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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

4 Ways the Term Self-confidence Misleads Christian Women

September 30, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Mom, I can’t find my soccer jersey!” The oldest boy called out from his room. A frantic search party ensued as we had only 15 minutes until we needed to walk out the door for his game.

With a sinking heart, I headed for the laundry room, only to have my suspicions confirmed. I had completely forgotten to wash his jersey! Now he would have to play with already stinky pits.

I felt so frustrated with myself, but even more, I could see the disappointment on my son’s face. And just like that, I felt like a terrible mom. A complete failure who can’t even keep her kids in clean clothes!

What’s wrong with me?

But it didn’t stop there, no….the enemy of our souls used that stepping stone for the rest of the night to pummel me with reminders of just how worthless I was.

You’ve been there before, right friend? Maybe you let a friend or a spouse down? Maybe you deeply disappointed people at work or at church? You forgot an important appointment? Lost your temper? Didn’t meet your personal goal?

You failed in some way (whether major or minor), and your confidence is shaken.

You’re not alone!

4 Ways Self-Confidence Misleads Christian Women

The truth is that what the world calls self-confidence is actually very misleading in many ways. In fact, self-confidence is pretty much the opposite of what the gospel teaches us about ourselves.

The world's perspective on confidence actually leads Christian women astray! Here are 4 things you need to know about the term self-confidence. #confidentchristianwomen #selfconfidence #biblestudy #christianwomen Being Confident of This | The Confidence Journey | online bible study for women | bible study on confidence | how have more confidence as a Christian | godly confidence | Bible study workbook | Christian books on confidence | 4 Ways self-confidence misleads us

First, self-confidence misleads Christian women by focusing on self.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV)

Did you catch that, friend? To follow Christ is to deny self in favor of following Him! If we want to be confident, Christian women, then we cannot be focused on self. We must recognize that our confidence doesn’t come from who we are in this world.

We know that according to Scripture, there is nothing good in us and we all miss the mark of perfection (Rom. 3:23, Rom. 7:18). We are inherently sinful beings, prone to wander (as the hymn rightly claims). So any confidence based on the flesh is already on a shaky foundation.

Second, self-confidence misleads Christian women because it doesn’t last!

Self-confidence is often based on what we do, how others see us, how we appear – everything external rather than internal. It is rooted in comparisons, achievements, popularity with others, and so forth. Thus, we all relate to modern catch-phrases like “mom guilt.”

Confidence based on self is just one moment away from failure! It doesn’t matter how many times we’ve been patient with our children, sacrificed for our husbands, served our friends, obeyed God, and so forth. Because the one time we mess up, we’re back to square one. We’re failures. We can’t do anything right. Right?!

Again, confidence in the flesh is only temporary: one moment away from disaster.

Third, self-confidence misleads Christian women by being easily faked.

One look at social media opens our eyes to this truth! Because self-confidence is based mostly on external factors rather than internal worth, it can be easily faked. We can photoshop all we want, throw out all of the positive affirmations we can think of, stage our photos, and so forth, but still struggle with insecurity on the inside!

How often are we shocked when someone we know, someone who seemed to “have it all together,” admits to feeling depressed or lonely? Why are we surprised when seemingly happy celebrities end their own lives?

Confidence based on self is only as strong as our swagger.

Sad, isn’t it?

Fourth, self-confidence misleads Christian women by enslaving us.

When we set our sights on self-confidence, we either become content that we are “enough” already or we strive for perfectionism and the elusive “got-it-all-together” act. One extreme or another.

But even more concerning, often, as Christian women, we trend toward works – being the “good Christian girl.”

Either extreme leads us away from God’s plan for us, and guess who wins then? The enemy.

You see, friend, self-confidence is directly opposed to the gospel truth that we all fall short, we all need a Savior to redeem us and transform us from the inside out. We’re not “enough” on our own, yet like the apostle Paul, none of us have already arrived at perfection (Philippians 3:13-15).

So when we swallow the world’s self-confidence pill, the one that trains us to focus on the external, we miss out on real peace, lasting joy, secure faith, and an authentic confidence that is not easily shaken!

When will we rise up and say, “No more!”?

What does the Bible teach about growing in authentic confidence?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Scripture commands us NOT to conform to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed, from the inside out, starting with our minds! So, the first step toward a confidence that is centered on Christ rather than self is to change our patterns of thinking.

As Christian women, we cannot afford to approach confidence from the same perspective as the world!

This is why I’m so excited to tell you about The Confidence Journey online Bible study. With a focus on wisdom from the Word and a prayerful examination of lies we might be believing, transformation IS possible. We CAN have godly confidence!

The Confidence Journey is a Bible study workbook, a companion to the book I released last year, Being Confident of This. And I want to invite you all to join us for an online Bible study experience where we will study the root of authentic confidence together!

Class starts October 14th and runs for 6 weeks. Registration is OPEN now through October 8th – just click here for more details. And don’t forget to check out the BONUSES we’re offering for this unique experience.

The Confidence Journey online Bible study experience. Study the root of authentic confidence with author Jen Stults this Fall! #biblestudy #onlinebiblestudyforwomen #confidencejourney

My heart for you, my friend, is to see you walk in real, lasting confidence.

This world needs more confident Christian women. Women who understand their worth, who walk free, who say yes to God, who live out the abundant life He has planned for them!

Will you join us?

Jen 🙂

The Confidence Journey online Bible study gets to the root of authentic, godly confidence! Spend 6 weeks in the Word with author Jen Stults as you discover the keys to biblical transformation, all founded on your identity in Christ. Bundle includes the book, the Bible study workbook, and weekly video lessons. #onlineBiblestudy #biblestudyforwomen #TheConfidenceJourney #Christianconfidence

Filed Under: Christianity Tagged With: Bible study, Christian Women, Confidence, confidence in Christ, Identity in Christ, online Bible study, self-confidence, The Confidence Journey, worth

That New Girl: Finding Confidence

April 24, 2014 by stultsmamaof4 28 Comments

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my second-grade self, that girl who was mostly tomboy, confident leader-of-the-pack. She could be friends with whomever she wanted, even boys. She wore dresses, but she also climbed trees.

She lived free.

She never considered what the scales said about her value.  She never wished to be more like her blonde-headed friend.  She had a little girl crush on a classmate of hers, but never spent her days waiting for him to notice, or worrying what others might think.

She was relatively innocent, that girl God created on purpose and with a plan.

But that girl moved from state to state nearly every year after third grade until she finally moved overseas.  Each new school left its mark, some beauty spots and some ugly scars, and she found herself wearing labels like “new girl” and “missionary kid.”

For a while, she learned to hide her true self away in favor of a girl others would accept. She lost her identity, her self-confidence.

Life has a way of changing our identity, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. As Christians, we know there is only way to find confidence that truly lasts! Here's how e to become a Christ-confident woman. Christian women, confidence in Christ, identity in Christ, finding identity in Christ, devotional thought, Christian encouragement

 

I’ve spent much of my adult life learning to force that girl out into the light, trying to help her find the woman she was created to be.  In the process, I’ve searched for her value in family and friendships, marriage and parenthood, status in college and sometimes status at church, often without realizing I was doing so.

On occasion, I’ve even tried to manufacture that girl’s value on my own by living the good girl life, raising the good kids, serving at the good church, creating good things, and so many more undesired, unnecessary sacrifices that we’re all guilty of performing.

But I fail so often, don’t you?

And once again, the Father has to remind me that the confidence I’m searching for really can’t be found in others or in self. If I want to be completely free of others’ expectations and my own perfectionism, to live confident, I must look only to my Maker.

He alone knows the “real” me, the girl he “knit together” in the womb.  The girl He calls “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  The girl He values at the price of a one and only Son. The girl I was born to be.

Life has a way of changing who we are, our identity, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. As Christians, we must learn where our true identity lies. It's the only way to find confidence that truly lasts! Here's how to change your perspective on who you are so you can become a Christ-confident woman.

He alone knows the attention to detail that often leads to the pit of perfectionism can also be a gift of organization and precision.  He alone knows the smiling face often hides a fragile heart, but a heart that easily lends itself to sympathy for others.  He alone knows that tendency to boss comes from the ability to lead and that often critical voice reveals undaunted optimism.

And so many other flaws that I find so obvious in myself, He has ultimately meant for my good.

You see, we don’t serve a God who creates mistakes, sisters.

And even though sin and Satan have corrupted us, I’m convinced He truly purposed those “flaws” for good.

So how do we overcome the lies we’ve listened to for so long to reclaim our true selves, the free girls we were created to be?

                  How do we reclaim confidence that lasts?

We look to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith!

He shows us our true value: the blood of the Lamb.  We trust in Philippians 1:6 which claims He began a work in us that He promises to carry until completion.

Sin temporarily hijacks our child-of-God identity, the world teaches us that we will never be enough, and the pride and insecurity of self often confirm the lies. 

But the truth, sisters, the amazing truth is that we don’t have to be enough because He is already everything for us. It’s this Christ-confidence that sets us free!

Life has a way of changing who we are, our identity, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. As Christians, we must learn where our true identity lies. It's the only way to find confidence that truly lasts! Here's how to change your perspective on who you are so you can become a Christ-confident woman.

With Christ’s help a better version of that true-to-self, second-grade girl is surfacing.

I catch glimpses of her from time to time, that new-in-Christ girl. She speaks up even when the voices inside tell her to avoid the risk.

She combats those lies with the truth of the Word.

She claims victory in imperfect progress.

She is Christ-confident.

She’s learning little by little to tune out the world, the Enemy, and even her own perfectionistic thoughts and focus instead on the Maker who continually makes her new.

Because she was born to live free.

And so were you, my sisters.

So were you!

Jen 🙂

Each Thursday for the next few weeks, we are talking about breaking free from insecurity, comparison, and shame. We are sharing our raw and messy real life stories. But also, more importantly, we are sharing the truths that set us free. We have bathed this series in prayer and ask now that the Father knit our hearts together and strengthen us to slay this giant called “insecurity” in our hearts.

 Life has a way of changing who we are, our identity, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. As Christians, we must learn where our true identity lies. It's the only way to find confidence that truly lasts! Here's how to change your perspective on who you are so you can become a Christ-confident woman.

 

March 27th – Kathy from Free to Fly (Approval)

April 3rd – Interview with Jennifer Dukes Lee (and a chance to win her new book, Love Idol!)

April 10th – Kerry from Plenty Place (Reputation)

April 17th – Arabah from Arabah Joy (Shame ~with a free printable)

April 24th – Jen from Being Confident of This (Confidence)

May 1st – Leah from The Point (Insecurity)

May 8th – Wrap up video at Arabah Joy’s place

 

Sharing with: My Freshly Brewed Life, Missional Women, Christian Mommy Blogger,

Essential Thing Devotions, Women of Worship, Mom’s the Word, Cornerstone Confessions,

Time Warp Wife, Rich Faith Rising, Messy Marriage, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Wholehearted Home, Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

 

*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this site!

You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

Filed Under: Christianity, Women of Faith Tagged With: Biblical truth, Confidence, confidence in Christ, Devotional Thought, How to find confidence, Identity in Christ, insecurity, Missionary Kid, personality, self-confidence, value

The Superwoman Myth

May 10, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 29 Comments

Before Reading:  Write down (or think of) the one personality trait that you dislike most about yourself.  Example: I am too shy, I am too loud, etc.  Save for later! 🙂

………………………………….

A few weeks ago, my seven-year-old son came to me after receiving a scolding and said something that shook me to the core. “Mom, sometimes I feel like you expect me to be perfect.”

Immediately my eyes burned with tears because I knew that feeling, the feeling of not being good enough, and I certainly did not want my child to ever fear that he wasn’t “good enough” for me!

Nevertheless, somehow I sent that message to him, and although unintentional on my part, I felt overwhelmed by sadness and then by conviction.

You see, God’s been speaking to me about this issue lately, about my tendency toward perfectionism.

I’m realizing it’s not only frustrating for me, but it’s something that often negatively effects my relationships with others also. For these reasons, perfectionism is the personality trait that I dislike most about myself.

So why do so many of us women struggle with perfectionism and other personality flaws?

Because we have bought into the Superwoman Myth.

Have you heard about the Superwoman Myth? It's the untrue story of the woman who does it all and does it perfectly. When we fall for the Superwoman Myth, we lose sight of who we were created to be!

You know, the myth about the woman who does it all and does it perfectly?!  Wouldn’t we all love to be that supreme woman, to bask in the knowledge that we ROCK at being women – everyday in every thing and all of the time?!

If Superwoman truly exists, she certainly is difficult to find in the midst of our messy everyday lives.

The first contributor to this Superwoman Myth is self.

How many times have you written yourself a to-do list a mile long and actually expected to get most of those tasks accomplished?

And at the end of the day when you have only made it to number 3, how do you feel?

Frustrated?

Discouraged?

Or consider this: How often do you feel like you’re making so much progress in one area, only to discover you’re completely falling apart in another?

Although some of us may come close to being Superwoman on a given day, soaring above the circumstances of messy homes, sick family members, extra hours of work, and so forth, the perfect mother, the perfect wife, sister, friend, daughter, child of God – she does not exist!

Have you heard about the Superwoman Myth? It's the untrue story of the woman who does it all and does it perfectly. When we fall for the Superwoman Myth, we lose sight of who we were created to be!

 

Instead of listening to the lies perpetuated by our superwoman-wannabe selves, let’s listen to the truths our Creator God has to say about us.

Psalm 139:13-14

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.”

God created you purposefully and intentionally to be who you are.

While he did not create you to sin, He did create you with your unique personality, your unique strengths and weaknesses. The good news is that even those things we tend to see as our weaknesses can become strengths with His help.

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Those personality traits we so often view as flaws have positive aspects to them, my sisters in Christ!

For example, while my perfectionism easily leads to worry and sin, it is incredibly helpful for tasks that require attention to detail.  Likewise, people who are argumentative may be difficult to get along with, yet they make excellent lawyers and advocates for others.  While those who are easy-going often lack organizational skills, they are typically great friends and listeners.

Let’s find the beauty in being who God created us to be instead of wishing we were someone else.

Let’s allow Him to work in our weaknesses to make us strong.



Do you long for authentic confidence, the kind that truly lasts? Join us for 30 days in God's Word as we discover how identity in Christ impacts Christian confidence! This book is for every Christian woman who wants more confident faith. spiritual growth | confidence | insecurity | fear | doubt | God's plans | Bible study | devotional | new release | Jen Stults | Being Confident of This

 

The second contributor to the Superwoman Myth is how we view others.

How many of us can honestly say that we’ve never compared ourselves to another woman…ever?!

None of us can.

Especially in this age of social media, we are very aware of the skills other women have. Furthermore, we often envy those things in others that we feel we are lacking.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to admire others and to challenge ourselves to grow.

We definitely want to be the best

wife,

mother,

sister,

daughter,

aunt,

woman

that we can possibly be.

The problem is that sometimes when we see all of this womanly awesomeness out there, we wish that we could be someone we are not, someone we were never created to be. 

We wish we could be more …

more pretty,

more popular,

more successful,

more creative,

more organized,

– you fill in the blank!

But the beauty of a relationship with God is that it’s personal, unique to the individual.

While all women are similar in that we are imperfect sinners, saved only by the belief that Christ’s shed blood paid the penalty of death we so deserved, we can be very different in the way we live our faith out.


Have you heard about the Superwoman Myth? It's the untrue story of the woman who does it all and does it perfectly. When we fall for the Superwoman Myth, we lose sight of who we were created to be!

 1 Corinthians 12:12-20 confirms this idea:

“ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”

We each have a part to play in the body of Christ, and He’s created each of us uniquely to fulfill the role He’s planned out for us.

So the next time you feel unworthy, inadequate, or that you just don’t have anything “special” to offer, remember that God created you to be you, and that He created you to fulfill your role and yours alone.

His intention is for me to be the best Jen that I can be, not the best Suzy or Katherine or Betsy (or maybe in this perfectionist’s case the best Suzy and Katherine and Betsy.)

No, He simply wants me to be the best Jen.

And the best Jen might look very different from the best Kelly or the best Martha.

Now, isn’t that truth freeing?

Follow me to part two of the Superwoman Myth to discover the third and final freeing truth and to learn what to do with that least favorite personality trait of yours.

Jen 🙂

Read the rest here:


I'm sure you've fallen prey to the lie of the Superwoman Myth before - you know, how you need to do it all and do it all well?! Learn how to put those lies right in their place with this final freeing truth. The Superwoman Resolved

Sharing with: Making Your Home Sing Mondays, Titus 2 Tuesday, Unite Linky, Mama Moments Monday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdsays, A Little R and R
Have you fallen prey to the Superwoman Myth? Here are 3 lies you need to overcome to find your way to freedom! #superwomanmyth #Christianwomen #workinprogresswomen #devotional Being Confident of This | Christian book | books for spiritual growth | lies of perfectionism | how to overcome perfectionism | encouragement | inspiration | biblical truth | Bible study
*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of this site!

You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

Filed Under: Christianity, Women of Faith Tagged With: Christian Women, comparisons, confidence in Christ, Devotional Thought, Flaws, Identity in Christ, insecurity, Mom, Perfectionism, Supermom, Superwoman, work in progress

Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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New devotional release from Jen Stults - Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This book is for every Christian woman who wants to walk in confident faith instead of struggling with doubt, fear, and insecurity! self-esteem | self-confidence | self-help | motivational | personal growth | spiritual growth | how to be more confident | Christian women | devotional | Bible study | identity in Christ | superwoman myth | being like Mary

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