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5 Ways to S-t-r-e-t-c-h a Budget: How a Family of 6 Lives on a Single Income

June 24, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 21 Comments

Today on Mama Monday, I want to touch on the matter of saving money! I know in these tough times, many families are looking for ways to stretch the budget. I also know that my husband and I learned several difficult lessons about finances early on in our marriage. So, as a family of six living on a single income, I’d love to share with you how we make our tight budget work! 🙂

Growing up an MK (missionary kid) taught me many life lessons. I’ve seen what it is to truly be in need. I know in many areas of the world, children often go hungry and families sleep on the bare dirt floors of a thatched jungle hut. I’ve witnessed firsthand the difference between needs (for survival) and wants (for pleasure). I’ve also seen our Father God provide for our family in some amazing ways – money for shoes sent from another state, postmarked before we even prayed for it!

So, when my husband and I first joined our lives together, it’s not surprising that some of our first arguments were over money – how to spend it. 🙂 I was very reluctant to spend our finances on anything I did not deem a need and my husband was more laid-back in his approach to finances.

However, a few short months later, we found ourselves expecting our first child and my husband without a job. During that time of zero income, I forgot those missionary kid lessons. I forgot that when we have needs, we turn to our Heavenly Father for help.

Matthew 6

²⁵“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? ²⁷And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? ²⁸And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, ²⁹yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. ³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! ³¹Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ ³²For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

³⁴“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

………………………

As a result of trusting in our own abilities rather than in the Lord, we quickly found ourselves in debilitating debt. It took 5 long years to dig out of the money pit we created. Since then, we have grown tremendously in our financial stewardship, mostly out of pure necessity.

I praise the Lord for the work He has done in overhauling our money mindset! Today, being a stay-at-home mom of four, I contribute very little to our family finances, so making the most of what we have is not optional – it’s mandatory!

I often field questions from others on how we make a single income work for our larger than average family (although I know many much larger than ours). So, I asked my husband to help me make a list of the areas in which we save money so that we can achieve our financial goals, the primary goal being that I am free to stay home with our children, and a secondary goal being to eventually live debt-free (that’s the work-in-progress part). 🙂

I hope you find these budget-stretching tips helpful!

***Disclaimer – this is not a post about whether or not women should stay home or go to work. That is a decision for each family to make with God’s guidance, and I recognize that some families just don’t have that option. Additionally, it is not a post to brag about our money-saving budget – it truly is by God’s grace alone that we are no longer living paycheck to paycheck and we still have much growing left to do. This is a post on ways to stretch the budget if you are looking for help – how we make a single income (a pastor’s salary) work for our family of six. 🙂

Top 5 Ways to stretch your budget. Budgeting for a family of six on one income.

1. Follow God’s Plan for Finances

Start with a Budget! It seems obvious, but many people don’t have a detailed budget, or they have one that they don’t follow. (Of course, we always stick to ours….Ha!) If you don’t have one, make one. If you don’t know how, ask someone for help. If you aren’t sure where to start, visit Crown Financial Ministries for some helpful tools.

Pay off Debt – OR better yet, try not to take on any debt in the first place; instead trust God to provide for your needs. Oh, how I wish I had understood how interest works earlier on in life! If you are already overwhelmed by debt, check into Credit Counselors’ Corporation or a similar non-profit group as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. Trust me – we’ve walked that path before! 🙂

Offerings – For us, giving a regular offering is non-negotiable. However, it was not always so! When first married, we were both still in college, so our income was very, very small, at times non-existent. So, we didn’t give consistently and usually what we did give was the leftovers at the end of the week. In time, however, we both became convicted that giving needed to be a priority.

We started very small: only five dollars a week. But we gave faithfully, and little by little God helped us to increase it. And while we wondered where our food was going to come from, He continued to provide! I want to encourage you that even if you have so very little at the moment, you can still be obedient to the Lord in this area. Even if the amount seems too small to matter, remember that it’s not about the money, it’s about the heart. I’ve heard that “you can never out-give God.” Test Him!

Luke 21:1-3 “And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury. And He saw a poor widow putting in two small copper coins. And He said, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them…”

Savings – For our family, savings is also as non-negotiable as we can possibly make it. Of course, sometimes things come up –something major breaks on the minivan, someone becomes ill, etc. For us, savings is definitely still a work in progress, but the goal is to have savings built up for each one of those occurrences so that we don’t have to take money from our budget to meet those additional expenses.

2. Distinguish Needs vs. Wants

Cable TV/Internet – We realized early in our marriage that for us, the expense was a want, not a need, and we simply didn’t have room for it in our budget. So, for many years we used an antenna when we wanted visual entertainment, or a VCR. Today, we splurge on Netflix – $7.99 plus tax per month. 🙂 Additionally, Internet service is not really a need (unless you work from home), but we choose to splurge on it now that we have room in our budget. If you are struggling to meet your monthly budget, these are two expenses that can probably go.

Cell Phones – I recently read that average cell phone bills for single users are upwards of $71, and for a family of four, as much as $200! That’s a lot of money to pay out every month for a “want”! What has worked to keep our costs low is using Tracfone, Net10, and other prepaid companies. (Update: currently we use a company called Consumer Cellular – 3 lines on a shared plan for $67.00/ month!)

We receive all of the advantages of cell phone usage (even data plans) without being tied to a contract, and since our company pays to use larger companies’ towers (like Verizon and AT&T), we rarely lose signal! If a cell phone is a true need for you because of work, etc., consider changing to a less expensive company or plan. If you can’t change your cell phone to a lower-cost plan at this time, consider getting rid of your home phone altogether and save in that area, or consider downsizing to one shared cell phone.

Clothing – This area is probably the one in which we stretch our budget the most. Growing up an MK, I wore whatever clothes were available, plain and simple. Brand name loyalty was not an option for our family back then, and it’s not an option for my family now! Don’t get me wrong – I love nice clothing, but buying new wardrobes for our children every year is not feasible for our budget.

Clothing three children, one teen, and two adults can be a challenge, but we’ve found a variety of ways to save (check out 9 Ways to Save on Kids Clothes). Clothing for adults is more challenging, but garage sales and thrift stores can still be useful. When we have a clothing need, I often take it to the Lord in prayer before I start shopping around. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve been blessed with bags of clothing from friends, church family, neighbors, and even a well-timed garage sale!

Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everythingby prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Food – Again, we don’t have the luxury of caring about brands. Although, I readily admit that I am toilet paper snob . The cheap brands just don’t cut it. 🙂 To save money on food and toiletries, I buy store brands and shop at stores like Aldi’s, as well as local farmers markets (when in season). In the last few years, I have also learned a great deal about couponing! I know, I know – not everyone loves using coupons, but it works for us. (Yes, I have a small stock-pile. No, I’m not one of those extreme couponers with a basement full of paper towel). 🙂

Another way to keep grocery bills low is to create a menu and shop for only the items you need for that menu. This really works for our family. I also cook from scratch (or nearly from scratch) almost every night of the week, rather than buying pre-made meals or eating out, although we do splurge by eating out on occasion (dollar menu, anyone?).

Bottom line: always keep in mind the question of whether the item you want to purchase is truly a need or if it’s just a want. Once you have honestly assessed the situation, then you can decide whether or not to fund the purchase even if it is a want. I also cannot emphasize enough how prayer impacts the way in which we use our limited finances. Often, when we have a need, if I cannot find the item at a price we can afford, I wait…

And He provides.

Please join me for the second half of 5 Ways to Stretch a Budget with more practical ways to save!

Jen 🙂

Have a tip to share? Comment with your best money-saving advice!

Recommended Resources:
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Five Minute Friday: Rhythm

June 21, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 19 Comments

Rhythm

I often say that our youngest son, four years old, marches to the beat of a different drum. He’s the baby of the family. Born a mere minute after his twin sister, he remains somewhat of a mystery to me. He’s faced many trials in his young life already: a premature birth, an apnea monitor, an adverse reaction to immunizations resulting in a seizure disorder, a misshapen head requiring a corrective helmet, enlarged tonsils that interrupted sleep, removal of said tonsils that resulted in a brief hospitalization, and so on.

Despite said trials, he is my happy child, my cuddler, the one who pats my face gently, the one who seeks me out regularly just for a quick snuggle and then it’s back to playing. He requires near constant physical touch.

And rhythm, oh does he have rhythm. I often wonder if he will be a conductor someday because the first body part to catch the beat is usually a hand. He loves music, and he loves it loud. His whole body is one with the cadence.

Out of all four children, he’s the one I have the least clue about. Who will he grow up to be, this young boy? What drives him? When I think of him, I think of words like smile and touch and laughter. He’s the son who gets crazy silly when he’s sleepy. He’s the one who laughs at weird noises. I once entertained him all the way through a grocery store trip by repeating a single phrase in a weird voice. “Do it again, mommy. Again!” And peals of laughter rang out all through the store.

To say I love him just isn’t sufficient. He’s oh-so-different, unique, precious to me. He doesn’t even have to do anything special to make me love him. I just love him for who he is, even without completely understanding him, this boy who marches to the beat of a different drum. My love for him is overwhelming and fierce. I would die for this boy.

And that’s how God feels about all of His children.

Jen 🙂

Five Minute Friday is a challenge, a free-writing exercise that takes place every friday over at www.lisajobaker.com. Join us! 🙂

The Truth About Greener Grass

June 18, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 18 Comments

Have you ever been tempted by greener grass? Something that just looked too good to resist?

Often as Christians, we fail to appreciate and recognize the protection of living inside of God’s boundaries. Instead, we view them as obstacles to our own pleasure and enjoyment.

I’ll never forget a lesson I learned about boundaries and greener grass years ago when our youngest two were just preschoolers. We had just moved to a new community, and one of my favorite benefits of our new home was it’s fenced-in backyard! The security of a fence gave this mama of four a lot of peace of mind!

Our children were under strict instructions to never leave the protection of the fence without permission. They knew swift consequences would follow if they should choose to disobey.

But I had seen him, our littlest boy, eyeing the gate from time to time…looking for the proverbial greener grass.

What would happen if he chose to leave the security and protection of our fenced backyard for the greener grass? Perhaps nothing, at first.

Perhaps nothing, at first.

In fact, we may not even catch him doing it right away.

Escaping negative consequences, he would likely decide to slip out unnoticed again….and again… and yet again… until one time, he ventures far enough to find himself suddenly facing grave danger.

And like disobedient Peter Rabbit suddenly face-to-face with the Gardener, he quickly understands the reason behind the boundary, the one he crossed without permission, the one meant to protect him, not to ruin his fun.

But it’s too late.

*This post has a new home! Follow this link to read the rest. 🙂

He Who Has Ears, Let Him Hear

June 14, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 13 Comments

Listen.

As I said the word aloud, my husband immediately responded with “He who has ears, let him hear.”

It’s a phrase repeated often in the New Testament by Jesus himself as He preached and taught. As soon as he said it, I knew I would have to look it up in my new keyword bible to gain a better perspective.

Of course, looking up Greek roots is probably totally breaking the five minute friday rules and spirit, but I felt compelled, because when I heard the word listen, I immediately thought – I haven’t been listening.

I’ve been ignoring.

Then I thought of my children: how they frustrate me when I’m trying to get their attention and they act as if they haven’t heard.

I thought of how patient God is when I act like I haven’t heard.

So, I wanted to know more about this phrase: He who has ears, let him hear.

A quick search revealed that this phrase appears six times in the gospels and usually in the context of a teaching moment, whether with a large crowd or with his small band of followers, the disciples.

According to my NASB Hebrew-Greek keyword study bible, the Greek word akouo is a verb used here meaning, “to hear” in various senses: one of those senses being hearing as an act of being informed and another being hearing as an act of learning.

In its primary sense, it means to hear as in to “perceive with the ears,” but other connotations include to listen, as in “to give ear to,” to pay attention to. Even more, the word akouo also implicates “to give heed, to obey.”

Just as I expect my children to listen when they hear my voice, so God expects us to listen when we hear His voice. Just as I expect my children to give ear to my words, so He expects me to give ear to His.

Furthermore, just as I expect my words to propel my children to action, so He expects His words to result in active obedience.

To hear is to listen; to listen, to learn; to learn, to obey.

Akouo.

He who has ears, let him hear!

Jen 🙂

It’s time for another Five Minute Friday! 🙂 I’ve really loved participating in this challenge as it stretches me as a writer. Writing for five minutes with little to no planning and no editing frees me to just write, just let the words come forth on their own. No over-thinking, no second-guessing. I’m enjoying that freedom quite a bit!

Linking up at:

http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

Power to Produce

June 5, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 8 Comments

If you are anything like me, then cleaning out the fridge is low on the totem pole. You might occasionally reach in for some sustenance and pull out rotten food instead. Instead of giving life and energy, the food is wasted, worthless, and sometimes even downright disgusting.

Our spiritual fruits can be that way, too! Have you ever tested your fruit? Held it up to the Lamp, the faithful Word of the Lord?

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love,

joy, peace, patience,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,self-control;

against such things there is no law.

In my bible, beside this passage I have written two small words: the test. Do you want to know how closely you are walking with the Lord? Examine your fruit of the Spirit! Do they pass the test? Are you overflowing with patience, joy, peace, kindness, love, goodness and so on?

All too often I find myself trying to produce these fruit all on my own. I wake up in the morning thinking, I’m going to be patient with my children today. I’m going to be kind and loving to my husband. And later in the day, when strength runs low, I feel frustrated and out of control. I wonder, “Why am I acting this way? What is the matter with me today?” as if some sort of spell has come over me, and I’ve been rendered incapable of obedience.

Finish reading this post by following the link to its new location here.

How to Overcome a Bad Day

June 4, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 5 Comments

Some days just getting started in the morning is the most difficult challenge we’ll face all day long. It’s hard to overcome, especially when a day starts out bad from the beginning!

You know, the days when:

the kids wake up way too early
you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list
you didn’t get enough sleep
you’re so grumpy you feel out of control
it’s rainy and dreary outside
all you want to do is get back in your comfy bed and hide

Overcoming a bad day is hard to do once it has already started!

What do you do when you wake up with zero motivation?

How do you get past a grumpy mood so early on in the day?

Today I’m honored to guest post over at my cousin Angie’s blog. I’ll be sharing ten tips for getting your inner motor going first thing in the morning. Just click the picture below to read the full post at her site:

Be sure to leave some comments for us and give us your best advice for dealing with a not-so-great morning!

Jen 🙂

A Blogger’s Prayer

June 3, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 24 Comments

This weekend marked the one month birthday of this blog, Being Confident of This. It’s a blog I started, but I’ve decided not to call it my blog anymore because it really isn’t. It’s God’s blog. The reason I say it’s His blog is because He’s done greater things for it in this short time than I could have ever imagined!

I’m happy to tell you that today “Being Confident of This” is being featured on two other blogs! Exciting! 🙂 My cousin, Angie, at http://www.angieknutson.com/ has been a huge help to me in my blogging journey this far. She has a wealth of knowledge and has been kind enough to share it with me, in spite of her own busy schedule, on multiple occasions. I really appreciate her support! Tomorrow she’ll be sharing a brand new post from me about how to handle dreary mornings, so stay tuned for that!!

So far, He’s used this blog to reach others, but even more, He’s used it to reach me. How often do we set out in life to lead others, to teach them, only to realize we are being taught ourselves? That’s how I feel about this whole blogging experience so far. 🙂

So, here’s my prayer as I continue on in this journey:

I see what you did there, God. I see how you used that post about Mary Moments in a Martha World to remind me that the best thing is spending time with you. I see how the post about being a Transformer convicted me to live out truth in love. I see that the biggest flaw in our Sanity Saving Chore Charts is whether or not we as parents are consistent in our follow-up.

At the same time, Lord, I’m learning that I have to be careful with this blogging thing. I heard my little boy the other day when he said I was spending too much time on the computer. I know I need to watch how much time I pour into this. I have to find balance between my time with you and blogging and family and church. It’s not easy, but I know You’ll help me. I see now that it’s part of the process, part of that work in progress.

Father, I’m also learning that you just want me to be me and to trust You to give me the words to say. When I try to create a fabulous post on my own – it flops. 🙂 When I trust You for the message, it soars. I see how that works, God, and I’m trying to get out of the way so that You can use me.

I also see, Lord, the potential to find my worth in the numbers (now I know what my pastoring husband feels like!). I don’t want numbers to be a measure of who I am. I want who I am to be found in You alone. Help me to be obedient to You in sharing the messages You give without worrying about how many people are visiting today, tomorrow, or the next day. Help me to remember that the value is in the obedience to You.

Most of all, Lord, I want to remember that it was Your idea to create this blog, not mine! Like anything else in my life, it ultimately belongs to You. Help me to surrender that control! Help me to remember that You can bring an audience all on Your own with no help from me. I’m simply the vessel. Make me a humble vessel.

Thank You, Father, for this amazing journey.

In Christ alone,

Jen 🙂

What is God teaching you lately? If you feel free to share, leave a comment! 🙂

Also linking up at any of these lovely blogs.

Five Minute Friday: View

May 24, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 15 Comments

Today I’m trying something new! Another blogger has challenged us to participate in Five Minute Fridays – we’ll spend only 5 minutes writing on a word prompt that she gives us. No editing, no grammar checking, no revising. Just creativity. So, here goes!

View

I once lived in a land with breath-taking views. Papua New Guinea, with bright tropical foliage filling the valleys, and the valleys ringed by tall mountains with a beauty of their own. Our tribal home sat perched on the side of one of these mountains, up on stilts with our hammocks hanging beneath.

I loved to sit in my hammock and look out at the blue sky that seemed so much brighter at that elevation and across to the mountain range on the other side of the valley below. Some mornings, thick, white clouds filled the valley as if a blanket of white cotton was laid out for us. So much beauty from the hand of our Creator!

Today the views that grace my landscape are not quite so spectacular. Our small town has its own form of quaint beauty, and the surrounding corn and soybean fields have theirs. Still, I miss New Guinea and the way in which the physical beauty of our mountain home brought me closer to my Creator. It was as if His presence was always evidenced before me, less easy to ignore.

But my Creator is so quick to remind me that my view has so much to do with perspective. I may no longer be surrounded by majestic mountains, wild-growing poinsettia trees, and grass-topped huts scattered among the dense green bush, but I’m surrounded by beautiful people. The man in my life who is quick to help anyone in need. The four-year-old twins who frolic together in the backyard. The seven-year-old with the impish grin on his face, no doubt planning some new mischief. The thirteen year old with his gentle smile and willing spirit.

Yes, my view is good.

Jen 🙂

The Power of Music

May 20, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 2 Comments

I love music. I love to sing it, I love to play it (when I have time), and I love to listen to it. I love all sorts of music, too. In our house you might hear contemporary christian, classical, broadway, oldies, big band, some jazz, a little country, a little rap. and even some of what my husband refers to as “love music” (think ballads!). By far my favorite music is the kind that speaks truth directly to my soul! You know what I’m talking about – those songs that are almost devastating in their truth and beauty.

Even my young, four-year-old daughter knows the power of music. I can no longer sing, “Rock-a-bye baby” to her because the melody makes her sad. On the other hand, my seven-year-old son likes enthusiastic jams from artists like TobyMac, not surprising since he’s our energetic one. When the kids are fighting with each other and just can’t seem to get along, a dance party to some great music goes a long way toward re-establishing their sibling camaraderie. When nothing seems to be going right, I find solace in music.

Music is powerful.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo

Music is an outburst of the soul ~ Frederick DeLuis

Psalms 95:1 – O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.

James 5:13 – Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

In the scriptures we read about times of rejoicing, accompanied by music, and times of sorrow, accompanied by music. When David killed the Philistine giant, God’s people rejoiced through music. When King Saul struggled with sorrow and other emotions, David’s instrument soothed him. When Paul and Silas sat imprisoned, they sang songs of thankfulness and praise to the Lord. Music is for happy times, sad times, and all of those times in between. Praise the Lord for the incredible gift of music!

So today when my head and heart are full of so many different thoughts and emotions that I don’t even know where to begin, why not begin and end with a song?

Jen 🙂

When do you turn to music?

Faithful Friend or Critical Chrisitan ~ A Word on Chronic Suffering

May 14, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 18 Comments

I have a soft spot for those who struggle with chronic health issues, those who experience chronic suffering.

Just recently, I had yet another bout with sinusitis and was reminded once again how much I dislike being ill. I have a medical history complicated by allergies and asthma along with an immune system that just doesn’t work well and never has.

Truthfully, the ONLY positive medical rarity I’ve experienced in life thus far is giving birth to twins! 🙂

While my medical issues pale in comparison to so many others, I struggle often enough to understand some of what it feels like to battle chronic medical conditions.

I understand that chronic sufferers often feel lonely because illness keeps them at home in isolation.

I understand the judgment sometimes felt from uncaring medical professionals, unsympathetic friends, and even gossipers who relate physical health to spiritual health.

I understand the weariness of facing yet another day of pain with no end in sight.

I understand total helplessness.

Over the years, I’ve heard people say some pretty harsh things about our sisters in Christ with chronic conditions, and I’m very ashamed to admit I’ve even had these same thoughts on occasion:

They’re just depressed. They need to get help.

They obviously can’t handle pain well, so they exaggerate their symptoms.

All they do is complain!

They are not living a healthy lifestyle. If they would just eat right, exercise, etc. then they would feel better.

They are not disciplined enough. They should just do what’s right in spite of how they feel.

They’re not trusting God enough.

While all of these statements have the potential to be at least partially true in many cases, they come across as self-righteous.

Is that a little harsh?

Perhaps.

However, such self-righteous thoughts or even voiced opinions do nothing to uplift or encourage that sister in Christ who is so lonely, so overwhelmed, so discouraged, so needy.

Consider these excerpts from Job, who suffered for the glory of the Lord.

Job 12
4 “I have become a laughingstock to my friends,
though I called on God and he answered—
a mere laughingstock, though righteous and blameless!
5 Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune
as the fate of those whose feet are slipping…

16 Then Job replied:
2 “I have heard many things like these;
you are miserable comforters, all of you!
3 Will your long-winded speeches never end?
What ails you that you keep on arguing?
4 I also could speak like you,
if you were in my place;
I could make fine speeches against you
and shake my head at you.
5 But my mouth would encourage you;
comfort from my lips would bring you relief…

19 Then Job replied:
2 “How long will you torment me
and crush me with words?
3 Ten times now you have reproached me;
shamelessly you attack me.
4 If it is true that I have gone astray,
my error remains my concern alone…

Job was “blameless and upright”; he had done nothing to deserve his suffering, and he continued to turn to the Lord throughout. Yet, how did his religious friends respond? They criticized him. They questioned his faith.

When he needed them most, Job’s friends failed him. How sad that they missed the opportunity to demonstrate brotherly love to Job!

As sisters in Christ, we are called to minister to those in need! Even if those suffering are not as blameless as Job, we are responsible to love them through the difficult times.

I know from experience that suffering from a medical condition can make a person pretty needy, and sometimes we grow weary of giving to someone who cannot give back. Trust me; I’ve been on that side of the coin, too.

As Job said, “Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune…”

How quickly we forget the depth of the dark when we are bathing in the light.

I’m guilty of it myself.

So, how can we avoid being unsympathetic know-it-alls like Job’s friends?

1. Check your attitude. Don’t condemn or condescend; show compassion instead. You cannot possibly know how difficult your sister’s life is unless you’ve been there yourself. Try to remember a time in your life when you suffered great physical pain or discomfort. Now imagine dealing with that on a daily basis with no end in sight! “Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another….” Eph. 4:32

2. Remember that dealing with medical issues can be scary and lonely, especially when an issue lacks a confirmed diagnosis. Doctors are not always correct and sometimes they lack the medical knowledge or the compassion to find answers patients need. Just because a person does not yet have a diagnosis does not mean “it’s all in the head.” Remind them that you will remain a faithful friend.

3. Before you offer advice to your suffering sister, consider your relationship with her. Are you close enough to her to have all of the facts, or have you made assumptions based on partial information? Have you first spent time in earnest prayer for her? Do you have a strong enough relationship that she will be able to hear you in love without being wounded by your words?

4. Be the Body of Christ! Offer an encouraging word, send a card or note to let her know you are thinking of and praying for her! Additionally, offer some practical help – making a meal, providing child care, cleaning the house, running an errand, even giving financially to help with medical bills in the case of severe illness. Don’t say, “If you need help, let me know.” Instead say, “I want to help by _________. When is a good day or time?” A specific offer of help is much more difficult to turn down. 🙂

On the other hand, if you, my sister in Christ, struggle with chronic medical issues, remember that you are not alone and that God IS in control, even when it doesn’t feel like it. The Word can be a tremendous source of encouragement during such trials

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We don’t always understand His ways, His reasons, for allowing trials in our lives, but we can trust in His compassion for us.

Hebrews 4:15-16

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jesus suffered. He suffered physically, emotionally, even mentally in his life as a human on earth. He was betrayed by friends and rejected (albeit briefly) by His own father. He suffered horribly and then He died. If anyone can understand your pain, He can!

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Over the years, I have learned that God often uses illness to get my attention, to bring me back to that place where I am totally reliant on Him because my physical body has failed me.

I don’t always know or understand why God allows such frequent illness, but I am secure in the fact that He only allows things into my life that He can work for good (Rom. 8:28). I hope you find that same comfort!

So as we go about our week, let’s remember those in our circles who are hurting. I challenge you to put a little time and effort into encouraging a suffering sister in Christ this week!

Who’s with me?

Jen 🙂

If you know someone who is struggling spiritually rather than physically, here’s an excellent article on that issue:

http://lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/06/when-someone-you-love-is-struggling.html

Sharing with: Grace and Truth