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Cultivating Christmas: Reflect

December 7, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 1 Comment

Every morning when it’s time to “do hair” we stand in front of my mirrored dresser. “Look in the mirror,” I tell her in an attempt to keep her still as I comb through the tangles that seem to multiply in her near-black hair overnight. She chatters and squirms as I comb, my daughter, my mini-me.

She’s the only girl in our bunch of four, but that doesn’t hold her back. She’s spunky enough to hold her own with her brothers, tough enough to throw an elbow once in a while, and brave enough to climb the same tall pines in the backyard. When she comes in the house smiling with dirt on her pant knees and twigs in her long, straight locks, I think – That’s my girl! Half tom-boy, half princess!

Unlike her twin brother, she’s fiercely independent and prefers playing on her own as much as she enjoys playing with her brothers. She’s smart and inquisitive, loving learning simply for the sake of knowing. And when her feelings get hurt, we can expect a good twenty minute pout. She doesn’t cry often, but when she does, big alligator tears roll down her face from her large, hazel eyes, sometimes silently.

She appreciates order, and beautiful things, and chocolate, and clothes (yes, even at the age of four!), and babies, and animals, and singing, and books, and laughing, and so many more of the same things that I do.

She’s a reflection of me, both physically and in personality. My only daughter, my sweet yet spunky princess.

And having experienced the separation of living halfway around the world as a missionary kid, I cannot even imagine sending her a world away (or any of her brothers, for that matter), especially knowing she would suffer pain and temptation, rejection and persecution, and even death.

But that’s exactly what our Father God did so long ago. He sent us his only Son, His pride and joy, His very reflection, stripped of godly position to become fully human, fully feeling, fully fragile. He did all of this, knowing what would be required of His beloved Son. All so that we might know true life and know it abundantly.

Jesus.

He reflects real Light, real Love, real Hope and real Peace.

Because He is Emmanuel, God with us.

So that we might know Him.

How can we comprehend such a love as this, sisters? That the Almighty God of the Universe would care enough for undeserving sinners to sacrifice the joy of His only Son’s presence in order to gift it to us, so that we might know Him.

That’s the joy of Christmas!

Jen 🙂

I’m joining in with the Five Minute Friday crew this week, albeit a day late. 🙂 We write for five minutes on a one word prompt, no planning, no editing, no stressing. Just words. Join in here!

I may also be linking up with any of these lovely blogs.

Truth, Opposite of Lie

November 8, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 18 Comments

“If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all,” right? Maybe not. For Five Minute Friday, Lisa Jo asked us to write about the word truth. Honestly,I don’t have any great new truths to share with you today, just an old truth that I need to hear over and over again. It’s part of that work-in-progress me, I guess.

I like the words on this blog to be uplifting, but this week I’m not in an uplifting place. Instead, I find myself in a let’s-be-honest, sometimes-life-stinks place. I know you understand because sometimes you find yourself there, too. And I’m learning to be okay with that.

So, here’s the truth, even though it might not be very nice.

Truth.

This is the week that never ends.

The one when my husband and I cannot seem to get along. 😉

The one when I feel so worn down by life that even simple, everyday chores like laundry and caring for children seem to carry such weight.

And I feel like such a whiner for even writing those words because I know, I know, I know the truth, the truth that so many people have it so much worse, and that I… I live a blessed life in many, many ways.

It’s just that this week has left me feeling so discouraged and lonely and needy, and it’s just not me!

It’s a lie, this feeling that I’m stuck, that life will always be difficult this way, that I can’t……

That’s the biggest truth and biggest lie all wrapped up in one, isn’t it?

I can’t.

The statement is true in a sense. On my own, I can’t. On my own, the strength is gone, the patience is gone, the desire to do right is gone. On my own, I want to bury my head in the sand and stay there waiting for better tomorrows.

But “I can’t” is also a lie because I’m not on my own. I’m in Christ. And in Christ, I am more than a conqueror. That’s right – more, sisters! In Christ, I am already victorious. In Christ, I am also fully loved, fully accepted, fully provided for, fully complete.

In Christ alone, my Hope is found.

Truth.

It’s the opposite of the lies I’m tempted to listen to.

In Christ, I can.

And it comes down to my choice, and your choice. Which one will we give ear to today?

I pray it’s truth.

Jen 🙂

Love this music from Mandisa for a boost!

I’m linking up with the Five Minute Friday crew over at Lisa Jo’s place, where we free-write for five minutes on a one-word prompt – no stressing, no over-thinking, no planning, no editing. Join us!

You may also find me linked up at any of these lovely blogs.

Ordinary People, Extraordinary Children

October 11, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 13 Comments

It’s one of those days when I feel so plain.

A tad, well, ordinary.

And I know, I know, I know the truth. That I am. Ordinary.

Except I’m not. To Him, I’m not.

Why is it such a struggle to be okay with the ordinary when surrendering to that makes us so completely extraordinary? Why do I look for the praise of man, the love of others, when I know the unfailing love of the King and the pride of Big Brother Jesus?

It’s like this fever within us, the desire to be more. More than ordinary. And it creeps up when we least expect it, even when we’re in the midst of reveling in the extraordinary that He reveals to us.

At first, it’s just a quiet whisper.

We shove it aside, hoping it will go away on its own. But it doesn’t. It grows stronger still, this whisper that we are ordinary, plain, nothing special. And gaining strength, the whisper goes even deeper. You are weak. Your faith is weak. You are worthless.

With a groan, we turn to it, not wanting the whisper to be true, but fearing all the while that it is. Why do we turn to it before turning away, my sisters?

Why do we listen to that whisperer, the Father of Lies?

Why don’t we turn instead to that Voice of Truth?

The Voice that calls us Beloved, Chosen, My People, Redeemed Saints,

Vessels, Lights in a dark world,

Worthy of a one and only Son, Brides of Christ.

Is there anything ordinary about being a bride? I think those of us who are married would say it’s the day in our lives when we felt most special, most beautiful, most beloved.

There is nothing ordinary about bearing the names He gives us!

Be still, whispers.

Roar aloud, Voice of Truth!

Because Satan is defeated. And we…we are new creations. He no longer has dominion over us.

So, be gone foul whisperer!

We.

Are.

Children.

Of the One True King.

Ordinary people, extraordinary children.

We can be confident of that.

1 Peter 2:9

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood,

a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession,

so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light…”

Jen 🙂

It’s Five Minute Friday, and I’m linking up with Lisa Jo again. You can join in, too! Five minutes of raw, uneditted, stress-free writing on a word prompt she gives us.

I might also be linking this post up with any of these lovely blogs.

When God Says, “Write.”

October 4, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 25 Comments

Often the Lord asks those who are in Christ to do things we aren’t comfortable doing on our own. Maybe He asks us to talk to someone we don’t really know, invite a neighbor into our home, teach a Sunday School class, or use a gift that He has given in a public setting. When He asks us to do those things that make us a little afraid, we’re always tempted to say no, at least I am. 🙂

No, Lord, I don’t want to go to Nineveh.

No, Lord, I’m not a good speaker; you should ask someone else to lead your people in exiting Egypt, like my brother.

No, Lord, we cannot take the Promised Land; it’s full of giants and we are small.

Over and over again in Scripture we find evidence of people just like us, lacking confidence in their God-given, spiritual gifts, or not wanting the responsibility that comes along with using a gift for the Lord’s glory. They feel inadequate or unworthy of the task.

We can look back on their completed lives and marvel at how the Lord worked through them. We may even call them Heroes of the Bible, but in the moment, they were just ordinary people, afraid of the unkown, afraid of not being “enough.”

I often feel that way, especially about writing. I’d rather leave it to someone else, after all, others can turn a phrase so much more effectively than I can. What do I have to offer?

I’m just an ordinary person. And I’d rather keep those weaknesses of mine hidden, than be open and vulnerable. I’d rather not put myself out there for the world to see, and maybe even criticize. I’d rather avoid, be safe, fly under the radar.

But He commands, “Write.”

A funny thing happens when I obey that still small voice. (Let’s be honest, sometimes when we don’t listen right away, it becomes a resounding gong that keeps us up ’til 4am!) I’m the one who benefits. Me!

It’s exactly the opposite of what I expected when I first started blogging months ago. I thought He wanted me to share truth with others (and I do think that’s part of it), but I didn’t realize He wanted to share those truths with me, first.

And so I write. I pour it all out, sometimes on pages with pen in hand, sometimes on the keyboard, fingers flying, sometimes in bits and pieces, here and there in my notebook.

On occasion, I try to hold back, tone it down. I mean, does anyone really need to see ALL of my ugly? 🙂 But He won’t let me. He requires truth, full disclosure.

“Write, Jen.”

“But this is personal and painful and embarrassing, Father. I’m so ashamed. People will know! What will they think?!”

“I said write, Jen.”

“Okay, Father, but are you sure about this part here about my weight issues. Should I really be telling this to the public? I mean, is it really necessary to include? And can I really say this, Lord? Am I really qualified to write such words?”

“I will give you the words, just write.”

“Okay, Father, I’m still not sure about this, but I’ll try.”

And the words pour out. And sometimes the tears do, too. Because every time He asks me to write, whether about the ugly or the beautiful, He shows me more of Himself, more of myself, and more of who I am becoming in Him.

He teaches me that the best things come when I have nothing to give because then I am an empty vessel for Him. And I’m the one who is blessed! Not because the words are so great, but because

the message.

is.

Great.

Not because my gift is so grand but because writing is the gift, and it’s for me and it’s for Him and it’s for all of us.

More than pretty phrases or clever constructions, the message is what matters.

His message.

So my sisters in Christ, write,

or sing,

or teach,

or garden,

or paint,

or mother,

or serve,

or bake,

or whatever the task He lays before you, whether great or small.

Because the blessing is first for you.

Jen 🙂

Join us for Five Minute Fridays over at Lisa-Jo’s place. We write on a one-word prompt for five minutes – no planning, editing, or stressing. 🙂

I may also be linking up with any of these lovely blogs.

Also sharing with: A Little R &R, Grace and Truth

True Stories from a Busy Mama

September 27, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 17 Comments

Sometimes I fail as a Mom; it’s true. Like yesterday when I forgot to put in a load of laundry that happened to contain the soccer jersey my teenage son needed for his game last night. Let’s just say it didn’t smell the best. 🙂

I felt so bad for him and so frustrated with myself for forgetting!

And then there are the times when I forget to sign my seven-year-old’s assignment book every night. Or the times when field trip money is due. How about the times when someone asks you to do something simple, and you agree, only to forget over and over again?!

The truth is that as a mama of four, my mind is occupied by so many different thoughts, needs, and schedules at one time that some things are bound to slip through the cracks. It frustrates me because I used to be a very dependable person….before kids. 🙂

But then I remember something my aunt said on facebook a while back. She told another relative dealing with mom-guilt that she was mothering well. Why? Because this mom teaches her children about the saving grace of Jesus.

And the truth is, that’s enough, isn’t it?!

If shoes go untied and beds go unmade and laundry goes unwashed or unfolded, but we remember to tell our children about Jesus, then we have done the most important thing of all!

Sharing truth, the most important truth in the universe, is the best way to be a “good” mom.

So, if like me you experience an epic fail in your motherhood this week, remember what’s true.

Superwoman is just a myth.

You teach your children about Jesus.

And that’s enough.

Jen 🙂

This Five Minute Friday’s challenge word from Lisa-Jo Baker is True. She’s asking women all over the globe to share their true stories – the good, the bad, and the ugly. 🙂

Sharing with: Inspired Bloggers Network

The Day I Saw Red

September 6, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 31 Comments

Today I saw red.

I was so angry at the injustice that I burst into tears. That’s my response, ya know, when the going gets so tough that all kinds of nastiness is about to spew forth from my lips.

But I know I’m held to a higher standard than the world; I know the tongue is sharper than any two-edged sword. I know letting those words escape would be wrong. So I gulp the words down and they rise up as tears instead.

You see, there was this insurance claim for a broken bone, which happened during our family vacation (see the story about Buttkill Falls). And even though we followed every step that we should have, even though we did everything according to procedure, the insurance company still refuses to pay.

It’s really not just the fact that this month we’re already short, and the medical center has already removed money from our account. After all, I know Our Provider can handle dollars and cents.

It’s not even just that my tailbone still hurts and now I’m miserable with a cold, too.

It’s the incredible injustice of knowing you did everything right, yet still you suffer.

I saw red, and I was tempted to despair.

I asked the Lord, “Why? Hasn’t enough gone wrong already in the last few weeks?” And the truth is that it really has been an incredibly crazy few weeks for us. One trial after another. When it rains it pours. That kind of few weeks. The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with

The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with ministry, problems in the home, problems with old, leaky pipes, problems with finances, problems with health.

You cling to His promises and try to face each new challenge with a trusting heart. But it all sort of piles up on you until you feel like you can’t breathe anymore and you want to beg for rescue, cry out for mercy.

It feels unfair.

And whenever I get to that point, the point when I’m telling the Lord He’s not being fair to me, He has only to say one word…

Jesus.

It wasn’t fair to Him, either.

He did everything right and nothing wrong, yet He suffered even unto death for my sin, my wrongdoing, my evil.

Oh, the shame! The shame of having questioned. The shame of telling myself my petty, short-term suffering is unbearable, that it shouldn’t be required of me. The shame of my sinful pride.

And the perspective!

The perspective of realizing there are so many others suffering much, much worse evils around the world. People struggling just to survive. People dying for their faith. People dying without any Hope.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

So, I saw red today.

My face turned red. Tears fell. I shouted angrily at the Lord, even if only in my mind.

And then He showed me Red.

Red blood dripping from the sacrificial Lamb, the perfect Son of God who deserved only glory, not death.

My salvation and my forgiveness.

The One who understands true suffering.

Forgive me, Father, for my faith is weak and I sometimes doubt.

But You, You are good.

Even when I am not.

And You love me, even when I fail to love You.

Thanks for reminding me that I’m a work in progress, and that work is not yet complete.

I have Hope in You.

Jen 🙂

Okay, I’m pretty sure I bent the Five Minute Friday rules again today, and this is way more personal than what I’m comfortable sharing. In fact, I’m downright embarrassed and a little afraid. But… when I sat down to write, this is what came out at the end of a long day, concluding a long week. And I can’t hide it away as I would like to, or I wouldn’t be a truth-teller.

My friends, we all have sinned. And we all doubt. Even missionary kids. Even ministers’ wives. Even faith bloggers. 🙂 If you’re struggling today, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And that He loves you anyway. Just listen to the words of the song below.

Read more encouraging words from another blogger who’s having “one of those days” here.

My Everyday Worship

August 30, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 22 Comments

Everyday Worship…

It’s not about church or silence or lengthy prayer or even calm quiet with Him.

It’s about living and loving and serving amidst othe chaos of snotty noses and dirty dishes and kids who just can’t seem to get along.

My everyday worship looks more like…

Doing dishes with a song in my heart, or teaching my preschoolers about patience.

Folding laundry even though my eyes are sleepy, or listening to a kid-story that I’ve already heard a few times too many.

Looking up from my work and into their eyes.

Stopping to hug my husband even if I’m in the middle of something.

All this and more makes up my everyday worship.

It’s counting my blessings in the midst of real pain or confusion or doubt because the blessings are many.

It’s choosing to be purposeful in my parenting but still at peace.

It’s dancing in the car with the Christian radio station turned up. Little hands waving in the air to the beat and grins plastered on their faces.

It’s feeling the sting of conviction when that small voice asks, “Are you happy, Mommy?” when she knows I am not. And choosing to let go and embrace real joy.

It’s planning family fun night even when I’d rather just relax.

It’s the heart-swell of awe and thankfulness that comes from seeing something truly beautiful, be it a mountain or the ocean or a sunset, or a preschooler’s delight over a firefly captured in her hand.

My everyday worship.

It doesn’t just happen at church, folks.

Jen 🙂

I learned so much about worship and living out my purpose in everyday faithfulness in the seemingly small things from this book by Rick Warren (affiliate link):

Firsts Lead to Lasts

August 23, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 17 Comments

Due to my recent injury at Buttkill Falls, I’ve had extra time to ponder life, and when that happens, I tend to get a bit nostalgic. 🙂 Maybe it’s because I’m currently medicated, or maybe it’s because I’m missing out on some family life lately. For whatever reason, when I’m separated from my people, I tend to think about them more. I miss them. I appreciate them.

I miss them. I appreciate them.

I appreciate them.

As I’m resting and pondering, and thinking about how quickly the first day of school came this year, I realize that we’re about to enter a new season of life as parents. We have just one more year left with littles at home, and one year before our oldest enters high school. For thirteen years now, I’ve been a mostly stay-at-home mom, but what will I do when all of these firsts lead to lasts?

First smiles and first steps.

First days of school and first solo bike rides.

First baby food and first big kid beds.

First instruments and first crushes.

So many firsts that we’ve been blessed with.

But these firsts lead to lasts, and what will a born-to-be-a-mama girl do when all of her children are at school for the day? It seems like these lasts come oh-so-quickly.

It seems like these lasts come oh-so-quickly.

Last days of kindergarten and last days of twin high chairs.

Last days of baby clothes and last days of soccer on Saturdays.

Last days of sweet toddler cheeks and last days of bedtime stories.

The truth is, the lasts stink. I know I’ll miss them. But those firsts that led to lasts will once again lead to firsts. Firsts like driver’s licenses and shaving and so much more independence.

But those firsts that led to lasts will once again lead to firsts – firsts like driver’s licenses and shaving and so much more independence.

And while my children are enjoying a whole new world of lasts followed by firsts, I’ll be opening up to a whole new world of firsts, too.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

Jen 🙂

It’s Five Minute Friday again! We gather together over at Lisa-Jo’s blog and free-write for five minutes on a single word prompt. No planning, no editing, just writing. It’s glorious freedom! If you want to know more, join us at: http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

Like a Mustard Seed

August 16, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 12 Comments

It’s one of those paradoxes of Christianity, like “the first shall be last” and “you must first die to live.” He chooses the small, the weak, the completely inadequate as vessels, rather the big, strong, and impressive.

It’s one of those things that I struggle with often, in spite of my work-in-progress mindset. How can I possibly do these big things He’s asking of me? Who am I, Lord, who am I to take on these giants of life?

I’m so small.

I’m so flawed.

I’m not right for the job.

There are so many better equipped, stronger in faith, more Christ-like. Would they not be better for the job?

Like Moses, I doubt. Like Jonah, I wish to run. Like David, I plead for wisdom and I wait. But like Mary, I also say, “let it be done to me according to your word.”

And like Isaiah, in my bravest moments I whisper, “Here am I. Send me.”

I may be small, but my God is not. I may be flawed, but Christ was not. I may not be perfect for the job, but I am a willing vessel.

Because when I am weak, then I am strong.

Only because of Christ.

With the faith as small as a mustard seed…

Jen 🙂

It’s Five Minute Friday, but I’m a day late thanks to recent events. On Five Minute Fridays, bloggers from all over the globe write on a single word prompt for five minutes. No planning, no editing, just raw and real writing. Then we all share at www.lisajobaker.com .

Present (A Five Minute Friday post)

August 7, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 2 Comments

This week we’re on family vacation!! 🙂 So, I’m sharing an older Five Minute Friday post that never saw the light of day. As such, it is not a true 5 minute friday because I never finished it (for more information on FMF, see the end of the post). So, it has been editted. 🙂

Present is…

a campfire glowing on a warm summer evening,

lightning bugs captive in a glass jar,

faces sticky with marshmallow.

Present is choosing to look when my littlest son says, “Look, Mom! I caught budderfwy,”

and laughing when I see that it’s really another lightning bug.

But he’s so proud and his smile is so wide that I haven’t the heart to tell him differently.

Instead I exclaim over its beauty and his bravery.

And I choose to be present by putting the camera away.

Present is sometimes peace, sometimes chaos, but always worthwhile.

Present is a gift, not the kind that you open, but one that you give with your time, your attention,

your eye-contact, your helping hands and your listening heart.

It’s laughing at seven-year-old jokes that don’t make sense and listening to four-year-old speak you can’t understand.

It’s helping the teenager find a missing item and looking at your husband when he comes in the door, even if you’re busy.

Present is patient. Present is loving. Present is giving.

Let’s choose to be present.

Jen 🙂

What reminds you to be present?

On Five Minute Fridays, we all write furiously for 5 minutes on a word-prompt given to us by Lisa-Jo Baker. Come join us!