Wife Archives | Being Confident Of This

The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need – 31 Days of Hope for Marriage Event

August 20, 2019 by jstults Leave a Comment

If marriage is a gift from God, then why isn’t it easier? Have you ever asked this question? From little-girl dreams of white walking down the aisle to grown-woman desires to build a life together, most women have pretty high expectations when it comes to marriage. After all, we’ve been trained to expect a “happily ever after” ending to the search for a perfect mate, have we not?

Truth be told, unmet expectations are one of the first and most difficult hurdles for young married couples to overcome. Even mature married couples can struggle with unmet expectations as they journey through new seasons of life!

So what hope can we have when our deepest desires for a healthy marriage seem so far from reality?

The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need

We need a game plan – no, a battle plan – because whether you realize it or not, fellow wife, you are in a war for your marriage. The enemy of our souls would love nothing more than to ruin the union God has given you!

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Eph. 6:12 (NIV)

A battle plan for Christian wives prepares us for those difficult moments when love feels fleeting and war seems imminent! A battle plan for Christian wives gives us direction when the enemy comes knocking and refuses to leave!

Follow these tips for surviving (and even thriving!) the tough marriage moments:

1. Stand firm in God’s truth by resisting the enemy’s lies about your marriage!

So often women feel shame over marriage issues, whether those issues are a result of their own sin, their husband’s sin, or both. This is perhaps especially true in Christian marriages because we have that deep desire to be the godly wife we know God wants us to be.

Because we’re ashamed, we hide our problems from others by putting up a good front. We begin to believe the lie that we’re alone in our suffering. It’s the oldest trick in the book, dating all the way back to the Garden of Eden; the Enemy uses it often.

In those early years, I felt so alone and ashamed that my marriage wasn’t all I thought it would be. I feared I was doing something wrong as a wife, and that’s why we were having troubles. I assumed that other marriages were much stronger, better than ours.

If only I would have brought those lies out into the light sooner! I could have avoided so much lonely heartache. The battle plan for Christian Wives begins with truth!

2. Stand firm in God’s faithfulness by remembering His character!

In the midst of real pain and suffering, we quickly forget who God is and what He is capable of, much like the Israelites in the Old Testament.

How often did they grumble and complain (and sometimes outright rebel) just a short time after God had rescued them? He rescued them from Egyptian slavery, but they were thirsty. He gave them manna from Heaven, but they wanted meat.

We often suffer from that same forgetfulness, friend, yet God is faithful. He is true to His own character, and He comes to the aid of His people time and again even when they don’t deserve it.

You serve a God who is still in the business of redeeming marriages. If you are wondering how to fight for your marriage, begin by…

*Join me over at the Hope for Marriage online event, hosted by my friend Tiffany Montgomery of HopeJoyinChrist.com to read the rest of The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need AND be sure to enter the giveaway for my devotional book, Being Confident of This!

For more help for tough times in marriage, visit this page!

**This page contains affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Being Confident of This!

3 Ways to Fight for Joy in a Difficult Marriage

July 31, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

When a marriage relationship is difficult, finding joy in the midst of painful moments feels nearly impossible.

How can we possibly experience real joy in the face of real suffering?

Ongoing marriage problems can wear a wife down to a place of discouragement and grief. The burden often feels too heavy to bear. Even women who are determined to be warrior wives, who fight for marriage like only women of faith can, who fight for joy in everyday moments, feel the weight of the battle for their marriage.

Where is joy when you’re weary and in need of rest?

Here are 3 Biblical Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Difficult Marriage

Recognize progress.

One strategy Satan uses often to discourage me in a rough patch is the sneaky little lie that my marriage will always be difficult. He tries to convince me and you, too, that things will never change.

If you believe that you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, to remain stuck in the same destructive patterns, then where is your hope? What motivation do you have to keep working toward a healthy marriage?

Do you see how that works, friend? Believing those lies saps us of our strength!

Fight back against the Enemy’s lies and reclaim your hope and joy in the Lord by learning how to recognize progress.

Yes, maybe today even basic communication felt like nails on a chalkboard, but was it as bad as a few months ago? How about a few years ago?

Ask the Lord to help you see the ways in which your marriage relationship is changing, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Claim the promise of Philippians 1:6 for yourself, and if your husband is a believer, then claim it for him, too.

Quit believing the lie that your marriage is forever doomed, and fight for joy!

Please join me over at the Reclaiming Joy in Marriage online marriage event to read the rest of this article! Here you’ll find 31 days of marriage encouragement from a variety of writers – all for FREE!

Jen 🙂

What You Need to Know about Your Work-in-Progress Status

October 7, 2016 by jstults 5 Comments

It’s Friday and you’ve survived another week, maybe even another month. Sometimes you wonder how much longer you can keep at it, how much longer you can grind your way through the hard work we call life.

And some days, the hard work defeats us, owns us, and we become less than – less of a wife, less of a mother, less of a daughter of the King, less than we truly desire to be.

We’re tempted then to blame the weariness, the dead weight we’ve been dragging for so long, on our hectic lives.

I’m just too busy.

The phrase slips into my mind so easily, yet I know it’s only a half-truth. Yes, I’ve been busy, but not just with the family schedule. My mind has been busy, too – busy with worries, thoughts, plans, dreams, and even dissatisfaction.

We’re weary women, you and me, and we long for some space to smooth down our frayed edges and quiet our souls, yet we’ve somehow lost the way.

If I’m honest, I have to admit that my biggest problem isn’t my hectic schedule, though. No – the biggest problem is that when my schedule is crazy, my perfectionism and need to control kicks into overdrive. I’m tempted to think if I just work harder and longer, then I can keep myself afloat.

If I just do everything right….

Unfortunately, I’m not perfect and neither are you. No matter how hard we try, we’re bound to fail at something along the way.

And fail, I have.

I’ve been a grumpy mama and a distracted wife. I’ve offended others in my haste and frustration. I’ve neglected to connect to the only Power Source who can really keep me going in the tough times. I’ve been trying way too hard to do something I cannot possibly do on my own, and boy, is it painful!

Why do we do this to ourselves, my sisters in Christ? Why do we expect the impossible rather than resting in what we already know to be true?

~I’m sharing three of my favorite truths to fight against the pull perfectionism over at my friend Kaylene’s blog today. It would make my day if you’d hop on over there to find out what you really need to know about your work-in-progress status (and how to get a freebie)!

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

3 Ways to Calm Your Emotions ~ Before They Ruin Your Marriage

April 25, 2016 by jstults 5 Comments

Have you ever looked at your marriage and wondered what has happened? Have you been completely dissatisfied with the state of everything? Have you gone so far as to maybe even ponder divorce?

You’re not alone.

I know that as a culture, we tend to keep doing what we do, so long as it is beneficial to us in some way. But when we turn that corner where we feel it is no longer beneficial, we’re quick to throw it away – whether it’s an old book that our kids have outgrown, a faulty appliance, broken furniture, and even our marriage.

I wrote about the day I took my ring off, and I’ve been open with struggles in my own marriage. It’s hard to want to stay, to want to work things out, when the struggles seem too big.

Fear can play a major role in trying to work through our problems. We fear more pain, rejection, we even fear other people finding out about our troubles. Fear can truly mess us up in our day to day lives.

But there is something that can add fuel to fear’s fire and really make matters seem worse than they need to be.

Our emotions.

I’ve found that when my emotions run wild, the fear flares up. When the fear seems out of control, everything seems impossible. So to quiet the fear, I have to calm the emotions.

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

1. REST

I’ve found that my emotions are the most difficult to control when I’m tired. No matter how hard I try to keep things in check, every little issue seems more magnified when I’m tired. I try to deny the tiredness and convince myself that the problem truly is just that big.

Lately I’ve gone back to intentionally lying down on a Sunday afternoon. I don’t always sleep, but I do intentionally give my body a bit of a break. Funny how we have to be so intentional about these things, isn’t it?

One time, early in my marriage, I was having trouble sleeping – or maybe adjusting to another body in the bed. My husband suggested sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, which I did. I was able to fall right to sleep and I slept very well. I’ve gone back to that practice from time to time, as the need presents itself. There’s something special about having God’s Word close to our minds while we sleep.

2. WORSHIP MUSIC

Ready for a bit of honesty here? This one is the hardest for me. Yup. This is where it becomes a battle of the will.

See, once I realize that my emotions are the problem, therefore, that I’m the problem (or at least a part of the problem), I don’t want to have to own up to it. I don’t want to be accountable for what I’ve contributed to the situation. I want to push the blame to anyone else.

It’s become a heart issue by this point – one that I don’t want to deal with.

I have to physically choose to turn on the music, put in the earbuds, and let God’s Word sink into my heart through worship songs.

I don’t have any particular favorites. It seems each time I listen, there are songs with lyrics geared specifically to what I need to hear. I love how God does that!

3. TIME WITH GOD

I often go to a favorite Scripture and just meditate on that. I read the verses around my favorites, to try to understand the context, to try to get a little more out of the passage. But I meditate on verses that have strengthened my heart previously, that have helped me find rest, that have provided the assurance that I need.

Just a few of my favorites:
Psalm 71:14, Jude 24-25, Revelation 12:11, Isaiah 61, Isaiah 43:1.

There are many others – I’d love to hear some of your favorite go-to verses for when you’re needing to refocus.

I have a few books that are easy-reading, that help me to rest and quiet my heart, but also remind me that my time right then is dedicated to focusing on God.

The first is called An Angel, A Miracle, or Simply God at Work? It’s the true stories of a missionary, shared in an easy-to-read manner. He shares the stories, shares God’s work through the stories, and leaves it up to you as to what you would call it – intervention from an angel? a true miracle? or simply God at work in our world today?

The next is called When Words Won’t Come and this one is rather new to me. I’m still reading through it, but I’ve been so blessed by it. The author provides a short Scripture and just a few, small thoughts to meditate on. This book has been a tremendous blessing on the days when I’ve faced difficulty or have struggled to keep going.

These 3 ways to calm your emotions are easy to do, but can provide so much heart-relief. There are plenty of other great ways to regain control of wild emotions – a walk, quiet time by a fire, a favorite hot drink on a cool evening, time talking with a friend.

I’ve found that once I quiet my emotions, then the fear settles and it’s easier to face the realities of the situation for what they are – not for the blown-out-of-proportion image that my emotions have made them to be.

I’d love to hear how you purposefully quiet your emotions to regain control of a seemingly out-of-control situation. I pray these 3 tips are a blessing to you!

Blessings!

-Rebekah

Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in her own marriage. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – encouraging wives who are praying for redemption in their marriage.

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

Learning to Recognize Progress Can Save Your Marriage

February 8, 2016 by jstults 1 Comment

Believe it or not, the whole fight started over a pile of clean laundry. We had just finished family fun night with our children, an evening of homemade, personalized pizzas and fun games and silly antics. After tucking the kids into bed, we were ready for some relaxation, some time to cuddle in front of our recent Netflix favorite.

But as we entered the bedroom, there it sat – a large pile of clean laundry just waiting to be folded.

I sighed.

I hadn’t meant to leave it there all day, but like most moms, I just got busy meeting all. the. needs. So there it sat, and as I flopped down to fold it, I spotted The Face, you know- the one that means your husband is a little miffed even if he doesn’t say anything.

Instead of following my better judgment and ignoring The Face, I immediately took offense.

Why in the world should he get mad at me – at least having laundry on the bed means that we actually have some clean laundry, which is no small feat after the week I’ve had! He should be happy that I managed to squeeze in a few loads here and there today. It’s not like I’m the only one in this house capable of folding laundry, anyways!

He should be thanking me!

Am I right, ladies?!

Of course, that line of self-righteous thinking led to an ill-timed argument, and what could have been a beautiful end to the day quickly degenerated into angry words and hurt feelings…

To find out how learning to recognize progress can save your marriage, join me over at my friend Becky’s blog for the rest of the story!

Sharing this with: Grace and Truth,

How to Trust God With Your Marriage

August 15, 2015 by jstults 3 Comments

Sometimes trusting God with your marriage is just plain hard! Our men go through tough times and so do we. Maybe there has been a breach of trust, or maybe you’re both caught in the midst of a painful trial.

Maybe you’ve simply grown apart.

Whatever the case may be, trusting our husbands isn’t always foremost in our minds.

The hard part about being married to an imperfect man is that we are called to trust him and submit to him anyways, even:

When he forgets to pay bills
When he breaks a promise
When he grows depressed
When he acts irresponsibly
When he acts unloving
When he runs from God like Jonah

Do you find that challenging?

Because I certainly do!

When I see evidence that my husband is really struggling in his faith and not walking well with the Lord, I begin to question his judgement and leadership for our family.

That slippery slope of distrust quickly leads straight to disrespect if I don’t catch it in time.

How to Trust God with Your Marriage

Join me over at my friend Starla’s place for the rest of this piece on learning to trust God by trusting our husbands! It’s my contribution to her awesome 31 Days of Trusting God series. 🙂

Click the picture below to read!

Every Wife’s Choice Review

July 28, 2015 by jstults 16 Comments

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. To find out more about affiliate links, please visit the About page. Additionally, a free copy of this book was provided for review purposes. However, all opinions are my own and I have not been compensated in any way for them.

From the very first lines of Sarah Fairchild’s new release, Every Wife’s Choice, I knew this book had the potential to powerfully impact women, especially those in modern marriages.

Every Wife’s Choice: Loving beyond the mood of the moment speaks to the current culture of do what feels good for you and the selfish human tendency to look out for our own interests.

I’ll be honest; as a woman, even a Christian woman, my emotions often dictate my behavior if I allow them to. So stressful moments with my mate are compounded by the fact that emotions come into play and cloud my thinking.

That’s why Fairchild’s book is so important for wives!

“Sure, love is patient, but how do I choose patience in the midst of emotional turmoil? When frustration boils over into meltdown mode how do I release those pent up feelings and act patiently instead? Love is kind, but where do I draw the line before my heart begins to feel like a doormat?

I needed more than pretty cliche’s. I needed practical answers.” ~Sarah Fairchild

More than obvious cliche’s or trite sayings, Every Wife’s Choice delves into Greek word study to discover the significance of the First Corinthians love passage and apply that knowledge to everyday life in a practical yet biblical way.

From chapter one, it’s clear to readers that the foundation for Every Wife’s Choice comes straight from the Gospel itself. The mercy and grace shown to us by a loving Father is what empowers us wives to choose to agape love despite what we are feeling in the moment!

“Jesus never asks us to do more than He has already done, however, and He understands exactly what it means to love an enemy.

After all, He loves us…” ~ Sarah Fairchild

That’s why I wholeheartedly recommend Every Wife’s Choice for women from every walk of life.

In fact, the application of the Greek word study contained in this book reaches beyond marriage, beyond women, and to all Christ-followers. It’s themes are universal!

Although this study comes from a marriage perspective, the information contained is applicable to all women (and even men) desiring to love others as Christ loves us.

It doesn’t hurt that Fairchild’s book is full of humorous anecdotes from her own life, either! The chapter titled “Till Dogs Do Us Part” had me giggling all the way through yet the humor did not distract from her important message.

Fairchild’s easy style and quick humor remove any potential dryness that some readers might find in a typical Greek word study. And although the author’s approach is academic in nature, her effective use of story-telling sets readers at ease.

Each chapter of Every Wife’s Choice builds on the previous, just as each attribute of love described by Paul in the First Corinthians passage builds on the previous one. Such scaffolding of knowledge and application are aptly described by the author in the final pages:

“There is a Rock upon which we can build our love, brick by brick, choice by choice.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Thus, Every Wife’s Choice is clearly a book for all wives:

~ the newly married wife

~ the fifty-years-in wife

~ the struggling wife

~ the happy wife looking to keep her marriage strong

“[Agape] love enables us to give ourselves fully to the marriage we’re in, whether it’s the marriage we dreamt about or a painful work in progress.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Fairchild’s aim throughout is to free wives from the tight grip of emotions so that we can become the wives God intended us to be, wives who reflect His heart for others.

What better way to learn to be a godly wife than to study His Holy Word?

You’ve read many a time here on Being Confident of This that we are work-in-progress women. Perhaps that is what I love most about Fairchild’s book – she recognizes the work-in-progress nature of married life.

And she anchors the hope of progress firmly in our Lord.

Now, who wants to win a free copy??! 🙂

Enter to win a free copy of Every Wife’s Choice!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Keep the up the good work-in-progress, friends!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth
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How to Love When You Feel Unloved

October 2, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 47 Comments

In the spirit of truth-sharing, I’ll tell you that being the wife I am called to be is my weak area, my Achilles heel. I never feel so much like Paul in Romans 7, battling with the flesh, as when marital issues arise. How can I love my husband when I myself feel unloved?

Often Satan and sin have me so ensnared that I even become confused as to what “right” really is.

Like many married couples, we tend to get caught up in the cycle of an argument that’s been played out time and time again. And that can be so frustrating!

Revisiting those same issues makes us feel like failures, trapped by the past, stalled in our progress.

But I’m not satisfied with a marriage that’s merely okay, and I mean that in the best of ways, I really do. I desperately want to grow ever closer to the type of intimacy God intended for us to experience as man and wife.

I don’t want to be fatalistic or resigned in my outlook, even though I may feel that way at times. Because if I settle for “this is as good as it gets,” then where is my hope in the God who transforms souls, including my own?

Marriage is hard work, just like parenting is hard work. If it were easy, we would not be challenged to grow!

Marriage teaches me things about myself that I loathe: how selfish I am, how easily offended, how weak and needy. But unless I see the truth of where I stand, what chance do I have to move on from that spot?

When Marriage is Difficult

By far the most difficult times in our marriage occur when we are both bearing unusual burdens that slowly wear us down, burdens like extended illness, or financial stress, or parenting issues, or major decisions, or unpredictable catastrophes.

We’re both weak.

We’re both worn and frayed.

We’re both longing for rest.

You’ve been there before, I’m sure – those times in life when you both feel like you need a good long vacation from reality.

As much as I’d like to blame our marital strife on my husband’s inadequacies, I know the issues at hand aren’t his alone. We’re called to be sacrificial in our love for one another, but when I’m already at the end of my rope, I often feel there is nothing left to give.

I become selfish;

I withhold kindness.

I justify: how can I love when I feel unloved?

How can I lift my husband up when I can barely lift myself up, Father?

How can I?

I’m certain I’m not alone in this desire we wives have to be rescued by our husbands when the going gets tough.

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the Being Confident of This homepage. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

This desire to have men of strength come charging in to save the day. This desire to let ourselves be the weak ones for once. This desire to feel protected and cherished and cared for.

Because for all of our outward strength, we women often harbor needs that remain hidden.

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

The problem is that in wishing my husband would take on that role of Rescuer, I’m asking him to fill a space only our Father God can truly fill.

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

My husband is imperfect. Sometimes he lets me down, as I do him. Sometimes he needs a Rescuer just as I do. Sometimes he is weak. He is only human after all. My desire for him to be what even I cannot is quite unfair, isn’t it?

I’ll be honest. As a busy mom of four, I wrestle with this idea that God should be my sole supply. After all, God cannot help with the bedtime routine or sweep the kitchen or sign permissions slips or pay the bills, at least not in a physical sense.

I wrestle, too, with feelings of disappointment and unkind thoughts toward a husband whom I truly wish to respect.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

How can I be so filled with the Spirit, so filled with the Father’s love for my husband, that I have a constant and abundant supply to give?

Honestly, I have no clear answers.

I have only ideas, inklings of what it takes.

Prayer would be a good start – telling God where I’m really at, even if it’s ugly. Letting Him know how unfair it feels, how I feel unloved, how hurt I am, how afraid. Asking Him to bring light to the Enemy’s lies, lies about how it will never change, about how it never has changed, about how you’re stuck.

They are Satan’s favorite lies. You’re trapped in this loveless marriage forever! He’s unfair! He doesn’t appreciate you! You shouldn’t have to put up with this!

Praying for supernatural intervention certainly helps! God can change my husband’s heart, as well as my own, quicker than an hours-long “discussion.” He can give me a supernatural love for my man, something that is not naturally “in me,” especially when I feel unloved.

The Father can melt my stubbornness, soothe my anger, hold my hurt, and forgive my sin, too.

He can also help me see the truth in the situation and who my husband is in the Father’s eyes, a dearly beloved son. He can remind me of how big my husband’s shoes are, how broad his shoulders. He can help me see clearly the load that often sits there and understand why my man sometimes stumbles beneath it.

When I see that truth, who my husband really, truly is at heart, I’m overwhelmed by compassion and ashamed by my traitorous thoughts.

I may not feel any stronger. I may still desperately need rescuing. I may even carry wounds from the wrestling.

The Solution

But at last I see that we two are the same: lonely, weary hearts in search of love and acceptance and a Rescuer.

You’re tired? Me, too.

You want to escape from life right now? Me, too.

You feel inadequate? Me, too.

You hurt? Me, too.

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.

This is how we love, friends,

by gazing into the face of Love Himself.

I’m not trying to make it sound simple or easy because I know how difficult it is to choose love when the world tells us it’s easier to give up and call it quits.

We can choose to love even when we feel unloved because Jesus did.

Greater Love has no man than this…

And so we stand, my husband and I, in the face of Perfect Love.

Side by side.

Fear washed away.

Compassion in our eyes.

Forgiveness on our faces.

Wearing our Grace-colored glasses because we serve the God of all Hope!

We’re merely works in progress here on Earth.

But we are not alone.

And this is not our home.

Jen 🙂

Find more great posts on marriage here:

This devotional is an excerpt from the book Hope for the Hurting Wife. Want more of what you just read? Sign up below for more free chapters!

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the Being Confident of This homepage. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

The Battle Plan Christian Wives Need

1. Stand firm in God’s truth by resisting the enemy’s lies about your marriage!

2. Stand firm in God’s faithfulness by remembering His character!

**This page contains affiliate links. For more information, please visit the About page. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Being Confident of This!

Here are 3 Biblical Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Difficult Marriage

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

How to Trust God with Your Marriage

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. To find out more about affiliate links, please visit the About page. Additionally, a free copy of this book was provided for review purposes. However, all opinions are my own and I have not been compensated in any way for them.

Enter to win a free copy of Every Wife’s Choice!

When Marriage is Difficult

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

The Solution

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.