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How to Love When You Feel Unloved

October 2, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 47 Comments

In the spirit of truth-sharing, I’ll tell you that being the wife I am called to be is my weak area, my Achilles heel. I never feel so much like Paul in Romans 7, battling with the flesh, as when marital issues arise. How can I love my husband when I myself feel unloved?

Often Satan and sin have me so ensnared that I even become confused as to what “right” really is.

Like many married couples, we tend to get caught up in the cycle of an argument that’s been played out time and time again. And that can be so frustrating!

Revisiting those same issues makes us feel like failures, trapped by the past, stalled in our progress.

But I’m not satisfied with a marriage that’s merely okay, and I mean that in the best of ways, I really do. I desperately want to grow ever closer to the type of intimacy God intended for us to experience as man and wife.

I don’t want to be fatalistic or resigned in my outlook, even though I may feel that way at times. Because if I settle for “this is as good as it gets,” then where is my hope in the God who transforms souls, including my own?

Marriage is hard work, just like parenting is hard work. If it were easy, we would not be challenged to grow!

Marriage teaches me things about myself that I loathe: how selfish I am, how easily offended, how weak and needy. But unless I see the truth of where I stand, what chance do I have to move on from that spot?

When Marriage is Difficult

By far the most difficult times in our marriage occur when we are both bearing unusual burdens that slowly wear us down, burdens like extended illness, or financial stress, or parenting issues, or major decisions, or unpredictable catastrophes.

We’re both weak.

We’re both worn and frayed.

We’re both longing for rest.

You’ve been there before, I’m sure – those times in life when you both feel like you need a good long vacation from reality.

As much as I’d like to blame our marital strife on my husband’s inadequacies, I know the issues at hand aren’t his alone. We’re called to be sacrificial in our love for one another, but when I’m already at the end of my rope, I often feel there is nothing left to give.

I become selfish;

I withhold kindness.

I justify: how can I love when I feel unloved?

How can I lift my husband up when I can barely lift myself up, Father?

How can I?

I’m certain I’m not alone in this desire we wives have to be rescued by our husbands when the going gets tough.

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This desire to have men of strength come charging in to save the day. This desire to let ourselves be the weak ones for once. This desire to feel protected and cherished and cared for.

Because for all of our outward strength, we women often harbor needs that remain hidden.

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

The problem is that in wishing my husband would take on that role of Rescuer, I’m asking him to fill a space only our Father God can truly fill.

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

My husband is imperfect. Sometimes he lets me down, as I do him. Sometimes he needs a Rescuer just as I do. Sometimes he is weak. He is only human after all. My desire for him to be what even I cannot is quite unfair, isn’t it?

I’ll be honest. As a busy mom of four, I wrestle with this idea that God should be my sole supply. After all, God cannot help with the bedtime routine or sweep the kitchen or sign permissions slips or pay the bills, at least not in a physical sense.

I wrestle, too, with feelings of disappointment and unkind thoughts toward a husband whom I truly wish to respect.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

How can I be so filled with the Spirit, so filled with the Father’s love for my husband, that I have a constant and abundant supply to give?

Honestly, I have no clear answers.

I have only ideas, inklings of what it takes.

Prayer would be a good start – telling God where I’m really at, even if it’s ugly. Letting Him know how unfair it feels, how I feel unloved, how hurt I am, how afraid. Asking Him to bring light to the Enemy’s lies, lies about how it will never change, about how it never has changed, about how you’re stuck.

They are Satan’s favorite lies. You’re trapped in this loveless marriage forever! He’s unfair! He doesn’t appreciate you! You shouldn’t have to put up with this!

Praying for supernatural intervention certainly helps! God can change my husband’s heart, as well as my own, quicker than an hours-long “discussion.” He can give me a supernatural love for my man, something that is not naturally “in me,” especially when I feel unloved.

The Father can melt my stubbornness, soothe my anger, hold my hurt, and forgive my sin, too.

He can also help me see the truth in the situation and who my husband is in the Father’s eyes, a dearly beloved son. He can remind me of how big my husband’s shoes are, how broad his shoulders. He can help me see clearly the load that often sits there and understand why my man sometimes stumbles beneath it.

When I see that truth, who my husband really, truly is at heart, I’m overwhelmed by compassion and ashamed by my traitorous thoughts.

I may not feel any stronger. I may still desperately need rescuing. I may even carry wounds from the wrestling.

The Solution

But at last I see that we two are the same: lonely, weary hearts in search of love and acceptance and a Rescuer.

You’re tired? Me, too.

You want to escape from life right now? Me, too.

You feel inadequate? Me, too.

You hurt? Me, too.

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.

This is how we love, friends,

by gazing into the face of Love Himself.

I’m not trying to make it sound simple or easy because I know how difficult it is to choose love when the world tells us it’s easier to give up and call it quits.

We can choose to love even when we feel unloved because Jesus did.

Greater Love has no man than this…

And so we stand, my husband and I, in the face of Perfect Love.

Side by side.

Fear washed away.

Compassion in our eyes.

Forgiveness on our faces.

Wearing our Grace-colored glasses because we serve the God of all Hope!

We’re merely works in progress here on Earth.

But we are not alone.

And this is not our home.

Jen 🙂

Find more great posts on marriage here:

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Three Biblical Reasons for Suffering: The Light at the End of the Tunnel

September 26, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 22 Comments

Have you ever wondered why the Lord allows suffering to enter our lives? Or what the reasons for suffering are? He’s omnipotent God, after all, and could supernaturally prevent such trials if He chose to do so.

Obviously, this suffering is part of what makes us human, but it truly wasn’t His original plan!

Adam and Eve lived in a perfect atmosphere – no sin, no death, no sickness, no hardship of any kind. That’s the sort of perfect existence our Father God intended for us to experience from the beginning.

Nevertheless, our present world is full of evil, pain, suffering, and trials.So what happened?

3 Biblical Reasons for Suffering:

1. Suffering because of Sin

In the Bible, God’s message to us, we find that the first suffering took place when man first sinned. As a result guilt and death entered the world.

It must have been horrifying for Adam and Eve to realize that because of their choices, an innocent animal must be slaughtered, especially since they had never experienced death.

And to realize they must leave paradise and the very presence of their Lord God?

Equally horrifying.

So by this token, one of the reasons for suffering is related to sin. Sin leads to suffering and eventually… death.

Sometimes we experience natural, earthly consequences as a result of our choices to follow our own ways and ideas rather than God’s. We choose not to stay inside the fence of His protection and leave ourselves open for calamity. That’s one of the reasons for suffering in the world today.

But wait; there is still good news!

We serve a God of grace.

Even though Adam and Eve brought sin and suffering to the world, God did not leave them to suffer alone. Instead, He promised a Deliverer, the Messiah, who would one day restore man to a right relationship with Him.

Consider the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:10-32 -an ungrateful lad who left his father’s household to pursue his own desires, which led to his eventual ruin. But when he realized his mistake, his sin, his father welcomed him home with rejoicing! Not grudging acceptance, but rejoicing!

He was fully restored.

It’s the same for us, Chosen Children – no, even more so!

For if an earthly father could forgive an ungrateful son and welcome him home with full acceptance and even rejoicing, how much more can our perfectly loving Heavenly Father welcome us back when we make wrong choices?

So, even if we suffer for a while because of sin in our lives, God promises redemption and restoration. Although we may feel too ashamed to ask for His help, He willingly offers it!

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

2. Suffering at the hand of Satan

~ For the Lord’s Glory

We also read in 1 Peter 5:8-9 that suffering and trials can be brought upon Christ-followers simply because we belong to the Lord.

Satan is God’s enemy and does not desire that we should exist in a harmonious relationship with God. 1 Peter describes him as prowling like a lion, seeking to devour.

Even the very world we live in is also our enemy because of our beliefs according to this passage in John.

“If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” John 15:19

Thus, sometimes our suffering is a result of the enemy’s attacks.

Never was there a clearer picture of this type of suffering than the life of Job, a man who lived uprightly. Satan asked for permission to test his faith and the Lord granted it.

Why?

So that through his endurance, Job might bring glory to the Lord!

But the story doesn’t end there, friends. Because the Lord required the loss of Job’s family, possessions, and even his health, He also blessed Job abundantly by restoring him and adding to all that he had before.

And through it all, the Lord was glorified! Not only that, Job’s story continues to be an encouragement to others to this day.

What suffering have you endured that the Lord might want to use for His glory?

We sometimes like to hide away those painful things, but what if our restoration can only be found in surrendering those things to the Lord to do with as He pleases?

3. Suffering for Refined Faith

“Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” Isaiah 48:10

In the Bible, we read that trials will refine our faith like precious metals are refined by fire.

Such suffering is not a punishment from the Lord, although it may feel like it at times. Rather, these trials are intended to grow our faith, to help us better understand who God is and who we are through Him.

Therefore, James 1:2-4 can admonish us to “count it all joy” when we suffer.

We can count it joy, not because the suffering is painless, but because we believe that God is faithful to use it for our benefit.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ…” 1 Peter 1:6-7

Friends, our human perspective is skewed.

We see and live in the here-and-now.

Any present suffering feels bad, unbearable even.

But God’s view is all-encompassing because He is all-knowing and eternal.

God alone knows how something that looks bad can actually result in good for us.

He can also see how the lives we live today will not only affect those around us now, but also how our lives might affect generations upon generations to come.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (emphasis mine)

This, this right here is the light at the end of the tunnel, folks.

Not the deliverance, although we’ll certainly be grateful for that when it comes.

It’s the purpose: to know that we do not suffer in vain.

In the midst of your trial, remember you are not being punished by an angry God, but pruned and pursued by a loving God.

And, oh, the beauty of it all.

When He takes our insignificant pain and suffering and uses it to comfort others in need, I’m just in awe .

This is the God we serve, Who takes the ugly and make it beautiful,

Who turns weeping into rejoicing, pain into promise,

Who lifts up the humble,

Who chooses the weak,

Who redeems the sinner and exalts the unworthy!

He is the Lord and is worthy to be praised!

Take heart, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Whatever trial you are going through,

there is purpose in the pain.

Jen 🙂

Hands-on Color Activities

September 22, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 11 Comments

As promised in last week’s Mama Mondays post on Pre-K resources for homeschooling, I have some color learning activities to share with you today. 🙂 I did not spend a penny on creating these activities and probably only spent an hour or two of my time. Unfortunately, the laminating machine and I did not get along at first, so it took a little longer. If you do not have access to a laminating machine (I used our church’s), check with a local church or library. And learn from my mistakes – practice on some scrap paper first. Also, you might consider using clear contact paper as an alternative.

Here are the color learning activities we made this week:

Color Go-Fish

On pinterest, I saw an idea for cutting activities using paint chips from the store, similar to this color matching activity. So, the next time my husband went to the hardware store, I asked him to pick some up. Instead of the variegated kind, he brought home solid colors, but he did remember to get several of each. Since they weren’t the kind I wanted for cutting practice, I decided to make a Color Go-fish game out of them. The samples themselves were pretty flimsy, so we glued them onto card-stock. If you don’t have card-stock on hand, try using index cards. The twins were happy to practice using their glue-sticks, and I was glad for an adhesive that dries quickly. If you don’t plan to laminate them, I would use a better adhesive, though.

I was already planning on doing some laminating, so I decided to laminate them as well. Now they’re practically indestructible, which is good for our son. 🙂 Our daughter picked up on this color learning game rather quickly, but our son is still learning the rules and the right questions to ask. They both really enjoyed it, though, and have asked to play again since the first time we played. Color Go-Fish is a really fun, hands-on way to learn colors, and we’ll probably use it for shapes, numbers, and letters as soon as I can make up more cards.

Color/Shape Hop

Our son lacks interest for much table work, so I’ve been searching for some more active ways to practice shapes and colors. One neat idea I found on pinterest was to use masking tape to make shapes on the floor. However, since I want to work on colors, as well, I decided to cut out large shapes from colored card-stock and laminate them. Then, we put them out on the floor and say, “Hop on red!” or if you want to include the shape as well, you could say, “Hop on the red heart!” Since we have two preschoolers, I’ll probably give each child his or her own turn so that they don’t fight over the shapes. Once we practice colors, then we use the same activity to practice shapes.

Color Sorting Mats

My husband picked up enough paint chips that I had extras once I made the Color Go-Fish game. I decided to laminate the extra set and use them for color sorting. At the moment, all we had to sort were some colored pom-poms and some beads, so I had our second-grader use one of my scrap-booking paper punches to punch out stars from the leftover shape paper scraps. He had a lot of fun using the punch and now I have stars for our preschoolers to color sort, as well!

I also plan to use our Hi-Ho Cherry-O game for some color sorting. Our twins love to play with the game pieces, so I figure it’s the perfect opportunity for some hands-on learning. We’ll probably practice counting while we’re at it, too. 🙂

For more ideas on Color learning activities:

http://www.childcareland.com/teach10.html

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/59532026297549568/

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/59532026297549599/

Last week we focused on the color green, and this week we plan to focus on the color blue. For our daughter, who already understands color, I’ll do more patterning activities to give her more of a challenge.

That’s all for this week!

Jen 🙂

You may find me linking up at any of these lovely blogs.

Answer the Door!

September 22, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Rev. 3:20

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock;

if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him

and will dine with him, and he with Me.”

He’s knocking today. Will you answer?

Jen 🙂

I’m trying something new today over at The Sunday Community.

I may also be linking up at any of these lovely blogs.

Undesired Sacrifices and the Equation for Right Living

September 19, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 30 Comments

Imagine waking up every morning, trudging out to your backyard, and building a fire to offer a burnt sacrifice on a stone altar placed there.

You head back out again later in the day when you choose self over others, and again after that unkind thought, and again after snapping at a loved one. In and out of the house, offering sacrifices for sins committed throughout the day – it’s an exercise in futility.

Today we would call such behavior crazy, wouldn’t we?

Of course we would because we no longer offer burnt sacrifices like the Israelites did in the Old Testament …or do we?

Earlier this week, I read these words:

Every priest stands daily ministering and offering time after time the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins; Heb. 10:11

“Daily,” the priests stood at their posts; “time after time” they offered the “same” sacrifices for the same sins. Such repetition calls attention to the never-ending nature of their tasks.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary explains that at the time the letter to the Hebrews was written, the Jewish Christians continued to offer sacrifices at the temple.

For those who believed in Christ and His resurrection, such offerings should have been rendered meaningless by His atonement as the final sacrifice.

So, why were they still trudging back and forth to the altar of sacrifice, so to speak?

They knew of the gospel, the good news that abolished the old system and established a new covenant built on the cornerstone of Grace, but they struggled to let go of their old ways.

At first glance, I was tempted to think, how silly of them – they’re doing so much work and it’s all meaningless!

But lately the Lord has been opening my eyes to an alarming truth: I sometimes offer my own daily sacrifices, often without even realizing it.

Just think about it for a moment.

**This post has a new home. Click here to read the rest!

While Sea Billows Roll: Waiting on the Lord

September 13, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 32 Comments

It’s more than a bad hair day and more than spilled milk. It’s one of “those” days, the ones you really do weep over, when wave after wave of some trial (new or old) sweeps over you as you struggle just to keep your head above water.

And just as you gain your feet, another waves swells up before you. In the midst of such trials, we can do little else than cry out for mercy, for deliverance.

Sometimes “those” days last longer than just a day or two, or even a week. Sometimes, we experience whole seasons of “those” days, whole seasons of trial, and illness, and heartache. Whole seasons of waiting on the Lord.

If you read regularly here, you know our family has been in the midst of such a season for a while now. I’ve been wanting to share with you all some of my “discussions” with the Lord about this spot He has us in, but I’ve honestly been confused about the message He’s trying to give me.

I don’t want to wallow in self-pity, but I do want to allow myself the grace to rest and recover when needed. I want to keep using those Grace-colored glasses He’s been teaching me about.

You see, it’s not just the practical and physical difficulties of a trial that make life on one of those days oh-so-difficult, but it’s the emotions that come along for the ride, too. I’m frustrated by the condition of my physical body and even by the condition of my fragile emotions. I’m feeling guilty that I cannot do the things I normally do, nor fill the roles I normally fill – mom, wife, friend, leader.

What I really wanted to give you was a how-to post: how to survive when Mom can’t be mom, but this is what came out instead…

How to Survive While You Are Waiting on the Lord

I do have a few ideas about that one, a few tips the Lord has been helping me with.

1. For instance, He’s been telling me to lower my expectations.

So what if the twins watch an extra hour of cartoons? So what if beds go unmade and the soccer shirts aren’t clean on game day? If at the of the day, we’re all fed and alive, then we’re surviving!

2. What about Teamwork – be a team with your spouse? Yes, that’s a good tip, too.

When I feel overwhelmed by circumstances in life, I often fight against my husband instead of with him. In return, I reap the added burden of marital strife to an already trying situation. So, teamwork is good, blaming my husband for my own limitations and frustrations is bad. Okay, I got that. 🙂

3. Resist Satan’s Lies – tip number three.

Of course, I know that in spite of my guilty feelings, I’m doing the best I can and that’s enough for the Lord. Of course I know that He promises to be my Deliverer.

But sometimes I just don’t want to wait for deliverance. I’d rather try to fix it myself, right?

Are you with me here?

4. Lean on the Lord for both physical and emotional strength. That’s another good one, right?

Chin up, soldier because God is on your side. If God is for us, who can be against us? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And all of the other platitudes we like to sprinkle about when someone is suffering a trial.

The Problem with Christian Platitudes for Those Who Are Waiting on the Lord

These statements and verses are all true – they really are -but sometimes they do little to comfort the weary soul.

Sometimes… instead of lifting us up, those verses and sayings make us feel like crummy Christians.

Because if I’m not “counting it all joy” every single day of this trial, then I’m once again failing somehow, am I not?

And what about “count your blessings,” which goes right along with “think of those less fortunate”? You know some days that really works for me. Most of the time, I can see all of the good things around me that the Lord has blessed me with. I can find the silver linings. I know that my temporary suffering pales in the face of what others have gone through before me, namely Jesus.

But other days I can count my blessings, think of others, and still feel frail. Some days I know I’m not clinging to joy, I’m not embracing peace, because I have no strength left to do so!

So while I sit and think on all of these good things I feel I should be doing to try to help myself in this season of trial, the waves grow all the stronger and more ominous around me.

Crashing, crashing, always crashing, this storm in my soul.

I feel like Jacob, wrestling with the Lord, and I wonder, what’s wrong with me?

Why can I not seem to overcome? Am I not obedient enough? Not trusting enough? Not hopeful enough? Have I sinned in some way I’m not aware of?

A Changed Perspective on Waiting on the Lord

Then, I read this post here about not having a formula for success in the midst of trial but just “hanging on for dear life” and this post here about resting in the mud, in the mess of it, because He’s willing to sit right there with us. I began to wonder if I was seeing it all wrong, if I was trying to earn favor rather than be willing to receive favor.

I’m beginning to hear a new song from the Lord, a refrain of comfort to my weary soul. His song tells of a Shelter in the storm, strength found less in doing and more in waiting, a peace gained not from a change in circumstance but from His very presence.

In my devotion time this week I feasted on these lines that seemed to be meant just for me:

“We must learn to wait on the Lord and look for His return…. As you wait on Him, you will discover that this attitude renews your spiritual strength, clears your perspective, and reduces your giant-sized problems to manageable size. Let David’s words become your marching orders: ‘Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.’” [Excerpt from Joy of Living Bible Studies: Hebrews, pg. 102]

What I Learned from Studying the Word “Wait”

In the original language, this word wait is qavah (pronounced kaw-vaw’) and is a verb meaning to look for, to wait for, to hope for. I found it even more interesting that the original meaning was one of binding together by twisting, as in a rope. (And here I am, dangling at the end of mine.)

I found that this verb is very active, not an idle sitting by the wayside, but an expectant waiting. We are to actively be on the “look out” for the Lord to work on our behalf. While we wait, qavah, we are also to be strong.

The phrase “be strong” from the Hebrew word chazaq (prounounced khaw-zak’) is also a verb. In essence, this chazaq is an also act, something done rather than a state of being. It was used numerous times in the Old Testament to describe a scene of supernatural strength: David vs. Goliath, Samson’s final act, Joshua’s entrance into the Promised Land. [NASB, Hebrew-Greek Keyword Study Bible]

So this being strong is an act that comes not from any natural or human means, but only from the Lord. Thus, it’s impossible for us to “be strong” in the chazaq sense on our own.

So, how does that look, practically speaking? I mean, how can I wait and be strong without striving and stressing?

I can be quick to meet Satan’s lies with truth from the Word. I can earnestly seek moments of joy in a day full of trials. I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can earnestly seek moments of joy in a day full of trials. I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can speak words of hope.

The Only Source of Strength While Waiting on the Lord

But it’s more than that, isn’t it? Because some days I don’t have it in me.

That’s the key right there – it’s not in me to wait and be strong. What is naturally in me is to despair, to cry “Mercy, Father, it’s too much!”

And maybe sometimes that’s just the best place to be: at the Father’s feet, completely undone, utterly dependent on Him alone. No strength of our own left. Completely at His mercy. Humbled and low-down. At the end of the proverbial rope.

I’ll be honest, that’s a really hard place to sit in.

I much prefer to jump up and busy myself doing something because at least then I feel useful. But what if that’s not what He desires? What if what He most desires is to hear me admit, I can’t do it, Father – I’m not capable – I need help?

I think the most difficult aspect of learning to walk a road of suffering is understanding when to “be still” and when to “soldier on.”

I still don’t have it figured out. I seem to pendulum swing between the two, trying to find that balance.

Some days I’m all “onward Christian soldiers” and others I’m moaning about like an Israelite, lost in the desert. 🙂

It’s all part of His work in progress in me.

So this is the heart of my struggle, really: what is it you require of me, Lord?

Here’s how I believe He’s answering me:

Daughter of mine, wait for Me. Listen for My voice. When it’s time to get up and walk, I will tell you. And when it’s time for you to sit and take rest at my feet, I will tell you. And when it’s time for me to carry you because you have absolutely nothing left to give, then I will carry you. Stop trying so hard and just rest in my embrace. No squirming now, not yet. Sit. Relax. Cry if you need to. Confess if you need to. Question if you need to. I’m big enough to handle all of that and more. Just let Me hold you because that’s all I really want. You, beloved daughter. I want you. Take heart; rescue WILL come, for I am the Faithful One, God of all Hope and Comfort. But for now, just wait.

Because the truth is that our Father God loves with a perfect love, so much more perfect than ours, and our best comfort is found in waiting on the Lord!

Which one of us mothers would look at wounded, heartbroken child and chide her for her tears? I’m not talking about tantrum tears or even repentance tears, but tears of helplessness and hurt. Does their sorrow not bring forth our very compassion?

And which one of us mothers would fail to come rushing to the aid of a child calling urgently for help? Which one of us would refuse to comfort and console? Which of us would leave that child to struggle alone?

We would not.

We cannot because our love compels us to respond. If this is the way we imperfect humans feel about our children, how much more so does our Father God have compassion for us, His beloved, chosen ones?

With that perspective, those crashing waves don’t seem so ominous anymore. They still knock me down from time to time, but maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly where I need to be.

Perhaps those waves of trial aren’t reaching up at my waist in order to suck me under and drown me, but to push me to a better shore. If I would just quit fighting them, give in, and ride the momentum, I’d find myself safely on the other side.

And there I can find the rest my soul is so desperate for.

My sister in Christ, if you’re struggling in the surf of suffering today, take heart.

You are not alone. Rescue is near. He welcomes you into His embrace and asks that you just sit a while.

Listen for His voice.

And keep waiting on the Lord.

Jen 🙂

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy:

http://sarahjofairchild.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/just-one-of-those-days-again/

I’ll also be linking up at any of these places.

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

The Day I Saw Red

September 6, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 31 Comments

Today I saw red.

I was so angry at the injustice that I burst into tears. That’s my response, ya know, when the going gets so tough that all kinds of nastiness is about to spew forth from my lips.

But I know I’m held to a higher standard than the world; I know the tongue is sharper than any two-edged sword. I know letting those words escape would be wrong. So I gulp the words down and they rise up as tears instead.

You see, there was this insurance claim for a broken bone, which happened during our family vacation (see the story about Buttkill Falls). And even though we followed every step that we should have, even though we did everything according to procedure, the insurance company still refuses to pay.

It’s really not just the fact that this month we’re already short, and the medical center has already removed money from our account. After all, I know Our Provider can handle dollars and cents.

It’s not even just that my tailbone still hurts and now I’m miserable with a cold, too.

It’s the incredible injustice of knowing you did everything right, yet still you suffer.

I saw red, and I was tempted to despair.

I asked the Lord, “Why? Hasn’t enough gone wrong already in the last few weeks?” And the truth is that it really has been an incredibly crazy few weeks for us. One trial after another. When it rains it pours. That kind of few weeks. The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with

The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with ministry, problems in the home, problems with old, leaky pipes, problems with finances, problems with health.

You cling to His promises and try to face each new challenge with a trusting heart. But it all sort of piles up on you until you feel like you can’t breathe anymore and you want to beg for rescue, cry out for mercy.

It feels unfair.

And whenever I get to that point, the point when I’m telling the Lord He’s not being fair to me, He has only to say one word…

Jesus.

It wasn’t fair to Him, either.

He did everything right and nothing wrong, yet He suffered even unto death for my sin, my wrongdoing, my evil.

Oh, the shame! The shame of having questioned. The shame of telling myself my petty, short-term suffering is unbearable, that it shouldn’t be required of me. The shame of my sinful pride.

And the perspective!

The perspective of realizing there are so many others suffering much, much worse evils around the world. People struggling just to survive. People dying for their faith. People dying without any Hope.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

So, I saw red today.

My face turned red. Tears fell. I shouted angrily at the Lord, even if only in my mind.

And then He showed me Red.

Red blood dripping from the sacrificial Lamb, the perfect Son of God who deserved only glory, not death.

My salvation and my forgiveness.

The One who understands true suffering.

Forgive me, Father, for my faith is weak and I sometimes doubt.

But You, You are good.

Even when I am not.

And You love me, even when I fail to love You.

Thanks for reminding me that I’m a work in progress, and that work is not yet complete.

I have Hope in You.

Jen 🙂

Okay, I’m pretty sure I bent the Five Minute Friday rules again today, and this is way more personal than what I’m comfortable sharing. In fact, I’m downright embarrassed and a little afraid. But… when I sat down to write, this is what came out at the end of a long day, concluding a long week. And I can’t hide it away as I would like to, or I wouldn’t be a truth-teller.

My friends, we all have sinned. And we all doubt. Even missionary kids. Even ministers’ wives. Even faith bloggers. 🙂 If you’re struggling today, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And that He loves you anyway. Just listen to the words of the song below.

Read more encouraging words from another blogger who’s having “one of those days” here.

How to Host Game Night with Young Children in Tow

September 2, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 12 Comments

I’ve read a lot lately about hospitality and how important it is for Christians to be reaching out to those in their community. One of the easiest ways for our family to entertain guests is to host a game night. We love playing games of all sorts, and game night gives us an opportunity to develop relationships with others in a relaxing environment.

Perhaps my favorite reason for hosting a game night is that there is no need to prepare a fancy meal for lots of people – just have each family bring a snack to share. You provide the dishes, and beverages. ( Honestly, ours are usually disposable – paper plates and plastic cups.) You don’t even need any special decorations, just table space! It’s the perfect way for someone like me, who is not gifted in the area of hospitality, to have people over. 🙂

However, sometimes hosting Game Night involves entertaining young children as well as adults. Even if you are having a family game night with just your family and attempting to play a game older children might enjoy, you still need something for younger children to do. Parents can’t play if kids aren’t occupied. 🙂

10 Tips for Hosting Game Night with Young Children in Tow:

Play their games. Depending on the age of the youngest children, choose a few games they can play and enjoy, too. See my post about Our Big List of Favorite Games for ideas on what games appeal to a wide range of ages.
Give them a role. If they cannot understand enough to play but want to be involved, give them a role to play in the game (handing out pieces, handing out money, etc.) or put them on someone’s “team.”
Give them their own pieces. If the children are too young for a role, give them their own pieces to play with next to the game (as long as they aren’t small enough to choke on). If the kids are young enough, they won’t even care if the pieces even go to the game you are playing. Cards especially seem to do the trick, and you can find children’s decks at the dollar store!
Give them child-friendly snacks. The peace will only last as long as the snacks do, but fun snacks will buy at least a little time before you have to move on to something else. Some of our favorite kid-friendly snacks are goldfish crackers, bite-sized cookies, grapes, cucumbers, pretzel sticks, cheese, etc. Finger foods are fun for children, but I would avoid any messy snacks.
Give them their own game space. This approach works best if you have more than one child who cannot play because they can help entertain each other (one of the many benefits of having twins!). Be sure to give them an activity they can do on their own with little to no help from mom or dad. If they are old enough, you might give them a game of their own to play, especially if an older child can help. Other activities such as playdoh, coloring, puzzles, building, etc. will provide distraction, too.
Put an older child in charge of entertaining the younger children. Some older children may not find this appealing, but on occasion, our oldest really enjoys entertaining the littles. He is really great at using his imagination to make up pretend games for them and other children, too. Of course, now he’s getting to the age where he would rather play along with the adults, but our middle son is just now starting to entertain from time to time, as well, although not for a long period of time. If older children are not an option, then….
Hire babysitters. If you have no older children to entertain the young ones, consider hiring family members or youth from church for the job. This is especially helpful if you have a separate area, such as a playroom or a finished basement where the kids can hang out. Even a child’s bedroom will work! Parents are nearby and still on hand if any major issues arise.
Pull out the “company” toys. In our home, we have a few toys that seem to be popular when there is a whole group of children in the house. Some of them, we save specifically for special occasion use. One is our set of Playhut tents (they are pop-up type tents and tunnels that connect). Another is the basket of dress-up clothes (I add to this each year after Halloween when the costumes go on 75% off clearance or when I find them at garage sales!). Duplo blocks or Legos (depending on age) are toys that groups of children can play with together (Duplo blocks or the off-brand Megablocks are easy to find at garage sales, too). We also have a play kitchen with pretend food that has seen a lot of use. These “company” toys should be toys that multiple children can play with at the same time in order to avoid disagreements. Also, be sure to put away any toys that you foresee causing problems, such as our boys’ star wars lightsabers. Any time we have company, those end up in the closet because they seem to cause accidental injuries. 🙂 In addition, you’ll want to put away any favorite toys that are special to your children.
When all else fails, we put on a movie! Usually, this is a last resort when other techniques aren’t working or when it’s too close to bedtime but the parents aren’t done playing yet. 🙂 If you don’t have children of your own, be aware that very young children often won’t sit for an entire movie. In fact, they might not be interested in it at all! Usually by the time we decide to put in a movie, it’s bedtime for the younger ones, so we offer it as entertainment for any older children. It helps to have a movie that the children haven’t seen very often or recently.
Put them to bed. When our twins were babies, we either had to take turns playing games or wait until their naptime or bedtime. In fact, at first we would only host game nights close to those times so that we could enjoy our company. If your friends have young children, too, you could always offer another bedroom or space for their children to sleep if needed. It’s a great idea to hang on to at least one pack-n-play, even after your children have outgrown it, for times like this.

I hope these tips inspire you to try out family game night or to host friends or neighbors for a game night party of your own! It really is possible to host and still have fun even when young children are involved, as long as you know what to expect and how to help the kids have fun as well. If you’ve never hosted a game night before, I suggest starting small with another couple or family that you know well. Then, you can work up to multiples couples or families at once! Game night really is a great way to build fellowship with neighbors, with friends, with family, with small groups, with Sunday school classes, and more. Why wait?

Jen 🙂

I may be linking up at any of the blogs listed on my Favorite Link-ups tab.

Fast-food Spirituality

September 1, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 20 Comments

If you had the choice and neither time nor money were factors, which would you choose: fine dining or fast food? A professionally cooked steak or a microwaved burger? While I crave the occasional french fry or milkshake like any other person, given the choice between the two, I would rather eat a meal of real food than the more convenient alternative.

However, I can’t always say the same about my spiritual food.

Too often I let fast-food type nuggets of truth pass for quiet time with the Lord.

A quick prayer offered here and there.

A verse I saw on facebook.

Even a well-written, Christ-honoring blog post.

Don’t get me wrong, all of these convenient options are good; we should be continually praying and consistently abiding in Him. I know that finding Mary moments in our Martha world is difficult, especially with little ones in the home! Those brief snacks help us to do just that.

But which of us mamas would feed our little blessings a steady diet of fast-food only?

We wouldn’t! In fact, we often work hard to make sure they get what they need nutritionally. We do things like sneak in veggies, plead with picky eaters, and sometimes even resort to the bribery of dessert because we know they need to eat those green beans! 🙂

In the same way, our heavenly Father does not wish to see us settle for a spiritual diet that lacks substance.

“Come and dine,” the Master calleth, “Come and dine!” He desires us to drink deeply of the Living Water, not to live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. He wants to see real growth so that we might experience that abundant life that He planned for us from the beginning. He offers real spiritual food, the kind that satisfies.

And don’t we feel the difference, friends?

When I snack on spiritual fast food, I might feel okay for a little while. I can check “quiet time” right off of my list. I might even maintain a patient and loving demeanor for a time.

But the truth is those little snacks are not enough to carry me through a long day and the next…and the next…and the next. The temptation to substitute the quick, convenient alternative for a real meal eventually leaves me running on empty. And if I carry that pattern out for a few days, that outward facade is sure to slip. I become grouchy, impatient, unloving, and downright selfish. I’m dissatisfied with life.

Even my blessings become burdens.

On the other hand, when I take the time to really dine with the Lord, I feel so alive, don’t you? His presence provides me with a jolt of energy and grace that lasts a good while longer, and the benefits only multiply if I dine on His spiritual food consistently!

What would happen if we quit substituting spiritual snacks for the real deal?

Might we experience a deeper walk?

Would the fruits of the Spirit come more easily? Would grace reign in our hearts and homes?

My goal for the week is to choose the feast consistently, to be steadfast in my pursuit of real spiritual food. I want to be satisfied in Him, not empty.

Will you join me, friends?

As a mama of four, I know what I’m asking is far from easy! I’ve spent those long days unshowered and unfed. I’ve trudged through those sleep-deprived trenches, just desperate to survive, never mind thriving. And some days, yes, a fast-food option really is the best spiritual food we can manage.

But I also know the strength and endurance I need to be the wife and mother the Lord wants me to be cannot be gained from spiritual fast-food alone.

“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you

the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!

Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant,

is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.

But solid food is for the mature,

who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

Hebrews 5: 12-14

My brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s not be spiritual babes, content to feed on what is easy or convenient. Instead, let’s accept the challenge to dig deeper, to run to the banquet He prepares before us.

Choose the best spiritual food, the Bread of Life.

Will you dine with the Father this week?

Jen 🙂

My Everyday Worship

August 30, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 22 Comments

Everyday Worship…

It’s not about church or silence or lengthy prayer or even calm quiet with Him.

It’s about living and loving and serving amidst othe chaos of snotty noses and dirty dishes and kids who just can’t seem to get along.

My everyday worship looks more like…

Doing dishes with a song in my heart, or teaching my preschoolers about patience.

Folding laundry even though my eyes are sleepy, or listening to a kid-story that I’ve already heard a few times too many.

Looking up from my work and into their eyes.

Stopping to hug my husband even if I’m in the middle of something.

All this and more makes up my everyday worship.

It’s counting my blessings in the midst of real pain or confusion or doubt because the blessings are many.

It’s choosing to be purposeful in my parenting but still at peace.

It’s dancing in the car with the Christian radio station turned up. Little hands waving in the air to the beat and grins plastered on their faces.

It’s feeling the sting of conviction when that small voice asks, “Are you happy, Mommy?” when she knows I am not. And choosing to let go and embrace real joy.

It’s planning family fun night even when I’d rather just relax.

It’s the heart-swell of awe and thankfulness that comes from seeing something truly beautiful, be it a mountain or the ocean or a sunset, or a preschooler’s delight over a firefly captured in her hand.

My everyday worship.

It doesn’t just happen at church, folks.

Jen 🙂

I learned so much about worship and living out my purpose in everyday faithfulness in the seemingly small things from this book by Rick Warren (affiliate link):

When Marriage is Difficult

The Problem – When You Feel Unloved

When I ask my husband to fill up that empty space, I’m asking to be disappointed.

So, how can I love my husband when I feel unloved?

The Solution

Instead of being angry with my hubby for failing to rescue me, we can turn hand in hand to the Father, the One who rescues us both.

3 Biblical Reasons for Suffering:

1. Suffering because of Sin

2. Suffering at the hand of Satan

~ For the Lord’s Glory

3. Suffering for Refined Faith

How to Survive While You Are Waiting on the Lord

The Problem with Christian Platitudes for Those Who Are Waiting on the Lord

A Changed Perspective on Waiting on the Lord

What I Learned from Studying the Word “Wait”

The Only Source of Strength While Waiting on the Lord

I saw red, and I was tempted to despair.

Jesus.

In the same way, our heavenly Father does not wish to see us settle for a spiritual diet that lacks substance.

What would happen if we quit substituting spiritual snacks for the real deal?

But I also know the strength and endurance I need to be the wife and mother the Lord wants me to be cannot be gained from spiritual fast-food alone.