self-confidence Archives | Being Confident Of This

“Mom, I can’t find my soccer jersey!” The oldest boy called out from his room. A frantic search party ensued as we had only 15 minutes until we needed to walk out the door for his game.

With a sinking heart, I headed for the laundry room, only to have my suspicions confirmed. I had completely forgotten to wash his jersey! Now he would have to play with already stinky pits.

I felt so frustrated with myself, but even more, I could see the disappointment on my son’s face. And just like that, I felt like a terrible mom. A complete failure who can’t even keep her kids in clean clothes!

What’s wrong with me?

But it didn’t stop there, no….the enemy of our souls used that stepping stone for the rest of the night to pummel me with reminders of just how worthless I was.

You’ve been there before, right friend? Maybe you let a friend or a spouse down? Maybe you deeply disappointed people at work or at church? You forgot an important appointment? Lost your temper? Didn’t meet your personal goal?

You failed in some way (whether major or minor), and your confidence is shaken.

You’re not alone!

4 Ways Self-Confidence Misleads Christian Women

The truth is that what the world calls self-confidence is actually very misleading in many ways. In fact, self-confidence is pretty much the opposite of what the gospel teaches us about ourselves.

First, self-confidence misleads Christian women by focusing on self.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV)

Did you catch that, friend? To follow Christ is to deny self in favor of following Him! If we want to be confident, Christian women, then we cannot be focused on self. We must recognize that our confidence doesn’t come from who we are in this world.

We know that according to Scripture, there is nothing good in us and we all miss the mark of perfection (Rom. 3:23, Rom. 7:18). We are inherently sinful beings, prone to wander (as the hymn rightly claims). So any confidence based on the flesh is already on a shaky foundation.

Second, self-confidence misleads Christian women because it doesn’t last!

Self-confidence is often based on what we do, how others see us, how we appear – everything external rather than internal. It is rooted in comparisons, achievements, popularity with others, and so forth. Thus, we all relate to modern catch-phrases like “mom guilt.”

Confidence based on self is just one moment away from failure! It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve been patient with our children, sacrificed for our husbands, served our friends, obeyed God, and so forth. Because the one time we mess up, we’re back to square one. We’re failures. We can’t do anything right. Right?!

Again, confidence in the flesh is only temporary: one moment away from disaster.

Third, self-confidence misleads Christian women by being easily faked.

One look at social media opens our eyes to this truth! Because self-confidence is based mostly on external factors rather than internal worth, it can be easily faked. We can photoshop all we want, throw out all of the positive affirmations we can think of, stage our photos, and so forth, but still struggle with insecurity on the inside!

How often are we shocked when someone we know, someone who seemed to “have it all together,” admits to feeling depressed or lonely? Why are we surprised when seemingly happy celebrities end their own lives?

Confidence based on self is only as strong as our swagger.

Sad, isn’t it?

Fourth, self-confidence misleads Christian women by enslaving us.

When we set our sights on self-confidence, we either become content that we are “enough” already or we strive for perfectionism and the elusive “got-it-all-together” act. One extreme or another.

But even more concerning, often, as Christian women, we trend toward works – being the “good Christian girl.”

Either extreme leads us away from God’s plan for us, and guess who wins then? The enemy.

You see, friend, self-confidence is directly opposed to the gospel truth that we all fall short, we all need a Savior to redeem us and transform us from the inside out. We’re not “enough” on our own, yet like the apostle Paul, none of us have already arrived at perfection (Philippians 3:13-15).

So when we swallow the world’s self-confidence pill, the one that trains us to focus on the external, we miss out on real peace, lasting joy, secure faith, and an authentic confidence that is not easily shaken!

When will we rise up and say, “No more!”?

What does the Bible teach about growing in authentic confidence?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Scripture commands us NOT to conform to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed, from the inside out, starting with our minds! So, the first step toward a confidence that is centered on Christ rather than self is to change our patterns of thinking.

As Christian women, we cannot afford to approach confidence from the same perspective as the world!

This is why I’m so excited to tell you about The Confidence Journey online Bible study. With a focus on wisdom from the Word and a prayerful examination of lies we might be believing, transformation IS possible. We CAN have godly confidence!

The Confidence Journey is a Bible study workbook, a companion to the book I released last year, Being Confident of This. And I want to invite you all to join us for an online Bible study experience where we will study the root of authentic confidence together!

Class starts October 14th and runs for 6 weeks. Registration is OPEN now through October 8th – just click here for more details. And don’t forget to check out the BONUSES we’re offering for this unique experience.

My heart for you, my friend, is to see you walk in real, lasting confidence.

This world needs more confident Christian women. Women who understand their worth, who walk free, who say yes to God, who live out the abundant life He has planned for them!

Will you join us?

Jen 🙂

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my second-grade self, that girl who was mostly tomboy, confident leader-of-the-pack. She could be friends with whomever she wanted, even boys. She wore dresses, but she also climbed trees.

She lived free.

She never considered what the scales said about her value. She never wished to be more like her blonde-headed friend. She had a little girl crush on a classmate of hers, but never spent her days waiting for him to notice, or worrying what others might think.

She was relatively innocent, that girl God created on purpose and with a plan.

But that girl moved from state to state nearly every year after third grade until she finally moved overseas. Each new school left its mark, some beauty spots and some ugly scars, and she found herself wearing labels like “new girl” and “missionary kid.”

For a while, she learned to hide her true self away in favor of a girl others would accept. She lost her identity, her self-confidence.

I’ve spent much of my adult life learning to force that girl out into the light, trying to help her find the woman she was created to be. In the process, I’ve searched for her value in family and friendships, marriage and parenthood, status in college and sometimes status at church, often without realizing I was doing so.

On occasion, I’ve even tried to manufacture that girl’s value on my own by living the good girl life, raising the good kids, serving at the good church, creating good things, and so many more undesired, unnecessary sacrifices that we’re all guilty of performing.

But I fail so often, don’t you?

And once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others or in self. If I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism, to live confident, I must look only to my Maker.

He alone knows the “real” me, the girl he “knit together” in the womb. The girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The girl He values at the price of a one and only Son. The girl I was born to be.

He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of organization and precision. He alone knows the smiling face often hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for others. He alone knows that tendency to boss comes from the ability to lead and that often critical voice reveals undaunted optimism.

And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good.

You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes, sisters.

And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.

So how do we overcome the lies we’ve listened to for so long to reclaim our true selves, the free girls we were created to be?

How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?

We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith!

He shows us our true value: the blood of the Lamb. We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry until completion.

Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirm the lies.

But the truth, sisters, the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free!

With Christ’s help a better version of that true-to-self, second-grade girl is surfacing.

I catch glimpses of her from time to time, that new-in-Christ girl. She speaks up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk.

She combats those lies with the truth of the Word.

She claims victory in imperfect progress.

She is Christ-confident.

She’s learning little by little to tune out the world, the Enemy, and even her own perfectionistic thoughts and focus instead on the Maker who continually makes her new.

Because she was born to live free.

And so were you, my sisters.

So were you!

Jen 🙂

Each Thursday for the next few weeks, we are talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. We are sharing our raw and messy real life stories. But also, more importantly, we are sharing the truths that set us free. We have bathed this series in prayer and ask now that the Father knit our hearts together and strengthen us to slay this giant called “insecurity” in our hearts.

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up video at Arabah Joy’s place

Sharing with: My Freshly Brewed Life, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger,

Essential Thing Devotions, Women of Worship, Mom’s the Word, Cornerstone Confessions,

Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Messy Marriage, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

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4 Ways the Term Self-confidence Misleads Christian Women