marriage became hard work and I grappled for hope. It’s this kind of confident faith that propelled us out of our comfortable and safe ministry position straight into the unsettling unknown of church-planting. It’s the confidence that continues to sustain me.

If you want to be this kind of Christian woman, I invite you to join me. In Being Confident of This you will learn about the benefits of:

Overcoming the superwoman myth
Having courage to face a giant
Avoiding the danger of greener grass
Embracing a work-in-progress mindset

Don’t waste another moment of your one life on fear, doubt, or insecurity, friend.

Choose today to ignite the confidence befitting a cherished daughter of the King!

Praying for you, my work-in-progress friends,

Jen 🙂

Launch Week fun & a GIVEAWAY for Being Confident of This

In celebration of the release of Being Confident of This, we’re having a giveaway! You can enter the one hosted here (see bottom of post!) at BCOT below, but you should also be on the lookout for other giveaways hosted by our launch team members. Keep an eye on our facebook page and Instagram feed for more information!

As an added BONUS, for readers who purchase through the links on this page during launch week only, I’m offering the Work in Progress Toolkit. This is a tool I created last year as an exclusive bonus for Grace Goals, but it fits so well with the themes of this new devotional that I want to give it to you for free. 🙂

The Word is clear that Scripture changes us (Psalm 119:11). When we meditate on truth, our minds and spirits are transformed, and transformed minds lead to transformed actions. It’s that work-in-progress in us, that sanctification that molds us into Christ-likeness.

But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” Luke 11:28

The Work in Progress Toolkit is designed to help you saturate your life with truth so that you can overcome the lies that so often hold Christian women back. It contains beautiful 8×10 scripture prints to hang on your walls, as well at a truth-journaling sheet that will help you identify lies you are believing so that you can fight back with God’s truth!

How to get your BONUS

The only way to get this bonus is to purchase Being Confident of This during launch week through the links on this page and email me your receipt along with a request for the toolkit. It’s that simple! I will then send you the link to download your FREE resource.

And if you really want to make my day, you can share the news about Being Confident of This with your friends, leave a review of the book after reading, or send me an email telling me how it’s impacting you. Hearing how the Lord is working in you makes my joy complete. 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

What One Year Taught Me about Hope That Is Not Put to Shame (and a Giveaway!)

September 12, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Did you know she’s an author now?!” My friend laid her hand on my arm as she spoke to the other women standing in front of us.

Before I could stop myself, I found my head shaking no, as if the information weren’t true, because some part of me still doubted that I deserved that label. After all these years of writing about the work-in-progress woman and claiming our identity in Christ, I honestly still struggle to lay claim to the plans God has for my life and the gifts He has given me.

And again later that week, when one of my children called me an author, I was tempted to deny it. I wondered then if Hope for the Hurting Wife had been traditionally published if the label would be easier to accept? Even as the thought came to mind, I knew that wasn’t the heart of the issue.

The problem was that I sought the approval of men rather than God – a dangerous place to be.

I can’t remember how many times over the years I have confessed my stubborn pride and my desire for worldly achievement to the Lord. Over and over again, I find myself looking for confirmation that I should find in Christ alone.

What about you, friend? Do you look for confirmation, too?

“I think I’m afraid to get my hopes up, “I confessed to my husband one night as I worked late on the manuscript. “I want to trust God because I know He’s the God of the impossible; nothing is too difficult for him. But I’m really afraid to be disappointed. I selfishly want our book to succeed!”

Hope That Is Not Put to Shame

During those pre-launch weeks, God led me to read through the book of Psalms. Rather than studying it in depth, I just read through it a bit at a time. As I read, a phrase began to stick out to me: “let me not be put to shame.”

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.
Make Your face to shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your lovingkindness.
Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon You. Psalm 31:14-17a (NASB)

I found this phrase particularly interesting in the psalms attributed to David, the unlikely boy-crowned-king who spent years without a throne. Even during his rule, He faced frequent plots against his life. The psalmist begged God time and again to preserve his life and reputation. He even had the audacity to point out that God made him king to begin with, so preserving David’s life would be protecting God’s own reputation both among the Israelites and the surrounding nations who were watching the struggle for the throne play out.

It’s as if David said, “You’re my God and everyone knows it. So, if you let my enemies succeed, your own reputation as my God will be ruined.”

I decided to do a little study on this phrase and discovered the story of King Hezekiah, who asked God to protect Israel from the Assyrians in a similar way – in order to maintain His own reputation as Israel’s God.

Then Hezekiah took the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it, and he went up to the house of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. Hezekiah prayed before the LORD and said, “O LORD, the God of Israel, who are enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Incline Your ear, O LORD, and hear; open Your eyes, O LORD, and see; and listen to the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to reproach the living God. Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have devastated the nations and their lands and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but the work of men’s hands, wood and stone. So they have destroyed them. Now, O LORD our God, I pray, deliver us from his hand that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, O LORD, are God.” 2 Kings 19:14-19 (NASB)

Did you catch that? King Hezekiah literally took the letter from his enemy, laid it before the Lord, and asked God to take care of it.

Near the end of that same chapter, we read about the God of angel armies, whose angel of the Lord wiped out 185,000 of the enemy and sent King Sennacherib (king of the Assyrians) packing.

Now, that’s the God who won’t allow his people to be put to shame!

The more I read, the more I became convinced that I needed to have faith like David and Hezekiah. Nearly daily, I prayed that God would not allow my co-author Rebekah and I to be “put to shame.”

*Jen is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

I reminded Him (and myself, too) that neither one of us set out to write Hope for the Hurting Wife, but that we believed we were walking in obedience to Him, following His plans. I reminded him that many people were praying for us, waiting and watching along with us, to see what He would accomplish.

What followed was a week or more of seeing hard work and faith in the Lord pay off. We didn’t have a huge marketing team in our corner, just a group of faithful friends. We had no advertising budget, no radio or tv appearances lined up. I think Rebekah would agree that, in fact, we really had no clue what we were doing.

But God.

He showed up for us in amazing ways!

Through a blogging friend, He gave us the information we needed to reach best-seller status in several Amazon Kindle categories. Our little book began to appear as a suggested best-selling new release, meaning Amazon actually did the advertising for us. Looking back, I wish I would have kept better records, but I believe we earned at least four different best-seller “badges,” and we have remained in the top ten in several of our categories for an entire year now.

One year later, we have sold hundreds of copies in both paperback and Kindle editions, and we frequently hear from women who found renewed hope because of this book.

I tell you these things not to brag, friend, but to show you the might of the God who does not let us be put to shame, praise His holy name!

When You Need More Unashamed Hope

What is it God has asked you to do, friend?

Has he asked you to quit your job to pursue His plan for your life?

Has He asked you to stay in a difficult marriage just a little longer?

Has he asked you to use your spiritual gifts for his glory?

Has He asked you to commit to giving up a bad habit or pattern of sin?

Whatever He’s asking of you, if He is the author, then you can also trust Him to be the perfecter! That’s not to say that life will go exactly as you imagine, but that as you go, you need not be put to shame when following hard after God.

Consider Jim Elliot and the other early missionary martyrs who risked family, finances, and even their very lives to carry the gospel to the Auca people, known head-hunters and warriors of South America. I’m sure some of their friends and family thought they were crazy.

And when Jim and the other men died in a savage attack, I wonder if even their wives doubted the vision God had given them. I wonder if their hope was “put to shame” in the eyes of others, too.

Yet years later, some of those widows returned to the Auca people to forgive the murderers and bring them the Good News. Many souls have since been saved, praise God.

Was their hope put to shame? I think not.

The truth is, this world needs more men and women who are willing to be fools for Christ, more Christ-followers willing to risk it all for the sake of Christ.

Friend, please don’t be afraid to walk forward in obedience to the Lord. Please don’t fear to do things in His name.

The fear of failure is real, I get it.

But we serve the God of the universe – let’s get that, too.

So we cry out with humble hearts, Lord, let us not be put to shame!

Book Anniversary & Giveaway

Okay, let me climb down from my soapbox now (I really do get excited about this kind of hope!), and invite you to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of Hope for the Hurting Wife‘s release!

We’re celebrating in 2 ways:

1. We’ve temporarily lowered the price of the print version (nearly half off!!) so that more women can get their hands on this book. If you need it, now’s the time to buy it. If you know a friend or family member who needs it, now’s the time to buy it. If your church has a library and you think it could use a copy, now’s the time…. you get the idea.

2. For the next week, you can ENTER TO WIN a copy of our book here at Being Confident of This or over at my co-author’s blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. We are each giving away a copy, so between the two of us, there will be TWO winners – woot, woot!

Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Before you go, can I selfishly ask you for a favor? We love, love, love to hear from our readers about how God is using this book in their marriages. Would you leave us a comment, or send us an email, or even better – leave us a review on Amazon or Goodreads, if this book meant something to you?

We celebrate each and every one of your remarks!

All for His glory,

Jen 🙂

My Fat Girl Insecurities

August 18, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 40 Comments

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the word aimed at me.

He spewed it out like vomit, his eyes filled with disgust. “Fat,” the boy accused me, and I believed it even though I wasn’t anywhere near “fat” back then.

I always was a strong girl, a tom-boy with a hearty appetite, a girl who loved sports and climbing trees and running races.

My feminine side appeared on occasion, though, and like every other girl, I wanted to be pretty, to be liked. I never saw my body as much of a hindrance to those desires until that day, the day he called me fat in front of the whole lunch table.

I acted like I didn’t care about the word, but my eyes burned and so did my face.

I stuffed the word way deep down inside of my junior high self and tried so hard not to hear it anymore.

Not long after that, I remember surpassing my own mother’s weight on our bathroom scales and shame nearly smothered me. How could I, at thirteen years old, weigh more than my mom? It didn’t seem fair, somehow.

During my high school years, I finally resigned myself to the fact that I just wasn’t built to be tiny.

I would never be a size 2-4-6 girl. My healthy hangout would be the 10-12-14 range.

But my legs were built thick and strong for soccer, volleyball, softball, and basketball, so I called a sort of truce with myself. I ignored the word within me and began to find things I actually liked about my body.

I liked my blue eyes and long, dark hair. I liked my smile. I even began to like some of my curves. I liked my brain (it’s a good one!) and my athletic abilities.

So the word remained hidden for the most part, only whispering to the surface when my friends were all asked to attend banquet (missionary kid date night) and I sat at home by myself or when we tried on clothes at the second-hand shops in town, shops filled with clothes from China and other countries where my size seemed non-existent.

Nevertheless, by junior year, I was growing in the confidence that comes from Christ alone and the word bothered me less and less. I thought I had won the battle, defeated the Enemy.

When I met my husband a few years later, I never felt more beautiful. Even though I couldn’t call myself thin, I knew I was healthy, and I was alive in Christ. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and he loved the Lord and he loved me.

And then I conceived our firstborn not long after our summer wedding and I found myself alone in our country home. My parents and siblings had returned to the mission field, and my husband kept busy with classes and work and ministry.

I grew depressed.

I used my pregnancy as justification for eating anything and everything I wanted.

Instead of filling myself with Christ, I filled myself with food.

I had already gained about 20 lbs. before our wedding because like any girl in love, I spent all of my free time with my soon-to-be husband, not realizing I was failing to take care of my body. By the time our sweet son was born, I had gained about 80-100 lbs. (give or take) in a little more than a year.

I can’t really be certain because at some point, I quit weighing myself.

I just gave up.

Then, one year our church offered a First Place for Christ class, focusing on putting Christ first in all areas but especially in the areas of nutrition and wellness. It was just what I needed.

The idea that my body had been purchased at a price convicted me.

I knew I needed to quit filling my God-sized hole with food.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit,

who is in you,whom you have received from God?

You are not your own; you were bought at a price.

Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Since then, I’ve jumped on the bandwagon of healthy eating and exercise… and fallen right off again. And back on, and then off, and back on, and so forth. Healthy living will probably be a lifelong struggle for me, my personal thorn in the flesh. It’s been a lesson in perservering, overcoming obstacles. 🙂

In the meantime, I’ve birthed three more children, including a set of twins, my body changing with each pregnancy. My weight and health are still a work-in-progress, and I’m okay with that.

The word still haunts me on occasion, it does. It sneaks up on me when I walk at the gym or play soccer with my kids. Occasionally, I hear it faintly in my ear when I look in the mirror, tempting me to give up, quit fighting, resign myself to the word.

Fat.

But I recognize the Enemy for who he is and even more, I know the power of Christ within me.

I know the Father promises to never give up on me, but to complete the work He started (Phil. 1:6). I know that man considers the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart. I trust in my new creation status. I believe His Word when He calls me “fearfully and wonderfully made.” He says the same thing about you, too, my sisters in Christ!

We are not the sum of our insecurities, for we were created for more than this!

We’ve talked before about how insecurities keep us fearful, and that’s just how the Enemy wants us to feel – alone, afraid, unworthy. My sisters, our God is greater than he who is in the world. He is greater than our deepest shame and insecurities. Our God loves us, pursues us, redeems us, and calls us His beloved.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

Nothing can separate us from His love, not even our layers of fat. 🙂

We are daughters of the One True King, and the value He has placed on our lives is the blood, the life force, of His one and only Son.

Let us then live as children of the Light!

Jen 🙂

Also sharing this post with: Cornerstone Confessions

The Loft is open, come on up!

Graphic by Kerry Messer

#TheLoft

UPDATE: The Loft is now hosted by Leah Adams.

Now it’s time to link up!

This Week’s Topic: “Greatest Insecurity” (We are going vulnerable here, asking you to share your greatest insecurity. How do you recognize it when it creeps up? What does insecurity sound like to you? What do you do to silence it? Any scriptures that help you fight it?)

Next Week’s Topic: “Something Funny” (Laughter is good medicine and after this week’s topic, we all need a belly laugh. Or as one co-host put it, we need to spit in our coffee. Tell us a funny story, share a funny quote, post a funny picture or video, crack a funny joke. Just be careful with that coffee because this is going to be good 🙂 )

Add Your Link Here:

Also sharing this post with: Cornerstone Confessions, Jennifer Dukes Lee, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Wholehearted Home, Teaching What is Good, Sew Crafty Angel, Messy Marriage, Missional Women, My Freshly Brewed Life, Beauty Through Imperfections, Rich Faith Rising, Beautiful Ashes, Grace & Truth Christian Living

Verdict on Your Value Series Wrap-up

May 8, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Each Thursday for the last few weeks, we have been talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. This Thursday is the final installment of our Verdict on Value series. If you missed previous posts, be sure to check the schedule listed at the bottom!

Verdict on Value

Haven’t we had a rich time over the past six weeks with fellow sisters and the Word of God?! As we wrap up our Thursday series today, we have a final word of encouragement and video to share with you. Please click here to view the video and thank you so much for being a part of this series!

Be sure to catch all of the previous posts in our Verdict on Value series:

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free mini Bible study printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This ( Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Ministry Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up at Arabah Joy’s place

Leah’s Story

May 1, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Each Thursday for the next few weeks, we are talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. We are sharing our raw and messy real life stories. But also, more importantly, we are sharing the truths that set us free. We have bathed this series in prayer and ask now that the Father knit our hearts together and strengthen us to slay this giant called “insecurity” in our hearts.

Verdict on Value

Insecurity is like an onion. Every layer that is peeled back reveals something stronger and smellier. When peeled all the way to the core, we find Satan lurking there.

Insecurity cloaks itself in many disguises. Sometimes the insecure seem shy and reserved, while others are just the opposite, jealous for attention or envious of other people.

Although insecurity is not mentioned directly, I believe we find some consequences of it in James 3:16 (NCV).

Where jealousy and selfishness are, there will be confusion and every kind of evil.

Your area of insecurity may be vastly different from mine, but regardless of what insecurity looks like, it all needs to be dealt with. May I share from my battle with insecurity?

The Lord called me into a speaking and writing ministry in 2007. The call couldn’t have been any clearer if the heavens had rolled back and a trumpet-blowing angel announced it. I moved forward, writing a weekly email devotional and speaking wherever the Lord opened doors.

Eventually… Click here to read the rest of Leah’s story

Be sure to catch all of the posts in our Verdict on Value series:

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up at Arabah Joy’s place

That New Girl: Finding Confidence

April 24, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 28 Comments

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my second-grade self, that girl who was mostly tomboy, confident leader-of-the-pack. She could be friends with whomever she wanted, even boys. She wore dresses, but she also climbed trees.

She lived free.

She never considered what the scales said about her value. She never wished to be more like her blonde-headed friend. She had a little girl crush on a classmate of hers, but never spent her days waiting for him to notice, or worrying what others might think.

She was relatively innocent, that girl God created on purpose and with a plan.

But that girl moved from state to state nearly every year after third grade until she finally moved overseas. Each new school left its mark, some beauty spots and some ugly scars, and she found herself wearing labels like “new girl” and “missionary kid.”

For a while, she learned to hide her true self away in favor of a girl others would accept. She lost her identity, her self-confidence.

I’ve spent much of my adult life learning to force that girl out into the light, trying to help her find the woman she was created to be. In the process, I’ve searched for her value in family and friendships, marriage and parenthood, status in college and sometimes status at church, often without realizing I was doing so.

On occasion, I’ve even tried to manufacture that girl’s value on my own by living the good girl life, raising the good kids, serving at the good church, creating good things, and so many more undesired, unnecessary sacrifices that we’re all guilty of performing.

But I fail so often, don’t you?

And once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others or in self. If I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism, to live confident, I must look only to my Maker.

He alone knows the “real” me, the girl he “knit together” in the womb. The girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The girl He values at the price of a one and only Son. The girl I was born to be.

He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of organization and precision. He alone knows the smiling face often hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for others. He alone knows that tendency to boss comes from the ability to lead and that often critical voice reveals undaunted optimism.

And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good.

You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes, sisters.

And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.

So how do we overcome the lies we’ve listened to for so long to reclaim our true selves, the free girls we were created to be?

How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?

We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith!

He shows us our true value: the blood of the Lamb. We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry until completion.

Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirm the lies.

But the truth, sisters, the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free!

With Christ’s help a better version of that true-to-self, second-grade girl is surfacing.

I catch glimpses of her from time to time, that new-in-Christ girl. She speaks up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk.

She combats those lies with the truth of the Word.

She claims victory in imperfect progress.

She is Christ-confident.

She’s learning little by little to tune out the world, the Enemy, and even her own perfectionistic thoughts and focus instead on the Maker who continually makes her new.

Because she was born to live free.

And so were you, my sisters.

So were you!

Jen 🙂

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up video at Arabah Joy’s place

Sharing with: My Freshly Brewed Life, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger,

Essential Thing Devotions, Women of Worship, Mom’s the Word, Cornerstone Confessions,

Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Messy Marriage, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this site!

You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

Fighting Fear With Pre-approval

April 22, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 11 Comments

In just two days time, I’ll be bearing a bit of my heart here on this blog. I’ll be sharing my story, my part of the Thursday series – Verdict on Value. And once again, I find myself a little afraid. 🙂

It happens sometimes when you write, especially when the subject matter brings up conflicting emotions. You may feel confident at first, but then you begin to doubt and fear. You face your own insecurity.

Will the words really matter? Will others understand? Have I handled this subject fairly?

And the worst of all fears. What will people think?

That’s really what it boils down to: how others might receive those carefully penned or typed words, some that brought forth smiles and fond memories and others that brought forth tears and sorrow.

I’ve been learning my whole life it seems how to let go of that pressure, the pressure to be perfect. And not that anyone ever told me I had to be, because they didn’t, but that I convinced myself it was necessary, like so many other undesired sacrifices.

I wanted to be the good girl, the best girl, and if I’m being really honest there is still some little part of me that wants this, too.

I see it now even in one of my young sons. He yearns for praise. I often catch him bragging because he yearns for others to see how wonderful he is. And truly, he is wonderful (especially in this mama’s eyes), but it hurts me to see him striving so at such a young age.

At the same time it reminds me that I still struggle myself.

So, how can I help him to see the truths that I’m still learning to recognize?

I can only hope that being honest, taking down the facade, and admitting my own fear and insecurity will help him to recognize that we all fall short, we all do. Ever since the days of paradise and a forbidden apple eaten, we all fall short.

I can only hope that teaching him of a Savior who turns those weaknesses into strengths,

who has a plan for him,

who loves him just for who he is and not what he does,

who cherished him even before he was born,

who welcomes him with open arms when he fails – I can only hope that such knowledge will sink deep roots into his young heart much earlier than those truths began to sink into mine.

I’ve been reading Jennifer Dukes Lee’s posts about our Love Idols, and I’m realizing how early it starts, this yearning to be approved by this world when we are already approved by the Maker of this world.

Even from those early toddler calls of “Look at me, mommy!”, we want to be seen, to be valued, to be approved.

^“For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?

Or am I striving to please men?”

Gal. 1:10 (a)

Sadly, some of us Christ-followers, will spend our entire lives chasing that approval, all the while fearing that we just aren’t good enough.

We’ll miss the irony that we are already pre-approved by the most powerful Person in all of creation because of His Son!

If we could only grasp that early on and not waste precious years searching for something we already have in our possession.

But we can, friends.

We can begin right now.

We can ferret out those love idols in our lives and hand them over to our gracious and loving Father. We can cling to the hope of imperfect progress and proclaim the bold truths of Philippians 1:6!

We can share with others what we are doing and ask them to do the same. We can speak truth to our children about this pre-approval, bought at the price of a one and only Son.

I’m asking the Lord to help me lay down my fear and insecurity, my need for human approval and perceived perfection. I’m asking Him to work in the hearts of my children, that they will learn early on what it means to be cherished by the One True God, King of Kings, Sovereign Lord, the Most High.

I’m asking the Father to open their eyes wide to these truths.

And I’m asking for you, too, my friends, that you will see how fearfully and wonderfully made you are in the eyes of your Creator.

We who’ve been painted red that we might be white as snow.

I’m banishing fear for tonight in favor of truth.

Join me, will you?

Jen 🙂

For more information on the Love Idol movement, check out the facebook page!

I’m sharing this here:

The Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, A Little R&R,

Woman to Woman,Titus 2 Tuesday,Cornerstone Confessions,

Arabah’s Story

April 17, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Verdict on Value

Shame has tried to silence me my entire life.

Ever since I was four years old… ever since a man named Jackie… shame’s gnarly fingers have gripped my soul, choked me with its hateful whispers.

I thought this was normal. I thought it was true. And until recently, I couldn’t separate shame from me, my personhood.

Shame has been my closest companion, weaving itself so intimately with me that I thought it was me. On dark, lonely nights, shame was there. On cold days and warm summers and in crowds and by myself, shame has always been there. Shame was happy to bring his friends too: insecurity, fear, and inferiority.

Let me tell you about my companion: Shame tells me something bad’s wrong with me. I’ll never be worth anything. That no one will listen. That I don’t have anything valuable to contribute. Ever. That I’ll never be enough. Together, shame and friends have worked to squelch my individuality, limit my creativity, mold me into a conformist, keep me silent and stagnant, and rob me of real intimacy.

{Click here to finish reading Arabah’s story}

Be sure to catch all of the posts in our Verdict on Value series:

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up at Arabah Joy’s place

The Verdict on Your Value Series

March 20, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 6 Comments

Today I’m sharing wise words from my friend Arabah Joy about our value.

Verdict on Value

Noise. Our lives are surrounded by it.

It bombards from within and without and much of our daily noise serves one purpose: to tell us how we are measuring up. It tells us what we are… or aren’t. It tells us we are worthy, successful, valuable, up to par… or we, simply, are not. It tells us we can take it easy on ourselves… or we need to try harder, do more, drive ourselves further.

It should be no surprise to us that the enemy of our souls is alive and well in the noise, tempting us to such things as:

Comparisons

Pride

Insecurity

Intimidation

Inferiority

Selfish Ambition

Shame

Silence

As tempting and overpowering as these things may seem, we need not give place to them in our hearts. God’s Word tells us that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We can face the noise of our lives well equipped for triumph, grace, and confidence.

I am pleased to be part of a brand new series entitled “The Verdict on Value.” This series is about standing in confidence in a dog-eat-dog world and is brought to you by a group of blogging friends who have seen firsthand the damage comparison, insecurity, shame, and the like can do. Throughout this series we are going to share our stories and temptations with insecurity… and how Christ has worked in our lives to free us.

We invite you to join us every Thursday for the next 7 weeks for this series. We have some fun surprises planned as well 🙂 Just be sure to tune in to this blog each Thursday! Here’s a sneak peak into the series and the bloggers I have the privilege of working with on this:

Kathy from Free to Fly

Leah from The Point (Ministry Insecurity)

Jen from Confident in Grace

Arabah from Arabah Joy (Confessions from a Shameful Woman ~with a free mini Bible study printable)

Kerry from Plenty Place

Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a book giveaway of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval – and Seeing Yourself through God’s Eyes!)

Wrap up with Jennifer Dukes Lee

The Superwoman Myth

May 10, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 29 Comments

Before Reading: Write down (or think of) the one personality trait that you dislike most about yourself. Example: I am too shy, I am too loud, etc. Save for later! 🙂

………………………………….

A few weeks ago, my seven-year-old son came to me after receiving a scolding and said something that shook me to the core. “Mom, sometimes I feel like you expect me to be perfect.”

Immediately my eyes burned with tears because I knew that feeling, the feeling of not being good enough, and I certainly did not want my child to ever fear that he wasn’t “good enough” for me!

Nevertheless, somehow I sent that message to him, and although unintentional on my part, I felt overwhelmed by sadness and then by conviction.

You see, God’s been speaking to me about this issue lately, about my tendency toward perfectionism.

I’m realizing it’s not only frustrating for me, but it’s something that often negatively effects my relationships with others also. For these reasons, perfectionism is the personality trait that I dislike most about myself.

So why do so many of us women struggle with perfectionism and other personality flaws?

Because we have bought into the Superwoman Myth.

You know, the myth about the woman who does it all and does it perfectly?! Wouldn’t we all love to be that supreme woman, to bask in the knowledge that we ROCK at being women – everyday in every thing and all of the time?!

If Superwoman truly exists, she certainly is difficult to find in the midst of our messy everyday lives.

The first contributor to this Superwoman Myth is self.

How many times have you written yourself a to-do list a mile long and actually expected to get most of those tasks accomplished?

And at the end of the day when you have only made it to number 3, how do you feel?

Frustrated?

Discouraged?

Or consider this: How often do you feel like you’re making so much progress in one area, only to discover you’re completely falling apart in another?

Although some of us may come close to being Superwoman on a given day, soaring above the circumstances of messy homes, sick family members, extra hours of work, and so forth, the perfect mother, the perfect wife, sister, friend, daughter, child of God – she does not exist!

Instead of listening to the lies perpetuated by our superwoman-wannabe selves, let’s listen to the truths our Creator God has to say about us.

Psalm 139:13-14

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.”

God created you purposefully and intentionally to be who you are.

While he did not create you to sin, He did create you with your unique personality, your unique strengths and weaknesses. The good news is that even those things we tend to see as our weaknesses can become strengths with His help.

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Those personality traits we so often view as flaws have positive aspects to them, my sisters in Christ!

For example, while my perfectionism easily leads to worry and sin, it is incredibly helpful for tasks that require attention to detail. Likewise, people who are argumentative may be difficult to get along with, yet they make excellent lawyers and advocates for others. While those who are easy-going often lack organizational skills, they are typically great friends and listeners.

Let’s find the beauty in being who God created us to be instead of wishing we were someone else.

Let’s allow Him to work in our weaknesses to make us strong.

The second contributor to the Superwoman Myth is how we view others.

How many of us can honestly say that we’ve never compared ourselves to another woman…ever?!

None of us can.

Especially in this age of social media, we are very aware of the skills other women have. Furthermore, we often envy those things in others that we feel we are lacking.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to admire others and to challenge ourselves to grow.

We definitely want to be the best

wife,

mother,

sister,

daughter,

aunt,

woman

that we can possibly be.

The problem is that sometimes when we see all of this womanly awesomeness out there, we wish that we could be someone we are not, someone we were never created to be.

We wish we could be more …

more pretty,

more popular,

more successful,

more creative,

more organized,

– you fill in the blank!

But the beauty of a relationship with God is that it’s personal, unique to the individual.

While all women are similar in that we are imperfect sinners, saved only by the belief that Christ’s shed blood paid the penalty of death we so deserved, we can be very different in the way we live our faith out.

1 Corinthians 12:12-20 confirms this idea:

“Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”

We each have a part to play in the body of Christ, and He’s created each of us uniquely to fulfill the role He’s planned out for us.

So the next time you feel unworthy, inadequate, or that you just don’t have anything “special” to offer, remember that God created you to be you, and that He created you to fulfill your role and yours alone.

His intention is for me to be the best Jen that I can be, not the best Suzy or Katherine or Betsy (or maybe in this perfectionist’s case the best Suzy and Katherine and Betsy.)

No, He simply wants me to be the best Jen.

And the best Jen might look very different from the best Kelly or the best Martha.

Now, isn’t that truth freeing?

Follow me to part two of the Superwoman Myth to discover the third and final freeing truth and to learn what to do with that least favorite personality trait of yours.

Jen 🙂

Read the rest here:

Sharing with: Making Your Home Sing Mondays, Titus 2 Tuesday, Unite Linky, Mama Moments Monday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdsays, A Little R and R

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You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

Becoming a Woman of Authentic Confidence

The Mistake We All Make

The Christ-confident Woman

Launch Week fun & a GIVEAWAY for Being Confident of This

How to get your BONUS

Hope That Is Not Put to Shame

When You Need More Unashamed Hope

Book Anniversary & Giveaway

I would never be a size 2-4-6 girl. My healthy hangout would be the 10-12-14 range.

Instead of filling myself with Christ, I filled myself with food.

The idea that my body had been purchased at a price convicted me.

The Loft is open, come on up!

How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?

Sadly, some of us Christ-followers, will spend our entire lives chasing that approval, all the while fearing that we just aren’t good enough.

Because we have bought into the Superwoman Myth.

The first contributor to this Superwoman Myth is self.

Let’s find the beauty in being who God created us to be instead of wishing we were someone else.

The second contributor to the Superwoman Myth is how we view others.