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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

Faithful Friend or Critical Chrisitan ~ A Word on Chronic Suffering

May 14, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 18 Comments

I have a soft spot for those who struggle with chronic health issues, those who experience chronic suffering.

Just recently, I had yet another bout with sinusitis and was reminded once again how much I dislike being ill. I have a medical history complicated by allergies and asthma along with an immune system that just doesn’t work well and never has.

Truthfully, the ONLY positive medical rarity I’ve experienced in life thus far is giving birth to twins! 🙂

While my medical issues pale in comparison to so many others, I struggle often enough to understand some of what it feels like to battle chronic medical conditions.

I understand that chronic sufferers often feel lonely because illness keeps them at home in isolation.

I understand the judgment sometimes felt from uncaring medical professionals, unsympathetic friends, and even gossipers who relate physical health to spiritual health.

I understand the weariness of facing yet another day of pain with no end in sight.

I understand total helplessness.

Over the years, I’ve heard people say some pretty harsh things about our sisters in Christ with chronic conditions, and I’m very ashamed to admit I’ve even had these same thoughts on occasion:

They’re just depressed. They need to get help.

They obviously can’t handle pain well, so they exaggerate their symptoms.

All they do is complain!

They are not living a healthy lifestyle. If they would just eat right, exercise, etc. then they would feel better.

They are not disciplined enough. They should just do what’s right in spite of how they feel.

They’re not trusting God enough.

While all of these statements have the potential to be at least partially true in many cases, they come across as self-righteous.

Is that a little harsh?

Perhaps.

However, such self-righteous thoughts or even voiced opinions do nothing to uplift or encourage that sister in Christ who is so lonely, so overwhelmed, so discouraged, so needy.

Consider these excerpts from Job, who suffered for the glory of the Lord.

Job 12
4 “I have become a laughingstock to my friends,
though I called on God and he answered—
a mere laughingstock, though righteous and blameless!
5 Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune
as the fate of those whose feet are slipping…

16 Then Job replied:
2 “I have heard many things like these;
you are miserable comforters, all of you!
3 Will your long-winded speeches never end?
What ails you that you keep on arguing?
4 I also could speak like you,
if you were in my place;
I could make fine speeches against you
and shake my head at you.
5 But my mouth would encourage you;
comfort from my lips would bring you relief…

19 Then Job replied:
2 “How long will you torment me
and crush me with words?
3 Ten times now you have reproached me;
shamelessly you attack me.
4 If it is true that I have gone astray,
my error remains my concern alone…

Job was “blameless and upright”; he had done nothing to deserve his suffering, and he continued to turn to the Lord throughout. Yet, how did his religious friends respond? They criticized him. They questioned his faith.

When he needed them most, Job’s friends failed him. How sad that they missed the opportunity to demonstrate brotherly love to Job!

As sisters in Christ, we are called to minister to those in need! Even if those suffering are not as blameless as Job, we are responsible to love them through the difficult times.

I know from experience that suffering from a medical condition can make a person pretty needy, and sometimes we grow weary of giving to someone who cannot give back. Trust me; I’ve been on that side of the coin, too.

As Job said, “Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune…”

How quickly we forget the depth of the dark when we are bathing in the light.

I’m guilty of it myself.

So, how can we avoid being unsympathetic know-it-alls like Job’s friends?

Chronic suffering is hard for many to understand because they haven't experienced it. How can we encourage those who suffer rather than condemning them? Read here for 4 Ways to Comfort a Sufferer

 

1. Check your attitude. Don’t condemn or condescend; show compassion instead. You cannot possibly know how difficult your sister’s life is unless you’ve been there yourself. Try to remember a time in your life when you suffered great physical pain or discomfort. Now imagine dealing with that on a daily basis with no end in sight! “Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another….” Eph. 4:32

2. Remember that dealing with medical issues can be scary and lonely, especially when an issue lacks a confirmed diagnosis. Doctors are not always correct and sometimes they lack the medical knowledge or the compassion to find answers patients need. Just because a person does not yet have a diagnosis does not mean “it’s all in the head.” Remind them that you will remain a faithful friend.

3. Before you offer advice to your suffering sister, consider your relationship with her. Are you close enough to her to have all of the facts, or have you made assumptions based on partial information? Have you first spent time in earnest prayer for her? Do you have a strong enough relationship that she will be able to hear you in love without being wounded by your words?

4. Be the Body of Christ! Offer an encouraging word, send a card or note to let her know you are thinking of and praying for her! Additionally, offer some practical help – making a meal, providing child care, cleaning the house, running an errand, even giving financially to help with medical bills in the case of severe illness. Don’t say, “If you need help, let me know.” Instead say, “I want to help by _________. When is a good day or time?” A specific offer of help is much more difficult to turn down. 🙂

On the other hand, if you, my sister in Christ, struggle with chronic medical issues, remember that you are not alone and that God IS in control, even when it doesn’t feel like it.    The Word can be a tremendous source of encouragement during such trials

 

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We don’t always understand His ways, His reasons, for allowing trials in our lives, but we can trust in His compassion for us.

Hebrews 4:15-16

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jesus suffered. He suffered physically, emotionally, even mentally in his life as a human on earth. He was betrayed by friends and rejected (albeit briefly) by His own father. He suffered horribly and then He died. If anyone can understand your pain, He can!

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Over the years, I have learned that God often uses illness to get my attention, to bring me back to that place where I am totally reliant on Him because my physical body has failed me.

I don’t always know or understand why God allows such frequent illness, but I am secure in the fact that He only allows things into my life that He can work for good (Rom. 8:28). I hope you find that same comfort!

So as we go about our week, let’s remember those in our circles who are hurting. I challenge you to put a little time and effort into encouraging a suffering sister in Christ this week!

Who’s with me?

Jen 🙂

When illness is long-lasting, we easily grow discouraged. Here are 3 verses that bring comfort to me! #bibleverses #suffering #comfort #chronicillness Being Confident of This | Bible study | Job | what the bible says about suffering | What God's Word says about suffering | how to help someone with chronic pain | being a good friend | when a friend suffers | hope for the sufferer

If you know someone who is struggling spiritually rather than physically, here’s an excellent article on that issue:

http://lori-benotweary.blogspot.com/2013/06/when-someone-you-love-is-struggling.html

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

Filed Under: Christianity, Women of Faith Tagged With: Bible study, Christian Women, Chronic (medicine), Chronic health conditions, Chronic pain, Comfort, Devotional Thought, Encouragement, Health, Job, Medical issues, Pain, Suffering, Women of Faith

Comments

  1. amy says

    May 14, 2013 at 14:01

    Thanks Jen, this is wonderful!

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 14, 2013 at 14:38

      You’re welcome, Amy. Praise the Lord for bringing forth helpful knowledge from my scattered thoughts.
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  2. Helene says

    May 15, 2013 at 02:25

    Jesus was amazing at giving compassion regardless of the reason for suffering, coincidence or self-induced. Thanks for reminding us to be too!

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 15, 2013 at 21:37

      Yes, exactly! Thanks for stopping by.
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  3. Jennifer 'Miner' Ferguson says

    May 15, 2013 at 16:49

    I think checking the heart attitude is so important! This was a really helpful post!

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 15, 2013 at 21:38

      Thank you for your kind words!
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  4. Stephanie says

    May 17, 2013 at 00:17

    This is a really great post. So many times I don’t know what to say when a friend is going through something really, really horrible. Like, my best friend getting a divorce this year and another close friend losing her husband this year…it was ALL very hard and finding the right words proved to be impossible but God is our healer and I glad to announce that they are both doing well…

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 17, 2013 at 10:52

      Thank you, Stephanie. You are so right; He is our Healer, whether that be physically or spiritually. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      Reply
  5. 3dLessons4Life says

    May 17, 2013 at 10:36

    This is such a helpful post. This is my first time visiting your blog, and I was blessed. Thank you for stopping by my blog this week.

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 17, 2013 at 22:24

      Thanks for the return visit and the encouraging words!
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  6. Crystal Brothers says

    May 20, 2013 at 00:29

    Love this! I suffer from severe, chronic depression and anxiety disorder. Chronic illness that happens to also be a mental illness means that the church offers basically no sympathy or care at all. I often wish God had given me a physical ailment instead of a mental one. I know that sounds awful, but depression actually manifests in physical ways as well, but people don’t understand about that. They have so many preconceived notions and depression is just a bad day, a bad attitude, an ungrateful heart, or sin…I’ve heard everything and none are accurate. Depression is an illness.

    And, I hear you on the rare medical things! Mine have been annoying and not life-threatening, thankfully, but include severe itching and hives in pregnancy, carpal tunnel in both wrists during pregnancy…both of which I’d never heard of and had no idea what was happening to me! lol

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      May 20, 2013 at 13:33

      Crystal, you are not alone in feeling the church (in general) fails to understand! Someone very close to me also struggles with a mental issue, and it’s very hard to determine how much of it is spiritual and how much is chemical/physical. All I know is, either way, there is grace!! Cling to that, sister! Thanks for visiting,
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  7. Shannon @ Of The Hearth says

    January 13, 2014 at 22:53

    Thank you for this post.

    I suffer from an autoimmune disease. I can’t tell you how often I’ve felt alone and afraid to share about my illness out of fear of judgement.

    Posts like this one make this a lot easier!

    Reply
    • stultsmamaof4 says

      January 31, 2014 at 11:11

      Shannon, I”m so glad to hear you found some comfort here. Living with chronic illness is difficult enough without naysayers. Keep fighting the good fight, sister!
      Love in Christ,
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  8. Debra says

    July 23, 2015 at 10:30

    Thank you, as one who suffers from several autoimmune diseases, I struggle daily with the many guilt feelings of not being able to be that proverbs 31 woman. I don’t need more guilt from friends. I just want your love and prayers. Deb Gauthier

    Reply
    • jstults says

      July 26, 2015 at 00:53

      Sweet Deb, God started teaching me a powerful lesson about my worth to Him when I broke my tailbone a couple of years ago and couldn’t do the things that seemed to make up my very identity. Then He gave me a good reminder this past winter when I had an extended illness that kept me in bed for a few weeks. I couldn’t do anything but lay in bed, and after about a week, I began to get so discouraged and just felt worthless. I couldn’t be Mom. I couldn’t be Wife. I couldn’t help at church. At one point I thought, “God, I can’t do anything for You right now!” And He comforted me with this thought, “I love you anyway.” You are His beloved, Deb, even when you have nothing to give.
      Jen 🙂

      Reply
  9. Manie says

    February 25, 2016 at 09:21

    So many times ur posts have spoken to me, this post especially i have been struggling with infections and sinusitis for the past seven months. I am a young mother of two. In so many ways this message tells my story; and brings me encouragement when I needed it most. Thank you for sharing. God Bless You

    Reply
    • jstults says

      March 14, 2016 at 12:46

      I’m so glad to hear this post spoke to you, but sad to hear you’ve been unwell for so long! Yes, I know the struggle of recurring sinus infections, and I know the weariness they bring also. Praying extra strength and patience for you today!
      Jen 🙂

      Reply

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Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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