Goal-setting Archives | Being Confident Of This

3 Fears to Overcome When You’re Feeling Stuck

December 21, 2016 by jstults 7 Comments

Sometimes I avoid writing just like I avoid prayer and time with the Lord.

I know why I do it. I avoid these things because I’m feeling ashamed or unworthy. I avoid because I’m afraid I might not like what the Lord has to say about my wishes or my needs or my complaints.

I avoid because it’s easier than trying to change, right friend?

Do you ever run like Jonah in the opposite direction? Do you hide away from the Lord like Adam and Eve and hope He won’t notice your absence?

Honestly, the last thing I felt like doing was praying this morning because I knew I had some confessing to do. The second-to-last thing I felt like doing was writing to you all because I know I’ve messed up, blown it, wasted valuable time, and squandered God-given opportunities.

It’s the worst feeling in the world – feeling stuck – wanting to change, yet feeling like you’re incapable!

Last year, I set some big goals for myself, but to be honest, I only did so half-heartedly, and I failed to fully reach a few of them. I’ve always been resistant to goal-setting, a sort of inner rebellion against holding myself accountable.

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering why.

Why am I, a planner by nature, so opposed to making plans for reaching specific goals?

Why do I avoid the very process that could help me when I’m feeling stuck?

As I was praying this morning, I realized there are several fears that are holding me back from my God-given success story (because He is in the business of changing lives, after all), and I wonder if they just might be holding you back, too, friend.

3 Fears that Keep Us Feeling Stuck

1. Fear of failure

If I set real, specific goals, then I’m taking the chance that I might fail, and failure is a perfectionist’s worst nightmare. We literally dream about it sometimes. The easy and safe path is to avoid setting goals at all, or to set vague goals so that we can partially achieve. What it really comes down to is an all-or-nothing mindset that fails to recognize the imperfect progress that I write about so often here.

2. Fear of self

Listen, friends, I know my own heart. I know there is this part of me that wants to achieve success so that I will look good to others. I know there is a part of me that wants success for selfish, unspiritual reasons. How do I keep fleshly pride at bay?

What if I set real, specific goals and then realize they were really my plans and not the Lord’s? I’ll have wasted all of that time, and I’ll be out of God’s will. Now, some of you may be chuckling at me at this point, but this is and has been a real fear of mine from a young age! It’s part of a perfectionist’s nature to do anything to avoid being wrong, and that plays into my spiritual life and some of yours, as well, I’m sure.

3. Fear of the hard work

If I spend time asking the Lord what He wants from me this next year, He might ask me to do things that seem way too hard! What if He asks me to uproot my entire family, or uproot our ministry, or do something really hard for a food-addicted person like me – give up sugar?!!

The truth is you and I might fail.

We might get it wrong to begin with, or we might convince ourselves the work is too difficult and give up part way through. There is no guarantee of success, no promise of perfect achievement, at least not in this lifetime.

So why take the risk?

Because the alternative is remaining stuck.

The Cure for Feeling Stuck

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of feeling stuck.

I’m fed up.

I’m ready for real and lasting change.

I’m determined not to let the enemy’s lies hold me down any longer because I fall short of perfection. For several years now, I’ve been writing about looking for progress, yet somewhere along the line, I fell for the lie that it’s all or nothing all over again.

And as sad as I am about that, it’s okay, it really is. It’s okay because…

Grace.

Grace is what allows us to grab on to the rescue rope. Grace reminds us that when we can’t pull ourselves up, He promises not to let go. Grace teaches us to let our Father do the heavy lifting so that our burden will be light!

Those fears we have when we’re feeling stuck? They’ll still be there.

They’ll sneak back up on us late at night when we lay down to sleep. They’ll plague us when we slip back into old habits. They’ll whisper, “You can’t do it.”

The enemy of our souls seeks to devour us, but we can be protected if we’ll just put on our spiritual armor and choose to do battle in faith.

You and I? We must choose to believe the promise of God’s Word that greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. That we are more than conquerors in Christ. That even when we can’t, He can!

And most importantly, that He loves us still.

He loves us still.

I don’t have all of the answers when it comes to setting goals, friend, but I know the One who does, and I trust that even if we set the wrong goals, even if we fail miserably, even if pride gets in the way, He will set us straight.

Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me. Psalm 119:133 (NIV)

If we choose to walk hand-in-hand with Him, rather than running like Jonah or hiding like Adam and Eve, we can be confident in our direction.

Let’s get unstuck together.

Jen 🙂

P.S. If you’re ready for change that really lasts, my friend Arabah Joy has created a workshop called Grace Goals for goal setting that is biblically based (my affiliate link). It’s one of the things I appreciate about her most – her material is always doctrinally sound and rooted in scripture. The second-best thing I like about Arabah Joy is that she keeps her products affordable, too. 😉

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, the first step to getting unstuck is to make a real plan for change.

I’ve been using this resource for a few years now, and I keep coming back to it because although the process of setting godly goals is challenging, the encouragement from scripture and the practical planning sheets have helped me to see real success!

Here’s what the printable Grace Goals workbook will assist you with:

Identifying the key area God wants you to tackle
Setting practical, godly goals to take your promised land
Developing a doable, personal plan for change
Learning why grace is the enablement you need
Recognizing and appropriating grace in your daily life

If you’re interested, email me to find out about the BONUS Work-in-progress Toolkit I’m offering through January 7th for those who purchase through my link! 🙂

Let today be the day of your fresh start!

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

5 Methods for Setting Goals Rooted in Faith

December 31, 2015 by jstults 7 Comments

Perhaps you found your way here after evaluating last year’s successes and failures. Perhaps setting goals is new to you, and you’d like a little help. Or perhaps, like me, you hesitate to set real goals in the first place because you’re desperate to avoid any kind of failure.

If you consistently make and break New Year’s resolutions, or if you often find your enthusiasm waning halfway through the year, then these methods for setting goals will help!

5 Methods for Setting Goals

1. Before you make an attempt at setting goals, spend time in prayer.

First, if you have an area of your life that needs improvement, God is probably already nudging you. The best goals are those the Father wills for us, and to remain aligned with His will requires a little soul-searching and time spent praying. If you already have some ideas about goals you should set, ask Him for confirmation!

Second, after you finish setting goals, continue to pray over your God-dependent efforts.

For example, when working on getting healthier last year, I often asked the Lord for strong lungs and strong knees so that I could continue working out. I asked Him to give me the desire to eat right and the desire to exercise. I even asked Him for strength to continue in the middle of some of those workouts.

When I quit praying for those things for a time, I struggled and wasted several months going nowhere.

2. Support your goals with scripture memorization.

Often the Holy Spirit reminds me of verses I have memorized at key moments, such as when I’m tempted, struggling to trust, or avoiding obedience. He even brings to mind verses to encourage me in my efforts.

The more we memorize, the more weapons in our arsenal!

When working on a goal pertaining to a weakness in your life or a desire to achieve something new, find and memorize a few key verses to motivate and encourage you.

And on the heels of scripture memorization…

3. Expect and prepare for opposition.

I’ve mentioned before that as soon as we aim to make positive changes in our lives, Satan is sure to try us. When we finish setting goals, we instantly become walking targets! Doubt easily sets in when we fail to prepare for spiritual warfare.

Even friends or family may unintentionally discourage us because they fail to understand our goals, or perhaps they just don’t agree with them! Either way, if we expect and prepare for rough seas at first, we won’t be easily deterred when storms blow our way.

4. Start with small steps.

Change isn’t easy, especially if you are trying to undo a life-long habit! Even if you’re simply adding a new habit, real change takes weeks – some experts advise 30-40 days or longer.

Don’t be ashamed of your baby steps!

Use the small start to build to bigger changes.

Starting small after setting goals allows you to focus on one thing at a time so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. For example, if your goal is to eat healthier, start by exchanging an unhealthy afternoon snack for a serving of vegetables. Once you’ve mastered that step you can move on to a bigger step.

The verse below comes from the days of rebuilding the temple in Jerusalem. God’s faithful were few in number and faced discouragement at every turn. Theses were His words:

^“Also the word of the Lord came to me, saying, “The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house, and his hands will finish it. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you. For who has despised the day of small things?” (Zech. 4:8-10a, NASB, emphasis mine)

Don’t despise the day of small things. Instead, celebrate every small victory!

5. Break loose from perfectionism by embracing grace.

I’ve written before about disliking the process of setting goals (and being afraid to get too specific) because I’m afraid to fail. I hate failing! As a perfectionist, I must recognize how this all or nothing mindset limits me.

The only way to break loose from perfectionism’s chains is to view myself as a work-in-progress woman.

“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6, NASB)

Rather than avoiding the process of setting goals altogether, I purpose to show myself grace!

I know some current goals are going to be long hauls, especially this weight loss journey. Whereas a setback might have caused me to give up for good previously, with grace in mind I can see the work in progress rather than individual or isolated failures.

* This post makes use of affiliate links. Jen is an affiliate for Grace Goals and will receive compensation for any purchase made through the affiliate links on this blog at no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Being Confident of This!

My favorite tool for grace-filled goal-setting:

Do you really want lasting, godly change?

If so, I highly recommend Grace Goals, a new scripture-based goal-setting workshop developed by my friend Arabah Joy (this is my affiliate link).

Grace Goals contains 5 Workshops to help you identify your greatest desires and develop a plan for pursuing them. Grace Goals also targets the tools you need to succeed and (the most important part, in my opinion) helps you understand how faith plays the greatest role in achieving real change!

Here’s what Grace Goals 2019 includes:

year end review sheets
spiritual growth inventory sheets
practical goal planner pages that will help you break your goal into smaller, less intimidating steps
printable pages to help organize your thought
The Grace Goals Workshops workbook – my FAVORITE part and what sets this apart from other goal-setting planners (think Bible study combined with practical tips)

Why Grace Goals?

Because as a pastor’s wife and woman of faith, I appreciate the fact that Arabah Joy takes a biblical approach to goal-setting rather than a worldly approach. In fact, in the very first workshop, Arabah Joy recognizes that no goal is worth pursuing if it hasn’t come from God.

If you’re looking for validation for goals and dreams you have already decided for yourself, then this probably isn’t for you.

On the other hand, if you genuinely want to know what the Lord wants you to focus on and the dreams and desires that come from Him (as scary as that can be sometimes), then you will find Grace Goals very helpful!

In fact, the first time I started Grace Goals, I quit.

It challenged me in unexpected ways, so I tucked tail and ran away scared.

But after falling under conviction, I picked Grace Goals back up, and I’m so thankful. Last year I used Grace Goals and the planning sheets to write and teach a Bible study on discipleship for some of the women in our church, several of whom are now discipling others. To God be the glory!

I used Grace Goals again earlier this year to pray over, plan out, and publish a new devotional I believed God had laid on my heart, Being Confident of This.

As challenging as it may be, I look forward to discovering what God has next for the coming year! 🙂

LIMITED TIME OFFER

This year Arabah Joy is offering 2 of her own bonuses – a spiritual growth plan workshop, as well as a spiritual disciplines and growth binder!

These are limited offers, so be sure to check and see when they expire.

In addition, anyone who purchases through my affiliate links is eligible for a limited time BONUS from me, too – a Work-in-Progress Toolkit. It’s perfect for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, and is designed to be a companion to Grace Goals – to encourage you along the way by addressing obstacles I’ve encountered when attempting to set godly goals.

I know from experience that setting goals can easily be seen as a set-up for failure, so I want to help you learn how having a work-in-progress mindset creates a set-up for success instead!

The Work-in-Progress Toolkit Includes:

a beautiful truth-journaling worksheet that can be printed as many times as you want
high quality 8×10 scripture prints for you to hang around your home
a weekly encouraging email that will help you focus on overcoming those fears and insecurities related to goal-setting

No need to fear the goal-setting process with this grace-filled encouragement in place to help you focus on truth.

To claim your BONUS from me, simply email me your receipt from this year by January 7th and you’ll start receiving your bonuses each week for a month! 🙂

I hope you take advantage of this special offer, friends, because the content here is extraordinary!

Wishing you a fruitful New Year!

Jen 🙂

A New Perspective on Setbacks

January 29, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 13 Comments

Yesterday, as I drove home from a good workout, I was feeling so thankful for some progress in regaining strength after my recent extended illness. I was also proud of myself for exercising every day of the week so far. I felt joy and hope like I haven’t felt for weeks!

Victory was mine!

Just as I reached our back door, I slipped on some ice, fell forward, and banged my knees hard on the cement step. Fear gripped my heart as I relived the tail-bone-breaking incident of what we now call Buttkill Falls.

I feared a major setback.

Eyes watering, I picked myself up and took a few tentative steps. My right knee hurt the worst, but I could still walk. It was scraped and already bruising. As I limped into the house, the internal monologue began…

Just like Adam and Eve, the original sinners, I wanted someone to blame, and my husband was the first victim.

I can’t believe he didn’t clear off this walk all the way! Doesn’t he know that’s not safe?! What if one of the kids fell….

But I didn’t stop there. Like the Israelites in the wilderness, free from the wrath of Egypt yet still not content, I began to question the Lord Himself.

Why, Lord? Are you really going to allow me to be injured again just when I’ve found a good rhythm with my health goals? Why am I being punished for doing what is right? I’ve worked so hard. Why didn’t you help me, keep me from falling?

Exodus 17:2-3

So they quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water to drink.”

Moses replied, “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you put the Lord to the test?”

But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?” (empahsis mine)

As soon as the prideful thoughts entered my mind, I knew I was wrong – wrong to blame my husband, even more so, wrong to blame my Father God. And wrong to think that my “good efforts” excused me from any sort of pain or suffering.

You see, fear took over for a few moments.

I was afraid that another injury would keep me from meeting my health goals. I was afraid that another setback might discourage me to the point of giving up – a pattern that has repeated itself over and over again where my health is concerned.

I was afraid of failing.

I was afraid I would not be able to persevere!

Conviction stung my heart for such sinful thoughts, for my desire to lash out at someone else in my frustration. “I just want God to help me,” I tried to reason within myself.

But perhaps He already had…

Maybe His best help was to allow me to fall.

Yes, I mean it, truly. While it’s not wrong to be excited about the my progress, the Father gently showed me that, once again, I was beginning to rely on self alone rather than Him.

Perhaps I needed that fall to remind me that I will only conquer this battle with health and weight by His power and strength. I cannot do it on my own. Without even realizing it, I had slowly slipped back into my “can-do” attitude.

I can do it.

I’ve got this.

I don’t need You right now…

Does it sound familiar, friends? How many times a day do we catch ourselves relying on our own efforts instead of Him?

How many times do we deny the power of Christ in us, in favor of our own human strength?

How often do we place our trust in self alone?

You think I would have learned the lesson by now. He’s only been trying to teach me for the last thirty-plus years! It’s that work-in-progress that I’m always talking about – aiming toward progress instead of perfection.

I’ll make mistakes.

You’ll make mistakes, too, friends.

Sometimes the setback is a wake-up call to our own sin.

And often the best help our Father God can offer is letting us fall, just as we have to allow our own children to fall at times. It’s the most difficult, yet most loving thing we can do as parents, yes?

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

He lets us fall so that we might see our need, so that we might throw off self and run to His arms instead!

He lets us fall because He loves us too much not to.

It’s the best help He can give –

helping us turn from self to Savior!

Jen 🙂

Side note: My knees seem to be okay, Praise the Lord! One is a little swollen and bruised, but so far only injured externally, from what I can tell. I’m incredibly thankful for His mercy.

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

One Simple Way to Meet Your Goals

January 17, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 15 Comments

I’ll admit, I tend to resist setting goals. Anyone else?

My perfectionist nature resists setting a standard due to fear of failure. It’s one of the reasons I’ve had such a hard time finding my “one word” in the past.

I don’t like to be wrong.

I don’t like to fall short.

But the flip side of playing it safe is never stretching myself, never reaching for something more, never giving myself a chance to succeed.

It’s not that I never have any goals for myself at all for; it’s just that I don’t often claim them, don’t often voice them aloud, don’t share them with others, and definitely don’t hold myself accountable. I’m guilty of keeping my goals general rather than specific because that makes them easier to meet.

However, this year I recognize the need to risk a little more, step out in faith while trusting in the God who is at work in us and promises to complete that work (Phil.1:6).

One of my goals for the year is to do my part in restoring my health.

I need more sleep. I need more exercise. I need to eat more balanced meals and to take in less sugar. This past month or so of illness has been eye-opening. I need to do these things in order to be healthy, but more importantly to honor the Father with my body, to walk in obedience with Him.

I need to do these things in order to be healthy, but more importantly to honor the Father with my body, to walk in obedience with Him.

Pray for me, sisters!

Another goal for the year is to use my time more wisely through better planning.

Time management affects so many areas of my life, but to be specific, I plan to spend at least two mornings a week writing and working on this blog.

Previously, I’ve squeezed writing in here and there, but I’m finding lately that if I don’t plan time to write, it just doesn’t happen. And then I lay awake at night with all of these great ideas and phrases and sometimes whole sentences or paragraphs swirling around in my mind. Anyone else? 🙂

I want to obey the Lord in best using this gift of writing. I don’t want to put that on hold unless He asks that of me, and lately He seems to be asking more, not less in this area.

Women everywhere understand this pull to be involved in ALL of the good things, but often in our attempts to do so, we miss out on the best things. If I want the best for me and for my family, I have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading and not man’s wisdom.

I make it my goal to please Christ.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Gal. 1:10

A final goal is to love my husband as Christ does.

It’s been a really tough year for both of us. The trials have been nearly constant and there is always the temptation to withdraw into oneself in order to survive the refining fires. But we cannot! For the sake of our marriage and our family, we must learn to suffer together, to support one another even when we already feel the weight of our own burdens.

I see already how the Father is working that understanding into us, teaching us a better way. I know He will be faithful to complete the work in our marriage, as well.

One practical way I can love my husband better is to consistently reach out to him, whether through words or actions or touch. I can hug and kiss him when he leaves for the day and when he comes home. I can look at him and ask him how his day was even if I’m busy when he comes in the door.

My goal is to intentionally seek connection with him, to encourage him, and to help him feel loved – every day.

The one simple way to meet your goals

When I read all of the words above, I am easily overwhelmed! I see all of the flaws, the areas that need work.

There are so many and I…

well, I am only one.

Do you feel that same lacking, sisters? That same inadequacy?

However, the Father reminds me that I can accomplish these goals by doing one simple thing: abide in Him.

It’s true! If I focus on abiding in Him, I will be sensitive to His leading and these other areas of life will fall into place so much easier than if I try to work towards these goals all on my own.

If I get up with this long list of “must do’s” each day, I’ll be worn out and discouraged before lunchtime.

But if I get up with the goal of abiding in Him and following His leading, I can be at peace. You can too!

And if I learn how to discern His plans and purpose for me, then I can spend my time wisely pursuing the goals He has for me rather than wasting my time doing all of the things I “think” He wants me to do.

With the power of His grace and the reality of His Spirit living in me, I don’t have to give in to that old fear of failure anymore. If my main goal is to please Christ, then that work is already accomplished by His death on my behalf! From that perspective, I’m already living in victory.

It’s only by living and working from this identity that we can be transformed and renewed from the inside out.

That’s the simple way to meet your goals – make it your goal to please Christ.

It comes back to that work-in-progress truth, my sisters in Christ.

He promises.

And I believe Him.

Don’t let fear of failure get in the way any longer.

Choose faith.

Choose progress.

Jen 🙂