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While Sea Billows Roll: Waiting on the Lord

September 13, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 32 Comments

It’s more than a bad hair day and more than spilled milk. It’s one of “those” days, the ones you really do weep over, when wave after wave of some trial (new or old) sweeps over you as you struggle just to keep your head above water.

And just as you gain your feet, another waves swells up before you. In the midst of such trials, we can do little else than cry out for mercy, for deliverance.

Sometimes “those” days last longer than just a day or two, or even a week. Sometimes, we experience whole seasons of “those” days, whole seasons of trial, and illness, and heartache. Whole seasons of waiting on the Lord.

If you read regularly here, you know our family has been in the midst of such a season for a while now. I’ve been wanting to share with you all some of my “discussions” with the Lord about this spot He has us in, but I’ve honestly been confused about the message He’s trying to give me.

I don’t want to wallow in self-pity, but I do want to allow myself the grace to rest and recover when needed. I want to keep using those Grace-colored glasses He’s been teaching me about.

You see, it’s not just the practical and physical difficulties of a trial that make life on one of those days oh-so-difficult, but it’s the emotions that come along for the ride, too. I’m frustrated by the condition of my physical body and even by the condition of my fragile emotions. I’m feeling guilty that I cannot do the things I normally do, nor fill the roles I normally fill – mom, wife, friend, leader.

What I really wanted to give you was a how-to post: how to survive when Mom can’t be mom, but this is what came out instead…

How to Survive While You Are Waiting on the Lord

I do have a few ideas about that one, a few tips the Lord has been helping me with.

1. For instance, He’s been telling me to lower my expectations.

So what if the twins watch an extra hour of cartoons? So what if beds go unmade and the soccer shirts aren’t clean on game day? If at the of the day, we’re all fed and alive, then we’re surviving!

2. What about Teamwork – be a team with your spouse? Yes, that’s a good tip, too.

When I feel overwhelmed by circumstances in life, I often fight against my husband instead of with him. In return, I reap the added burden of marital strife to an already trying situation. So, teamwork is good, blaming my husband for my own limitations and frustrations is bad. Okay, I got that. 🙂

3. Resist Satan’s Lies – tip number three.

Of course, I know that in spite of my guilty feelings, I’m doing the best I can and that’s enough for the Lord. Of course I know that He promises to be my Deliverer.

But sometimes I just don’t want to wait for deliverance. I’d rather try to fix it myself, right?

Are you with me here?

4. Lean on the Lord for both physical and emotional strength. That’s another good one, right?

Chin up, soldier because God is on your side. If God is for us, who can be against us? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And all of the other platitudes we like to sprinkle about when someone is suffering a trial.

The Problem with Christian Platitudes for Those Who Are Waiting on the Lord

These statements and verses are all true – they really are -but sometimes they do little to comfort the weary soul.

Sometimes… instead of lifting us up, those verses and sayings make us feel like crummy Christians.

Because if I’m not “counting it all joy” every single day of this trial, then I’m once again failing somehow, am I not?

And what about “count your blessings,” which goes right along with “think of those less fortunate”? You know some days that really works for me. Most of the time, I can see all of the good things around me that the Lord has blessed me with. I can find the silver linings. I know that my temporary suffering pales in the face of what others have gone through before me, namely Jesus.

But other days I can count my blessings, think of others, and still feel frail. Some days I know I’m not clinging to joy, I’m not embracing peace, because I have no strength left to do so!

So while I sit and think on all of these good things I feel I should be doing to try to help myself in this season of trial, the waves grow all the stronger and more ominous around me.

Crashing, crashing, always crashing, this storm in my soul.

I feel like Jacob, wrestling with the Lord, and I wonder, what’s wrong with me?

Why can I not seem to overcome? Am I not obedient enough? Not trusting enough? Not hopeful enough? Have I sinned in some way I’m not aware of?

A Changed Perspective on Waiting on the Lord

Then, I read this post here about not having a formula for success in the midst of trial but just “hanging on for dear life” and this post here about resting in the mud, in the mess of it, because He’s willing to sit right there with us. I began to wonder if I was seeing it all wrong, if I was trying to earn favor rather than be willing to receive favor.

I’m beginning to hear a new song from the Lord, a refrain of comfort to my weary soul. His song tells of a Shelter in the storm, strength found less in doing and more in waiting, a peace gained not from a change in circumstance but from His very presence.

In my devotion time this week I feasted on these lines that seemed to be meant just for me:

“We must learn to wait on the Lord and look for His return…. As you wait on Him, you will discover that this attitude renews your spiritual strength, clears your perspective, and reduces your giant-sized problems to manageable size. Let David’s words become your marching orders: ‘Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.’” [Excerpt from Joy of Living Bible Studies: Hebrews, pg. 102]

What I Learned from Studying the Word “Wait”

In the original language, this word wait is qavah (pronounced kaw-vaw’) and is a verb meaning to look for, to wait for, to hope for. I found it even more interesting that the original meaning was one of binding together by twisting, as in a rope. (And here I am, dangling at the end of mine.)

I found that this verb is very active, not an idle sitting by the wayside, but an expectant waiting. We are to actively be on the “look out” for the Lord to work on our behalf. While we wait, qavah, we are also to be strong.

The phrase “be strong” from the Hebrew word chazaq (prounounced khaw-zak’) is also a verb. In essence, this chazaq is an also act, something done rather than a state of being. It was used numerous times in the Old Testament to describe a scene of supernatural strength: David vs. Goliath, Samson’s final act, Joshua’s entrance into the Promised Land. [NASB, Hebrew-Greek Keyword Study Bible]

So this being strong is an act that comes not from any natural or human means, but only from the Lord. Thus, it’s impossible for us to “be strong” in the chazaq sense on our own.

So, how does that look, practically speaking? I mean, how can I wait and be strong without striving and stressing?

I can be quick to meet Satan’s lies with truth from the Word. I can earnestly seek moments of joy in a day full of trials. I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can earnestly seek moments of joy in a day full of trials. I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can watch to find His hand already at work in the situation and trust that it’s happening even if I can’t yet see it. I can speak words of hope.

I can speak words of hope.

The Only Source of Strength While Waiting on the Lord

But it’s more than that, isn’t it? Because some days I don’t have it in me.

That’s the key right there – it’s not in me to wait and be strong. What is naturally in me is to despair, to cry “Mercy, Father, it’s too much!”

And maybe sometimes that’s just the best place to be: at the Father’s feet, completely undone, utterly dependent on Him alone. No strength of our own left. Completely at His mercy. Humbled and low-down. At the end of the proverbial rope.

I’ll be honest, that’s a really hard place to sit in.

I much prefer to jump up and busy myself doing something because at least then I feel useful. But what if that’s not what He desires? What if what He most desires is to hear me admit, I can’t do it, Father – I’m not capable – I need help?

I think the most difficult aspect of learning to walk a road of suffering is understanding when to “be still” and when to “soldier on.”

I still don’t have it figured out. I seem to pendulum swing between the two, trying to find that balance.

Some days I’m all “onward Christian soldiers” and others I’m moaning about like an Israelite, lost in the desert. 🙂

It’s all part of His work in progress in me.

So this is the heart of my struggle, really: what is it you require of me, Lord?

Here’s how I believe He’s answering me:

Daughter of mine, wait for Me. Listen for My voice. When it’s time to get up and walk, I will tell you. And when it’s time for you to sit and take rest at my feet, I will tell you. And when it’s time for me to carry you because you have absolutely nothing left to give, then I will carry you. Stop trying so hard and just rest in my embrace. No squirming now, not yet. Sit. Relax. Cry if you need to. Confess if you need to. Question if you need to. I’m big enough to handle all of that and more. Just let Me hold you because that’s all I really want. You, beloved daughter. I want you. Take heart; rescue WILL come, for I am the Faithful One, God of all Hope and Comfort. But for now, just wait.

Because the truth is that our Father God loves with a perfect love, so much more perfect than ours, and our best comfort is found in waiting on the Lord!

Which one of us mothers would look at wounded, heartbroken child and chide her for her tears? I’m not talking about tantrum tears or even repentance tears, but tears of helplessness and hurt. Does their sorrow not bring forth our very compassion?

And which one of us mothers would fail to come rushing to the aid of a child calling urgently for help? Which one of us would refuse to comfort and console? Which of us would leave that child to struggle alone?

We would not.

We cannot because our love compels us to respond. If this is the way we imperfect humans feel about our children, how much more so does our Father God have compassion for us, His beloved, chosen ones?

With that perspective, those crashing waves don’t seem so ominous anymore. They still knock me down from time to time, but maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly where I need to be.

Perhaps those waves of trial aren’t reaching up at my waist in order to suck me under and drown me, but to push me to a better shore. If I would just quit fighting them, give in, and ride the momentum, I’d find myself safely on the other side.

And there I can find the rest my soul is so desperate for.

My sister in Christ, if you’re struggling in the surf of suffering today, take heart.

You are not alone. Rescue is near. He welcomes you into His embrace and asks that you just sit a while.

Listen for His voice.

And keep waiting on the Lord.

Jen 🙂

If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy:

http://sarahjofairchild.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/just-one-of-those-days-again/

I’ll also be linking up at any of these places.

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

The Day I Saw Red

September 6, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 31 Comments

Today I saw red.

I was so angry at the injustice that I burst into tears. That’s my response, ya know, when the going gets so tough that all kinds of nastiness is about to spew forth from my lips.

But I know I’m held to a higher standard than the world; I know the tongue is sharper than any two-edged sword. I know letting those words escape would be wrong. So I gulp the words down and they rise up as tears instead.

You see, there was this insurance claim for a broken bone, which happened during our family vacation (see the story about Buttkill Falls). And even though we followed every step that we should have, even though we did everything according to procedure, the insurance company still refuses to pay.

It’s really not just the fact that this month we’re already short, and the medical center has already removed money from our account. After all, I know Our Provider can handle dollars and cents.

It’s not even just that my tailbone still hurts and now I’m miserable with a cold, too.

It’s the incredible injustice of knowing you did everything right, yet still you suffer.

I saw red, and I was tempted to despair.

I asked the Lord, “Why? Hasn’t enough gone wrong already in the last few weeks?” And the truth is that it really has been an incredibly crazy few weeks for us. One trial after another. When it rains it pours. That kind of few weeks. The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with

The kind of weeks that string into one long line of day after day of some new problem to cope with – problems with ministry, problems in the home, problems with old, leaky pipes, problems with finances, problems with health.

You cling to His promises and try to face each new challenge with a trusting heart. But it all sort of piles up on you until you feel like you can’t breathe anymore and you want to beg for rescue, cry out for mercy.

It feels unfair.

And whenever I get to that point, the point when I’m telling the Lord He’s not being fair to me, He has only to say one word…

Jesus.

It wasn’t fair to Him, either.

He did everything right and nothing wrong, yet He suffered even unto death for my sin, my wrongdoing, my evil.

Oh, the shame! The shame of having questioned. The shame of telling myself my petty, short-term suffering is unbearable, that it shouldn’t be required of me. The shame of my sinful pride.

And the perspective!

The perspective of realizing there are so many others suffering much, much worse evils around the world. People struggling just to survive. People dying for their faith. People dying without any Hope.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

The perspective of remembering Who is on my side – how could I forget? Has He not proven Himself faithful time and time again? And still I doubt, like Peter who saw the 5,000 fed, yet feared the wind and the waves, walking toward Christ, yet slowly sinking.

So, I saw red today.

My face turned red. Tears fell. I shouted angrily at the Lord, even if only in my mind.

And then He showed me Red.

Red blood dripping from the sacrificial Lamb, the perfect Son of God who deserved only glory, not death.

My salvation and my forgiveness.

The One who understands true suffering.

Forgive me, Father, for my faith is weak and I sometimes doubt.

But You, You are good.

Even when I am not.

And You love me, even when I fail to love You.

Thanks for reminding me that I’m a work in progress, and that work is not yet complete.

I have Hope in You.

Jen 🙂

Okay, I’m pretty sure I bent the Five Minute Friday rules again today, and this is way more personal than what I’m comfortable sharing. In fact, I’m downright embarrassed and a little afraid. But… when I sat down to write, this is what came out at the end of a long day, concluding a long week. And I can’t hide it away as I would like to, or I wouldn’t be a truth-teller.

My friends, we all have sinned. And we all doubt. Even missionary kids. Even ministers’ wives. Even faith bloggers. 🙂 If you’re struggling today, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And that He loves you anyway. Just listen to the words of the song below.

Read more encouraging words from another blogger who’s having “one of those days” here.

Spirit-propelled Life

August 19, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 Leave a Comment

Good morning, friends! 🙂 Today I’m honored to be guest posting over at Encourage 24/7, a website all about encouraging Christians in their walks with the Lord.

Do you ever feel like you push and pull your way through a long day? Are you sometimes overwhelmed and ready to give up by 10 am? Do you ever long for something more, something better?

If so, this post is for you! Come on over and join us at Encourage 24/7 to find out what I learned from my Kirby vacuum. 🙂 Be sure to check out the Testimony Posts tab, too, for more encouragement from other bloggers. Just click on the link below to find the post.

Lessons from a Kirby

Like a Mustard Seed

August 16, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 12 Comments

It’s one of those paradoxes of Christianity, like “the first shall be last” and “you must first die to live.” He chooses the small, the weak, the completely inadequate as vessels, rather the big, strong, and impressive.

It’s one of those things that I struggle with often, in spite of my work-in-progress mindset. How can I possibly do these big things He’s asking of me? Who am I, Lord, who am I to take on these giants of life?

I’m so small.

I’m so flawed.

I’m not right for the job.

There are so many better equipped, stronger in faith, more Christ-like. Would they not be better for the job?

Like Moses, I doubt. Like Jonah, I wish to run. Like David, I plead for wisdom and I wait. But like Mary, I also say, “let it be done to me according to your word.”

And like Isaiah, in my bravest moments I whisper, “Here am I. Send me.”

I may be small, but my God is not. I may be flawed, but Christ was not. I may not be perfect for the job, but I am a willing vessel.

Because when I am weak, then I am strong.

Only because of Christ.

With the faith as small as a mustard seed…

Jen 🙂

It’s Five Minute Friday, but I’m a day late thanks to recent events. On Five Minute Fridays, bloggers from all over the globe write on a single word prompt for five minutes. No planning, no editing, just raw and real writing. Then we all share at www.lisajobaker.com .

Great Expectations and Buttkill Falls

August 14, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 12 Comments

Hello, faithful readers! Some of you know that I was on vacation with my family last week. We spent the week unplugged. I wanted to jump right back in on Monday, but vacation didn’t go exactly as planned…

In a cosmic meeting of great expectations and unplanned frustrations and discouragements, vacation became a lot more work than we all intended and culminated in what could have well been the deciding event at Buttkill Falls. The rest of the world knows this picaresque waterfall by it’s real name, Bushkill Falls, but in our family, it will forever be referred to as Buttkill Falls because it broke my behind. Literally. But that’s really the end of the story (no pun intended), so let’s go back to the beginning!

Three years ago, we went our first family vacation, not just your typical family getaway, but an extended family vacation consisting of our family, my parents, my brother and his family, and my sister and her family. The adults enjoyed a lot of together time while the little cousins played. It was wonderful! While that trip was not without its own frustrations, we enjoyed ourselves so much that we decided to make it a new family tradition that should take place every other year.

For those who don’t know much about my family, this vacation is important to us. Because my parents were missionaries in PNG (Papua New Guinea), we spent a lot of years separated in various ways, sometimes even in different countries. Today, we are separated into three different states. So, like many families who have moved apart from each other, finding together time is difficult, even during the holidays. And I think at least for me (since I can only speak for myself), those years spent apart overseas make that together time so much more significant and needed. So, family vacation was the perfect solution! What could be better than a whole week together?!

For many reasons, planning this second family vacation became a lot more complicated from the beginning. In fact, we didn’t even get to go the year that we had originally planned. Instead, we waited another year, and faced even more hurdles. So by the time we worked through the hurdles and had firm plans in place, we were all anxious to actually get there. Expectations were at an all-time high.

Unfortunately, the discouragement began even before we left! We experienced unexpected financial issues and so did some other family members. The second house being rented by my sister’s family was flooded the week prior to our departure, and they were left with no place to go to. In addition, One of my nieces started throwing up the night before they planned to leave. The opposition we faced was unreal! In fact, I have no doubt that the Enemy was at work even before we left, trying to suck the joy out of our much anticipated family vacation before it ever started.

But, in my father’s words, my mother is an eternal optimist, and thankfully some of us inherited this characteristic from her. 🙂 So, we prayed, and prayed, and my sister’s family actually left by faith before final arrangements were even made for their rental home!

So many things went wrong that week: the rental homes were not what we were expecting (in fact, one had to be changed due to mildew and other general grossness), couples argued, family members failed to communicate, and the weather forecast predicted rain. all. week. long. Have you ever spent a week in a crowded home with 11 children, all but one under the age of 8? It wasn’t looking good for a week of peace that we so desperately needed.

But as I mentioned before, many of us are optimists and even those who aren’t optimists are at least believers in the God of the impossible. So, we forged ahead with vacation plans. There was a family church service on Sunday, followed by game time, and a beach day on Monday, and Guys golf followed by Gals shopping on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, it rained all the way to Buttkill Falls. But we were determined. Besides, what else would we do in a crowded cabin with a pack of wild children? 🙂 The nice lady who charged us the outrageous admission price (yes, we outdoor lovers PAID to hike!) warned us that the trails would be slippery. And to make a long story short, after misunderstandings and whiny, sometimes even disobedient kids and lots and lots of stairs, it happened. I warned my mother about a particularly slippery set of wooden steps, turned to go down the next one, and fell down three steps directly on my tailbone.

I couldn’t catch my breath at first, and then when the air came, so did the tears. My arm was already bruising from the fall and my rear hurt terribly. I assumed it would go away after a while, and it did go numb for a bit, so we finished the hike. But not without another spousal argument and multiple instances of child disobedience. The one redeeming aspect of Buttkill Falls was the awesome playground that we used to wear the kids out before hopping back in the van for a painful, hour-long drive back to the cabin.

Needless to say, the rest of the vacation wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned. There was a day spent getting x-rayed and medicated, followed by a day in bed while the others enjoyed a train ride (or train wreck, as my brother-in-law liked to call it), followed by a long drive to a huge boulder field that I couldn’t walk on (but at least I got to see!). And then there was the day of the ten hour drive home and the donut pillow that failed to do its job.

It felt like one of those annoying movies where everything that can go wrong, does, and the characters never catch a break! 🙂

In spite of my unmet great expectations, I can honestly say I would choose to do it again. Why, you ask? Because in between the arguing, the parenting issues, the broken bones, the frequent disappointments, and the many other challenges that came our way that week, we had moments, family moments of joy, of togetherness, of teasing, of laughter, of memory sharing, and of memory making.

And we all enjoyed an entire night of rear-end jokes around the game table. 🙂 (Better to laugh than to cry, right?!)

I wouldn’t trade those moments for the world, or even a healed tailbone, because who knows if we’ll see another family vacation? Who knows if we’ll have another year, another week, another day?

In our humanity, we love to make these perfect plans; we have these great expectations for life, for people, for jobs. So often, they fall short, and we’re tempted to let ourselves become discouraged. We’re tempted to lose heart. We’re tempted to see the negative, the bad, even the evil, everywhere we turn.

But our God is bigger, our God is stronger,

Our God is higher than any other…

And He holds us in the palm of His hand.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

His plans are not our plans.

I still don’t know why I needed to break my tailbone in the middle of family vacation or why family vacation had to feel like work instead of pleasure so often, but He does.

I pray that the more I grow in the confidence of His grace, the more my great expectations will be His great plans.

And in the meantime, I choose to look for the good.

Even if it means surviving more Buttkill Falls incidents. 🙂

Jen 🙂

When have your great expectations ended in disappointment? What brought you joy in spite of your failed plans?

The Honeymoon is Over

July 31, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 32 Comments

It was bound to happen eventually. I’ve only been blogging for a few months now, so I don’t really have much experience to go on. But I think I can say with some certainty that the blogging honeymoon is over.

Blogging, like so many other things in life, was so fascinating and exciting when it was new to me. Every view was cherished, every comment celebrated. Some days I would check the blog first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. It’s the truth; I think I became just a tiny bit obsessed! Maybe, just maybe, I even made an idol of it, to my shame.

I do that, though. I throw myself into new things with such enthusiasm, such big plans and dreams. And then somewhere along the line, it stops being quite so much fun and starts to feel more like work, like just another burden to carry.

Some of you might be thinking, but it’s just a blog! To a certain extent, you’d be correct. It doesn’t feel like “just” a blog to me, though. It feels like part of me that I’ve put on display for the world to see. And there are these nifty little graphs that measure that part of me day by day by day… And some days they just don’t measure up to what I’d like to see. No matter how high they reach, there seems to be this desire for more. And the inspiration isn’t always there. And busy schedules get in the way.

And sometimes…

I just want to give up.

Let’s be honest. It happens to all of us! When that new baby comes home smelling so sweet, and everyone is exclaiming “how perfect”…when that new job is so exciting that you just can’t wait to go to work, and people tell you how happy they are to have you there…when that new ministry that you’ve been planning for and dreaming of finally comes to fruition…when you make that purchase that you’ve been saving up for and it’s just. so. cool….when that mountaintop experience leads you to a faith high that just can’t be matched.

Inevitably, a valley follows that mountain. That perfect baby that slept so well in the hospital cries all night long, night after night after night. That new job has its own set of challenges. That new ministry has flaws, too. That new purchase grows old or outdated. Thus the mountain gives way to a valley. And those feelings that had us on cloud nine in the mountains leave us, and we wish for more.

But our spiritual lives are not lived just on the mountain tops. In fact, those mountain tops most likely add up to a very small part of our faith journey. The truth is that the valleys often naturally follow the mountains , not because anything has changed but because our physiology is built that way. Our bodies cannot sustain a constant state of “high,” so we must experience a “low” to bring us back to equilibrium. And perhaps even more because we were not meant for this imperfect world, so we yearn for something better.

While I know that my faith isn’t built on feelings, as a woman emotions do come into play! How often I’ve wished those pesky emotions away even though I know they serve a purpose. 🙂

So what’s a girl to do when she just gets a case of the blahs and the blogging honeymoon seems to be over? She recognizes the valley for what it is – temporary. She remembers that she is not a citizen of this world. She blogs anyways because that’s what God led her to do, just like she mothers anyways, she loves anyways, she trusts anyways, she clings to His promises anyways, she speaks truth anyways, she leads anyways, and she hopes anyways.

She keeps seeking. Sometimes she even stumbles and falls, and she’s so ashamed of her weakness. But He’s right there to help her back up again. Along the way, she learns a little more of the unfathomable depth of God’s grace. She grows a little more confident in an overwhelming, unconditional love. She grows a little more confident in His timely provision. She grows a little more confident in the work He’s doing within her.

Because He promised that one day, one glorious day, that work would be complete.

And the valleys will be gone.

And the mountain top lasts for all eternity.

And we see His face.

So we wait, like so many others before us.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us,

let us also lay aside every encumbrance

and the sin which so easily entangles us,

and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith,

who for the joy set before Him endured the cross,

despising the shame,

and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility

by sinners against Himself,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

And we don’t lose heart.

Jen 🙂

It Was Ugly (A Five Minute Friday)

July 6, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 37 Comments

Five Minute Friday: Beautiful

The day didn’t start out this way. We left for the beach with smiles on our faces, anticipation building with each mile that passed. We had our swimsuits on, our sand buckets packed, our snack sack filled. We were heading into what was sure to be a beautiful day.

But then it turned ugly.

There was a bee sting and disobedient children followed by a sudden realization that all was not well. Disappointment, frustration, harsh words, and fear all balled up into one, a wound ripped open in the midst of a beautiful day. It was the kind of deep wound that ruins any thought of fun or enjoyment. And the children were watching, and I felt stuck.

I didn’t want to go to the beach anymore. I didn’t want to spend another second within a five-foot radius of him. I wanted to admit defeat, to go home and sob in my bed, alone. I wanted to …

To read the rest, click here and follow me to the new home of this article.

Into the In Between

June 28, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 22 Comments

Remember that Old Testament story about Abram? The time when God told him to go “in between,” into the land of the unknown with no destination in sight, no idea where the road might lead?

Gen. 12:1 “Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father’s house, To the land which I will show you…”

I believe my husband and I are facing one of those unknown in betweens. It’s happened before; in fact, it happened as little as 2 years ago when the Lord began to speak to us individually. His voice wasn’t clear at first, just a feeling that some big change was coming and we’d better be ready!

And a few months later my husband quit his job and took a position in full-time ministry. And a year later, we finally sold our house and moved. And it’s been difficult,

And it’s been difficult, yet beautiful.

The in between can be scary – the kind of are you really going to ask me to leave all of my friends and family scary. Do I need to sell my house scary. How will my children react scary. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this scary. What exactly are you asking scary.

I’ve always been impressed by Abraham’s ability to go forth into the in-between with no ifs, ands, or buts.

No conditions on his obedience.

No bargaining.

No pleading for more time.

Going into the in between without bartering for some sort of control is difficult. But I know if our Savior is leading us there, then the in between will be a good place, perhaps difficult, but good. The in between will be good for me, good for my husband, good for my family, good for my faith.

I know it.

I cling to it.

I wish the knowing lessened the feeling. 🙂 It’s true. The fear is still there, that unknown in between that stretches beyond our human vision. But like Abraham, we’ll venture forth into it, trusting and believing that although we have no idea where the road ends, He does.

It’s true – the fear is still there, that unknown in between that stretches beyond our human vision. But like Abraham, we’ll venture forth into it, trusting and believing that although we have no idea where the road ends, He does.

What was Abraham’s reward? A son.

No even more, a nation of sons. The beginning of the Promise that would bring hope to all mankind, an abundant blessing he could not even have imagined when he first stepped into the in between.

We’ll listen for His voice.

We’ll go in between.

Jen 🙂

linking up at www.lisajobaker.com for Five Minute Friday.

A Savior Who Never Grows Weary

June 26, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 21 Comments

I’m privileged to attend a women’s bible study on Tuesday mornings most weeks. We’re currently studying the book of Hebrews in depth, and this week the focus was on the latter part of chapter seven.

In this chapter, the author spends a great deal of space demonstrating why Jesus is the ultimate High Priest, even greater than Melchizedek, who was a pillar of the Hebrew faith.

Because Jesus is eternal, He is superior.

Because He is perfect, blameless, He is superior.

Because He continues to intercede on our behalf at the Father’s right hand, He is superior.

Hebrews 7

“23 The former priests, on the one hand, existed in greater numbers because they were prevented by death from continuing, 24 but Jesus, on the other hand, because He continues forever, holds His priesthood permanently. 25 Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.

26 For it was fitting for us to have such a high priest, holy, innocent, undefiled, separated from sinners and exalted above the heavens; 27 who does not need daily, like those high priests, to offer up sacrifices, first for His own sins and then for the sins of the people, because this He did once for all when He offered up Himself. 28 For the Law appoints men as high priests who are weak, but the word of the oath, which came after the Law, appoints a Son, made perfect forever.”

When asked to reflect on these verses, the end of verse 25 jumped out at me. “He always lives to make intercession for them.” That is His purpose at the right hand of the Father, to intercede on my behalf, continuously, for all of eternity.

Did you catch that? Our risen Savior didn’t just choose us at the cross.

Our Savior chooses us now; defends us now; redeems us now; intercedes for us now, moment by moment, forever and ever, hallelujah!

I often grow weary of my children (let’s be honest, now :)). I often grow weary of my husband, of others, and sometimes I even grow weary of my Lord. My love fails.

But His love never fails.

He is a Savior who never grows weary!

It wasn’t just a one-time act, that choice to suffer on the cross, that forgiveness of even the most unpardonable sins. He continues to act on my behalf, acts for my forgiveness, over and over again. Today, and the next day, and for all of eternity.

As humans, we cannot even come close to that kind of love! In fact, even our most sacred vows end with ” til death do us part.” One day we will come to an end, and with that end, our imperfect love will also cease.

We says things like, “I’ll love you forever” but that promise is impossible for us to keep. And even if we manage to love one another for a lifetime, our love is full of faults, imperfections, wounds, conditions.

But His love is not our love.

He alone can keep the promise of a perfect, forever love. Our High Priest claims us time and time again.

Father, you see that one right there? I chose her. I died for her. Her sin is covered by my blood. She belongs to us now. I call her beloved. I love her as she is.

Oh, the overwhelming grace! It’s almost painful in its power. It floods us and we drown in it, dying to self and rising anew. Rising to bone-deep gratefulness. Rising to undeserved confidence in our eternal position. Rising to true love.

If you’re feeling low-down and unworthy today, unloved or under-appreciated, overwhelmed by sin or temptation or trials, or maybe just a little weary of life in general, remember who your Savior is.

He is real.

His love is real.

And it never ceases.

He sits at the right hand of the Father and proclaims, “Covered by my blood, covered by my blood.”

Rise anew, beloved,

rise anew.

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: A Little R&R, Grace and Truth

5 Ways to Stretch a Budget: Part 2 (the practical bit)

June 25, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 17 Comments

Yesterday I shared with you the first half of 5 Ways to S-t-r-e-t-c-h a Budget. If you haven’t read the first half, I encourage you to do so as it contains the foundation of our frugal living. In these tough economic times, it’s hard to find ways to make a small budget work, especially if you have a large family and are living on a single income. These tips should help.

And now, for part 2:

3. Pray for Your Needs and 4. Buy Gently Used

(these two overlap quite a bit)

Appliances – Finding good deals on appliances is admittedly harder than saving money on other items, but it can be done! Our first action is to pray about it. Remember, the Lord promises to provide for our needs. Our favorite money-saving techniques when buying gently used appliances are to look at garage sales, ask friends and family to be on the lookout for us, check craigslist, buy scratch and dent, and so forth.

Vehicles – We have never had a car payment, ever. When we realize that it’s time for a new (to us) vehicle, we start praying! Sensing a theme yet? 🙂 We know we cannot afford a car payment while attempting to pay down student loans, so we ask God to send us a vehicle that will meet our needs as well as our budget. Praise the Lord, He has always provided the vehicles we needed, sometimes even at no cost to us, including the necessary switch to a minivan before the birth of our twins! Then, we are often able to pass on the blessing by giving our old vehicle to someone else in need.

For necessary car repairs, we also pray. My husband does whatever he can himself, but if it’s a major repair, we usually have to ask for help. We’ve been blessed with some mechanics in the family, but when they are busy we have also turned to church family or friends. If you know someone mechanically minded, you could even trade services – offer to babysit, make a meal, or some other skill you or your husband have!

Furniture – In our home, you will not find new furniture. It’s a luxury we cannot afford, although I’ll admit I’ve been tempted at times! The majority of our furniture has come from garage sales, hand-me-downs, Goodwill, Craigslist, and so forth. We often pray for furniture needs as well, especially when we moved last year and our twins needed to graduate to full-sized beds and dressers of their own.

God provided a set of bunkbeds, a loft bed, a few dressers, a desk, and more – most of which came from one garage sale. We had looked at loft beds online for our daughter’s room since it was going to be quite small, but they were very pricey. We prayed about it and just didn’t feel peaceful about spending that much money on a want. That very weekend, God provided via the garage sale where we found a white loft bed with matching shelves and dresser – all for $50! They wanted to get rid of it so badly, they even threw in an extra desk. Praise the Lord! If we had not been willing to wait, we would have unnecessarily spent well over $400.

Baby Items – We have pretty much outgrown the baby years here, but when we found out we were pregnant with twins over four years ago, I learned a lot about trusting God to provide for needs in this area. He provided a second crib, clothing, a second exersaucer (which wasn’t even a need, really), and so forth from generous friends and even neighbors. We even found car seats we really liked on clearance in one of those moments when you know God is just blessing you for the fun of it! 🙂

I also shopped a lot of garage sales, but my favorite place to shop was the nearest second-hand baby store, called Once Upon a Child. Not only are the gently used items half the price of a new item, but also outgrown baby clothing and items can be traded in for cash or store credit. If you don’t have one in your area, check for another baby thrift store. E-bay was another source of gently used items that I utilized. Last but not least, I often swapped items with ladies at church. For more ideas on how to save in the baby area, read 9 Ways to Save on Kids’ Clothes.

Vacations – We do splurge a little in this area (at least what we call splurging). God has always provided a way for us to vacation when needed.

Now that my husband ministers full-time, vacations are becoming much more of an actual need than a want, and as the saver in the family, I’m learning to see them that way. 🙂 However, the funding isn’t always available, even for a “cheap” vacation like camping. In this case, we have vacationed at relatives’ homes, we have swapped houses, and we have even found some ministries for pastor’s families who help provide lodging. If you are a family in full-time ministry in desperate need of rejuvenation, please visit this site: http://www.lawrencewilson.com/free-retreats-vacations-pastors/ .

Utilities – You can only stretch this budget so far since heat and electricity are necessities (in this country anyway). However, setting the thermostat at 66 or 67 in the winter months and 75 or 76 in the summer months saves quite a bit of money. If you can’t go that far, even a couple of degrees can make a difference.

Consider rewarding your children for turning off unnecessary lights or appliances in the home to motivate them to keep utility costs to a minimum. Additionally, we utilize the budget-billing program to keep our monthly costs even, which is easier to budget for. Consider investing in energy efficient appliances, but only if you have the finances to. Again, if your budget is lacking, pray about it.

5. Do It Yourself Whenever Possible

Haircuts, Home improvements, Home decorating, Lanscaping, Gardening, Sewing, Homemade cleaning products – whatever you can do on your own rather than paying someone else to do is like money in the bank! A $25 pair of clippers lasts a long time – just sayin’. (See this tutorial to learn how to cut boy hair at home and my pinterest board for lots of other DIY tutorials.) Learn how to re-purpose everyday items such as baby wipes. And with the invention of Pinterest and the DIY blogs readily available, we really have little excuse to avoid learning some new skills, right? 🙂

If you have already tried to d-i-y and it just isn’t working, why not trade services to save money on the things you need help with? A few years ago, I promised my husband I would never again ask him to lay laminate wood flooring after we sold our previous home. He was miserable doing it and encountered much difficulty, even with the help of my brother-in-law! But we can barter with friends next time we need new flooring.

So that’s how we live frugally to achieve our financial goals. After 14 years of marriage, my husband has learned to appreciate my frugal nature, and I have learned to allow him to balance it out. Sometimes it’s nice to have the freedom to buy something new, or something that is a want rather than a need. I’m thankful for God’s wisdom in the mate He chose for me!

I’m sure I missed something, but I hope these ideas have helped you find areas in which you can stretch your budget, too! Even if you currently have a budget with a little room to spare, why not consider cutting back in just one area so that you can support global missions or feed a hungry child? When looking around our home, I can see there are things that we could live without even today, so I’m challenging myself here, too. Remember that as with any changes in life, learning to live more frugally is a work in progress. Even small steps can lead to success!

Have a great budget-stretching tip? Share with us in the comments!

Jen 🙂

If you enjoyed this post, you might suggest these practical suggestions for making things last:

http://harvestlanecottage.blogspot.com/2013/06/forty-ways-to-use-it-up-wear-it-out.html

or this post with additional ideas for savings in order to live on one income:

http://yourmodernfamily.com/how-to-become-a-stay-at-home-mom-on-one-income/

or these postw detailing how to save on kids’ clothes:

9 Ways to Save on Kids’ Clothes (part 1)

9 Ways to Save on Kids’ Clothes (part 2)

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