Sometimes I wish I could go back to my second-grade self, that girl who was mostly tomboy, confident leader-of-the-pack. She could be friends with whomever she wanted, even boys. She wore dresses, but she also climbed trees.
She lived free.
She never considered what the scales said about her value. She never wished to be more like her blonde-headed friend. She had a little girl crush on a classmate of hers, but never spent her days waiting for him to notice, or worrying what others might think.
She was relatively innocent, that girl God created on purpose and with a plan.
But that girl moved from state to state nearly every year after third grade until she finally moved overseas. Each new school left its mark, some beauty spots and some ugly scars, and she found herself wearing labels like “new girl” and “missionary kid.”
For a while, she learned to hide her true self away in favor of a girl others would accept. She lost her identity, her self-confidence.
I’ve spent much of my adult life learning to force that girl out into the light, trying to help her find the woman she was created to be. In the process, I’ve searched for her value in family and friendships, marriage and parenthood, status in college and sometimes status at church, often without realizing I was doing so.
On occasion, I’ve even tried to manufacture that girl’s value on my own by living the good girl life, raising the good kids, serving at the good church, creating good things, and so many more undesired, unnecessary sacrifices that we’re all guilty of performing.
But I fail so often, don’t you?
And once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others or in self. If I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism, to live confident, I must look only to my Maker.
He alone knows the “real” me, the girl he “knit together” in the womb. The girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The girl He values at the price of a one and only Son. The girl I was born to be.
He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of organization and precision. He alone knows the smiling face often hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for others. He alone knows that tendency to boss comes from the ability to lead and that often critical voice reveals undaunted optimism.
And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good.
You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes, sisters.
And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.
So how do we overcome the lies we’ve listened to for so long to reclaim our true selves, the free girls we were created to be?
How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?
We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith!
He shows us our true value: the blood of the Lamb. We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry until completion.
Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirm the lies.
But the truth, sisters, the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free!
With Christ’s help a better version of that true-to-self, second-grade girl is surfacing.
I catch glimpses of her from time to time, that new-in-Christ girl. She speaks up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk.
She combats those lies with the truth of the Word.
She claims victory in imperfect progress.
She is Christ-confident.
She’s learning little by little to tune out the world, the Enemy, and even her own perfectionistic thoughts and focus instead on the Maker who continually makes her new.
Because she was born to live free.
And so were you, my sisters.
So were you!
Jen 🙂
Each Thursday for the next few weeks, we are talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. We are sharing our raw and messy real life stories. But also, more importantly, we are sharing the truths that set us free. We have bathed this series in prayer and ask now that the Father knit our hearts together and strengthen us to slay this giant called “insecurity” in our hearts.
March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)
April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)
April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)
April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)
April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)
May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)
May 8th – Wrap up video at Arabah Joy’s place
Sharing with: My Freshly Brewed Life, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger,
Essential Thing Devotions, Women of Worship, Mom’s the Word, Cornerstone Confessions,
Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Messy Marriage, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays
*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this site!
You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!
What a wonderful post! I just wanted to stand up and applaud at the end. So full of truth and encouragement. Thank you.
What kind and humbling words, Leah. I’m thankful that the Lord has spoken so powerfully through this series. I’ve enjoyed every minute!
Jen 🙂
Thank you! It is wonderful to remember who we are, and how important we each are – even when we don’t feel it all the time. Thank you for a good reminder!
Yes it is! I like living in that kind of victory, but I don’t always choose to. It’s that work-in-progress that makes me look forward to Heaven, when we no longer need reminding of who we are because it will be constantly evident before us! Thanks for stopping by.
Jen 🙂
“And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.” is speaking quietly in great volume to me this day. ABBA, has gifted you, Jen, thank you for sharing your gifts with us.
I’m merely the vessel, Kathie. Those words were all His and they speak to me still, too. He has to keep reminding me of that truth. Thank you for sharing some encouragement here!
Jen 🙂
She is Christ-confident.
I love that!
Stopped over from Leah Adams’ blog today. So good to meet you!
So glad you stopped by today, Karen, and thanks for leaving a little encouragement here. Happy to meet you, too!
Jen 🙂
I really love this post-and really relate with it. It is amazing how we have different circumstances, but our reactions are similar.
Marks, beauty spots, scars and labels… The places where Jesus heals and shines through. {I too-am guilty of trying to manufacture what can only be given. -funny to think of a pot presuming to be it’s own potter, right? PRAISE the Lord for His grace and unending love!}
<3
Thank you, Kathy, for stopping by here to encourage. 🙂 Yes, we can be so silly sometimes and get things so backwards. The Father’s patience never ceases to amaze me.
Jen 🙂
I so love this! Keep it up. It’s definitely a blessing!
Thanks for that encouragement!
Jen 🙂
We all struggle with this. I’ve written about it many times. It’s kind of flipped for me though. I wish I could go back to my elementary and middle school self and tell myself to be confident because I am smart, I am beautiful and I am loved relentlessly by a powerful Savior.
Good thing I found out now anyway because self-pity is certainly no way to live ! I am hopping over from Time Warp Wife today. I pray you are having a very wonderful day.
Yes, my late elementary and middle school self could have used this same message, for sure! 🙂 It’s no coincidence that the more I get to know my Savior, the more I believe these truths. Thanks for stopping by!
Jen 🙂
Jen,
I could feel your hope in Christ rising as I read your post…I can relate to dealing with perfectionism and learning to find my value in Christ alone…Praying today God will bless us both with God-confidence and see ourselves as His beloved daughters 🙂
Dolly,
I appreciate your prayer! It’s so much easier to be who I want to be in Christ when I remember first of all that I belong to Him and that He loves me so.
Jen 🙂
there is much we have in common jen:) we grew up at different times, but i too was an MK. not in the normal way really. my parents we missionaries when i was very young (14 mon.04 yrs.) and then later when i was in 9th grade they returned to a spanish speaking country. i couldn’t go to school there b/c the most english in the school was 50% and i spoke no spanish so i had to come to the US for school. so i had most of the negs. of being an MK w/o the positives of actually learning the language and culture well.
i have learned what you have mentioned in your post (to the degree we ever really “learn” it here) and continue to learn it daily! thanks so much for a great post:) i love it!
Hi, Martha! 🙂 I’m guessing you had to be separated from your family while at school then. That was the most difficult part of MK life for me, I think, but also the part that caused the most growth in my spiritual life. I’m so glad you stopped by – it’s always nice to “meet” another MK!
Jen 🙂
Amen! We are precious in Christ.
Such a sweet truth, isn’t it? When I stop to really consider it, I’m in awe!
Jen 🙂
What a beautiful post, Jen! Self-confidence is something I battle with a lot, never feeling good enough and always trying to earn love — and these words brought such relief to my heart that tends to turn over to works instead of grace. You are so right; I don’t need to be self-confident but rather, Christ-confident (love that!). I fail and fall short so often, and I know I will do so time and time again. But knowing that we can trust God to fill in those gaps and do what we can’t, brings such hope and encouragement. Thank you for sharing this!
It really does bring hope, doesn’t it, Ronja?! We all fail, but it’s that Christ-confidence that allows us to get up and try again, knowing He’s already finished the work on our behalf!
Jen 🙂
This is beautiful because it resonates to me. I sometimes wonder where that confident cheerful fun grade schooler go too. I lost her somewhere along the way. Although I know I’m better and wiser now, I still miss that “softness” and vulnerability. That confidence that was not about building a wall but a bridge instead.
By God’s grace, I think I’m keeping up with that girl now too. 🙂
Glad to hear it, Lux!
Jen 🙂
Thank you for encouraging me to be Christ Confident!!! Love this!