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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

February 12, 2016 by jstults 8 Comments

Steadfast.

The word brings to mind a calm assurance, an unwavering faith, and unchanging character. Steadfast is a gentle power complimented by humble quietness.

A steadfast woman is a woman at peace.

This is my desire, friends, to be a woman who is steadfast in heart, faithful to Jesus and to her family.  I want to be the kind of steadfast woman who is Christ-confident rather than self-confident, who utilizes the gifts He’s given not for her own glory but for His glory.

Steadfast.

Last year the Lord kept bringing to mind the word Persevere, and if you follow along with this blog or the BCOT facebook page, then you know why I needed that word! We’ve been through a season of turmoil and change that still hasn’t quite settled.

Yet in the midst of all the chaos, I’ve found a more confident faith.

I’m not just referring to the recent reminders that Jehovah Jireh provides for all of our needs, but also to the understanding that He directs our paths in ways that don’t always make sense. What I’m learning is to trust His voice rather than letting doubt seep in through cracks chiselled by the questions of others and by my own fears.

So this year, my One Word is steadfast.

If you want to walk through this year with a steadfast marriage, a steadfast ministry, or a steadfast faith, no matter what curve balls life throws your way, then this one is for you! Use God's Holy Word to help strengthen your faith and give you confidence. Becoming a Steadfast Woman

 

That word applies to so many areas of my life in which I wish to remain secure and consistent. So, I’d love to share with you these verses for a steadfast heart.

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

Steadfast faith

Over these past few years of writing and speaking, my faith journey has taken many unexpected twists and turns. As I continue to grow in Christ, I want a steadfast faith, one that remains consistent no matter what challenges life throws my way.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Ps. 51:10 (NASB)

I want to remain confident in that work-in-progress promise found in Phil. 1:6.

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Steadfast Marriage

Faithful readers will already know that my husband and I have faced significant challenges in our marriage.  However, the Lord has been faithful to see us through many trials and to help us see the progress along the way. I find that I don’t panic anymore when conflicts come.  I’m no longer enslaved by the enemy’s lies that our marriage will never be any different or that we might as well give up trying to change it!

“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore you and make you strong firm, and steadfast.” 1 Pet. 5:10 (NIV)

Being steadfast in my marriage this year means that I won’t despair during difficult seasons, but I’ll have a calm assurance that we will come out on the other side not only intact but stronger!  It also means I’ll keep doing the good work of becoming a wife after God’s own heart.

Steadfast Parenting

Lately, the Lord has been convicting me that we need to keep persevering in our parenting methods even though our children are getting older and more self-sufficient. I want to be a steadfast parent who stays the course rather than one who gives in to laziness. My job is not yet finished! 🙂

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Gal. 6:9 (NASB)

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Steadfast Writing

Being steadfast in the area of writing means I will aim to be more consistent, and that I will obey that still small voice when the Lord prompts me to sit and write.

“This hope we have as an anchor to the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast, and one which enters within the veil…” Heb. 6:19 (NASB)

It also means that I will grow in confidence in the voice He has given me so that I don’t make comparisons or look for outside approval. My heart’s desire is to write for an audience of One.

Steadfast Weight-loss Journey

(Sigh….) Many of you know I’ve been working toward some weight-loss goals since last year.  I only got rid of a little over 25 pounds, yet I persevered through injuries, illnesses, schedule changes, and the upheaval of changing ministries this past fall.  This progress was only possible through the power of Christ in me!

“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!” Ps. 57:7 (NASB)

This year  I’m aiming for another 50 pounds gone, an average loss of a pound a week.  So, being steadfast in this area means I’ll keep plugging away at healthy eating and exercise while trusting the Lord to take care of the results.

Steadfast Church-planting

Being steadfast as a church-planter means I’ll be secure enough to be a fool for Christ, willing to take risks because my faith is firm and my identity is secure.  It means I will keep doing the work the hard work, but I’ll trust Him for the results.

I can also be steadfast by pushing myself beyond my own comfort zone, especially when it comes to evangelism and by trusting the Lord to continue providing for our physical needs.

Steadfast Mind

I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who does not fear the future but greets trouble with an unshakable faith (v.25).

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.” Isa. 26:3 (NASB)

As this year progresses, I’m excited to see how the Lord continues to use the word steadfast to teach me.

Will you choose to be steadfast this year?

Jen 🙂

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Are you frustrated by failure you in your marriage? Do you wonder if there is any hope left for you? Hope for the Hurting Wife is a 30 day devotional journey written by two women who survived the muck and mire of marriage problems. Christian marriage|difficult marriage|encouragement for wives|hope for marriage|should I get a divorce|how to stay married| healthy marriage|trusting God with marriage|wife|husband|christian woman

Sharing with: Tell His Story

If you want to walk through this year with a steadfast marriage, a steadfast ministry, or a steadfast faith, no matter what curve balls life throws your way, then this one is for you! Use God's Holy Word to help strengthen your faith and give you confidence. Becoming a Steadfast Woman christian women, bible verses for confidence, studying the bible, faith, faith blog, christian mom, christian wife

 

 

Filed Under: Christianity, Marriage, Parenting, Weight Loss Journey Tagged With: Bible study, bible verses, Christian Women, Devotional Thought, Encouragement, free printable, how to be steadfast, scripture, steadfast, Women of Faith

Learning to Recognize Progress Can Save Your Marriage

February 8, 2016 by jstults 1 Comment

Believe it or not, the whole fight started over a pile of clean laundry.  We had just finished family fun night with our children, an evening of homemade, personalized pizzas and fun games and silly antics. After tucking the kids into bed, we were ready for some relaxation, some time to cuddle in front of our recent Netflix favorite.

But as we entered the bedroom, there it sat – a large pile of clean laundry just waiting to be folded.

I sighed.

I hadn’t meant to leave it there all day, but like most moms, I just got busy meeting all. the. needs.  So there it sat, and as I flopped down to fold it, I spotted The Face, you know- the one that means your husband is a little miffed even if he doesn’t say anything.

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Instead of following my better judgment and ignoring The Face, I immediately took offense.

Why in the world should he get mad at me – at least having laundry on the bed means that we actually have some clean laundry, which is no small feat after the week I’ve had!  He should be happy that I managed to squeeze in a few loads here and there today. It’s not like I’m the only one in this house capable of folding laundry, anyways!

He should be thanking me!  

Am I right, ladies?!

Of course, that line of self-righteous thinking led to an ill-timed argument, and what could have been a beautiful end to the day quickly degenerated into angry words and hurt feelings…

To find out how learning to recognize progress can save your marriage, join me over at my friend Becky’s blog for the rest of the story!

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Sharing this with: Grace and Truth,

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Christian living, difficult marriage, Hope, Husband, Marriage, marriage encouragement, save your marriage, troubled marriage, Wife, work in progress

How to Trust God With Your Marriage

August 15, 2015 by jstults 3 Comments

Sometimes trusting God with your marriage is just plain hard!  Our men go through tough times and so do we.  Maybe there has been a breach of trust, or maybe you’re both caught in the midst of a painful trial.

Maybe you’ve simply grown apart.

Whatever the case may be, trusting our husbands isn’t always foremost in our minds.

The hard part about being married to an imperfect man is that we are called to trust him and submit to him anyways, even:

  • When he forgets to pay bills
  • When he breaks a promise
  • When he grows depressed
  • When he acts irresponsibly
  • When he acts unloving
  • When he runs from God like Jonah

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Do you find that challenging?

Because I certainly do!

When I see evidence that my husband is really struggling in his faith and not walking well with the Lord, I begin to question his judgement and leadership for our family.

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That slippery slope of distrust quickly leads straight to disrespect if I don’t catch it in time.

How to Trust God with Your Marriage

Join me over at my friend Starla’s place for the rest of this piece on learning to trust God by trusting our husbands!  It’s my contribution to her awesome 31 Days of Trusting God series. 🙂

Click the picture below to read!

Failing to trust your husband is really failing to trust God. It's a hard pill to swallow sometimes, I know!  Read here to learn how to trust God with your marriage!

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Christian living, Christian Marriage, Christian Women, how to trust, Husband, Marriage, Trust, trust my husband, Wife

Every Wife’s Choice Review

July 28, 2015 by jstults 16 Comments

 

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. To find out more about affiliate links, please visit the About page.  Additionally, a free copy of this book was provided for review purposes. However, all opinions are my own and I have not been compensated in any way for them.

From the very first lines of Sarah Fairchild’s new release, Every Wife’s Choice, I knew this book had the potential to powerfully impact women, especially those in modern marriages.

Every Wife’s Choice: Loving beyond the mood of the moment speaks to the current culture of do what feels good for you and the selfish human tendency to look out for our own interests.

I’ll be honest; as a woman, even a Christian woman, my emotions often dictate my behavior if I allow them to.  So stressful moments with my mate are compounded by the fact that emotions come into play and cloud my thinking.

That’s why Fairchild’s book is so important for wives!

“Sure, love is patient, but how do I choose patience in the midst of emotional turmoil? When frustration boils over into meltdown mode how do I release those pent up feelings and act patiently instead?  Love  is kind, but where do I draw the line before my heart begins to feel like a doormat?  

I needed more than pretty cliche’s. I needed practical answers.” ~Sarah Fairchild 

More than obvious cliche’s or trite sayings, Every Wife’s Choice delves into Greek word study to discover the significance of the First Corinthians love passage and apply that knowledge to everyday life in a practical yet biblical way.

 

Newly released, Every Wife's Choice by Sarah Fairchild teaches women to move beyond the "mood of the momen" so they can love their husbands God's Way. Combing personal anecdotes with Greek word study, the author focuses on the First Corinthians love passage that is so familiar to us all.  After in depth study, readers will learn to apply new insights in very practical yet biblical ways!

From chapter one, it’s clear to readers that the foundation for Every Wife’s Choice comes straight from the Gospel itself. The mercy and grace shown to us by a loving Father is what empowers us wives to choose to agape love despite what we are feeling in the moment!

“Jesus never asks us to do more than He has already done, however, and He understands exactly what it means to love an enemy.

After all, He loves us…” ~ Sarah Fairchild

That’s why I wholeheartedly recommend Every Wife’s Choice for women from every walk of life.

In fact, the application of the Greek word study contained in this book reaches beyond marriage, beyond women, and to all Christ-followers. It’s themes are universal!

Although this study comes from a marriage perspective, the information contained is applicable to all women (and even men) desiring to love others as Christ loves us.

It doesn’t hurt that Fairchild’s book is full of humorous anecdotes from her own life, either! The chapter titled “Till Dogs Do Us Part” had me giggling all the way through yet the humor did not distract from her important message.

Fairchild’s easy style and quick humor remove any potential dryness that some readers might find in a typical Greek word study.  And although the author’s approach is academic in nature, her effective use of story-telling sets readers at ease.

Every Wife's Choice by Sarah Fairchild teaches women how to choose love in spite of our fickle moods.  Combining humorous anecdotes with Greek word study, the author leads women to understand how to overcome the "mood of the moment."  Her applications of the First Corinthians love passage are both practical and biblical!

Each chapter of Every Wife’s Choice builds on the previous, just as each attribute of love described by Paul in the First Corinthians passage builds on the previous one.  Such scaffolding of knowledge and application are aptly described by the author in the final pages:

“There is a Rock upon which we can build our love, brick by brick, choice by choice.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Thus, Every Wife’s Choice is clearly a book for all wives:

~ the newly married wife

~ the fifty-years-in wife

~ the struggling wife

~ the happy wife looking to keep her marriage strong

“[Agape] love enables us to give ourselves fully to the marriage we’re in, whether it’s the marriage we dreamt about or a painful work in progress.” ~ Sarah Fairchild

Fairchild’s aim throughout is to free wives from the tight grip of emotions so that we can become the wives God intended us to be, wives who reflect His heart for others.

What better way to learn to be a godly wife than to study His Holy Word?

You’ve read many a time here on Being Confident of This that we are work-in-progress women. Perhaps that is what I love most about Fairchild’s book –  she recognizes the work-in-progress nature of married life.

And she anchors the hope of progress firmly in our Lord.

Now, who wants to win a free copy??! 🙂

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Keep the up the good work-in-progress, friends!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Bible study, Christian Marriage, First Corinthians, happy marriage, how to love, Husband, Imperfect Marriage, Imperfect Progress, Marriage, struggling marriage, the Love passage, Wife

Through My Grace-Colored Glasses

May 17, 2015 by jstults 18 Comments

Last night I had a little run-in with Perfectionism again.  He just won’t leave me alone. He follows me wherever I go, pointing out flaws in my house-keeping, my parenting, my marriage relationship, even my walk with the Lord.

Some days I can ignore him and others I just can’t seem to escape. And I know it’s Perfectionism and not the Holy Spirit because of his voice.  He whispers lies to me: “you’ll never change” or “you’re never going to be good enough” or “why even bother anymore.”

I’ve been enslaved by his words before, but last night was different.

You see, my husband and I stayed up much too late because we were arguing about a financial issue.

I felt angry and disappointed and fearful.  The familiar panic of how can I possibly do right in this situation and still get my point across welled up within me, and I knew a battle was swiftly approaching.

I know some of you are chuckling right now, and rightfully so!

It’s the quandary every woman who ever lived on the face of Earth deals with: to obey the Lord and demonstrate respect for my husband or to take control and make my voice heard?

God’s way or my way?

When it comes to submitting to and respecting my husband, I so often feel like Paul in Romans chapter 7. I know what I want to do, what I should do, yet I feel powerless to actually do it.

I’ve believed so many lies for so long.  

I fail frequently.

But the Lord is faithful, and I’m learning to trust His promises to carry that work in me, in my marriage, until completion in the day of Christ (Phil. 1:6).

Later on after our apologies were spoken and we both felt at peace, we finally turned out the lights in hopes for at least a few hours of sleep.

And that’s when it happened.  

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In the stillness of the dark, my husband’s voice broke through Perfectionism’s insidious whispers, “Thank you for being so calm and patient with me tonight.”

Stunned, my disbelieving heart rejected his kind words and earlier tears returned in full force.

“But I wasn’t patient!” I agonized. “I was so angry and so disappointed and I struggled, I really struggled, not to say mean and hateful things.” The weight of my own sin and failure hung about my neck.

My husband’s reply was quiet, yet firm, “Babe, even though you were angry, you were patient with me. You didn’t bite my head off. You maintained control. You gave me space and that helped me.”

At that moment, the truth of his words broke through Perfectionism’s grasp.  No, I didn’t handle the situation as well as I would have liked; I wasn’t perfect.  Yes, there was definitely room for improvement.

Nevertheless, his words rang true. What normally would have developed into a full-fledged, hours-long fight was briefly resolved.  By the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, I realized that we were definitely making progress.

That’s when I saw Perfectionism for what he was – one part self, one part Satan.  

Self was prideful, Satan was deceitful, and the combination of the two brought me chains of defeat that I no longer wish to carry.

In Perfectionism’s chains, I so often measure in black and white, success or failure, perfect or imperfect.

Praise the Lord that my Redeemer is teaching me to put on my Grace-colored glasses and see the shades of success, to celebrate even the smallest steps of progress, to proclaim every small victory because of His work in me, in us.

 

I hope I never forget that moment.  My husband spoke freeing words to me last night, and the Holy Spirit confirmed them within me.

Daughter, you are the good that you so desperately want to be, not because your efforts are so grand and your reach so high, but because you are walking a path of progress, trusting in the promise of redemption.  I never asked you to be perfect, just willing. At the same time, daughter, you are perfect, not in yourself, but in my Son because He already carried these burdens with Him and nailed them to the cross.  They died and were buried with Him.  But you daughter, you rose with Him in perfection, a new creation, beautiful to behold, born of His glory.  And now you no longer live as a slave in Romans 7, but in Romans 8 as more than a conqueror, confident in the promise that you will never be separated from His love!

2 Corinthians 5:17 proclaims, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come. (NASB)”

I don’t think I’ll ever cease to be overwhelmed by such truths, such promises, such magnificent grace.  In the midst of my sorrow and my shame, my Savior showed up and handed me a pair of Grace-colored glasses.

Perfectionism, you’re no longer welcome here.

I’m embracing my work-in-progress status

and the grace that has already set me free!

Jen 🙂

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the Being Confident of This homepage. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

~ You just finished an excerpt from the book Hope for the Hurting Wife by Rebekah Hallberg and Jen Stults, two women who have walked through the valley of troubled marriages and emerged safely on the other side. Their testimonies to God’s presence and hope in the midst of difficulty gives hope to wives who are really struggling not to give up!

 

Find additional encouraging content in this book:

 

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Sharing with: A Look At the Book, Make Your Home Sing Monday, Tell It To Me Tuesday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Titus 2sdays, Wedded Wednesdays, A Little R&R Wednesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, Grace and Truth, Faith Filled Fridays

Filed Under: Christianity, Marriage Tagged With: Christ-centered living, Christian Marriage, Fear of failure, Grace, hope for the hurting wife, Imperfect Marriage, Imperfect Progress, Marriage, Perfectionism, work in progress

6 Ways to Stir Up Love in a Difficult Marriage

February 7, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 23 Comments

A few days ago, I shared just part of my struggling marriage story and how difficult Valentine’s Day is when you don’t feel like celebrating love. If you didn’t catch that first part, please go back and read For the Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Like Celebrating Love  before you read any further here so that you can get the whole picture. 🙂

I’m happy to say that our marriage is in a much stronger place now than it was then, although not without its problems. So, this Valentine’s Day will be easier than the one I previously described.

However, I know so many of you wives out there are hurting, too. How do I know? Because the number one searched word that leads people to this blog is the word “unloved” from a post I wrote way back in 2013.

Since then, I’ve been contacted by so many Christian wives who truly desire to walk in obedience to the Lord even in the midst of marriage problems, but they just aren’t sure how. I have been that wife myself!

So, if you find yourself in a marriage that just plain stinks this Valentine’s Day (or birthday, anniversary, Christmas, whatever you happen to be celebrating) – if you believe you can’t show love because you feel so unloved – I have some advice for you that comes from my personal experience as a struggling wife.

6 Ways to Stir Up Love in a Difficult Marriage

1. Remember who you are in Christ. This has been key for me in overcoming lies from the Enemy about my marriage. In Christ, I am completely and perfectly fulfilled. I am perfectly loved. I am wanted. I am cherished. I am chosen.  Any loving that I do, has to flow from that place of understanding who I am as a Daughter of the King and Christ’s Bride.  When I find my identity in Christ instead of in my marriage, then I can survive the tough times.

2. Pray. Pray without ceasing that the Lord will give you His unfailing love for your man. I can’t tell you how often I’ve begged this of our Father over the years. That agape love comes not from us, my sisters in Christ. Rather, it is an overflow of abiding in the One who IS perfect Love. Pray for your man, as well, that he will demonstrate love to you in return. The Lord can affect changes in his heart that you can never hope to make!

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3. Seek counsel. My husband and I might face the effects of PTSD on our marriage for the rest of our lives. I pray not, but it could be so.  We’ve found a few godly friends who really “get” us and even more importantly, “get” our marriage dynamic.  They understand because they’ve been there, too.  However, I highly recommend seeking out a godly Christian counselor.  We’ve been through several over our nearly 16 years of marriage.

Our current counselor is by far my favorite. He doesn’t downplay the reality of PTSD as some do, neither does he downplay the power of Christ. He brings scripture into our sessions and ends each one with a prayer that brings encouragement to our hearts.

My friends, there is an indescribable comfort in realizing that your marriage problems are not unique.

Others have faced them and overcome them before!  You are not alone as the Enemy would have you believe. Seek help! And if your man won’t go with you, please don’t use that as an excuse not to get help for yourself.

4. Make a list. Sometimes when I’m really struggling to love my husband, I make a list. I take note of all of the things I admire about him – all of the reasons for loving who he is as a person.  This really helps me to turn my focus from the negative, things I dislike, to the positive, things I like.  It also helps me to look back and see the ways in which he has grown over the years. After all, he is a work-in-progress, just as I am. Remembering that fact helps me to show him more grace and love.

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5. Read your old journals or love notes. Every once in a great while, I pull out my memory box and look through pictures or keepsakes from the early years. I read the notes my husband wrote to me. It’s easier to love someone when I remember that he loves me, too! The memory box also helps me to remember how marriage can be easy between us.  It doesn’t always have to be a struggle (that’s another lie straight from the Enemy, sisters!). Good years will return as long as we both continue to follow the Lord and pursue each other.

6. Pursue your man.  Okay, honestly, I still fight this one so hard at times – it’s a pride issue for me and an area the Lord is still working in.  However, I’m learning that when I obediently reach out to my husband instead of waiting for him to reach out to me, he responds and we both gain. Pursuing him might be as simple as stopping what I’m doing and looking him in the eyes when he speaks to me, or choosing to sit next to him on the couch and hold his hand even if he sat way over there in the first place.;)

 

I know how difficult the above advice is to hear when you’re so broken-hearted, so wounded, so unloved.

Yes, I know it is.

But I have faith in the God who works out the impossible!

I’ve seen it in my own marriage in places where the Father has torn down our shabby constructs of love in order to build up newer, stronger foundations that rest on Him alone. I believe Him when he says I can do ALL things through His strength – even loving someone whom I might believe to be undeserving of my love. I can love someone who doesn’t love me in return, perhaps even someone who truly despises me at the moment, because of the power of Christ in me. And you can do it, too!

You can celebrate Valentine’s Day without glossing over that fact that your marriage is hurting. You can be honest with your spouse. You can choose to act lovingly toward him even if he is not reciprocating. You can cling to the hope that Christ redeems us, and He redeems our marriages, too!

You can, my sisters in Christ, because of Jesus.

Father, when we feel discouraged in our marriages, when we struggle to speak even a few loving words to our husbands, help us to remember that our marriages are works-in-progress, too.  Show us the progress, Lord!  Give us agape love for our husbands so that they might be drawn to us and drawn to You.  Remind us to pray for them. Remind us to pursue them. Show us every small way in which we can encourage and uplift them because of Your strength in us. And when we’re feeling so unloved ourselves, help us to turn to You, the Author of perfect Love. Teach us to be satisfied in You.  Especially on this Valentine’s Day, I ask you to bind up the brokenhearted and give them Hope!  Because of Your one and only Son’s death on our behalf….

Amen!

Jen 🙂

*This post makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the Being Confident of This homepage. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

~ You just finished an excerpt from the book Hope for the Hurting Wife by Rebekah Hallberg and Jen Stults, two women who have walked through the valley of troubled marriages and emerged safely on the other side. Their testimonies to God’s presence and hope in the midst of difficulty gives hope to wives who are really struggling not to give up!

Find additional encouraging content in this book:

marriage help | marriage advice | marriage problems | wife | husband | Christian women | Bible study | devotional #marriage #marriagebook #devotional #hope

 

Related Articles:

For the Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Like Celebrating Love

How to Love When You Feel Unloved

Through My Grace-colored Glasses

It Was Ugly

For more encouraging articles on marriage, check out the Celebrating Marriage pinterest board!

Sharing this post with:

Making Your Home Sing Monday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Wedded Wednesday, Tell His Story, Wholehearted Home

 

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A Lost Coin and Marriage ~ Grace and Truth Week 4

February 6, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 2 Comments

Yesterday I talked about the tough times in marriage here on the blog. So, today I’m pleased to feature another blogger’s unique take on losing things and marriage. Her post is a little more light-hearted, yet contains important truths!  Be sure to visit Aimee at a Work of Grace for more truth-filled reading. Thanks, Aimee for the great read! 🙂

You can also find Aimee on Google Plus, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest!

Now, on to this week’s link-up!

Jen 🙂

Thanks for linking up with us last week. If you were featured, feel free to grab a featured button below!

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Grace & Truth : A Weekly Christian Link Up

Grace & Truth exists to point people to Jesus! We hope this link-up will be a source of encouragement each and every week. If you’re a blogger our hope is that you’ll use this space as a way to meet new friends within the Christian blogging community. If you’re a reader our hope is that you’ll meet new bloggers that love Jesus just as much as you do! Most of all, we hope you’ll meet Jesus here.

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4.) All links are randomly sorted – feel free to link as early or as late as you’d like. The playing field is even!

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For the Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Like Celebrating Love

February 5, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 49 Comments

It’s no secret to those who know me well that my marriage isn’t perfect. Whose is, really? 🙂

So maybe you’ve spent time there lately, struggling in marriage, battling  through in that part of the vows that we all like to ignore – the “for worse?”

And with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, your pain is magnified because while everyone else is celebrating love, you’re left wondering where the love has gone.

Perhaps you don’t even want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all?

You’re not alone.

I’ve been in that place, too.

Early on in our marriage, my husband revealed a secret about past trauma that he had kept hidden for years. He had survived things as a child that nearly made me vomit when I heard them, yet he never spoke a word!

That revelation (and other difficult circumstances) led to a really dark time in our marriage.

After talking with some trusted friends, we finally sought professional help, but it was years later before we learned that my husband really struggled with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). Yes, the kind that soldiers get when they’ve been to war, only his was induced by childhood trauma.

At some point, I began to wonder – who is this man that I married? Followed by the thought – this isn’t what I signed up for.

When you're unhappy in your marriage, celebrating is the last thing you want to do. Here's hope for the heartbroken wife this Valentine's Day. #marriage #faith #marriageadvice #encouragement Being Confident of This | when marriage is hard | unhappily married | difficult marriage | Valentine's Day | wife doesn't want to celebrate | feeling unloved | Christian women | godly wife | marriage encouragement | biblical truth | fighting for marriage | healhty marriage

We continued on, struggling in marriage, partially because of his own personal fight with demons from the past and partially because I was believing lies from the Enemy about myself, about him, and about us.

I worried a lot about whether we would make it.

Sometimes I even longed for the release and relief of a separation. Wouldn’t it be so much easier on my own?

But I knew that divorce was a sin. I also knew I didn’t want that life for my children, and I knew that part of me still loved my husband in spite of not feeling the love at the moment, so ultimately we decided to stick it out.

Yet it wasn’t easy.

And then came Valentine’s Day, a day for celebrating love and marriage.

The problem was that I didn’t feel “in love” anymore. In fact, at times I didn’t even like my husband, and I don’t think he liked me very much either.  I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all.

 

So, how can you buy a Valentine’s Day card for your husband when it feels like a lie to even say a simple, “I love you” or “You’re wonderful?”

There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about staying committed even though marriage is hard right now.

There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about how you weep at night, yet you hold onto hope for better days.

You cannot find a card that demonstrates how much you value your commitment and value your spouse in spit of feeling unhappy, nor cards that express the hope of longing for a healthy marriage.

No, those cards don’t exist.

What could I do?  To buy a sentimental card felt like a lie; it would be dishonest.  Finally, I settled on a more general card, then added my own note to it.

I wrote about how hard life had been lately for both of us.

I wrote how sorry I was for my own failures as a wife. I wrote about what I saw in him when we first fell in love. Most importantly, I wrote how I planned to stick by him, for better or for worse, even though marriage seemed so much more than “worse” at the moment.

In so many words, I told him I believed in us and I believed in our God.

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the home page!

Hope for the Hurting Wife: 30 Days of Practical Encouragement for Your Marriage. Coming Soon! marriage book|difficult marriage|husband|wife|hard times in marriage|marriage encouragement

My husband still keeps those cards, even the ones from the rough years (yes, years). They mean something to him. They mean something to me, too.

We survived that rough Valentine’s Day and some painful anniversaries, too. Although I’d love to tell you we never visited the dark times again in these last 15 years, it would be a lie.  We have.

I’ve since learned that every marriage has its ups and downs. That’s just normal. 🙂

So, this Valentine’s Day, my heart goes out to you, the wife who doesn’t feel like celebrating love, the wife who feels so unloved and maybe even trapped.

I know that Valentine’s Day shines a great big spotlight on your source of pain. I know you are tired of struggling in marriage and you long for just a small slice of peace in your life.

I know you often feel alone in this. And I know the loving feelings just aren’t there at the moment, as much as you wish them to be.

Take heart, lonely, wounded wife.

You are not alone! The Father has not forgotten you!

Psalm 34:17-18

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
     The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

This is just part of my story of surviving Valentine’s Day when you feel unloved… and unloving.  I hope you’ll join us for Part 2 in which I share six practical tips for stirring up love when marriage just plain stinks.

Until then,

Jen 🙂

This post is an excerpt from the book, Hope for the Hurting Wife: 30 Days of Encouragement for Your Marriage by Rebekah Hallberg and Jen Stults.

Related articles:

6 Ways to Stir Up Love in a Difficult Marriage

How to Love When You Feel Unloved

Through My Grace-colored Glasses

It Was Ugly

Sharing this post with: Tell His Story, Wedded Wednesay, Wifey Wednesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, Grace and Truth, Unite, Titus 2 Tuesdays, Making Your Home Sing Monday, The Homemaking Party

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Christian living, Christian Marriage, difficult marriage, feeling unloved, marriage help, struggling marriage, struggling wife, troubled marriage, Valentine's Day, wounded wife

One Simple Way to Meet Your Goals

January 17, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 15 Comments

I’ll admit, I tend to resist setting goals. Anyone else?

My perfectionist nature resists setting a standard due to fear of failure. It’s one of the reasons I’ve had such a hard time finding my “one word”  in the past.

I don’t like to be wrong.

I don’t like to fall short.

But the flip side of playing it safe is never stretching myself, never reaching for something more, never giving myself a chance to succeed.

It’s not that I never have any goals for myself at all for; it’s just that I don’t often claim them, don’t often voice them aloud, don’t share them with others, and definitely don’t hold myself accountable.  I’m guilty of keeping my goals general rather than specific because that makes them easier to meet.

However, this year I recognize the need to risk a little more, step out in faith while trusting in the God who is at work in us and promises to complete that work (Phil.1:6).

One of my goals for the year is to do my part in restoring my health.

I need more sleep. I need more exercise. I need to eat more balanced meals and to take in less sugar. This past month or so of illness has been eye-opening. I need to do these things in order to be healthy, but more importantly to honor the Father with my body, to walk in obedience with Him.

I need to do these things in order to be healthy, but more importantly to honor the Father with my body, to walk in obedience with Him.

Pray for me, sisters!

Another goal for the year is to use my time more wisely through better planning.

Time management affects so many areas of my life, but to be specific, I plan to spend at least two mornings a week writing and working on this blog.

Previously, I’ve squeezed writing in here and there, but I’m finding lately that if I don’t plan time to write, it just doesn’t happen. And then I lay awake at night with all of these great ideas and phrases and sometimes whole sentences or paragraphs swirling around in my mind. Anyone else? 🙂

I want to obey the Lord in best using this gift of writing. I don’t want to put that on hold unless He asks that of me, and lately He seems to be asking more, not less in this area.

Women everywhere understand this pull to be involved in ALL of the good things, but often in our attempts to do so, we miss out on the best things. If I want the best for me and for my family, I have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading and not man’s wisdom.

I make it my goal to please Christ.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Gal. 1:10

 

Does fear of failure get in the way of your goals? Here's how Christian women can find victory! #goals #godlywomen #overcome #settinggoals Being Confident of This | resources | goal setting tips | New Year | how to meet your goals | godly goals | God's will | discerning God's direction for my life | overwhelmed by big goals | overcoming fear | fear of failure | perfectionism | recovering perfectionist | Grace Goals

A final goal is to love my husband as Christ does.

It’s been a really tough year for both of us. The trials have been nearly constant and there is always the temptation to withdraw into oneself in order to survive the refining fires. But we cannot! For the sake of our marriage and our family, we must learn to suffer together, to support one another even when we already feel the weight of our own burdens.

I see already how the Father is working that understanding into us, teaching us a better way. I know He will be faithful to complete the work in our marriage, as well.

he makes all things beautiful verse, goals in marriage, setting goals for the year

One practical way I can love my husband better is to consistently reach out to him, whether through words or actions or touch. I can hug and kiss him when he leaves for the day and when he comes home. I can look at him and ask him how his day was even if I’m busy when he comes in the door.

My goal is to intentionally seek connection with him, to encourage him, and to help him feel loved – every day.

The one simple way to meet your goals

When I read all of the words above, I am easily overwhelmed!  I see all of the flaws, the areas that need work.

There are so many and I…

well, I am only one.

Do you feel that same lacking, sisters?  That same inadequacy?

However, the Father reminds me that I can accomplish these goals by doing one simple thing: abide in Him.

It’s true! If I focus on abiding in Him, I will be sensitive to His leading and these other areas of life will fall into place so much easier than if I try to work towards these goals all on my own.

If I get up with this long list of “must do’s” each day, I’ll be worn out and discouraged before lunchtime.

But if I get up with the goal of abiding in Him and following His leading, I can be at peace. You can too!

And if I learn how to discern His plans and purpose for me, then I can spend my time wisely pursuing the goals He has for me rather than wasting my time doing all of the things I “think” He wants me to do.

With the power of His grace and the reality of His Spirit living in me, I don’t have to give in to that old fear of failure anymore. If my main goal is to please Christ, then that work is already accomplished by His death on my behalf! From that perspective, I’m already living in victory.

It’s only by living and working from this identity that we can be transformed and renewed from the inside out.

That’s the simple way to meet your goals – make it your goal to please Christ.

It comes back to that work-in-progress truth, my sisters in Christ.

He promises.

And I believe Him.

Don’t let fear of failure get in the way any longer.

Choose faith.

Choose progress.

Jen 🙂

More to read on goal-setting and goals:

5 Methods for Setting Goals Rooted in Faith

3 Fears to Overcome When You’re Feeling Stuck

How to Persevere in Life

Need help with goal-setting? Here’s my favorite faith-based goal planning resource: (my affiliate link)

I deeply appreciate the scriptural approach to setting godly goals that Grace Goals has! And the practical planning sheets

help me break down large and overwhelming goals into smaller, doable steps – that’s key to helping us overcome that fear of failure!

Are you desperate for change? Tired of feeling defeated? Don't let fear of failure hold you back any longer  - learn how to meet your goals with God's help! #gracegoals #change #workinprogresswomen

 

 

 

If I get up with this long list of "must do's" each day, I'll be worn out and discouraged before lunch. Setting and reaching goals can be overwhelming for some. Focus on this simple way to meet your goals instead! 1Simple Way to Meet Your Goals from Being Confident of This

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Welcome to the New Christian Living Link-up ~ #GraceTruth

January 16, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 6 Comments

I’m beyond excited to introduce you all to something that has been in the works for several weeks now. Faithful readers and Lofter buddies know that we’ve hosted a link-up called #TheLoft for some months now. Recently our hosting group was offered an opportunity to merge with quite a few other like-minded faith bloggers in a new, bigger weekly link-up. Although we’re sad to lose a little of the intimacy that a smaller group allows for, we are enthusiastic about the opportunities this new link-up brings for all faith bloggers.

So, without further ado, I invite you to join us for Grace & Truth, a weekly Christian link-up!

Jen 🙂

Grace & Truth : A Weekly Christian Link Up

Grace & Truth exists to point people to Jesus! We hope this link-up will be a source of encouragement each and every week. If you’re a blogger our hope is that you’ll use this space as a way to meet new friends within the Christian blogging community. If you’re a reader our hope is that you’ll meet new bloggers that love Jesus just as much as you do! Most of all, we hope you’ll meet Jesus here.

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Satisfaction Through Christ
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Kaylene Yoder
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The Brown Tribe
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A Virtuous Woman
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Arabah Joy
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A Divine Encounter
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Leah Adams
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Being Confident of This
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Busy Being Blessed
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Sharing Redemption’s Stories
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2.) Leave 1-2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. Please do not link DIY, Crafts, Recipes, etc. Links of this kind will be deleted.

3.) Grab a button or link back to encourage new linkers. This is not mandatory to participate, but is required to be featured next week.

4.) Visit 2-3 other links and leave a meaningful comment! We want to encourage community, so please don’t link and run!

5.) Each host will choose one link to feature and promote via their social media channels next week. See requirements above to be featured.

6.) All links are randomly sorted – feel free to link as early or as late as you’d like. The playing field is even!

7.) By linking up you agree to allow the hosts to use your featured post image if you are chosen as a feature for next week.

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Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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jstults[at]beingconfidentofthis[dot]com

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New devotional release from Jen Stults - Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This book is for every Christian woman who wants to walk in confident faith instead of struggling with doubt, fear, and insecurity! self-esteem | self-confidence | self-help | motivational | personal growth | spiritual growth | how to be more confident | Christian women | devotional | Bible study | identity in Christ | superwoman myth | being like Mary

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