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Being Confident Of This

Grace for the work-in-progress woman

How to Overcome a Bad Day

June 4, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 5 Comments

Some days just getting started in the morning is the most difficult challenge we’ll face all day long.  It’s hard to overcome, especially when a day starts out bad from the beginning!

You know, the days when:

  • the kids wake up way too early
  • you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list
  • you didn’t get enough sleep
  • you’re so grumpy you feel out of control
  • it’s rainy and dreary outside
  • all you want to do is get back in your comfy bed and hide

Overcoming a bad day is hard to do once it has already started!

What do you do when you wake up with zero motivation?

How do you get past a grumpy mood so early on in the day?

Today I’m honored to guest post over at my cousin Angie’s blog.  I’ll be sharing ten tips for getting your inner motor going first thing in the morning. Just click the picture below to read the full post at her site:

Some days just start out tough from the very beginning. Here's practical advice on how to overcome a bad start to the day!

Be sure to leave some comments for us and give us your best advice for dealing with a not-so-great morning!

Jen 🙂

Filed Under: Christianity, Parenting Tagged With: Bad Day, Bad morning, Christianity, Devotional Thought, Dreary, Grumpy, metabolism, Moms, Mood, mornings, Motherhood, parenting, Wake up, Women, Women of Faith

A Blogger’s Prayer

June 3, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 24 Comments

This weekend marked the one month birthday of this blog, Being Confident of This.  It’s a blog I started, but I’ve decided not to call it my blog anymore because it really isn’t.  It’s God’s blog. The reason I say it’s His blog is because He’s done greater things for it in this short time than I could have ever imagined!

I’m happy to tell you that today “Being Confident of This” is being featured on two other blogs! Exciting! 🙂  My cousin, Angie, at http://www.angieknutson.com/ has been a huge help to me in my blogging journey this far.  She has a wealth of knowledge and has been kind enough to share it with me, in spite of her own busy schedule, on multiple occasions.  I really appreciate her support! Tomorrow she’ll be sharing a brand new post from me about how to handle dreary mornings, so stay tuned for that!!

So far, He’s used this blog to reach others, but even more, He’s used it to reach me.  How often do we set out in life to lead others, to teach them, only to realize we are being taught ourselves?  That’s how I feel about this whole blogging experience so far. 🙂

A Blogger's Prayer

So, here’s my prayer as I continue on in this journey:

I see what you did there, God.  I see how you used that post about Mary Moments in a Martha World to remind me that the best thing is spending time with you.  I see how the post about  being a Transformer convicted me to live out truth in love.  I see that the biggest flaw in our Sanity Saving Chore Charts is whether or not we as parents are consistent in our follow-up.

At the same time, Lord, I’m learning that I have to be careful with this blogging thing.  I heard my little boy the other day when he said I was spending too much time on the computer. I know I need to watch how much time I pour into this.  I have to find balance between my time with you and blogging and family and church.  It’s not easy, but I know You’ll help me.  I see now that it’s part of the process, part of that work in progress.

Father, I’m also learning that you just want me to be me and to trust You to give me the words to say.  When I try to create a fabulous post on my own – it flops. 🙂  When I trust You for the message, it soars.  I see how that works, God, and I’m trying to get out of the way so that You can use me.

I am the vine

I also see, Lord, the potential to find my worth in the numbers (now I know what my pastoring husband feels like!).  I don’t want numbers to be a measure of who I am.  I want who I am to be found in You alone.  Help me to be obedient to You in sharing the messages You give without worrying about how many people are visiting today, tomorrow, or the next day.  Help me to remember that the value is in the obedience to You.

Most of all, Lord, I want to remember that it was Your idea to create this blog, not mine!  Like anything else in my life, it ultimately belongs to You.  Help me to surrender that control!  Help me to remember that You can bring an audience all on Your own with no help from me.  I’m simply the vessel.  Make me a humble vessel.

Thank You, Father, for this amazing journey.

In Christ alone,

Jen 🙂

What is God teaching you lately?  If you feel free to share, leave a comment! 🙂

Also linking up at any of these lovely blogs.

Filed Under: Christianity, Parenting, Uncategorized, Women of Faith Tagged With: Abiding in Him, Blog, Blogger, Blogging, Christ-centered living, Christian living, Christian Parenting, Confidence, Devotional Thought, Faith, God, Identity in Christ, prayer, time management, Women

Five Minute Friday: Imagine

May 31, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 17 Comments

Imagine.

Imagine a home filled with three rowdy, laughing boys and one daughter with a giggle high and light.

IMG_2820

In that home you might hear such phrases as:

“Don’t lick your brother’s face” and

“You can’t beat up your sister’s special doll.”

IMG_2816

You might also find messes like this on your nine-foot ceilings,

evidence of a seven-year-old boy left too long in the bath. 🙂

IMG_3005

Now imagine a young, often tired mama, who tends to be on the serious side.

She dislikes messes,

and rowdiness,

and chaos.

She appreciates controlled fun, if there is such a thing.

I never imagined myself to be the mama of so many boys, but I certainly am thankful for God’s wisdom in placing them in my care.  By the grace of God, I’m learning to embrace

noise,

chaos,

wrestling, and even….

….fart jokes. 🙂

Imagine that tired, young mama opening her mind and heart to a world of fun and let’s pretend.  Those rowdy boys and silly daughter teach her to play. They teach her to take life less seriously.

Imagine life without my children?  Impossible!

Jen 🙂

What do your children teach you?  Share with us in the comments.

Filed Under: Christianity, Parenting, Uncategorized, Women of Faith Tagged With: children, Christian Parenting, Christianity, family, Family fun, Five Minute Friday, Humor, Imagination, Jokes, parenting, Religion and Spirituality

Sanity Saving Chore Charts

May 23, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 24 Comments

Last summer we sold our home and moved to the community that we are currently ministering to.   We were very blessed to be able to move into a larger home, and I just knew it would be perfect for the kids and perfect for entertaining people.  What I didn’t count on was the time it would take to adjust to cleaning and maintaining a larger home!

I quickly found myself overwhelmed by the cleaning projects that come with maintaining an older, farm-style home.
Sanity Saving Chore Charts

I struggled for months with the housework and felt like I was always “behind.”  Because I felt frustrated and overwhelmed, every little mess the kids made irritated me – every spilled cup, every toy left out, every article of dirty clothing on the floor – and I often found myself grumping at them even as I was telling myself to have patience.

I felt like I was losing my mind!  It was as if I was stuck in Romans 7, knowing what I wanted to do, but feeling utterly incapable of doing it.

How a move to a new home changed my view on chores.  Read for great ideas on chore charts for various ages!  Sanity Saving Chore Charts

So, after many tears of frustration and quite a bit of prayer, my husband and I  decided it was high time to expect a little more of our four children.

You see, our children have always had chores, but in the craziness of moving and settling in, we’d become lax in our supervision of them.

We decided that the best way to save my sanity was to create new chore charts!

I set about researching some age appropriate chores since we have such a wide age-span in our family and quickly realized that we had failed to see how much our children had grown.  Obviously they had grown physically, but we failed to notice they were now also more mature and more capable of handling more difficult tasks.

For our younger two children, we chose this flip-up system with pictures of each daily chore.  When all chores are finished and flipped, they can see their names spelled out.

Need a little help getting started? You can check out my parenting board on pinterest for DIY tutorials that I used as a base for building my own.  (Also, my amazing sister has taken these flip charts a step further with some great ideas at her blog Love Notes.  In addition to the flip chore charts, she utilizes a morning and evening checklist and a chore jar, where children get to choose an extra chore to complete and receive a nice prize.)

Preschool chores focus mainly on taking care of the body, and beginning to take responsibility for their own messes.  We chose to incorporate things that should become daily habits such as: brushing teeth, making bed, getting dressed, clearing dishes from the table, picking up laundry, and picking up toys.

How a move to a new home changed my view on chores.  Read for great ideas on chore charts for various ages!  Sanity Saving Chore Charts

They both remain very enthusiastic about flipping up the chores they have done each day, even after several months have passed!

In fact, our daughter often wants to do her bedtime chores (laundry) in the morning because she wants her name to be complete. 🙂

Our older boys have more complex chore charts that are laminated so they can be re-used.  We use dry-erase markers to check things off.  One of the things I like most about the chore charts for the older boys is that they are divided into categories that emphasize different areas of their personal responsibilities.

You can see the various categories highlighted on the left in the picture below.

The weekly responsibilities have options to allow for personal choice, and the tasks in that area of the chart are more difficult for our oldest son, who is 13.

How a move to a new home changed my view on chores.  Read for great ideas on chore charts for various ages!  Sanity Saving Chore Charts

(One important note: the “Taking care of my relationship with God” area is included only as a reminder to our older boys.  We don’t want time with God to be assigned a “task” status.)

In our home, chores are part of being a family and working together toward a common goal, which is to be good stewards of the material things God has given us.

Doing chores helps our children to learn personal responsibility as well as team-work.

For that reason, we do not pay our children an allowance in relation to their chores.  Instead, we reserve allowance for teaching financial stewardship and how money works in general, but that is just our family preference.

However, our older boys were understandably less excited about the new chore charts, and our fairly intense 7-year-old was so overwhelmed by the change that he was practically in tears.  (What he didn’t realize at first is that most of the things on his list were things he already does on a daily basis, like brushing his teeth and making his bed.)

In an attempt to lighten the mood and help them adjust to additional responsibilities, we added a bonus for good attitudes and for helpfulness without prompting – an additional 50 cents on their allowance.

For our new chore system to function well, we realized that we would need a consequence for those times when our older boys failed to complete their chores.  We wanted the consequence to be more of a learning opportunity (“the punishment fits the crime” approach).

Eventually we settled on this method:  if there is a pattern of a chore going undone, then the consequence would be to complete the undone chore, as well as an additional one.

I love this solution!  It simultaneously helps me and provides an unpleasant experience that they don’t wish to repeat. I’m happy to report that we rarely have to enforce consequences with the chores because the boys really, really dislike doing extra chores.

Although we’ve had a few bumps along the way, our house has been much tidier in general, considering we have four children living here.  I no longer feel overwhelmed on a daily basis.  Additionally, I’m less uptight about the messes the little ones make because I know they’ll be picking them up before bed.

My sanity has been restored!  

Perhaps most importantly, I know that developing these good habits now will benefit them greatly as they grow into adulthood.

Although initially the chore charts mean a little more work for us parents in supervising and making sure tasks are completed (or even teaching a new skill), the goal is to eventually make parenting a little easier in this area of keeping a tidy home.

So, if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by your housework, feeling taken for granted as the one who cleans up after everyone, or feeling like you just might lose your mind, consider the following questions.

Image

4 Questions to ask about chores:

  1. Who does the chores?  Are you expecting enough help from your children, or do they think it is just Mom’s job to clean up after everyone all of the time?  Or do you often take on the majority of the work because it’s easier to just “do it yourself?”  I admit to being guilty as charged on both accounts previously.  However, especially if you have sons, try to consider how their future wives might feel about this unhealthy portrait of what a wife and mother is “supposed” to do.  At the same time, think of the message you are sending your young daughters.  Yes, we are called to be homemakers, managers of the household, but that does not mean we have to do everything on our own! 🙂
  2. Are the chores age-appropriate?  If like me, you failed to realize how “big” your babies are getting, you might want to rethink your expectations of them. If you are unsure of what chores are appropriate for your children, a quick google search or pinterest search will return a wealth of information!
  3. Are the chores focused on teaching your children personal responsibility? One of our goals with the new chore charts was to emphasize the stewardship aspect of chores. We want our children to learn to take care of their things and the things we share commonly, such as our home and vehicles.
  4. Are the chores fairly distributed?  Yes, older children are capable of handling more responsibilities than younger children.  However, avoid burdening one child with the majority of responsibility.  For example, when in a hurry to tidy up previously, I would ask our oldest son to pick up the toys. He is generally helpful and I knew he would do a good job.  However, when my husband and I looked at teaching personal responsibility, I realized I was making a mistake. With the new chore system, we really worked at making sure he wasn’t bearing a disproportionate load just because he is older and is more compliant.  Additionally, make sure you don’t put off the majority of the housework onto your children. Mom should have her own set of chores to do (Dad too)!  Lead by example. 🙂

For now I am very happy (and sane!) with our current chore charts, but I’m sure after a time we’ll need to look at it again and make changes. I wouldn’t mind trying out a few different methods to give the children a variety, to keep it fresh and exciting.

If you don’t currently have a chore system in place, why not give one a try? It just might save your sanity!

Jen 🙂

What methods do you use for teaching responsibility and team-work in the home?  Give us your best advice in the comments!

For more great ideas on how to maximize the flip charts for younger children, check out this blog:

http://sarahjofairchild.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/bogo-mommyhood-chore-charts/

 

Also linking up at:

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Chore Chart, Chores, Christian Parenting, Christian Women, family, God, Home, Housekeeping, Moms, Motherhood, parenting, purposeful parenting, Responsibility, Sanity

The Power of Music

May 20, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 2 Comments

I love music.  I love to sing it, I love to play it (when I have time), and I love to listen to it.  I love all sorts of music, too.  In our house you might hear contemporary christian, classical, broadway, oldies, big band, some jazz, a little country, a little rap. and even some of what my husband refers to as “love music” (think ballads!).  By far my favorite music is the kind that speaks truth directly to my soul!  You know what I’m talking about – those songs that are almost devastating in their truth and beauty.

Even my young, four-year-old daughter knows the power of music. I can no longer sing, “Rock-a-bye baby” to her because the melody makes her sad.  On the other hand, my seven-year-old son likes  enthusiastic jams from artists like TobyMac, not surprising since he’s our energetic one.  When the kids are fighting with each other and just can’t seem to get along, a dance party to some great music goes a long way toward re-establishing their sibling camaraderie.  When nothing seems to be going right, I find solace in music.

Music is powerful.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.  ~Victor Hugo

Music is an outburst of the soul ~ Frederick DeLuis

Psalms 95:1 – O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.

James 5:13 – Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.

In the scriptures we read about times of rejoicing, accompanied by music, and times of sorrow, accompanied by music.   When David killed the Philistine giant, God’s people rejoiced through music.  When King Saul struggled with sorrow and other emotions, David’s instrument soothed him.  When Paul and Silas sat imprisoned, they sang songs of thankfulness and praise to the Lord.  Music is for happy times, sad times, and all of those times in between. Praise the Lord for the incredible gift of music!

So today when my head and heart are full of so many different thoughts  and emotions that I don’t even know where to begin, why not begin and end with a song?

Jen 🙂

When do you turn to music?

Filed Under: Christianity, Parenting, Women of Faith Tagged With: Christian living, Christian Women, David, Devotional Thought, Emotions, Encouragement, King Saul, Music, Paul, Silas, Songs, TobyMac, Victor Hugo, Women of Faith

Peaceful Parenting (No Thanks to Pinterest)

May 17, 2013 by stultsmamaof4 7 Comments

We’ve been experiencing some parenting problems in our home recently.  With four children, it’s bound to happen from time to time!

One of our children is struggling socially at school since we moved last summer and has requested to home school this fall.  While I’m willing and capable of teaching him at home, we want to be certain it is the best solution for him.

At the same time, one of our preschoolers has been demonstrating disrespectful behavior by grunting or growling when I attempt to correct him.  It’s basically the same thing as saying, “NO, Mom!” I wasn’t expecting such stubbornness to surface at the age of four! What happened to my sweet two-year-old?

Continuing in our efforts to parent with Christ in mind is difficult when we aren’t seeing results.

What am I doing wrong?

What should I do differently?

Sometimes when we’re parenting, there is no clear right or wrong answer.

And this is where I struggle.

In the age of social media, it's easy to find conflicting parenting advice. How do we know which method is right or best? Overcome parenting guilt and find peace  by...

When I lack enough evidence to declare one parenting choice as superior to another for our family, I often worry that I’ll make the “wrong choice.”

I can become obsessed with gathering information from various sources in an attempt to make an informed decision. Unfortunately, when I turn to parenting resources (even Christian parenting resources), I often find that they can contradict each other in the details.

In our “how-to” age, we can access a hundred different opinions, or even tried-and-true techniques, about any given subject at any given time.

Which one should a desperate parent choose??

As a mama of four children, I know that not a single method will work well with every child, every time.  Thus, one potential problem with looking to others for help is the tendency to see that repeatedly re-pinned, how-to post as gospel-truth.

In the age of social media, it's easy to find conflicting parenting advice. How do we know which method is right or best? Overcome parenting guilt and find peace  by...

As I was thinking about social media and how it has changed the way we parent, I wondered: what happened to relying on the Spirit to guide us?

What happened to prayer?

I’ll be the first to admit that when I encounter a problem or challenge, I often run to other humans for wisdom first!  After all, it’s natural to ask our peers for advice.  However, consider King Solomon’s humble request,

However, consider King Solomon’s humble request,

“Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?” (2 Chron. 2:10).

You see, Solomon had some pretty big shoes to fill when taking over his father David’s kingdom.  How would you like to be next in line after the “man after God’s own heart?”  Solomon knew he lacked wisdom for leading. He also faced a huge project, the building of the temple! The temple would be a place of worship for generations to come, and that burden rested on Solomon’s shoulders.

Parenting is a little like that, isn’t it?

We know that the choices we make will affect not only our own children, but also our children’s children and even the generations to come.  Like Solomon’s task, our task is also great, for a whole world of lost people is at stake!

The key is remembering Whom our children ultimately belong to.  Solomon recognized that He was given authority not over his own people, but over God’s people and that the best leader for those people was God Himself.  In the same way, as parents we’ve been entrusted with these beautiful beings, but they don’t really belong to us.  They belong to Him.

Here’s how to have peace as a parent:

Like Solomon, we parents should ask God for wisdom to lead them, His children.

Please hear me out; I’m not suggesting we exclude the advice of others altogether. I really do enjoy Facebook, Pinterest, and other social media forums and have successfully used many ideas from other savvy moms (along with a few epic failures)! 🙂

What I am suggesting is that we not forget the ultimate source of wisdom when it comes to parenting, or really anything in life – our Father God.

In the age of social media, it's easy to find conflicting parenting advice. How do we know which method is right or best? Overcome parenting guilt and find peace  by...

In the midst of my parenting problems, I imagine His response.

Trust Me.  Ask ME for wisdom instead of asking others first. Be led by the Holy Spirit and by my Word.  After all, I am their Creator; who better to understand them and their needs, but me?  Persevere in your purposeful parenting and wait to see what happens.

I still don’t know how to best correct our four-year-old’s sudden defiance, nor do I know where our middle child will attend school this coming fall (update: he has adjusted well to his new school!).

Both situations are works in progress because I am a work-in-progress parent and my children are works in progress as well.

However, I do know that in the midst of my uncertainty, I can trust Him.  He is in control. He knows my heart is in the right place.

He knows I want to be a peaceful parent, not one ruled by fear, or dare I even say, by Pinterest? 🙂

My sisters in Christ, if like me, you often feel confused by the wide variety of parenting styles, methods, and opinions out there, I hope today you hear His voice: trust in Me.

If you find yourself lying wide awake at night wondering, “What am I going to do with this child?!,” ask for wisdom.  And then sleep peacefully knowing that although your children have imperfect parents, they are perfectly protected in the hands of the Father.

In the age of social media, it's easy to find conflicting parenting advice. How do we know which method is right or best? Overcome parenting guilt and find peace  by...

I’d love to hear from you, if you are willing to share!

What parenting issues are you struggling with lately?  What scriptures have you turned to for wisdom or  encouragement in parenting?

Jen 🙂

If pressure to be a perfect parent plagues you, you might enjoy:

The Superwoman Myth

  

 

 

 

You might also enjoy:

http://wegotreal.com/things-arent-always-as-they-seem/

Also linking up at:

http://abidingwoman.com/

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Christian Parenting, family, Holy Spirit, King Solomon, parenting peace, parenting problems, parents who worry, peace, peaceful parenting, Pintrest, prayer, purposeful parenting, social media, wisdom

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Hi, I'm Jen: a work in progress. I'm imperfect - a mom of four, pastor's wife, discipler, and sinner saved only by grace. I like to sing, read, write, teach, and smile. I have a heart for encouraging women everywhere to understand God's limitless love for them and what His grace means for everyday living. Welcome! :) Read More…

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New devotional release from Jen Stults - Being Confident of This: 30 Days to Discovering Your Identity in Christ. This book is for every Christian woman who wants to walk in confident faith instead of struggling with doubt, fear, and insecurity! self-esteem | self-confidence | self-help | motivational | personal growth | spiritual growth | how to be more confident | Christian women | devotional | Bible study | identity in Christ | superwoman myth | being like Mary

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