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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

How We’re Getting Valentine’s Day All Wrong

February 12, 2018 by jstults 4 Comments

Valentine’s Day – love it or hate it?

Some say it’s a meaningful day to appreciate our loved ones while others claim the day is nothing more than one marketing ploy after the other.

Recently, I learned the surprising story behind our holiday, and how we’re getting Valentine’s Day all wrong. It’s so revolutionary and counter-cultural that I want to share with pretty much everyone I know.

Because, friends, it’s important!

In our commercialized culture, Valentine’s Day has become all about romantic love, and if you don’t have that kind of love in your life (or if your relationship is strained at the moment), then you’re just plain out of luck.

For this reason, Valentine’s Day often leads to depression and loneliness for many people because, let’s be honest, no relationship is perfect and no one wants to be alone on a day that’s all about love.

But the truth is that the origins of Valentine’s Day tell a completely different story – one that reveals how we’re getting Valentine’s Day all wrong!

We’ve been deceived by a world that would take the most precious gift we have to offer, and the most precious gift offered to us, and make it shallow and somewhat meaningless.

Why We’re Getting Valentine’s Day All Wrong

According to church tradition and historical documents, Saint Valentine was a priest who married couples in secret defiance of the Roman Emperor’s ban on marriage. Valentine believed so strongly in his faith that he demonstrated the ultimate form of love – not eros, or romantic love, but agape – the kind of love that sacrifices self for the sake of another. He put his life on the line in order to help couples who wished to follow God’s ways.

When he was discovered, Valentine faced punishment in the form of imprisonment and torture, eventually laying down his very life for a faith he so firmly believed in.

Did you catch that? He gave his life, for the sake of love and faith.

There is a depth of love to agape that is hard for us to even fathom, friends, and this world would ask us to settle for so much less, whether married or not.

When we feel “less than” because we don’t have a “someone special,” we settle for less than God’s best.

When we feel “unloved” because marriage is hard right now, we settle for less than God’s best.

When we make Valentine’s Day about what we get instead of what we give, we settle for less than God’s best.

Whether you love Valentine's Day or hate it, you might just be getting it all wrong! Christian women|Valentine's Day|real love|Bible studies|devotionals|Giveaway|free book|marriage book|Christian Living|spiritual growth|growing in Christ|Jesus|faith

Agape is God’s best.

Agape gives even when it hurts.

Agape is unconditional.

Agape never gives up.

And that agape love is already yours in Christ! All you have to do is receive it.

 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:12-13

Saint Valentine simply followed the example of love he found in Christ, who gave his life on the cross out of love for a sinful and hostile world.

You can walk through this Valentine’s Day focused on cards and chocolates and things of this world, or you can walk through the day focused on the supernatural abundance of love that this world can never, ever give you.

My work-in-progress friends, you can spend Valentine’s Day washed in the truth that you are fully loved, unconditionally loved, eternally loved, by a man who gave his very life for you – Jesus Christ.

And as you’re filled with His love, you can spend this day giving agape love away to others, too. It just might change your whole perspective.

Let’s get the day right instead of getting Valentine’s Day all wrong.

Will you join me now in thinking of how you can make agape the focus of your Valentine’s Day?

Jen 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Christianity Tagged With: Agape love, Christian apparel, Christian living, hope for the hurting wife, marriage book, Saint Valentine, Valentine's Day

For the Wife Who Doesn’t Feel Like Celebrating Love

February 5, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 49 Comments

It’s no secret to those who know me well that my marriage isn’t perfect. Whose is, really? 🙂

So maybe you’ve spent time there lately, struggling in marriage, battling  through in that part of the vows that we all like to ignore – the “for worse?”

And with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, your pain is magnified because while everyone else is celebrating love, you’re left wondering where the love has gone.

Perhaps you don’t even want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all?

You’re not alone.

I’ve been in that place, too.

Early on in our marriage, my husband revealed a secret about past trauma that he had kept hidden for years. He had survived things as a child that nearly made me vomit when I heard them, yet he never spoke a word!

That revelation (and other difficult circumstances) led to a really dark time in our marriage.

After talking with some trusted friends, we finally sought professional help, but it was years later before we learned that my husband really struggled with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). Yes, the kind that soldiers get when they’ve been to war, only his was induced by childhood trauma.

At some point, I began to wonder – who is this man that I married? Followed by the thought – this isn’t what I signed up for.

When you're unhappy in your marriage, celebrating is the last thing you want to do. Here's hope for the heartbroken wife this Valentine's Day. #marriage #faith #marriageadvice #encouragement Being Confident of This | when marriage is hard | unhappily married | difficult marriage | Valentine's Day | wife doesn't want to celebrate | feeling unloved | Christian women | godly wife | marriage encouragement | biblical truth | fighting for marriage | healhty marriage

We continued on, struggling in marriage, partially because of his own personal fight with demons from the past and partially because I was believing lies from the Enemy about myself, about him, and about us.

I worried a lot about whether we would make it.

Sometimes I even longed for the release and relief of a separation. Wouldn’t it be so much easier on my own?

But I knew that divorce was a sin. I also knew I didn’t want that life for my children, and I knew that part of me still loved my husband in spite of not feeling the love at the moment, so ultimately we decided to stick it out.

Yet it wasn’t easy.

And then came Valentine’s Day, a day for celebrating love and marriage.

The problem was that I didn’t feel “in love” anymore. In fact, at times I didn’t even like my husband, and I don’t think he liked me very much either.  I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all.

 

So, how can you buy a Valentine’s Day card for your husband when it feels like a lie to even say a simple, “I love you” or “You’re wonderful?”

There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about staying committed even though marriage is hard right now.

There are no Valentine’s Day cards that talk about how you weep at night, yet you hold onto hope for better days.

You cannot find a card that demonstrates how much you value your commitment and value your spouse in spit of feeling unhappy, nor cards that express the hope of longing for a healthy marriage.

No, those cards don’t exist.

What could I do?  To buy a sentimental card felt like a lie; it would be dishonest.  Finally, I settled on a more general card, then added my own note to it.

I wrote about how hard life had been lately for both of us.

I wrote how sorry I was for my own failures as a wife. I wrote about what I saw in him when we first fell in love. Most importantly, I wrote how I planned to stick by him, for better or for worse, even though marriage seemed so much more than “worse” at the moment.

In so many words, I told him I believed in us and I believed in our God.

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please visit the home page!

Hope for the Hurting Wife: 30 Days of Practical Encouragement for Your Marriage. Coming Soon! marriage book|difficult marriage|husband|wife|hard times in marriage|marriage encouragement

My husband still keeps those cards, even the ones from the rough years (yes, years). They mean something to him. They mean something to me, too.

We survived that rough Valentine’s Day and some painful anniversaries, too. Although I’d love to tell you we never visited the dark times again in these last 15 years, it would be a lie.  We have.

I’ve since learned that every marriage has its ups and downs. That’s just normal. 🙂

So, this Valentine’s Day, my heart goes out to you, the wife who doesn’t feel like celebrating love, the wife who feels so unloved and maybe even trapped.

I know that Valentine’s Day shines a great big spotlight on your source of pain. I know you are tired of struggling in marriage and you long for just a small slice of peace in your life.

I know you often feel alone in this. And I know the loving feelings just aren’t there at the moment, as much as you wish them to be.

Take heart, lonely, wounded wife.

You are not alone! The Father has not forgotten you!

Psalm 34:17-18

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
     The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

This is just part of my story of surviving Valentine’s Day when you feel unloved… and unloving.  I hope you’ll join us for Part 2 in which I share six practical tips for stirring up love when marriage just plain stinks.

Until then,

Jen 🙂

This post is an excerpt from the book, Hope for the Hurting Wife: 30 Days of Encouragement for Your Marriage by Rebekah Hallberg and Jen Stults.

Related articles:

6 Ways to Stir Up Love in a Difficult Marriage

How to Love When You Feel Unloved

Through My Grace-colored Glasses

It Was Ugly

Sharing this post with: Tell His Story, Wedded Wednesay, Wifey Wednesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, Grace and Truth, Unite, Titus 2 Tuesdays, Making Your Home Sing Monday, The Homemaking Party

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: Christian living, Christian Marriage, difficult marriage, feeling unloved, marriage help, struggling marriage, struggling wife, troubled marriage, Valentine's Day, wounded wife

Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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