4 Ways the Term Self-confidence Misleads Christian Women

September 30, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Mom, I can’t find my soccer jersey!” The oldest boy called out from his room. A frantic search party ensued as we had only 15 minutes until we needed to walk out the door for his game.

With a sinking heart, I headed for the laundry room, only to have my suspicions confirmed. I had completely forgotten to wash his jersey! Now he would have to play with already stinky pits.

I felt so frustrated with myself, but even more, I could see the disappointment on my son’s face. And just like that, I felt like a terrible mom. A complete failure who can’t even keep her kids in clean clothes!

What’s wrong with me?

But it didn’t stop there, no….the enemy of our souls used that stepping stone for the rest of the night to pummel me with reminders of just how worthless I was.

You’ve been there before, right friend? Maybe you let a friend or a spouse down? Maybe you deeply disappointed people at work or at church? You forgot an important appointment? Lost your temper? Didn’t meet your personal goal?

You failed in some way (whether major or minor), and your confidence is shaken.

You’re not alone!

4 Ways Self-Confidence Misleads Christian Women

The truth is that what the world calls self-confidence is actually very misleading in many ways. In fact, self-confidence is pretty much the opposite of what the gospel teaches us about ourselves.

First, self-confidence misleads Christian women by focusing on self.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV)

Did you catch that, friend? To follow Christ is to deny self in favor of following Him! If we want to be confident, Christian women, then we cannot be focused on self. We must recognize that our confidence doesn’t come from who we are in this world.

We know that according to Scripture, there is nothing good in us and we all miss the mark of perfection (Rom. 3:23, Rom. 7:18). We are inherently sinful beings, prone to wander (as the hymn rightly claims). So any confidence based on the flesh is already on a shaky foundation.

Second, self-confidence misleads Christian women because it doesn’t last!

Self-confidence is often based on what we do, how others see us, how we appear – everything external rather than internal. It is rooted in comparisons, achievements, popularity with others, and so forth. Thus, we all relate to modern catch-phrases like “mom guilt.”

Confidence based on self is just one moment away from failure! It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve been patient with our children, sacrificed for our husbands, served our friends, obeyed God, and so forth. Because the one time we mess up, we’re back to square one. We’re failures. We can’t do anything right. Right?!

Again, confidence in the flesh is only temporary: one moment away from disaster.

Third, self-confidence misleads Christian women by being easily faked.

One look at social media opens our eyes to this truth! Because self-confidence is based mostly on external factors rather than internal worth, it can be easily faked. We can photoshop all we want, throw out all of the positive affirmations we can think of, stage our photos, and so forth, but still struggle with insecurity on the inside!

How often are we shocked when someone we know, someone who seemed to “have it all together,” admits to feeling depressed or lonely? Why are we surprised when seemingly happy celebrities end their own lives?

Confidence based on self is only as strong as our swagger.

Sad, isn’t it?

Fourth, self-confidence misleads Christian women by enslaving us.

When we set our sights on self-confidence, we either become content that we are “enough” already or we strive for perfectionism and the elusive “got-it-all-together” act. One extreme or another.

But even more concerning, often, as Christian women, we trend toward works – being the “good Christian girl.”

Either extreme leads us away from God’s plan for us, and guess who wins then? The enemy.

You see, friend, self-confidence is directly opposed to the gospel truth that we all fall short, we all need a Savior to redeem us and transform us from the inside out. We’re not “enough” on our own, yet like the apostle Paul, none of us have already arrived at perfection (Philippians 3:13-15).

So when we swallow the world’s self-confidence pill, the one that trains us to focus on the external, we miss out on real peace, lasting joy, secure faith, and an authentic confidence that is not easily shaken!

When will we rise up and say, “No more!”?

What does the Bible teach about growing in authentic confidence?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Scripture commands us NOT to conform to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed, from the inside out, starting with our minds! So, the first step toward a confidence that is centered on Christ rather than self is to change our patterns of thinking.

As Christian women, we cannot afford to approach confidence from the same perspective as the world!

This is why I’m so excited to tell you about The Confidence Journey online Bible study. With a focus on wisdom from the Word and a prayerful examination of lies we might be believing, transformation IS possible. We CAN have godly confidence!

The Confidence Journey is a Bible study workbook, a companion to the book I released last year, Being Confident of This. And I want to invite you all to join us for an online Bible study experience where we will study the root of authentic confidence together!

Class starts October 14th and runs for 6 weeks. Registration is OPEN now through October 8th – just click here for more details. And don’t forget to check out the BONUSES we’re offering for this unique experience.

My heart for you, my friend, is to see you walk in real, lasting confidence.

This world needs more confident Christian women. Women who understand their worth, who walk free, who say yes to God, who live out the abundant life He has planned for them!

Will you join us?

Jen 🙂

6 Ways to Set Goals with Confidence

December 31, 2018 by jstults 1 Comment

I’ve felt the familiar tension and resisted it all day long. I know what I should do, what a part of my being wants to do, yet I don’t do it. Setting new goals is easier to avoid.

It’s the tension between the old-in-sin me and the new-in-Christ me, the self-centered, lazy, fearful me and the Christ-focused, hard-working, confident me.

I know who I want to be, friends, but the distance between who I am today and the Christ-confident woman I want to be stretches out before me like a road in the desert that only ends when it meets the horizon.

The task seems impossible, yet I know I serve the God of the impossible.

And hasn’t He proven Himself faithful time and time again in my own life? Each fear-inducing challenge came with the grace to persevere: each one followed by unexpectedly beautiful rewards worth so much more than the sacrifice required for obedience.

So why this goal-setting angst?

I know the truth yet my feelings lead me astray. I’m a stubborn, helpless, rebel whose only hope is Christ!

Praise God He loves me enough to keep molding me.

He pursues me even when I run and hide in fear like Eve did so long ago. He creates a restlessness in my spirit that causes me to yearn for more – more Christ-likeness, more knowledge of Him, more surrender to His plans, more freedom to be who He created me to be!

Do you want it, too, friend?

Do you long to walk into the New Year with confidence in God’s direction, with focus, with purpose?

6 Ways to Set Goals with Confidence

1. Surrender to God’s plan for your life.

To be capable of discerning God’s direction and claiming the confidence that comes only from Him, you must first surrender your very life to His plan for you.

This begins with salvation, friend. You cannot follow God if you don’t have an authentic relationship with Him. You cannot claim His promises if you don’t first belong to Him.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6 (NIV)

Do you know Jesus on a personal level? Are you confident in your salvation? If not, you can be today!

Don’t waste another year chasing dreams that aren’t meant for you. Instead, find your real purpose in Christ!

You can set goals with confidence when you learn to see yourself as a new creation in Christ!

2. Consider your unique spiritual gifts.

Scripture is clear that each of us Christ-followers have been gifted by the Spirit for the building up of God’s body, the Church. One practical way to understand who God created you to be is to take a spiritual gifts test or inventory. In fact, I recommend taking several so that you can gain a clear picture of your top few gifts. You may be surprised by what you learn!

Learning my own spiritual gifts has given me the confidence to use them for God’s glory rather than sitting back and waiting for someone else to tell me who I am supposed to be.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

Whether you currently believe it or not, friend, you have your own spiritual gifts, and they are much needed in your local body of believers!

Set goals with confidence by understanding the spiritual gifts you have today.

3. Consider your past preparation.

When I look back over my life as whole, I see the ways in which God has prepared me for the tasks God has given me today. Like a beautiful tapestry, the threads of my unique experiences weave in and out of one another to create a beautiful work of art.

Years spent waiting prepared me for leading women’s ministry today. Missionary kid experiences gave me a heart for the lost essential to our current church-planting journey.

Even the pain-filled years become connecting threads in the hands of the Master Weaver.

God has a plan for you that is not new to Him. It’s been His plan from even before you formed in the womb. The experiences you’ve had, the challenges you’ve faced – these things helped mold you into the person you are today.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

Look back at the road you have traveled, friend, and see if that path, coupled with your spiritual gifts gives you insight into where God is leading you today.

Set goals with confidence by remembering the progress you’ve already made!

4. Pray for godly desire.

Our God amazes me. He isn’t content with second-best for me, neither is He content with second-best for you, friend. I remember the year that I didn’t want persevere to be my one word because it sounded like hardship to me. But what a year that turned out to be!

The more I learn about His character and grow in His likeness, the more I realize that His challenges are worth tackling. His rewards far outweigh the sacrifice and suffering often required.

Yes, following hard after Christ requires cost. (Matthew 16:24-24) I won’t lie to you about that.

I won’t tell you to ask God for health and prosperity and successful relationships in the New Year because I won’t presume to know that’s what is best for you.

Sometimes God’s best doesn’t look good at all to our human eyes. We’d rather avoid pain, suffering, and hard work, let’s be honest!

After all, how can losing a loved one possibly be good for us? How can illness benefit? How is loss of income or possessions in our favor?

I’m sure the disciples asked the same when their Greatest Hope hung dying on the cross. How could such a death be part of God’s eternal plan? Yet it was!

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV)

Ask Father God to give you godly desires, friend, but also to give you a willing heart that accepts whatever path He deems best, even if that path requires hardship. When you pursue His desires for you, you can be confident that He WILL establish your steps.

Pray for a sensitivity to the Spirit before you sit down to set goals, then set goals with confidence by trusting God to answer that prayer!

5. Create a plan.

How often have you set a goal or made a New Year’s resolution that utterly failed? (both hands raised meekly over here, too!)

When the excitement of the New Year or new habit wears off and our fresh start begins to feel like a lot of hard work, we either persevere or we grow discouraged.

At this point in your journey, a solid plan makes all of the difference between success and defeat!

If you know that following steps a, b, and c will get you to the end zone, then it’s easier to push through those pesky plateaus. However, if you don’t have a solid plan in place, you’re likely to give up when the going gets tough.

*This site makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this Being Confident of This!

This is why I continue to use and recommend Grace Goals by Arabah Joy. Grace Goals begins with a biblical foundation (beginning with prayerful consideration of God’s direction) and builds on that using practical tools for success (like planning sheets, evaluations, etc.), all the while teaching you how grace motivates real and lasting change!

It has become my go-to tool for making concrete plans to successfully complete projects God lays on my heart (including the latest book, Being Confident of This), and this year I’m planning to use it to make some changes in my habits (like learning to prioritize my schedule/say yes and no to the right things and possibly working on some healthier habits, too).

I know from experience that going through the Grace Goals workbook process will help me to create a doable plan and protect me from becoming overwhelmed.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)

Set goals with confidence by creating a practical plan for success!

6. Take the first step.

There comes a time when Christian women need to quit praying and planning! Yes, you heard me right – quit praying and start obeying.

We often tend to use the “pray about it” excuse as a reason for delayed obedience, which is really dis-obedience. If you’ve prayed about your goals, spent time communing with the Lord in regard to His plans for you, and followed the Spirit’s leading in creating a plan, then at some point, you have to quit praying and planning and start doing.

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:14-17 (NIV)
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4:17 (NIV)

It’s not enough to talk about the goals we are setting, to pray about the goals we are setting, or even to write down the goals we are setting if we don’t take that first step of action. In fact, according to scripture, failing to act on what we know God wants is sin, plain and simple.

This is the point in time when your confidence will really be tested!

Is this the right goal for me? Is the timing right? What if my own fleshly desires got in the way and I’m choosing the wrong path? Will the work be too hard?

What happens if I fail?

These questions and doubts will keep you stuck indefinitely if you allow them to, friend! Answer them with what you know to be true about God and who He created you to be.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Review the process you have taken so far and rest in the knowledge that even if you happen to mis-step, He will correct your path! Your Father God hasn’t asked you to take on this new journey on your own. No, He promises to guide and direct you, to give you strength and courage!

Set goals with confidence by following through and taking that first step.

Friend, I firmly believe that Christian women like me (and you) should be more intentional about how we spend our time and the things we choose to pursue in life. When we embrace the work-in-progress in us, we recognize the need to continually partner with the Spirit so we can be molded into who God wants us to be.

We know our time here is limited, so let’s not waste it, amen?

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8 (NIV)

As much as fear pulls against you, let God have control over your life this New Year! Let Him determine the path you take. Let His desires become your own, believing that His way is what is best for you and for your family.

Set goals with confidence this year!

Jen 😊

P.S.

Before you go, I’d love to offer you this FREE printable to help you as you sit down to prayerfully consider your plans for the New Year! We like to give all of the best stuff to our faithful subscribers! Just click on the picture below to go to the sign-up form for our newsletter, and you’ll be on your way to your freebie.

If you’re serious about setting godly goals this year, please check out the recommended resource Grace Goals!

Harness the power of grace-filled, Spirit-dependent living in order to see real transformation in your life. If you join through our link by clicking the picture below, we’ll send you a free bonus – The Work In Progress Toolkit!

Just purchase Grace Goals, and send us a copy or screenshot of your receipt along with your best email address for keeping in touch, and we’ll send the first email of your BONUS Toolkit. (NOTE: limited offer valid through January 7th, only)!

What Every Christian Woman Needs to Know about Authentic Confidence

October 22, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

In 2011, my husband and I took a leap of faith, one that was ten years in the making, one that required a move for our whole family away from all that was familiar and comfortable. After taking an extended break from paid ministry positions to focus on our marriage and family, we were jumping back into full-time ministry with both feet.

And it was scary, and exciting, and…scary.

My husband worked mostly as a youth minister previously, so this position would be our first real pastorate. And for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be the youth pastor’s wife, I would be The Pastor’s Wife. To some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but if you’ve ever transitioned from one to the other, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. 😉

In my naivete, I failed to recognize what an adjustment this would be for me. Suddenly women twice my age were looking to me for leadership. Me!

Becoming a Woman of Authentic Confidence

To say I felt inadequate and ill-prepared would be an understatement. How could I, flawed and imperfect as I was, possibly lead women with so much more spiritual and life experience than me?

What if I misused or abused God’s Word? What if I failed to have the right answer to a question? What if they saw me as I really was, a messy, easily-offended, often-struggling Christian woman?

You might say that was the beginning, the start of my growth into the women’s ministry leader that I am today, by God’s grace. I learned much about God’s grace in the years that followed. There were successes and there were failures, lots of failures – both personal and in ministry, but He carried me through.

Those early years as a women’s leader caused me to seek an authentic confidence that I sorely needed, one I’d been searching for my whole life long. I was tired of the roller-coaster ride of victory followed by defeat followed by doubt, and then back up again. I was tired of being a slave to perfectionism. I was tired of feeling like an Israelite lost in the desert.

I wanted a more steadfast faith. I wanted that assurance that I was pursuing the path God planned for me.

It didn’t come all at once, friend, and sometimes I feel as if I grab hold of it for a brief moment only to lose it again, but I’m understanding that authentic confidence is not as elusive as many Christian women think!

The Mistake We All Make

The problem is that the world so often begins the idea of confidence with a lie, as in self-confidence.

As Christian women, we know confidence cannot possibly begin with self because self is sin-ridden and hopelessly flawed (Romans 3:23). Any confidence placed in self is doomed to fail eventually. We know this to be true yet somehow many of us have accepted this worldly idea that confidence is something we must manufacture on our own! Even many recent best-selling “Christian” books promote this anti-gospel.

So we tend to make one of two mistakes. Either we downplay our sin and our imperfections so that we can make ourselves acceptable to a holy and perfect God, or we waste our one life striving so hard for an acceptance that is already ours in Christ! We bounce back and forth between the two, trying to find our way to real confidence.

No wonder we are such weary Christian women!

What every Christian woman needs to know about authentic confidence is that it has nothing to do with our performance.

Nothing.

The Christ-confident Woman

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thanks for supporting the ministry of this site!

Friend, the answer you are looking for, the only way to real confidence, lies in understanding your God-given identity. The only truly confident woman is the Christ-confident woman, one who recognizes not only her sin but also her Savior!

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

That’s why I put together Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This devotional comes from my personal experience as a woman trying to understand who God created her to be, a woman who daily sees her own flaws and imperfections yet longs for love and acceptance, a woman who deeply desires to be used by God for His glory, a woman who seeks to be a good wife and mother, and a woman who wants other women to experience real freedom.

Authentic confidence is not a mask you put on and take off, neither is it something you can manufacture on your own. Authentic confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt, but a laying down of control and concern at the Father’s feet. Authentic confidence naturally flows from the woman who is Spirit-filled and grace-oriented.

It’s this kind of confident faith that enabled me to write out some of my deepest confessions here on this blog and in Hope for the Hurting Wife. It’s this kind of confident faith that upheld me when marriage became hard work and I grappled for hope. It’s this kind of confident faith that propelled us out of our comfortable and safe ministry position straight into the unsettling unknown of church-planting. It’s the confidence that continues to sustain me.

If you want to be this kind of Christian woman, I invite you to join me. In Being Confident of This you will learn about the benefits of:

Overcoming the superwoman myth
Having courage to face a giant
Avoiding the danger of greener grass
Embracing a work-in-progress mindset

Don’t waste another moment of your one life on fear, doubt, or insecurity, friend.

Choose today to ignite the confidence befitting a cherished daughter of the King!

Praying for you, my work-in-progress friends,

Jen 🙂

Launch Week fun & a GIVEAWAY for Being Confident of This

In celebration of the release of Being Confident of This, we’re having a giveaway! You can enter the one hosted here (see bottom of post!) at BCOT below, but you should also be on the lookout for other giveaways hosted by our launch team members. Keep an eye on our facebook page and Instagram feed for more information!

As an added BONUS, for readers who purchase through the links on this page during launch week only, I’m offering the Work in Progress Toolkit. This is a tool I created last year as an exclusive bonus for Grace Goals, but it fits so well with the themes of this new devotional that I want to give it to you for free. 🙂

The Word is clear that Scripture changes us (Psalm 119:11). When we meditate on truth, our minds and spirits are transformed, and transformed minds lead to transformed actions. It’s that work-in-progress in us, that sanctification that molds us into Christ-likeness.

But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” Luke 11:28

The Work in Progress Toolkit is designed to help you saturate your life with truth so that you can overcome the lies that so often hold Christian women back. It contains beautiful 8×10 scripture prints to hang on your walls, as well at a truth-journaling sheet that will help you identify lies you are believing so that you can fight back with God’s truth!

How to get your BONUS

The only way to get this bonus is to purchase Being Confident of This during launch week through the links on this page and email me your receipt along with a request for the toolkit. It’s that simple! I will then send you the link to download your FREE resource.

And if you really want to make my day, you can share the news about Being Confident of This with your friends, leave a review of the book after reading, or send me an email telling me how it’s impacting you. Hearing how the Lord is working in you makes my joy complete. 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

What One Year Taught Me about Hope That Is Not Put to Shame (and a Giveaway!)

September 12, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Did you know she’s an author now?!” My friend laid her hand on my arm as she spoke to the other women standing in front of us.

Before I could stop myself, I found my head shaking no, as if the information weren’t true, because some part of me still doubted that I deserved that label. After all these years of writing about the work-in-progress woman and claiming our identity in Christ, I honestly still struggle to lay claim to the plans God has for my life and the gifts He has given me.

And again later that week, when one of my children called me an author, I was tempted to deny it. I wondered then if Hope for the Hurting Wife had been traditionally published if the label would be easier to accept? Even as the thought came to mind, I knew that wasn’t the heart of the issue.

The problem was that I sought the approval of men rather than God – a dangerous place to be.

I can’t remember how many times over the years I have confessed my stubborn pride and my desire for worldly achievement to the Lord. Over and over again, I find myself looking for confirmation that I should find in Christ alone.

What about you, friend? Do you look for confirmation, too?

“I think I’m afraid to get my hopes up, “I confessed to my husband one night as I worked late on the manuscript. “I want to trust God because I know He’s the God of the impossible; nothing is too difficult for him. But I’m really afraid to be disappointed. I selfishly want our book to succeed!”

Hope That Is Not Put to Shame

During those pre-launch weeks, God led me to read through the book of Psalms. Rather than studying it in depth, I just read through it a bit at a time. As I read, a phrase began to stick out to me: “let me not be put to shame.”

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.
Make Your face to shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your lovingkindness.
Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon You. Psalm 31:14-17a (NASB)

I found this phrase particularly interesting in the psalms attributed to David, the unlikely boy-crowned-king who spent years without a throne. Even during his rule, He faced frequent plots against his life. The psalmist begged God time and again to preserve his life and reputation. He even had the audacity to point out that God made him king to begin with, so preserving David’s life would be protecting God’s own reputation both among the Israelites and the surrounding nations who were watching the struggle for the throne play out.

It’s as if David said, “You’re my God and everyone knows it. So, if you let my enemies succeed, your own reputation as my God will be ruined.”

I decided to do a little study on this phrase and discovered the story of King Hezekiah, who asked God to protect Israel from the Assyrians in a similar way – in order to maintain His own reputation as Israel’s God.

Then Hezekiah took the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it, and he went up to the house of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. Hezekiah prayed before the LORD and said, “O LORD, the God of Israel, who are enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Incline Your ear, O LORD, and hear; open Your eyes, O LORD, and see; and listen to the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to reproach the living God. Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have devastated the nations and their lands and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but the work of men’s hands, wood and stone. So they have destroyed them. Now, O LORD our God, I pray, deliver us from his hand that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, O LORD, are God.” 2 Kings 19:14-19 (NASB)

Did you catch that? King Hezekiah literally took the letter from his enemy, laid it before the Lord, and asked God to take care of it.

Near the end of that same chapter, we read about the God of angel armies, whose angel of the Lord wiped out 185,000 of the enemy and sent King Sennacherib (king of the Assyrians) packing.

Now, that’s the God who won’t allow his people to be put to shame!

The more I read, the more I became convinced that I needed to have faith like David and Hezekiah. Nearly daily, I prayed that God would not allow my co-author Rebekah and I to be “put to shame.”

*Jen is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

I reminded Him (and myself, too) that neither one of us set out to write Hope for the Hurting Wife, but that we believed we were walking in obedience to Him, following His plans. I reminded him that many people were praying for us, waiting and watching along with us, to see what He would accomplish.

What followed was a week or more of seeing hard work and faith in the Lord pay off. We didn’t have a huge marketing team in our corner, just a group of faithful friends. We had no advertising budget, no radio or tv appearances lined up. I think Rebekah would agree that, in fact, we really had no clue what we were doing.

But God.

He showed up for us in amazing ways!

Through a blogging friend, He gave us the information we needed to reach best-seller status in several Amazon Kindle categories. Our little book began to appear as a suggested best-selling new release, meaning Amazon actually did the advertising for us. Looking back, I wish I would have kept better records, but I believe we earned at least four different best-seller “badges,” and we have remained in the top ten in several of our categories for an entire year now.

One year later, we have sold hundreds of copies in both paperback and Kindle editions, and we frequently hear from women who found renewed hope because of this book.

I tell you these things not to brag, friend, but to show you the might of the God who does not let us be put to shame, praise His holy name!

When You Need More Unashamed Hope

What is it God has asked you to do, friend?

Has he asked you to quit your job to pursue His plan for your life?

Has He asked you to stay in a difficult marriage just a little longer?

Has he asked you to use your spiritual gifts for his glory?

Has He asked you to commit to giving up a bad habit or pattern of sin?

Whatever He’s asking of you, if He is the author, then you can also trust Him to be the perfecter! That’s not to say that life will go exactly as you imagine, but that as you go, you need not be put to shame when following hard after God.

Consider Jim Elliot and the other early missionary martyrs who risked family, finances, and even their very lives to carry the gospel to the Auca people, known head-hunters and warriors of South America. I’m sure some of their friends and family thought they were crazy.

And when Jim and the other men died in a savage attack, I wonder if even their wives doubted the vision God had given them. I wonder if their hope was “put to shame” in the eyes of others, too.

Yet years later, some of those widows returned to the Auca people to forgive the murderers and bring them the Good News. Many souls have since been saved, praise God.

Was their hope put to shame? I think not.

The truth is, this world needs more men and women who are willing to be fools for Christ, more Christ-followers willing to risk it all for the sake of Christ.

Friend, please don’t be afraid to walk forward in obedience to the Lord. Please don’t fear to do things in His name.

The fear of failure is real, I get it.

But we serve the God of the universe – let’s get that, too.

So we cry out with humble hearts, Lord, let us not be put to shame!

Book Anniversary & Giveaway

Okay, let me climb down from my soapbox now (I really do get excited about this kind of hope!), and invite you to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of Hope for the Hurting Wife‘s release!

We’re celebrating in 2 ways:

1. We’ve temporarily lowered the price of the print version (nearly half off!!) so that more women can get their hands on this book. If you need it, now’s the time to buy it. If you know a friend or family member who needs it, now’s the time to buy it. If your church has a library and you think it could use a copy, now’s the time…. you get the idea.

2. For the next week, you can ENTER TO WIN a copy of our book here at Being Confident of This or over at my co-author’s blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. We are each giving away a copy, so between the two of us, there will be TWO winners – woot, woot!

Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Before you go, can I selfishly ask you for a favor? We love, love, love to hear from our readers about how God is using this book in their marriages. Would you leave us a comment, or send us an email, or even better – leave us a review on Amazon or Goodreads, if this book meant something to you?

We celebrate each and every one of your remarks!

All for His glory,

Jen 🙂

How Sanctification Gives Us Hope ~ So Great a Salvation Series

February 2, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 29 Comments

It’s likely you’ve heard the admonition to “preach the gospel to yourself.” But do you have a practical, systematic way for doing that? What do you say when you preach the gospel to yourself?

The gospel message about Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection has the ability to enrich us and make us wealthy in mind and spirit, word and deed (see Colossians 3:16). Yet if we have little grasp on how to effectively let it, we miss out on the power it holds.

Preaching the gospel to ourselves means allowing our thinking, emotions, and responses to daily be shaped by the truth of the gospel.

In this series, we hope to give you practical help in preaching the gospel to yourself. We’ve pulled key gospel concepts and compiled them into a list of words, such as justification, redemption, and sanctification. Don’t let the big words scare you because we’ve explained them!

We’ve also summarized each of these powerful truths in a useable way.

We hope this series will deepen your grasp on the gospel and give you verbiage for what to say when you preach the gospel to yourself.

How to use this series:

To begin, read my post below. Then visit each of the links for more gospel words. Take notes while you visit! You may want to bookmark this page because you’ll probably want to come back here often.

Gospel Words:

Justification by Arabah

Sanctification by Jen

Redemption by Rebekah

Reconciliation by Kathy

Regeneration by Marci

Atonement by Leah

Adoption by Kerry

Consecration by Kimberly

Sanctification

In the Old Testament, there is little mention of the word sanctification. In fact, the NIV doesn’t use that particular word at all, while the NASB mentions of sanctification refer to only a single Hebrew word “qadash” (kaw-dash’).

Qadash mostly described objects which were “set apart” for use by God. These were not ordinary objects meant for everyday use, but special items such as those used in the tabernacle by the priests (ceremonial items, the ark of the covenant, etc.). Thus, qadash refers to the uncommon, those things or people (mainly priests) set apart strictly for the Lord.

In the New Testament, however, we see a different sort of sanctification. Two Greek words are used by both the NIV and NASB: hagiazo (hag-ee-ad’-zo), the verb form which means to make holy or to sanctify, and hagiasmos (hag-ee-as-mos’), the noun form which means sanctification or holiness. Both words also relate to hagios (hag’-ee-os), the adjective form used to describe us as Christians.

In essence, to sanctify means to make holy. However, the New Testament version of making holy describes a process, the process by which the common (mankind) is set apart and made uncommon!

Sanctification broken down into 3 P-words:

Position – In Christ, we are considered sanctified before the Lord. We are already perfect, already uncommon, already complete because of Christ’s blood covering over us. When the Father looks at us, He sees not the work that still needs to be done; instead, He sees only the blood of his perfect Son. The work of positional sanctification takes place the moment we accept God’s free gift of forgiveness through His Son’s death on the cross in payment for our sins. So, for those of us who are in Christ, positional sanctification is in the past – it’s a work already accomplished.
Progress – Although we are positionally perfect in Christ, realistically we know that sin keeps us from perfection. Thus, progressive sanctification refers to the process of growing in Christ-likeness. It is the present and continuing form of sanctification, that work in progress that I speak of so often here. As we grow in Christ-likeness, His image reflected in us becomes more and more clear!
Perfection – There is also a future component to sanctification. One day, when life on this earth ends for us, we will be made complete in Christ. At that point in time, the work in progress will be finished! Sin will mar us no more. We will bear the Father’s image perfectly, and the view God has of us on behalf of His Son will match our true character! Just imagine – no more struggling to do right, no more guilt, no more frustration with self!

How sanctification applies to everyday life:

Romans 12:1-2 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

While we know our position in Christ is secure, we recognize the need for continuing change, for progress. We know we must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit so that we allow the Lord to mold us into His image.

Therefore, sanctification is a combination of our willingness to follow Christ in obedience and His powerful work in our lives to free us from sin. According to the verses above from Romans, we offer our bodies and minds; God transforms them. The evidence of the sanctification process in us? The fruit of the Spirit. 🙂

This quote from J. I. Packer defines it well.

“God’s method of sanctification is neither activism (self-reliant activity) nor apathy (God-reliant passivity), but God-dependent effort (2 Cor. 7:1; Phil. 3:10-14; Heb. 12:14).”

The worst thing we can possibly do as Christians is to relegate our Redeemer to the work of salvation, yet bar Him from the work of sanctification.

If we trust Christ for eternity, but not for the day to day, then we limit His power! We fail to find freedom and the abundant life He has planned for us.

My friends, the power of Christ in us is real. His promise to make us into new creations is not just for some distant future when we become complete in Him, but it’s for today! Right now! Moment by moment.

Our Savior came to free us from sin, not just from the guilt of sin, but from the chains of sin itself.

This is the goal of sanctification – freeing us to become whom He meant us to be from the very beginning – His image bearers.

Perfect.

Holy.

Set-apart.

Uncommon.

So we can claim the promise of my life verse, Phil. 1:6, which perfectly sums up the 3 P-words of sanctification. (Key verse to memorize!)

“[B]eing confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (emphasis mine)

He began the work (position); He carries it on (progress); He promises completion (perfection).

I’ve been reminded of this truth often this winter. There comes a time in the Midwest when the landscape becomes a palette of brownish gray dead things. The grass is dead. The trees are dead. And unless there is fresh snow, the roads become ugly gray muck.

At some point, it seems as if spring will never come.

But as I looked out our window the other day, I noticed a tree that was budding. Even beneath the snow, you could see the slight redness of the buds. Although the tree looked dead, important work was taking place beneath the surface of what I first saw.

Growth.

And in several weeks, we will see the fully glory of that work when all of nature bursts forth in colorful re-birth.

Spring.

New Life.

Hope.

As I contemplated these things, the Lord reminded me of how often this scenario plays out in my own spiritual landscape. At times, it seems my progress is stunted – there is too much “deadness” about me, too much sin. I see only gray and become easily overwhelmed and discouraged.

But beneath the surface, He is doing important work in me. I may not see all of the fruits of sanctification yet, but they will come! And when they do, they will be glorious to behold!

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed by your own sin, stuck in a rut, doomed to failure – preach the gospel truth of sanctification to yourself.

“I am God’s work in progress. As such, I aim not for perfection but for imperfect progress (growth and transformation), only by the power of Christ in me. In the meantime, I trust His promise to carry that work to completion.”

This, my friends, this is the hope of sanctification.

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth, Wholehearted Wednesdays, The Homemaking Party, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R and R

Just a Closer Walk~ #TheLoft

November 3, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 18 Comments

My sisters in Christ, I’m very excited about this week’s topic for The Loft. I look forward to reading what each of you have to say about your walk with the Lord.

I know in my own life, I get easily distracted. I struggle with consistency and self-discipline so often.

And I used to believe that the sweetest times with the Lord were on the mountaintops, when I chose to abide closely in Him. I spent large chunks of time reading the Word and praying. But lately I’m learning there is a sweetness to be found in the valleys as well because what I’m hearing from Him in the valleys would have been impossible to hear on the mountaintops.

The last few difficult years have challenged my view of God like never before. His grace is much greater, His love much deeper than I ever could have imagined. He faithfully loves me even when I cannot love myself. Even when I loathe myself.

Perhaps it’s maturity at work in me or just life circumstances, but I find it easier to abide in Him, especially in the dark times, when I’m really honest with Him. I realize now that much of my “young” Christian life was spent trying to please a God who was already pleased with me. I held myself, and others, to high standards, and although I thought I understood grace, I think I was probably a little legalistic, maybe even self-righteous. I’m sure I still make that mistake sometimes even today, we all do at times. 🙂

And then came the valley of the shadow of death, or at least it felt like it, that filled these last couple of years. At times I didn’t even want to leave my bed. At times I begged the Lord to come quickly – everyday life felt like too much to bear. I questioned the Lord like never before. I wrestled with him like Jacob as one blow after another fell upon my life. I quit trying to act the part of perfect Christian and begged for understanding. I got real with Jesus.

It was (and still is in some sense) a most difficult struggle.

Yet my faith has been strengthened! Out of my honest conversations, out of my most desperate cries, came an understanding that I am perfectly loved, perfectly wanted, perfectly accepted. I knew a brand new Grace, and it blew my mind – still does!

Because when I was my ugliest self, He loved me still.

He loves me still.

He loves you, too, my sisters, even at your ugliest, your most unlovely, your most unworthy.

And when we come to Him honestly, then He can begin the real work of “creating a clean heart” within us. He gives us “grace-colored” glasses and teaches us that progress is what really matters, not perfection!

He teaches us confidence that only comes from fully understanding our Daughter-of-the-King status.

I’ve come out of that valley with a closer walk, not a perfect walk, but a closer one. Not because I do my devotions without fail, not because I am sweet to my family, not because I serve Him at church, not because of the words I type out here.

But because I know Him more deeply.

I trust Him more deeply.

You can trust Him, too, sisters. Whatever your valley may look like, He promises to carry you through.

…For He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,” so that we confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.
What will man do to me?” Heb.13:5-6

Even this.

Even this.

Jen 🙂

Also sharing this with Tell His Story.

The Loft is open, come on up!

Graphic by Kerry Messer

About #TheLoft

The Loft is the place for conversation, community, networking, and Christian growth.

PLEASE NOTE: We want to foster community and transparent conversation with one another, just like we’d do if we were meeting in real life. So we ask that your link stick to the weekly topic and that you mention The Loft in your post. Thank you so much!

We’ll have fun topics, serious topics, practical, soul-ful, holiday, and so, so much more…we can’t wait to get started! This is not only a great way to connect with others, it’s also a fun and easy way to establish a writing habit. If you aren’t a blogger, you are welcome to join in by leaving your comments in the comment section.

This Week’s Topic: “Intimacy with Jesus” (What does that look like for you? How do you abide in the vine? What barriers do you face or victories you’ve discovered in maintaining intimacy with Jesus? Let’s encourage each other!)

Get a running start on Next Week’s Topic:”Fall Recipes” (Please do share your favorite fall recipes so we can enjoy too!)

To Participate:

1. Be creative. Feel free to use words, photos, video, audio, your family pet, whatever, to communicate on the weekly topic. But please stick to the weekly topic 🙂

2. Listen twice as much as you talk. If you leave one link, visit two. Trust us on this one~wink.

3. Be a community. Include #TheLoft graphic and/or link back in your post so we can find each other. Also, share the great stuff you find when you visit around…we’ll be doing the same.

When you link up at The Loft, your link will appear on 4 blogs! We’d love for you to visit The Loft co-hosts and know who we are: Jen, Rebekah, Leah, Arabah

Now it’s time to link up!

Click to Add Your Link Below:

Because ~ We’ve Been Falsely Accused

September 26, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 16 Comments

Today I was falsely accused.

And it stung.

It’s happened before but this wound pierced especially deep because I knew. I knew I was innocent.

I knew the accusations had more to do with the other person’s heart condition than any imagined offense on my part. In fact, I knew I had been gracious, kind, and patient in spite of the circumstances.

To do right…and be falsely accused.

Have you been there before, my sisters?

I’m certain you have because even when no one else is accusing us, our Enemy is! That’s even one of his names, the accuser.

So often we find ourselves in need of a defender because we’ve been falsely accused, and we’re just hoping someone will stand in our defense.

Sometimes we look to friends or family members. Sometimes we look to brothers and sisters in Christ.

But only One can faithfully defend us.

I’m learning more and more to hear the Defender’s voice. I’m waiting more patiently for Him to fight on my behalf. I can trust Him to go to battle for me rather than feeling the need to defend myself because

He has chosen me.

He has redeemed me.

He has declared, “No more condemnation” over me.

He says the same about you, too, my sisters. You, His beloved ones.

So, today I’m clinging to this promise:

Yes, we’ve been falsely accused, but praise the Lord, we have a Defender!

His name is Jesus.

He speaks Truth over us.

The Enemy shudders at His name.

And nothing,

nothing can separate us from His love!

Jen 🙂

I’m joining in with my Five Minute Friday sisters again this week (albeit a little late). We gather together at Kate’s blog and write on a one-word prompt for five frenzied minutes – no planning, no over-thinking, no editing. It’s fun and frightening all at the same time. This week’s word is “because.” Come join us!

And if you enjoyed what is written above, you’ll certainly enjoy this perspective from Jennifer Dukes Lee.

Also sharing with Grace and Truth

Verdict on Your Value Series Wrap-up

May 8, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Each Thursday for the last few weeks, we have been talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. This Thursday is the final installment of our Verdict on Value series. If you missed previous posts, be sure to check the schedule listed at the bottom!

Verdict on Value

Haven’t we had a rich time over the past six weeks with fellow sisters and the Word of God?! As we wrap up our Thursday series today, we have a final word of encouragement and video to share with you. Please click here to view the video and thank you so much for being a part of this series!

Be sure to catch all of the previous posts in our Verdict on Value series:

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free mini Bible study printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This ( Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Ministry Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up at Arabah Joy’s place

That New Girl: Finding Confidence

April 24, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 28 Comments

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my second-grade self, that girl who was mostly tomboy, confident leader-of-the-pack. She could be friends with whomever she wanted, even boys. She wore dresses, but she also climbed trees.

She lived free.

She never considered what the scales said about her value. She never wished to be more like her blonde-headed friend. She had a little girl crush on a classmate of hers, but never spent her days waiting for him to notice, or worrying what others might think.

She was relatively innocent, that girl God created on purpose and with a plan.

But that girl moved from state to state nearly every year after third grade until she finally moved overseas. Each new school left its mark, some beauty spots and some ugly scars, and she found herself wearing labels like “new girl” and “missionary kid.”

For a while, she learned to hide her true self away in favor of a girl others would accept. She lost her identity, her self-confidence.

I’ve spent much of my adult life learning to force that girl out into the light, trying to help her find the woman she was created to be. In the process, I’ve searched for her value in family and friendships, marriage and parenthood, status in college and sometimes status at church, often without realizing I was doing so.

On occasion, I’ve even tried to manufacture that girl’s value on my own by living the good girl life, raising the good kids, serving at the good church, creating good things, and so many more undesired, unnecessary sacrifices that we’re all guilty of performing.

But I fail so often, don’t you?

And once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others or in self. If I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism, to live confident, I must look only to my Maker.

He alone knows the “real” me, the girl he “knit together” in the womb. The girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The girl He values at the price of a one and only Son. The girl I was born to be.

He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of organization and precision. He alone knows the smiling face often hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for others. He alone knows that tendency to boss comes from the ability to lead and that often critical voice reveals undaunted optimism.

And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good.

You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes, sisters.

And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.

So how do we overcome the lies we’ve listened to for so long to reclaim our true selves, the free girls we were created to be?

How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?

We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith!

He shows us our true value: the blood of the Lamb. We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry until completion.

Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirm the lies.

But the truth, sisters, the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free!

With Christ’s help a better version of that true-to-self, second-grade girl is surfacing.

I catch glimpses of her from time to time, that new-in-Christ girl. She speaks up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk.

She combats those lies with the truth of the Word.

She claims victory in imperfect progress.

She is Christ-confident.

She’s learning little by little to tune out the world, the Enemy, and even her own perfectionistic thoughts and focus instead on the Maker who continually makes her new.

Because she was born to live free.

And so were you, my sisters.

So were you!

Jen 🙂

Each Thursday for the next few weeks, we are talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. We are sharing our raw and messy real life stories. But also, more importantly, we are sharing the truths that set us free. We have bathed this series in prayer and ask now that the Father knit our hearts together and strengthen us to slay this giant called “insecurity” in our hearts.

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up video at Arabah Joy’s place

Sharing with: My Freshly Brewed Life, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger,

Essential Thing Devotions, Women of Worship, Mom’s the Word, Cornerstone Confessions,

Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Messy Marriage, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this site!

You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

The Verdict on Your Value Series

March 20, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 6 Comments

Today I’m sharing wise words from my friend Arabah Joy about our value.

Verdict on Value

Noise. Our lives are surrounded by it.

It bombards from within and without and much of our daily noise serves one purpose: to tell us how we are measuring up. It tells us what we are… or aren’t. It tells us we are worthy, successful, valuable, up to par… or we, simply, are not. It tells us we can take it easy on ourselves… or we need to try harder, do more, drive ourselves further.

It should be no surprise to us that the enemy of our souls is alive and well in the noise, tempting us to such things as:

Comparisons

Pride

Insecurity

Intimidation

Inferiority

Selfish Ambition

Shame

Silence

As tempting and overpowering as these things may seem, we need not give place to them in our hearts. God’s Word tells us that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We can face the noise of our lives well equipped for triumph, grace, and confidence.

I am pleased to be part of a brand new series entitled “The Verdict on Value.” This series is about standing in confidence in a dog-eat-dog world and is brought to you by a group of blogging friends who have seen firsthand the damage comparison, insecurity, shame, and the like can do. Throughout this series we are going to share our stories and temptations with insecurity… and how Christ has worked in our lives to free us.

We invite you to join us every Thursday for the next 7 weeks for this series. We have some fun surprises planned as well 🙂 Just be sure to tune in to this blog each Thursday! Here’s a sneak peak into the series and the bloggers I have the privilege of working with on this:

Kathy from Free to Fly

Leah from The Point (Ministry Insecurity)

Jen from Confident in Grace

Arabah from Arabah Joy (Confessions from a Shameful Woman ~with a free mini Bible study printable)

Kerry from Plenty Place

Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a book giveaway of Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval – and Seeing Yourself through God’s Eyes!)

Wrap up with Jennifer Dukes Lee