Christian Beware – The Dangers of Greener Grass

June 4, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

When we first moved to our small community, one of the things I appreciated most about our new home was the big, beautiful backyard surrounded by a brown picket fence. The security of a fence gave this mama of four much peace of mind!

At the time, our little ones could climb over the fence if they really wanted to, but we made it clear that the child who chose to breach that barrier without permission would face serious consequences.

So, the physical barrier of our fence served as a constant reminder to stay inside where it is “safe.”

But as much as I loved our fence, it could only protect my children if they obeyed me by staying inside its confines. The boundary was no longer useful should they decide to venture outside of it!

The Dangers of Greener Grass

And I’ve seen him, our littlest boy, eyeing the gate from time to time…looking for the proverbial greener grass. What would happen if he chose to leave the security and protection of our fenced backyard for the greener grass?

Perhaps nothing, at first. In fact, we may not even catch him doing it right away.

Escaping negative consequences, he would likely decide to slip out unnoticed again….and again… and yet again… until one time, he ventures far enough to find himself suddenly facing grave danger.

And like disobedient Peter Rabbit suddenly face-to-face with the Gardener, he quickly understands the reason behind the boundary, the one he crossed without permission, the one meant to protect him, not to ruin his fun.

But it’s too late.

The damage is done and now he must deal with the consequences, whatever they might be.

A Biblical Perspective on Boundaries

Does the story sound familiar? It reminds me of Eden. God gifted Adam and Eve with a panoramic paradise, a perfect relationship to enjoy, and a life of ease with all of their needs provided for.

It reminds me of Eden. God gifted Adam and Eve with a panoramic paradise, a perfect relationship to enjoy, and a life of ease with all of their needs provided for.

And he gave them one rule. One.

But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die. Genesis 2:17 (NIV)

The scripture records that before they disobeyed, Adam and Eve walked around naked and felt no shame.

Can you imagine? Feeling no shame? Ever? We’d be like toddlers running naked after a bath, full of joy and exuberance, not a care in the world.

Total freedom and wild abandonment – that, my friends, was God’s original desire for us: to live a free and abundant life of pleasure in a world of paradise!

But we chose our own way.

When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, the whole world changed. They abandoned the the protection of the boundary to venture out on their own, embracing the dangers of greener grass.

The consequences were immediate and disastrous: separation from God.

Imagine the sorrow of a Father God sending his beloved children away from the garden, knowing that for the time being, they would suffer and struggle, knowing also that one day, His only Son would pay a terrible price for their single indiscretion.

Imagine the despair of being forced from that beautiful paradise, and the weight of knowing evil for the first time.

One rule; one choice.

How often are we like these original sinners, or that curious four-year-old? We fail to understand the reasoning behind the boundaries God sets for us.

Instead, we seek the illusion of greener grass.

Like the four-year-old investigator, we fail to see the danger lurking at first. We might not suffer any harm, or so we think.

But each time we leave those boundaries that our loving Father set to protect us, we take a bigger risk. And one time, we’ll have gone too far.

We’ll find ourselves face to face with danger, with the serpent, with Satan.

With His lies, he ensnares.

He promises freedom, but delivers slavery.

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44 (NIV)

The Truth about Greener Grass

My friends, why oh why do we choose to leave the protection of the fence? Why do we ignore God’s carefully placed boundaries?

There isn’t any greener grass; in fact, it’s a hollow deception, a mirage. What lies on the other side of that lovingly placed boundary is

t…h…i…c…k mud,

sand,

miry clay.

That movie that you really shouldn’t watch, that book you shouldn’t read, that person you shouldn’t be with, that unhealthy substance you so desire, all provide satisfaction that is only temporary at best, not forever paradise. Your choice to willingly disobey only brings you danger, heartaches and burdens, so many burdens.

And each time you venture out, you risk more. You risk a reputation, a relationship, a marriage, a child, a ministry, sometimes even your very life.

God’s Boundaries Protect Us

The truth is, the only green grass you’ll find in life, the only abundant paradise, is right within our Father God’s fence. His boundaries exist for you, not against you; for your benefit, not your detriment; for your protection, not your suffocation.

Like a parent looking after a beloved child, He gently guides you away from evil in this world, if you allow Him.

The law of the Lord is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes. Psalm 19:7-8 (NIV)

Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1:3 (NIV)

So, the next time you think you see a prime piece of greener grass just over the boundary, remember Who built the fence and why He built it. Remember that what He most desires for you is life abundant. Remember the dangers of greener grass!

If you choose to stay inside the protection of the fence, the only thing you’ll miss out on is the Serpent’s deceit and the slavery that follows.

Choose freedom.

Choose abundance.

Choose life.

Jen 🙂

Here’s a great article with tips on dealing with temptation!

*This blog makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page.

You just finished an excerpt from Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy the book!

What God Really Wants from You

March 18, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

Have you ever gone out of your way to do something really nice for someone else only to find out it wasn’t really what they wanted? The thought of all that wasted effort is enough to make one heartsick!

As humans, we do this all of the time, though, don’t we?

I could slave away all day in the kitchen creating the most lavish culinary masterpiece for my husband, but at the same time, I could also be ignoring his need for a listening ear. Imagine it with me – busy with the gift I wish to give him and the work I deem most important, I brush off his questions with curt answers and make it clear that I’m too busy at the moment. I offer him my hard labor instead of the attention he so desires.

What if I told you we don’t just treat loved ones this way, but we also often treat God this way – offering up things He hasn’t even asked for, undesired sacrifices, in place of what He really wants from us?

Imagine waking up every morning, trudging out to your backyard, and building a fire to offer a burnt sacrifice on a stone altar.

You head back out again later in the day when you choose self over others, and again after that unkind thought, and again after snapping at a loved one. In and out of the house, offering sacrifices for sins committed throughout the day – it’s an exercise in futility.

Today we would call such behavior crazy, wouldn’t we? Of course we would because we no longer offer burnt sacrifices like the Israelites did in the Old Testament …or do we?

What We Think God Really Wants

In Hebrews, I read these words:

Every priest stands daily ministering and offering time after time the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins; Heb. 10:11

“Daily,” the priests stood at their posts; “time after time” they offered the “same” sacrifices for the same sins. Such repetition calls attention to the never-ending nature of their tasks.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary explains that at the time the letter to the Hebrews was written, the Jewish Christians continued to offer sacrifices at the temple.

For those who believed in Christ and His resurrection, such offerings should have been rendered meaningless by His atonement as the final sacrifice. So, why were they still trudging back and forth to the altar of sacrifice, so to speak?

The early Hebrew Christians continued to offer sacrifices in spite of their belief in Christ.

They knew of the gospel, the good news that abolished the old system and established a new covenant built on the cornerstone of Grace, but they struggled to let go of their old ways.

At first glance, I was tempted to think, how silly of them – they’re doing so much work and it’s all meaningless!

How We Get Pleasing God All Wrong

But lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to an alarming truth: I sometimes offer my own daily sacrifices, often without even realizing it. How often are we guilty of offering modern-day sacrifices instead of what God really wants most?

Just think about it for a moment.

This is what we like to do, friends. We wake up in the morning thinking we’ll do His work today. We’ll be the best mom, wife, aunt, sister, friend, child, Christian we can be.

We even have this list of good things to do in mind.

And we offer these things up to Him as our very own sacrifices, sometimes without even realizing what we’re doing.

Okay, Lord, I’ve accomplished all of those things on the list. Here ya go. Are we good now? I can go about the rest of my day as I please, right?

Or maybe, I’ve tried really hard today. You’re pleased with me now, right?

I pile the sacrifices of good behavior up in a nice neat pile on my “altar,” thinking I’m good to go, except I’m not because while I was busy checking off my good-Christian-girl-things-to-do list, I withheld the very thing He wanted most: myself.

What God Really Wants from You

Look at what Jesus says about such undesired sacrifices in Hebrews 10:5-7:

Sacrifice and offering You have not desired,
But a body You have prepared for Me;
In whole burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin You have taken no pleasure.
“Then I said, ‘Behold, I have come…
To do Your will, O God.”

Here Jesus reveals that God the Father takes no pleasure in burnt offerings. Instead Jesus offers something else – His very being – so that He might do the will of the Lord.

The same is true of us, co-heirs with Christ. The Father doesn’t desire our sacrifices in the first place. He desires our hearts, our very beings.

What God really wants is so much less about doing than we like to make it, and so much more about being than we like to offer.

Don’t get me wrong, friends. We should be loving others, choosing joy, offering praise, living in the Spirit. But if any of those good things are done out of a sense of obligation, duty, or an attempt to earn His favor, then they are pointless.

Filthy rags.

You might as well build altars in your backyard and start burning animals.

We cannot offer doing on the sacrificial altar at the expense of being.

When we do, we get the horse before the cart, for no good thing can come from us on our own. Good works only come from the overflow of a heart that lingers in His presence! We must constantly choose “being” in Him, abiding moment by moment, day by day.

Doing never leads to being, but being always leads to doing.

It’s all about embracing that personal relationship with our Father God, abiding in Him.

Am I Offering What God Really Wants?

So, ask yourself: what am I offering up to the Lord today?

Is it what God really wants?

This section of scripture in Hebrews concludes with the following words:

And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin. Hebrews 10:17-18

The truth is that we who are in Christ already have the Lord’s favor.

What God really wants most then is really very simple and has little to do with how we mother, how we serve at church, how clean our houses are or how happy we make our husbands.

What He desires is you.

Simply you.

What a sweet relief to realize that our falling down at His feet in surrender is enough!

Father, remind us that it’s meaningless to offer undesired sacrifices. Help us to let go of the doing and embrace instead the being. Remind us that if we abide in You, the doing naturally overflows. Help us to rest in the grip of Grace, for Your Son was and is enough. The debt is paid once and for all. Now we are set free.

Set free to just be.

Amen.

Jen 🙂

*This post is an excerpt from the devotional, Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. Click here for more information. or click the image below to purchase (my affiliate link – to read more about our affiliate partnerships, please visit the About page).

Here’s another great read on what God really wants from Christians from Satisfaction Through Christ.

6 More Benefits of Studying God’s Word

January 14, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

Most Christian women have heard of the importance of regular Bible study, yet many fail to see the Bible as the powerful weapon and tool it is described as in Scripture. Some are simply unaware of the many benefits of studying God’s Word!

I see it all too often in my own life, and in the lives of others – we tend to rely on our own wisdom and the wisdom or advice of others more so than we do God’s Word.

Isn’t that sad?

But I’m frequently guilty of problem-solving on my own, and I’m sure you are, too, friend, because that’s human nature.

I can’t tell you how many times women have sat across from me, often in tears, relating a personal problem or issue they’re struggling with. Yet when asked, they can’t tell me what the Bible says about their problem, or even if they can tell me what the Bible says, they admit doubting it’s truth.

And I can relate because I’ve had that same struggle between knowing what is true and believing what is true myself!

If we want to experience confident faith and abundant life, then we must be more than just “familiar” with the Bible. The more time we spend in the Word, the more opportunity we have to grow in Christ, the easier it becomes to trust not only God’s character, but His very Word!

The Bible is clear that scripture is living and active, friend (Hebrews 4:12), a powerful tool in the life of Christ-followers, so why do we so easily lay it aside?

6 More Benefits of Studying God’s Word

**If you missed the original Benefits of Bible Study posts, you can read about why you need to study God’s Word for yourself here and then read first 5 promising benefits of personal study here.

6. One of the most important benefits of studying God’s Word is that it gives us life (both spiritual AND physical)!

Scripture teaches that man doesn’t live by bread alone, but by the word of God (Mt. 4:4). Studying the Word doesn’t just give us spiritual life, but also physical life! The same idea is confirmed in other places in the Bible, as well:

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:30-31 (NIV)

For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 1 Peter 1:23 (NIV)

I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. Psalm 119:25 (NIV)

This is my comfort in my affliction, That Your word has revived me. Psalm 119:50 (NASB)

7. Studying God’s Word also helps us to grow in faith and in Christ-likeness.

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation… 1 Peter 2:2 (NIV)

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. Romans 10:17 (NASB)

If faith comes from hearing the Word of God, then it follows that the more we hear it, the more likely our faith is to grow (obviously there are exceptions to this – it all depends on our heart condition and how receptive we are to the Word). When we are new in Christ, we are like spiritual babies who need spiritual milk to grow and flourish, but as we grow, we need solid food – deeper spiritual truths (as mentioned in Heb. 5:12-13).

Whether mature or immature, our spiritual growth relies on us taking in the nourishment we need consistently!

8. Another benefit of studying God’s Word is that as we mature, we can lead others in truth, too!

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 1 Peter 3:15-16 (NIV)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 (NIV)

As Christ’s ambassadors here on this Earth, we have a responsibility to share the truth with others, but we must be careful to do so in a God-honoring way. We cannot correctly handle God’s Word or train others (including our own children) if we don’t rightly understand His Word for ourselves. This is one reason why personal Bible study is essential in the life of Christian women!

9. Studying the Word also helps us to fight spiritual battles and experience victory!

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:1-4 (NIV)

As Christian women, the Bible is clear that we will face both temptation to sin and accusations from the Enemy.

And don’t we know it, friend?

But the Word is equally clear that we have a weapon to use in our defense – God’s truth!

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:17 (NIV)

As part of our spiritual armor, we’ve been given a weapon – the sword of the Spirit – which is used not only to defend ourselves, but also to fight back!

Let’s follow the example of Christ. Let’s study the Word so that we know the best verses to use to combat the Enemy’s lies and accusations.

10. The Bible gives us peace and hope.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Phil. 4:8-9 (NIV)

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. Romans 15:4 (NIV)

One additional benefit of studying God’s Word is that we experience hope and peace that are beyond worldly explanation.

Is your life full of chaos? Spend time in the Word.

Does all hope seem lost? Run to the Word.

You will find in the Bible a special comfort that you cannot find in this world, friend!

11. Finally, spending time studying God’s Word helps us produce spiritual fruit.

Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. Ps. 1:2-3

What Christian woman doesn’t want to yield more spiritual fruit?

We can all use more patience, more joy, more peace, more kindness, right?

When we delight in God’s law (Old Testament reference to Scripture), when we study it by meditating on it and memorizing it, we bear fruit that we cannot possibly bear on our own.

We prosper! And in doing so, we bring much glory to the Father.

Friend, please don’t neglect the potential power of God’s Word in your life. It’s immeasurable and indescribable.

Time spent in the Bible is time well-spent. Just consider the many benefits we’ve discussed in the Benefits of Bible Study series!

Next week we’ll be wrapping up this series with some of my favorite tools for excellent Bible study – resources that will help you make the most of your time spent in the Word!

Until then, take a few minutes to meditate on God’s Word today, won’t you?

Jen 🙂

P.S. If you can’t wait until next week, one of my new favorite Bible study tools is below (my affiliate link) The Love the Word Bible Study Binder by Arabah Joy contains a whole year’s worth of Bible study helps – reading plans, journaling sheets, and the PROSPER Bible study method. I worked on the design for this binder, and it’s one of my favorite projects ever!! Knowing the both the quality AND quantity of material this product contains lets me recommend it with confidence. 🙂

What Every Christian Woman Needs to Know about Authentic Confidence

October 22, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

In 2011, my husband and I took a leap of faith, one that was ten years in the making, one that required a move for our whole family away from all that was familiar and comfortable. After taking an extended break from paid ministry positions to focus on our marriage and family, we were jumping back into full-time ministry with both feet.

And it was scary, and exciting, and…scary.

My husband worked mostly as a youth minister previously, so this position would be our first real pastorate. And for the first time in my life, I wouldn’t be the youth pastor’s wife, I would be The Pastor’s Wife. To some of you, this might not seem like a big deal, but if you’ve ever transitioned from one to the other, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. 😉

In my naivete, I failed to recognize what an adjustment this would be for me. Suddenly women twice my age were looking to me for leadership. Me!

Becoming a Woman of Authentic Confidence

To say I felt inadequate and ill-prepared would be an understatement. How could I, flawed and imperfect as I was, possibly lead women with so much more spiritual and life experience than me?

What if I misused or abused God’s Word? What if I failed to have the right answer to a question? What if they saw me as I really was, a messy, easily-offended, often-struggling Christian woman?

You might say that was the beginning, the start of my growth into the women’s ministry leader that I am today, by God’s grace. I learned much about God’s grace in the years that followed. There were successes and there were failures, lots of failures – both personal and in ministry, but He carried me through.

Those early years as a women’s leader caused me to seek an authentic confidence that I sorely needed, one I’d been searching for my whole life long. I was tired of the roller-coaster ride of victory followed by defeat followed by doubt, and then back up again. I was tired of being a slave to perfectionism. I was tired of feeling like an Israelite lost in the desert.

I wanted a more steadfast faith. I wanted that assurance that I was pursuing the path God planned for me.

It didn’t come all at once, friend, and sometimes I feel as if I grab hold of it for a brief moment only to lose it again, but I’m understanding that authentic confidence is not as elusive as many Christian women think!

The Mistake We All Make

The problem is that the world so often begins the idea of confidence with a lie, as in self-confidence.

As Christian women, we know confidence cannot possibly begin with self because self is sin-ridden and hopelessly flawed (Romans 3:23). Any confidence placed in self is doomed to fail eventually. We know this to be true yet somehow many of us have accepted this worldly idea that confidence is something we must manufacture on our own! Even many recent best-selling “Christian” books promote this anti-gospel.

So we tend to make one of two mistakes. Either we downplay our sin and our imperfections so that we can make ourselves acceptable to a holy and perfect God, or we waste our one life striving so hard for an acceptance that is already ours in Christ! We bounce back and forth between the two, trying to find our way to real confidence.

No wonder we are such weary Christian women!

What every Christian woman needs to know about authentic confidence is that it has nothing to do with our performance.

Nothing.

The Christ-confident Woman

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thanks for supporting the ministry of this site!

Friend, the answer you are looking for, the only way to real confidence, lies in understanding your God-given identity. The only truly confident woman is the Christ-confident woman, one who recognizes not only her sin but also her Savior!

And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

That’s why I put together Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This devotional comes from my personal experience as a woman trying to understand who God created her to be, a woman who daily sees her own flaws and imperfections yet longs for love and acceptance, a woman who deeply desires to be used by God for His glory, a woman who seeks to be a good wife and mother, and a woman who wants other women to experience real freedom.

Authentic confidence is not a mask you put on and take off, neither is it something you can manufacture on your own. Authentic confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt, but a laying down of control and concern at the Father’s feet. Authentic confidence naturally flows from the woman who is Spirit-filled and grace-oriented.

It’s this kind of confident faith that enabled me to write out some of my deepest confessions here on this blog and in Hope for the Hurting Wife. It’s this kind of confident faith that upheld me when marriage became hard work and I grappled for hope. It’s this kind of confident faith that propelled us out of our comfortable and safe ministry position straight into the unsettling unknown of church-planting. It’s the confidence that continues to sustain me.

If you want to be this kind of Christian woman, I invite you to join me. In Being Confident of This you will learn about the benefits of:

Overcoming the superwoman myth
Having courage to face a giant
Avoiding the danger of greener grass
Embracing a work-in-progress mindset

Don’t waste another moment of your one life on fear, doubt, or insecurity, friend.

Choose today to ignite the confidence befitting a cherished daughter of the King!

Praying for you, my work-in-progress friends,

Jen 🙂

Launch Week fun & a GIVEAWAY for Being Confident of This

In celebration of the release of Being Confident of This, we’re having a giveaway! You can enter the one hosted here (see bottom of post!) at BCOT below, but you should also be on the lookout for other giveaways hosted by our launch team members. Keep an eye on our facebook page and Instagram feed for more information!

As an added BONUS, for readers who purchase through the links on this page during launch week only, I’m offering the Work in Progress Toolkit. This is a tool I created last year as an exclusive bonus for Grace Goals, but it fits so well with the themes of this new devotional that I want to give it to you for free. 🙂

The Word is clear that Scripture changes us (Psalm 119:11). When we meditate on truth, our minds and spirits are transformed, and transformed minds lead to transformed actions. It’s that work-in-progress in us, that sanctification that molds us into Christ-likeness.

But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” Luke 11:28

The Work in Progress Toolkit is designed to help you saturate your life with truth so that you can overcome the lies that so often hold Christian women back. It contains beautiful 8×10 scripture prints to hang on your walls, as well at a truth-journaling sheet that will help you identify lies you are believing so that you can fight back with God’s truth!

How to get your BONUS

The only way to get this bonus is to purchase Being Confident of This during launch week through the links on this page and email me your receipt along with a request for the toolkit. It’s that simple! I will then send you the link to download your FREE resource.

And if you really want to make my day, you can share the news about Being Confident of This with your friends, leave a review of the book after reading, or send me an email telling me how it’s impacting you. Hearing how the Lord is working in you makes my joy complete. 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Real Talk about Christian Sex

September 20, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

S-e-x. Maybe like me, you’re one of those women who used to spell this word out for fear of saying it aloud? Or maybe you still spell it to this day!

Regardless of your approach, the Bible is clear that sex was created by God for our enjoyment. One quick glance at the book of Song of Solomon speaks to this truth!

However, for many Christian women, sex (even “Christian Sex”) is a taboo topic, one not mentioned in polite circles, which makes getting sound advice difficult for Christian women who long for greater intimacy in marriage.

Although Hollywood would have us believe that good sex is all magic and fireworks all the time, we experience the everyday reality of intimacy that can sometimes be difficult, sometimes just ho-hum, sometimes even non-existent.

Especially when marriage is hard work, sex often becomes a chore relegated to the back burner rather than a celebration of love.

But friends, I’m convinced that Satan sets this snare for us, turning a beautiful gift of God, an intimate expression of and reflection of His love for us, into a disappointment at best, or an obstacle at worst.

He is so very good at twisting something God means for our good and distracting us from that abundant life we all want to experience, especially in marriage. Why should we let the Enemy and the world destroy this beautiful, God-given gift?

“I am my beloved’s,
And his desire is for me.
“Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country,
Let us spend the night in the villages.
“Let us rise early and go to the vineyards;
Let us see whether the vine has budded
And its blossoms have opened,
And whether the pomegranates have bloomed.
There I will give you my love. Song of Solomon 7:10-12 (NASB)

Let’s take back the ground that God intended for us to have in the area of Christian Sex!

Whether you are a Christian wife who wonders what she’s doing wrong or a woman wondering why healthy intimacy seems elusive, these six tips can help you find your way back to a healthy marital intimacy, one that satisfies both yourself and your husband and brings glory to God!

6 Tips for Better Christian Sex

1. Take a bubble bath or do something that helps you to relax and feel desirable.

Maybe you hate baths, but you love pedicures, or a good massage (even better if your husband is involved). Figure out what works for you, and do it!

2. Be honest with your spouse about your hang-ups.

If he doesn’t touch you (or talk to you!) all day long but expects you to be ready for action at night, then he probably needs to hear that doesn’t work for you. Perhaps something else is turning you off.
Talking about your issues may be embarrassing, but so is having an unhealthy intimacy dynamic in your marriage.

Want the rest of these tips? Follow me on over to my friend Arabah Joy’s blog where she’s hosting a series on sex and healthy intimacy for Christian wives.

Read the rest – click here!

Other trusted sources for Christian sex and marriage advice:

Fulfilling Your Vows

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Rebekah M. Hallberg

If you need HOPE for your marriage:

For women who find themselves in a marriage that is less than all they hoped, for women who want to avoid divorce, for women who want a better connection to their spouses, for women who desire to be godly wives – 30 days to finding renewed hope for your marriage!

How Truth Helps You Overcome Temptation

June 26, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

A few years ago, we endured a time of discouragement and trials galore. My husband and I were both under a lot of external stress, both personal and from ministry, and our marriage temporarily suffered. I faced the temptation to give up nearly daily!

I felt like one of the Israelites in the desert, bemoaning my situation and feeling helpless to enact change.

I share this story with you today, hoping that it may encourage you if you’re facing a situation that seems impossible, or even unbearable. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that He always provides a way to overcome temptation! 🙂

…………………………………………………….

It’s almost supper time, but the stove top sits empty and no pleasing aromas fragrance the air. I’ve not even yet decided what to cook, let alone made any sort of preparations. Instead, I’m sitting in my bedroom trying desperately to pray while my preschoolers whine for attention right outside of the bedroom door.

My husband, weary from our recent argument, sits slumped over just outside the door at the dining room table. He’s grumbling over the budget and seems unaware of the noise around him.

There is no peace, no quiet here.

But I need to pray because I am one moment away from falling. One moment from allowing my impatience, anger, resentment, and frustration to spill over onto my family. One moment away from blowing it.

One moment from losing any chance to overcome temptation.

At this moment I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Satan has set his sights on me; I’m being tested.

It isn’t the first of such evenings in my home. In fact, our marriage relationship has been under strain for a few months now, and I’ve grown oh-so-weary of “fighting the good fight.” However, this past week, God has shown me the truth of my situation; I haven’t been doing my part, either.

I have been selfish. I have been lazy. I have been avoiding the time with my Lord that I need. Thus, I recently resolved to make some positive changes, knowing full well that temptation would linger near.

So as I sit here in my room praying while the chaos rages just outside of the door, I laugh.

Yes, I laugh!

It’s absurd, even comical, that every other person in my home would suddenly become distractions at the very moment I attempt to find peace. I want to complain to the Lord that I’m trying so hard to do what is right, to seek Him in my moment of weakness, but He’s not making it very easy!

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

According to His Word, I can overcome temptation, even this temptation.

In that moment of laughter, I realize the truth that as long as I’m trying to do right, to obey God, Satan is not going to leave me alone. In fact, He’s even going to use good things like bible study and prayer against me by causing frustration and chaos at just the right moment.

Thankfully, now that God has shown me the truth of the matter, Satan cannot win. I see his game plan for what it is, and prayer is a powerful tool!

Sorry, Satan, I’m getting up from my throne of self-pity and frustration, and I’m cooking supper tonight.

Lord, I thank you for always providing a way out for us, even when it seems impossible or unbearable! I ask that you would encourage my sisters in Christ today to look for the way out when they face temptation. Help them to see the truth in whatever situations they face. Remind them that You are with them always, every step of the way, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Give them the strength they need to resist temptation and to flee the Devil and remind them of your unfailing love and grace for them because of your Son, Jesus Christ. I ask all of these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.

We can overcome temptation, friends, by standing on God’s truth!

Jen 🙂

P.S. When you’re struggling with temptation, write or print out the verse above and hang it where you will see it frequently. Use God’s Word as a reminder that you CAN overcome!

For When You Just Want to Give Up

July 7, 2017 by jstults 15 Comments

It was bound to happen eventually.

I didn’t really have much experience to go on, but it felt like maybe the honeymoon was over, like maybe I just want to give up already.

Like all new ventures in life, blogging was fascinating and exciting at first.

Every page view was cherished, every comment celebrated.

Some days I would check the blog first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. It’s the truth; I became just a tiny bit obsessed.

Maybe, just maybe, I even made an idol of it, to my shame.

Then somewhere along the line, the new thing stopped being quite so much fun and started to feel more like work, like just another burden to carry.

Some people may say, it’s just a blog – let it go! But it’s not “just a blog” to me. These words are part of me that I’ve put on display for the world to see. And there are these nifty little graphs that measure that part of me day by day by day…

And some days they just don’t measure up to what I’d like to see.

Even when they do measure up, no matter how high the bars of the graph reach, there’s this insatiable desire for more.

And the inspiration isn’t always there.

And busy schedules get in the way.

And sometimes…

I just want to give up.

Let’s be honest – it happens to all of us!

When that new baby comes home smelling so sweet, and everyone is exclaiming “how perfect”…

when that new job is so exciting that you just can’t wait to go to work, and people tell you how happy they are to have you there…

when that new ministry that you’ve been planning for and dreaming of finally comes to fruition…

when you make that purchase that you’ve been saving up for and it’s just. so. amazing….

when that mountaintop experience leads you to a faith-high that just can’t be matched…

Inevitably, a valley follows, and you just want to give up.

That perfect baby that slept so well in the hospital cries all night long, night after endless night.

That new job has its own set of challenges. That new ministry has flaws, too.

That new purchase grows old or outdated.

Thus the mountain gives way to a valley, and those feelings that had us on cloud nine dissipate like mist burned off by the morning sun, so we wish for more.

But friends, our lives are not lived just on the mountain tops. In fact, those mountain tops most likely add up to a very small part of our faith journey here on Earth.

The truth is that the valleys often naturally follow the mountains, not because anything has changed but because our physiology is built that way.

Our bodies cannot sustain a constant state of “high,” so we must experience a “low” to bring us back to equilibrium. Perhaps even more because we were not meant for this imperfect world, so we yearn for something better.

While I know that my faith isn’t meant to be built on feelings, as a woman emotions do come into play! How often I’ve wished those pesky emotions away even though I know they serve a purpose. 🙂

So what’s a girl to do when she just gets a case of the blahs and the honeymoon seems to be over?

What’s a girl to do when her daily refrain becomes “I just want to give up”?

She recognizes the valley for what it is – temporary.

She remembers that she is not a citizen of this world.

She blogs/serves/works/mothers anyways because that’s what God led her to do. She loves anyways, she trusts anyways, she clings to His promises anyways, she speaks truth anyways, she leads anyways, and she hopes anyways.

She keeps seeking.

Sometimes she even stumbles and falls, and she’s so ashamed of her weakness. But He’s right there to help her back up again.

Along the way, she learns a little more of the unfathomable depth of God’s grace. She grows a little more confident in an overwhelming, unconditional love. She grows a little more confident in His timely provision. She grows a little more confident in the work He’s doing within her.

Because He promised that one day, one glorious day, that work would be complete (Phil. 1:6).

On that day the valleys will cease to exist.

And the mountain top lasts for all eternity.

And we see His face.

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Heb. 12:1-3

When we just want to give up, we don’t.

So we wait, like so many others before us,

And we do not lose heart.

Jen 🙂

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

February 12, 2016 by jstults 8 Comments

Steadfast.

The word brings to mind a calm assurance, an unwavering faith, and unchanging character. Steadfast is a gentle power complimented by humble quietness.

A steadfast woman is a woman at peace.

This is my desire, friends, to be a woman who is steadfast in heart, faithful to Jesus and to her family. I want to be the kind of steadfast woman who is Christ-confident rather than self-confident, who utilizes the gifts He’s given not for her own glory but for His glory.

Steadfast.

Last year the Lord kept bringing to mind the word Persevere, and if you follow along with this blog or the BCOT facebook page, then you know why I needed that word! We’ve been through a season of turmoil and change that still hasn’t quite settled.

Yet in the midst of all the chaos, I’ve found a more confident faith.

I’m not just referring to the recent reminders that Jehovah Jireh provides for all of our needs, but also to the understanding that He directs our paths in ways that don’t always make sense. What I’m learning is to trust His voice rather than letting doubt seep in through cracks chiselled by the questions of others and by my own fears.

So this year, my One Word is steadfast.

That word applies to so many areas of my life in which I wish to remain secure and consistent. So, I’d love to share with you these verses for a steadfast heart.

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

Steadfast faith

Over these past few years of writing and speaking, my faith journey has taken many unexpected twists and turns. As I continue to grow in Christ, I want a steadfast faith, one that remains consistent no matter what challenges life throws my way.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Ps. 51:10 (NASB)

I want to remain confident in that work-in-progress promise found in Phil. 1:6.

Steadfast Marriage

Faithful readers will already know that my husband and I have faced significant challenges in our marriage. However, the Lord has been faithful to see us through many trials and to help us see the progress along the way. I find that I don’t panic anymore when conflicts come. I’m no longer enslaved by the enemy’s lies that our marriage will never be any different or that we might as well give up trying to change it!

“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore you and make you strong firm, and steadfast.” 1 Pet. 5:10 (NIV)

Being steadfast in my marriage this year means that I won’t despair during difficult seasons, but I’ll have a calm assurance that we will come out on the other side not only intact but stronger! It also means I’ll keep doing the good work of becoming a wife after God’s own heart.

Steadfast Parenting

Lately, the Lord has been convicting me that we need to keep persevering in our parenting methods even though our children are getting older and more self-sufficient. I want to be a steadfast parent who stays the course rather than one who gives in to laziness. My job is not yet finished! 🙂

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Gal. 6:9 (NASB)

Steadfast Writing

Being steadfast in the area of writing means I will aim to be more consistent, and that I will obey that still small voice when the Lord prompts me to sit and write.

“This hope we have as an anchor to the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast, and one which enters within the veil…” Heb. 6:19 (NASB)

It also means that I will grow in confidence in the voice He has given me so that I don’t make comparisons or look for outside approval. My heart’s desire is to write for an audience of One.

Steadfast Weight-loss Journey

(Sigh….) Many of you know I’ve been working toward some weight-loss goals since last year. I only got rid of a little over 25 pounds, yet I persevered through injuries, illnesses, schedule changes, and the upheaval of changing ministries this past fall. This progress was only possible through the power of Christ in me!

“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!” Ps. 57:7 (NASB)

This year I’m aiming for another 50 pounds gone, an average loss of a pound a week. So, being steadfast in this area means I’ll keep plugging away at healthy eating and exercise while trusting the Lord to take care of the results.

Steadfast Church-planting

Being steadfast as a church-planter means I’ll be secure enough to be a fool for Christ, willing to take risks because my faith is firm and my identity is secure. It means I will keep doing the work the hard work, but I’ll trust Him for the results.

I can also be steadfast by pushing myself beyond my own comfort zone, especially when it comes to evangelism and by trusting the Lord to continue providing for our physical needs.

Steadfast Mind

I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who does not fear the future but greets trouble with an unshakable faith (v.25).

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.” Isa. 26:3 (NASB)

As this year progresses, I’m excited to see how the Lord continues to use the word steadfast to teach me.

Will you choose to be steadfast this year?

Jen 🙂

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An Important Announcement ~ Grace and Truth

December 18, 2015 by jstults 3 Comments

Hello, faithful readers and friends! I realize that many of you are busy with holiday preparations this next week, but I wanted to take care of some important “business” with you all.

We will be hosting the Grace and Truth link-up next week even though it falls on a holiday (I’ll be scheduling mine ahead of time)!

Remember that the link-up is open all week long and entries are shuffled randomly, so please don’t feel pressure to come and join us on Christmas day. However, we’d love to have you join in later in the week as you have time.

One other important note (in case some of you miss the Christmas link-up), after months of wrestling with the future of Being Confident of This and how Grace and Truth fits into that, I’ve decided to take a break from co-hosting the Grace and Truth link-up. So, the December 25th link party will be my last as a co-host.

I encourage you to follow the other co-hosts! 🙂 Not only can you link up at one of their blogs in the New Year, you’ll benefit from their fantastic content as well.

Not to worry – I’ll still be here blogging as I have time, and still linking with all of you lovely bloggers at Grace and Truth. I value the relationships we’ve been building there.

One of my hopes in taking a step back is to free up more time to focus on writing new content, which you may have noticed has been scarce as of late. 😉

I have plenty of ideas and outlines rattling around in my head, lessons the Lord has been teaching me, but now that I’m working part-time outside of the home finding time to blog is even more of a challenge. I know many of you are in the same shoes! I greatly appreciate your faithfulness to Being Confident of This and your constant encouragement – it helps to keep me writing.

May God’s presence be evident to you this Christmas season!

Merry Christmas,

Jen 🙂

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My Favorite Life-changing Books

September 20, 2015 by jstults 6 Comments

Obviously every good Christian girl would put the Bible at the top of a list of life-changing books. 🙂 The Bible is first and foremost the ultimate resource for life in general, after all!

However, sometimes we read a book other than the Bible and understand spiritual truths in a whole new way. Whether a Bible study, a fellow believer’s life story, or a good Christian fiction read, words have power to impact our thinking. These are the type of books I’ve chosen for a list of life-changing books – not just books I like (because I’m a book-lover over here), but books that challenged my faith in a productive way.

Each one has changed how I understand and live out my Christian walk. The books listed below have broadened my view of who God is and who I am in Him!

Even today, I continue to learn from the core lessons of these books and grow in my spiritual walk.

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15 Life-Changing Books for Spiritual Growth

Life on the Edge

I read through this material when I was still in high school, and for me it was a life-changing book because it helped me plan for the future rather than be afraid of it. During those last few years of high school, students face enormous pressure to make important life decisions. Life on the Edge challenged me to trust God with my future, but it also answered some very practical questions I had at the time.

I highly recommend this book for young adults as they begin to face life on their own rather than under the safety of their parents’ wings!

The Stranger on the Road to Emmaus

The Stranger is another pick from my high school years, but one that I actually still use. Although I grew up in a Christian home with parents who were faithful to teach me about God’s Word, I still didn’t have a solid grasp on the overall themes of the Bible and how the Old Testament connected to the New Testament (and why that’s important!).

Reading through The Stranger, which focuses on the overarching themes of the Bible from creation to Christ, gave me a very clear picture of God’s love for and plan for mankind from the very beginning! It’s my first choice whenever I disciple others because it organizes God’s Word and His story in a way that lays a very solid biblical foundation. The Stranger will speak to unbelievers as well as those who have believed for many years!

I wish it were required reading for every Christian. 🙂

The Circle Series by Ted Dekker

Every book lover surely includes some excellent fiction writing on a list of life-changing books! As a lifelong book-lover, I’ve read an abundance of classic, secular, and Christian fiction, and one of my favorite authors of all is Ted Dekker. Each one of his riveting tales teaches readers a lesson about faith. But this series in particular stands out above the others.

The spiritual allegory that runs throughout Black, Red, White, and Green is rich, and Dekker’s vivid imagery helped me understand things like baptism and dying to sin/rising in Christ in a whole new way. Most of all, I loved how the characters pursued one another and how they were pursued by the Christ-like archetype. The Circle Series is like the Chronicles of Narnia, but for adults! 🙂

And for the youth in your life, The Lost Books Series is a thrilling companion to the Circle Series!

First Place (Bible Study Series)

This life-changing book and subsequent series of devotionals helped me to see how letting food control my life is really a sin issue. I also learned how to change the way I ate by learning to read nutritional information, cooking with better ingredients, etc. First Place convicted me of sin issues like failing to take care of my body, which is the temple of the Spirit.

But what I like most about this particular series is the focus on putting Christ first. Being healthy physically is important, but being healthy spiritually is more important!

Believing God (the Bible Study)

Although I don’t agree with everything this author claims, I can whole-heartedly recommend this bible study. I actually read the workbook version of Believing God and really enjoyed the depth of bible study and Hebrew/Greek word study.

I call this book life-changing because it helped me realize that although I claimed to believe God and believe His character is true, I often failed to live that out. I wasn’t thinking and acting on my so-called belief. Instead I worried and mistrusted and misunderstood the hard things in life.

Trust Without Borders

This lovely devotional made for easy reading yet contained surprising depth. Author Arabah Joy utilizes modern day parables to teach valuable lessons about trusting God.

She has a way of getting to the heart of the issue that leads to lots of light-bulb moments!

I often re-read each day because each one was packed with so much good information to really chew on, and then I usually shared what I learned with my husband, too. It’s that kind of book that you tell all your friends about. 🙂

The Case for a Creator

Especially now, when Creationism is under constant attack, understanding the real scientific evidence for why we believe what we believe is key. For that reason, The Case for a Creator is life-changing because it defines our very beginnings here on this beautiful planet.

Written by a former atheist, The Case for a Creator takes the reader through a study of creation from the perspective of physics, biology, chemistry, astronomy, and so forth. One of the things I love most about this book is that when readers start to grasp the significance of why our Earth is positioned the way it is, and so forth, they can’t help but be awestruck by our Mighty God.

If you are an analytical thinker who loves facts and data, then this book is for you!

The Screwtape Letters

My second fiction pick, The Screwtape Letters, is a life-changing book because it opens our eyes to the very real spiritual warfare going on all around us.

I don’t think I ever realized before how sneaky our enemy is, especially in using good things to distract us from the best thing, our relationship with Christ.

Go read it, and anything else by C.S. Lewis, for that matter. 🙂

Messy Spirituality

I’m not sure I actually agree with all that this author had to say, either.

Why include it on a list of life-changing books then, you ask? Because I’m not a fan of throwing out the baby with the bathwater. But more than that, this author challenged my view of what being a Christian looks like in a way my perfectionist nature didn’t like at first. 🙂

He also broadened my view of grace, took it out of my nice neat little box and made it, well…messy. I never thought of myself as a self-righteous person before starting this book, but it was the catalyst for seeing my own sin in this area. I’d say that qualifies as a life-changing book!

The Purpose Driven Life

Here’s another book whose author I don’t always agree with, especially in regards to some of his statements in more recent years. Nevertheless, The Purpose Driven Life had a profound impact on my understanding of my purpose in Christ.

You see, as a perfectionist, I was one of those good Christian girls who relied much more on performance than on grace without even realizing it. Yet in my heart, I truly wanted to serve the Lord.

I just didn’t realize that worshiping and serving the Lord doesn’t always involve big things or ministries!

Sometimes serving the Lord is as simple as taking care of my family by washing the dishes or cooking a meal. That might sound silly, but realizing that I could do even those very small acts of obedience in service to the Lord gave me a satisfaction in life that I previously lacked.

Hope for the Hurting Wife

I like to call this the book that was never meant to be (at least in my limited human thinking – ha!).

Hope for the Hurting Wife was born out of a desire to serve readers here at Being Confident of This who found their way to this blog by googling the word “unloved.” My co-author Rebekah Hallberg and I decided to join forces to create a helpful resource for women who are living through some of the difficult marriage circumstances that we ourselves have walked through. It started out as a short, free ebook devotional, but readers soon asked for a print version.

So by faith, we created this 30-day devotional to encourage women looking for hope in the midst of a difficult marriage.

This was the book we never set out to write, the one neither one of us really wanted to write (because being vulnerable is hard work!), but God opened doors we never even imagined. In fact, Hope for the Hurting Wife earned the Amazon bestseller badge in multiple categories!

Isn’t it just like God to use our pain and brokenness to reach others with the comfort He gives us (2 Corinthians 1:3-5) – to bring beauty from ashes. What a God we serve! 🙂

(Psst, if this happens to be you, I have a list of recommended marriage resources here!)

Missionary Autobiographies

God at the Controls, God Planted Five Seeds, Peace Child, Through Gates of Splendor and others I can’t remember the titles of are also on my list of life-changing books.

As a child of overseas missionaries, these books helped me understand the great need for the Gospel to reach so many unreached nations. They also helped me witness the power of God to use difficult life circumstances, even death, in the lives of His people to impact whole tribes and communities – talk about life-changing books!

If you don’t want to be challenged to live “on mission” for the Lord, then these books aren’t for you. But if you desire to serve God whole-heartedly, you’ll find much encouragement and motivation by reading these biographies.

Other Heroes of the Faith Autobiographies

The Confessions, The Hiding Place, and others make my list of life-changing books, too. T

There is nothing like hearing the story of a fellow believer’s faithfulness to challenge and boost our own faith!

I hope you find at least a few that you haven’t yet read from my favorite life-changing books. Try out some new ones from the list and see how your faith is challenged.

And as with all things you read or hear, please check them against the truth of the Word!

Jen 🙂

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6. One of the most important benefits of studying God’s Word is that it gives us life (both spiritual AND physical)!

7. Studying God’s Word also helps us to grow in faith and in Christ-likeness.

8. Another benefit of studying God’s Word is that as we mature, we can lead others in truth, too!

9. Studying the Word also helps us to fight spiritual battles and experience victory!

10. The Bible gives us peace and hope.

11. Finally, spending time studying God’s Word helps us produce spiritual fruit.

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If you need HOPE for your marriage:

According to His Word, I can overcome temptation, even this temptation.

Inevitably, a valley follows, and you just want to give up.

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

Steadfast faith

Steadfast Marriage

Steadfast Parenting

Steadfast Writing

Steadfast Weight-loss Journey

Steadfast Church-planting

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