Real Talk about Christian Sex

September 20, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

S-e-x. Maybe like me, you’re one of those women who used to spell this word out for fear of saying it aloud? Or maybe you still spell it to this day!

Regardless of your approach, the Bible is clear that sex was created by God for our enjoyment. One quick glance at the book of Song of Solomon speaks to this truth!

However, for many Christian women, sex (even “Christian Sex”) is a taboo topic, one not mentioned in polite circles, which makes getting sound advice difficult for Christian women who long for greater intimacy in marriage.

Although Hollywood would have us believe that good sex is all magic and fireworks all the time, we experience the everyday reality of intimacy that can sometimes be difficult, sometimes just ho-hum, sometimes even non-existent.

Especially when marriage is hard work, sex often becomes a chore relegated to the back burner rather than a celebration of love.

But friends, I’m convinced that Satan sets this snare for us, turning a beautiful gift of God, an intimate expression of and reflection of His love for us, into a disappointment at best, or an obstacle at worst.

He is so very good at twisting something God means for our good and distracting us from that abundant life we all want to experience, especially in marriage. Why should we let the Enemy and the world destroy this beautiful, God-given gift?

“I am my beloved’s,
And his desire is for me.
“Come, my beloved, let us go out into the country,
Let us spend the night in the villages.
“Let us rise early and go to the vineyards;
Let us see whether the vine has budded
And its blossoms have opened,
And whether the pomegranates have bloomed.
There I will give you my love. Song of Solomon 7:10-12 (NASB)

Let’s take back the ground that God intended for us to have in the area of Christian Sex!

Whether you are a Christian wife who wonders what she’s doing wrong or a woman wondering why healthy intimacy seems elusive, these six tips can help you find your way back to a healthy marital intimacy, one that satisfies both yourself and your husband and brings glory to God!

6 Tips for Better Christian Sex

1. Take a bubble bath or do something that helps you to relax and feel desirable.

Maybe you hate baths, but you love pedicures, or a good massage (even better if your husband is involved). Figure out what works for you, and do it!

2. Be honest with your spouse about your hang-ups.

If he doesn’t touch you (or talk to you!) all day long but expects you to be ready for action at night, then he probably needs to hear that doesn’t work for you. Perhaps something else is turning you off.
Talking about your issues may be embarrassing, but so is having an unhealthy intimacy dynamic in your marriage.

Want the rest of these tips? Follow me on over to my friend Arabah Joy’s blog where she’s hosting a series on sex and healthy intimacy for Christian wives.

Read the rest – click here!

Other trusted sources for Christian sex and marriage advice:

Fulfilling Your Vows

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Rebekah M. Hallberg

If you need HOPE for your marriage:

For women who find themselves in a marriage that is less than all they hoped, for women who want to avoid divorce, for women who want a better connection to their spouses, for women who desire to be godly wives – 30 days to finding renewed hope for your marriage!

What One Year Taught Me about Hope That Is Not Put to Shame (and a Giveaway!)

September 12, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

“Did you know she’s an author now?!” My friend laid her hand on my arm as she spoke to the other women standing in front of us.

Before I could stop myself, I found my head shaking no, as if the information weren’t true, because some part of me still doubted that I deserved that label. After all these years of writing about the work-in-progress woman and claiming our identity in Christ, I honestly still struggle to lay claim to the plans God has for my life and the gifts He has given me.

And again later that week, when one of my children called me an author, I was tempted to deny it. I wondered then if Hope for the Hurting Wife had been traditionally published if the label would be easier to accept? Even as the thought came to mind, I knew that wasn’t the heart of the issue.

The problem was that I sought the approval of men rather than God – a dangerous place to be.

I can’t remember how many times over the years I have confessed my stubborn pride and my desire for worldly achievement to the Lord. Over and over again, I find myself looking for confirmation that I should find in Christ alone.

What about you, friend? Do you look for confirmation, too?

“I think I’m afraid to get my hopes up, “I confessed to my husband one night as I worked late on the manuscript. “I want to trust God because I know He’s the God of the impossible; nothing is too difficult for him. But I’m really afraid to be disappointed. I selfishly want our book to succeed!”

Hope That Is Not Put to Shame

During those pre-launch weeks, God led me to read through the book of Psalms. Rather than studying it in depth, I just read through it a bit at a time. As I read, a phrase began to stick out to me: “let me not be put to shame.”

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.
Make Your face to shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your lovingkindness.
Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon You. Psalm 31:14-17a (NASB)

I found this phrase particularly interesting in the psalms attributed to David, the unlikely boy-crowned-king who spent years without a throne. Even during his rule, He faced frequent plots against his life. The psalmist begged God time and again to preserve his life and reputation. He even had the audacity to point out that God made him king to begin with, so preserving David’s life would be protecting God’s own reputation both among the Israelites and the surrounding nations who were watching the struggle for the throne play out.

It’s as if David said, “You’re my God and everyone knows it. So, if you let my enemies succeed, your own reputation as my God will be ruined.”

I decided to do a little study on this phrase and discovered the story of King Hezekiah, who asked God to protect Israel from the Assyrians in a similar way – in order to maintain His own reputation as Israel’s God.

Then Hezekiah took the letter from the hand of the messengers and read it, and he went up to the house of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. Hezekiah prayed before the LORD and said, “O LORD, the God of Israel, who are enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Incline Your ear, O LORD, and hear; open Your eyes, O LORD, and see; and listen to the words of Sennacherib, which he has sent to reproach the living God. Truly, O LORD, the kings of Assyria have devastated the nations and their lands and have cast their gods into the fire, for they were not gods but the work of men’s hands, wood and stone. So they have destroyed them. Now, O LORD our God, I pray, deliver us from his hand that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone, O LORD, are God.” 2 Kings 19:14-19 (NASB)

Did you catch that? King Hezekiah literally took the letter from his enemy, laid it before the Lord, and asked God to take care of it.

Near the end of that same chapter, we read about the God of angel armies, whose angel of the Lord wiped out 185,000 of the enemy and sent King Sennacherib (king of the Assyrians) packing.

Now, that’s the God who won’t allow his people to be put to shame!

The more I read, the more I became convinced that I needed to have faith like David and Hezekiah. Nearly daily, I prayed that God would not allow my co-author Rebekah and I to be “put to shame.”

*Jen is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

I reminded Him (and myself, too) that neither one of us set out to write Hope for the Hurting Wife, but that we believed we were walking in obedience to Him, following His plans. I reminded him that many people were praying for us, waiting and watching along with us, to see what He would accomplish.

What followed was a week or more of seeing hard work and faith in the Lord pay off. We didn’t have a huge marketing team in our corner, just a group of faithful friends. We had no advertising budget, no radio or tv appearances lined up. I think Rebekah would agree that, in fact, we really had no clue what we were doing.

But God.

He showed up for us in amazing ways!

Through a blogging friend, He gave us the information we needed to reach best-seller status in several Amazon Kindle categories. Our little book began to appear as a suggested best-selling new release, meaning Amazon actually did the advertising for us. Looking back, I wish I would have kept better records, but I believe we earned at least four different best-seller “badges,” and we have remained in the top ten in several of our categories for an entire year now.

One year later, we have sold hundreds of copies in both paperback and Kindle editions, and we frequently hear from women who found renewed hope because of this book.

I tell you these things not to brag, friend, but to show you the might of the God who does not let us be put to shame, praise His holy name!

When You Need More Unashamed Hope

What is it God has asked you to do, friend?

Has he asked you to quit your job to pursue His plan for your life?

Has He asked you to stay in a difficult marriage just a little longer?

Has he asked you to use your spiritual gifts for his glory?

Has He asked you to commit to giving up a bad habit or pattern of sin?

Whatever He’s asking of you, if He is the author, then you can also trust Him to be the perfecter! That’s not to say that life will go exactly as you imagine, but that as you go, you need not be put to shame when following hard after God.

Consider Jim Elliot and the other early missionary martyrs who risked family, finances, and even their very lives to carry the gospel to the Auca people, known head-hunters and warriors of South America. I’m sure some of their friends and family thought they were crazy.

And when Jim and the other men died in a savage attack, I wonder if even their wives doubted the vision God had given them. I wonder if their hope was “put to shame” in the eyes of others, too.

Yet years later, some of those widows returned to the Auca people to forgive the murderers and bring them the Good News. Many souls have since been saved, praise God.

Was their hope put to shame? I think not.

The truth is, this world needs more men and women who are willing to be fools for Christ, more Christ-followers willing to risk it all for the sake of Christ.

Friend, please don’t be afraid to walk forward in obedience to the Lord. Please don’t fear to do things in His name.

The fear of failure is real, I get it.

But we serve the God of the universe – let’s get that, too.

So we cry out with humble hearts, Lord, let us not be put to shame!

Book Anniversary & Giveaway

Okay, let me climb down from my soapbox now (I really do get excited about this kind of hope!), and invite you to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of Hope for the Hurting Wife‘s release!

We’re celebrating in 2 ways:

1. We’ve temporarily lowered the price of the print version (nearly half off!!) so that more women can get their hands on this book. If you need it, now’s the time to buy it. If you know a friend or family member who needs it, now’s the time to buy it. If your church has a library and you think it could use a copy, now’s the time…. you get the idea.

2. For the next week, you can ENTER TO WIN a copy of our book here at Being Confident of This or over at my co-author’s blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. We are each giving away a copy, so between the two of us, there will be TWO winners – woot, woot!

Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Before you go, can I selfishly ask you for a favor? We love, love, love to hear from our readers about how God is using this book in their marriages. Would you leave us a comment, or send us an email, or even better – leave us a review on Amazon or Goodreads, if this book meant something to you?

We celebrate each and every one of your remarks!

All for His glory,

Jen 🙂

9 Powerful Resources for Praying Women

August 10, 2018 by jstults 2 Comments

The school supplies are bought, the bookbags packed, and schedules are set in place. It’s back-to-school season!

Whether you’re the kind of mom who cheers when the school bus comes around or the one who wishes she could hold onto those kiddos a bit longer (or like me – a confusing mix of the two!), back-to-school season marks a progression of time that we just can’t escape.

For many families, the new school year means a return to routine, and as such, it’s the perfect time to establish, or perhaps re-establish, some important habits.

I don’t know about you, mama friend, but my devotional time in the summer tends to be less consistent, and I find myself longing for a good long time in the Word, or an hour to just sit and pray. So while I hate the busyness that the school year brings, I welcome the chance to get back to a routine!

As I reflect on the past summer and think ahead to this coming school year, I know above all, I want to cover it in prayer. I want, no… need, to develop a more consistent prayer habit!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

We can always afford to spend more time covering our families, homes, relationships, work, ministries, etc. in prayer. In fact, I might argue that we can’t afford NOT to.

The resources for praying women below can help your back-to-school routine to incorporate more daily prayer by putting a specific plan into place!

What might happen in our homes, our churches, our communities if more women of faith really dedicated themselves to consistent prayer?

9 Powerful Resources for Praying Women

(a list of FREE or affordable Prayer Resources for Christians)

As much as I love to pray for my children, I recognize that a healthy prayer life begins with my own spiritual health. And let’s be honest, as mamas we often put the needs of others before ourselves – rightfully so.

But as I mentioned earlier, my soul longs to connect to the Vine. More than mothering well, my prime responsibility is to follow after God well. I simply cannot be the mother/wife/woman I need to be when I’m not walking in the Spirit.

*This post contains affiliate links. Jen is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Thank you for helping to support the ministry of this site!

Prayer Guides for Personal Spiritual Growth

1. The Fruit of the Spirit Prayer Challenge from Faith Along the Way

Sarah Ann has created a short but sweet 7-day prayer challenge for women who want to see more fruit in their lives. This challenge is a great starting point for women who want to establish a regular prayer habit.

The best part? It’s FREE! All you need to do is sign up. 🙂

2. Praying the Scriptures for the Fruit of the Spirit by Jennifer Clarke

If you’re not sure where to start when praying the scriptures, this free e-book from my friend Jennifer is offering will point you in the right direction! In addition to the ebook, when you join her mailing list, you’ll receive a guide for 12 ways to add prayer time to your day.

(BONUS – Jennifer has a whole series on praying the Scriptures broken down by 40+ topics, too)

Prayer Guides for Your Family and Loved Ones

3. A Praying Woman’s Jackpot from Kaylene Yoder

A Praying Woman’s Jackpot from Kaylene is a HUGE set of prayer resources for women, covering the areas of marriage and parenting. This affordable bundle includes FIVE different resources to help you pray daily for the people who matter most in your life.

Talk about powerful resources for praying women!

4. The 30-day Prayer Dare for Parents from Kaylene Yoder

The 30-Day Prayer Dare for Parents, also from Kaylene, starts the beginning of September (and once again, it’s FREE for those who sign up)!

You’ll receive daily emails including prayers and scriptures to support those prayers, and if you want to take your prayer life a step further, you can also purchase an inexpensive workbook/journal to help you keep on track.

Sometimes we just need a bit of accountability to keep us going. 🙂

5. 31 Prayer Prompts for When Marriage Is Hard from Rebekah Hallberg

If you’re a regular around here, then you know that Rebekah is my co-author! She’s always busy providing practical help to women who are dealing with marriage issues and working to overcome them. This FREE printable gives 31 different prompts for you as the wife, for your husband, and for the two of you as a couple.

What better way to get back into a consistent prayer habit than to focus on uplifting your marriage through prayer!

6. Family Prayer Kits from Aimee Imbeau

These family prayer kits come with a separate prayer guide specific to each age group – children, teen guys, teen girls, and adults. Each resource is designed with the target audience in mind. The kits include everything from prayer journaling sheets, to bookmarks, and help with different prayer methods like ACTS.

As a favor to me, my friend Aimee has offered a special discount for Being Confident of This readers during the month of August! Use code “justpray” to get an extra 15% off your purchase!

I love Aimee’s family approach to the spiritual discipline of prayer!

For extra savings, you can purchase various bundles that combine the kits you need.

Prayer Guides for the New School Year

7. Back-to-School Prayer Challenge from Arabah Joy

Arabah Joy consistently develops resources that teach people how to pray using Scripture as a basis. You may have already encountered her book, Praying the Promises of the Cross, but this particular challenge focuses on praying for your children as they begin a new school year!

The Back-to-School prayer challenge helps you cultivate a habit of prayer through weekly video encouragement and daily prayer cards containing the scriptures to use while praying. All of the organizational work is done for you – you just have to put it into practice. 🙂

8. Mom’s Back-to-School Printable Pack from Faith Along the Way

Here’s another fantastic FREE resource from Sarah Ann to help you overcome the overwhelm that hits when a new school year starts. This pack also includes 30 days of prayer for the new school year!

Prayer Guide for the World

It’s easy to pray for the people right in front of you. After all, we see them every day, and we talk with them about their problems and worries.

It’s a bit more challenging to pray for people around the world whom you don’t even know. Their culture may be totally unfamiliar to you, as well as their needs.

But I think we can agree that one need we all have in common is for salvation through Jesus Christ!

So, if you’re in the same boat as me – determined to develop a consistent prayer habit, then you might find this free prayer printable helpful.

9. THUMB teaches you (and your family) to pray for the most unreached people groups of the world. Using each finger of your hand, you can use the acronym to help you remember the names of the people groups who are still desperate for God’s truth. This handy prayer printable also gives you helpful information on each group so that you can better pray for their needs.

Praying THUMB for the World is a part of the Being Confident of This free resource library available to all who subscribe to our monthly newsletter. Just sign up, download, and print! 🙂

Friend, if you’re taking a look at all of these fabulous resources and feeling too overwhelmed to even know where to start, then maybe you need this encouragement here: 8 Scripture Prayers for When Your Glass Is Empty But Your Plate is Full.

Start with God’s truth first by remembering who you are in Him – fully redeemed, fully loved, fully equipped.

Any praying you do must come from that place of resting in your God-given identity first.

If you’ve tried to establish a habit of prayer before and failed, then don’t give up! Don’t fall for the lies of the Enemy that you just don’t have time to pray, or that your prayers are ineffective.

Choose believe God’s Word when He says,

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 (NIV)

Fellow work-in-progress friends, let’s be like the persistent widow in Luke 18; let’s be women who pray without giving up!

Jen 🙂

3 Ways to Fight for Joy in a Difficult Marriage

July 31, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

When a marriage relationship is difficult, finding joy in the midst of painful moments feels nearly impossible.

How can we possibly experience real joy in the face of real suffering?

Ongoing marriage problems can wear a wife down to a place of discouragement and grief. The burden often feels too heavy to bear. Even women who are determined to be warrior wives, who fight for marriage like only women of faith can, who fight for joy in everyday moments, feel the weight of the battle for their marriage.

Where is joy when you’re weary and in need of rest?

Here are 3 Biblical Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Difficult Marriage

Recognize progress.

One strategy Satan uses often to discourage me in a rough patch is the sneaky little lie that my marriage will always be difficult. He tries to convince me and you, too, that things will never change.

If you believe that you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, to remain stuck in the same destructive patterns, then where is your hope? What motivation do you have to keep working toward a healthy marriage?

Do you see how that works, friend? Believing those lies saps us of our strength!

Fight back against the Enemy’s lies and reclaim your hope and joy in the Lord by learning how to recognize progress.

Yes, maybe today even basic communication felt like nails on a chalkboard, but was it as bad as a few months ago? How about a few years ago?

Ask the Lord to help you see the ways in which your marriage relationship is changing, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Claim the promise of Philippians 1:6 for yourself, and if your husband is a believer, then claim it for him, too.

Quit believing the lie that your marriage is forever doomed, and fight for joy!

Please join me over at the Reclaiming Joy in Marriage online marriage event to read the rest of this article! Here you’ll find 31 days of marriage encouragement from a variety of writers – all for FREE!

Jen 🙂

A Prayer for the Defeated Woman

July 24, 2018 by jstults 2 Comments

I woke feeling like a defeated woman again today, Lord, wrestling with the flesh.

Tired from the start, I wanted nothing more than to remain in bed. And I have good reason – day four of earache and sore throat and overwhelming weariness. I could stay in bed all day and no one would blame me.

Well, that’s not quite true because the Accuser would blame me.

He would say I’m not trying hard enough, that people are counting on me, that I’m sick too often to go to bed every time a virus comes around.

My perfectionistic nature would agree with him, too.

Father, I’m still struggling to find this balance between working hard in Your strength and taking time to rest, too. Sometimes I wish You could physically pull me aside and say, “It’s okay to quit now, Jen. You can take a break.”

I don’t know why it’s so difficult right now to find peace in my everyday life. There’s so much to do and so little time, and I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.

The gap between expectations and reality is something every human faces, especially those of us in ministry.

What’s most bothersome is this constant struggle between wanting to work hard at the life You have laid before me, to do my best to bring glory to Your name, and the daily desire to run away from it all right now.

I’m living in the mire of Romans 7, but longing for the victory of Romans 8.

And I know, I know, I know… that Your Word says we find rest in You alone, that Your burden is easy and light.

So what am I doing wrong?

Because this doesn’t feel easy or light. It feels like a lot of hard, unending work.

Maybe that’s the real key – these feelings that would dominate if I allow them to, feelings like “too hard” and “not enough” and “overwhelmed.”

I know the Enemy of my soul has been hard at work for months now, creating doubt, setting me up for perceived failure, erecting obstacles at every turn.

I know Your Word says to expect his attacks (1 Peter 5:8), and I see them now for what they are, but some days it doesn’t seem to help me overcome.

Some days I just feel stuck.

So, I cry out for rescue, Lord. I’m such a helpless, sinful mess – a pastor’s wife who finds little joy in reading Your Word lately, who lacks the words and sometimes even the desire to pray. One who feels ashamed of her own sinful heart.

Ah, there it is – the truth comes out. This is the battle I fight: I want to be good enough on my own, like Eve in the garden who wanted wisdom on her own terms.

The more I struggle to prove myself, the more I recognize my own flaws and failures, the more defeated I become.

My only hope lies in You, my Rescuer and Redeemer.

You, who love me at my worst.

You, who laid down Your life so that I might live.

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:2-5 (NIV)

Help me with this burden of guilt, Father. Remind me that I’m a defeated woman no more!

Release me from the Enemy’s snare.

Lift me up from these depths and restore the joy of my salvation to me.

Forgive me for ignoring Your beckoning call, for taking my relationship with You for granted. Forgive me for giving in to selfish desires, for trying to work in my own strength rather than Yours. Forgive me for turning to worldly comforts rather than You.

You alone are my strength and my shield.

Deliver me.

Remind me that I can only pour out of myself what I allow You to pour into me, but that Your supply is endless and abundant .

Help me to surrender all.

Help my unbelief.

Let me hide myself in You alone.

Because You are a good, good Father, and You love me still.

Jen

I wrote these words over a year ago, about two years into our church-planting journey thus far. I didn’t share them back then for fear of what others might think, but for some reason, this piece keeps coming to mind. So maybe one of you needs to hear that you’re not alone today? 🙂

If so, let me encourage you that on the other side of this “wrestling with the flesh” came a season of bearing fruit in my personal walk and harvesting fruit in our ministry that was so worth all of the wrestling. So while it may not seem worth it at the moment, my sister in Christ, don’t listen to the Accuser and that inner voice of doubt. Instead, lean on the promise of Galatians 6:9, and do not grow weary in doing good.

I encourage you to take time today to read through Romans 7 and 8. Take heart in knowing that even the apostle Paul wrestled with the flesh and take note of what made all the difference for him. I promise it’s worth a bit of your precious time!

For the Wife Who Feels Alone (and a Giveaway!)

July 9, 2018 by jstults 1 Comment

“Sometimes I just feel so alone.”

As the words left my mouth, the weight of them nearly crushed me. Married life had been less than stellar, and I was weary of carrying on the “good fight.”

Add to that fact the isolation that often accompanies marriage problems (because after all, it’s embarrassing to admit you’re struggling, right?), and the loneliness seemed unbearable.

My natural tendency in times like these is to hunker down, hole up, hide away – that’s probably true for any introvert, but I now recognize that this tendency to retreat often leads me to be alone with my thoughts and worries – a dangerous place for any struggling wife to be, introvert or not.

Are you a wife who feels alone?

Sometimes other women ask me what I found most helpful during the dark years of our marriage, and I can honestly say that when I started to realize how NOT alone I was, I began to take heart!

Yet I often hear other women confessing that same struggle. They, too, feel alone in their marriage struggles.

I’m convinced it is one of Satan’s greatest weapons against Christian marriages today. With his persistent voice, he whispers lies like:

Your marriage problems are unique. No one else understands.

It’s because you lack faith – that’s why your marriage is struggling. Something must be wrong with you.

You’re not a good enough wife. You just need to try harder to be the perfect wife, and then your husband will love you like you want.

And perhaps worst of all he puts the final nail in the coffin of our hope – If you tell anyone else, they’ll know what a failure you are, and your husband’s reputation will be ruined.

You see, friend, if he can convince you to hide your pain and suffering, to keep your mouth shut, he can keep you from the hope and joy you are desperately searching for!

When women begin to realize that others out there have lived through and survived (or even thrived) through marriages that fell apart, they see that with God anything is possible. What a blow to the Enemy!

My friend, if you are a lonely wife who is hesitant to let anyone in, know that the truth is you are far from alone!

The God of the universe, your Creator, is with you.

And along with Him, you have thousands of sisters-in-Christ who are standing ground, fighting for their marriages, too.

How might your perspective change if you quit believing the Enemy’s lies and began instead to believe God’s truth?

Would believing that God isn’t finished working in your or in your marriage give you strength to persevere?
Would believing that He has your best interest at heart give you hope when all hope seems lost?
Would trusting in God’s providence and protection keep you secure?

No marriage is perfect – how can the union of two flawed sinners possibly be? The tactics Satan uses now are the same he used even as far back in the Garden of Eden – anything he can do to separate husband and wife from each other and from God.

He specializes in crafting believable lies meant to lead us away from God’s truth one step of doubt at a time.

Whether you’re experiencing a true marital crisis or just struggling through the loneliness that often follows even a brief disagreement, you have a choice to make.

Truth or lie.

Hope or despair.

Joy or sorrow.

As a follower of Christ, filled by the Holy Spirit and fully equipped for every good work, you have the power to choose!

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Sweet wife who feels alone, let me offer you some very practical hope.

I’m thrilled to tell you about an important event taking place all month long, (especially since it’s FREE – my favorite!).

During the month of July, you can learn from and be encouraged by other wives through the FREE Joy in Marriage Event, hosted by my friend and fellow marriage blogger, Tiffany at Hope and Joy in Christ.

Tiffany has organized 31 days of marriage encouragement, including daily devotional posts, GIVEAWAYS (over $16,000 of faith resources!!), and even a digital swag bag for those who RSVP on her site!

In addition, as a sponsor for this event, Unveiled Wife has offered a FREE book for each writer who is participating to give away to readers – amazing, right?!

So, first, you need to enter the giveaway below for your chance to win a copy.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Then, trek on over to Tiffany’s place to grab your swag bag and enter more giveaways. (Keep an eye out for Hope for the Hurting Wife while you’re there because Rebekah and I are both contributing a copy!). Every day, Tiffany will be sharing a post from a different blogger related to joy in marriage – how encouraging! 🙂

Finally, please help us spread the word about this event to your friends, family, church family, neighbors – anyone who will listen – so that YOU can be a part of encouraging other wives, too.

Let’s not allow the Enemy to keep us isolated and alone any longer!

No one needs to be a wife who feels alone!

Jen 🙂

How Truth Helps You Overcome Temptation

June 26, 2018 by jstults Leave a Comment

A few years ago, we endured a time of discouragement and trials galore. My husband and I were both under a lot of external stress, both personal and from ministry, and our marriage temporarily suffered. I faced the temptation to give up nearly daily!

I felt like one of the Israelites in the desert, bemoaning my situation and feeling helpless to enact change.

I share this story with you today, hoping that it may encourage you if you’re facing a situation that seems impossible, or even unbearable. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that He always provides a way to overcome temptation! 🙂

…………………………………………………….

It’s almost supper time, but the stove top sits empty and no pleasing aromas fragrance the air. I’ve not even yet decided what to cook, let alone made any sort of preparations. Instead, I’m sitting in my bedroom trying desperately to pray while my preschoolers whine for attention right outside of the bedroom door.

My husband, weary from our recent argument, sits slumped over just outside the door at the dining room table. He’s grumbling over the budget and seems unaware of the noise around him.

There is no peace, no quiet here.

But I need to pray because I am one moment away from falling. One moment from allowing my impatience, anger, resentment, and frustration to spill over onto my family. One moment away from blowing it.

One moment from losing any chance to overcome temptation.

At this moment I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Satan has set his sights on me; I’m being tested.

It isn’t the first of such evenings in my home. In fact, our marriage relationship has been under strain for a few months now, and I’ve grown oh-so-weary of “fighting the good fight.” However, this past week, God has shown me the truth of my situation; I haven’t been doing my part, either.

I have been selfish. I have been lazy. I have been avoiding the time with my Lord that I need. Thus, I recently resolved to make some positive changes, knowing full well that temptation would linger near.

So as I sit here in my room praying while the chaos rages just outside of the door, I laugh.

Yes, I laugh!

It’s absurd, even comical, that every other person in my home would suddenly become distractions at the very moment I attempt to find peace. I want to complain to the Lord that I’m trying so hard to do what is right, to seek Him in my moment of weakness, but He’s not making it very easy!

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

According to His Word, I can overcome temptation, even this temptation.

In that moment of laughter, I realize the truth that as long as I’m trying to do right, to obey God, Satan is not going to leave me alone. In fact, He’s even going to use good things like bible study and prayer against me by causing frustration and chaos at just the right moment.

Thankfully, now that God has shown me the truth of the matter, Satan cannot win. I see his game plan for what it is, and prayer is a powerful tool!

Sorry, Satan, I’m getting up from my throne of self-pity and frustration, and I’m cooking supper tonight.

Lord, I thank you for always providing a way out for us, even when it seems impossible or unbearable! I ask that you would encourage my sisters in Christ today to look for the way out when they face temptation. Help them to see the truth in whatever situations they face. Remind them that You are with them always, every step of the way, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Give them the strength they need to resist temptation and to flee the Devil and remind them of your unfailing love and grace for them because of your Son, Jesus Christ. I ask all of these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.

We can overcome temptation, friends, by standing on God’s truth!

Jen 🙂

P.S. When you’re struggling with temptation, write or print out the verse above and hang it where you will see it frequently. Use God’s Word as a reminder that you CAN overcome!

How to Parent Your Angry Child

April 2, 2018 by jstults 2 Comments

Have you ever worried that your angry child might never learn patience? Have you lain awake at night wondering how to help refine those strong-willed tendencies into good character?

A while back, our second-born, strong-willed, ball-of-energy-and-strength-and-passion son was showing me a few of his latest “tricks.” I watched somewhat half-heartedly and made the typical distracted mom comments.

“Wow!”

“That’s crazy!”

“How do you DO that?”

When suddenly he made this horrible grimace.

He effectively described it as “putting pressure” on his face. To me it looked an awful lot like his angry child face.

Curious, I asked him why he would put pressure on his face. He matter-of-factly explained that it helps him get his anger out when he’s frustrated or feeling angry.

Then he showed me another of his typical angry child poses (fisted hands clenched tightly at his sides) and told me that putting pressure on his body helps him get anger out, too.

Once he was done with the demonstration, he sauntered away, like it was no big deal for a seven-year-old to have such knowledge of his own emotions and body.

I sat there stunned.

Not because our son is so intelligent, although he truly is, but because a posture that I tend to “read” as angry disrespect or rebellion was, in fact, the complete opposite.

His tense posture was actually an attempt at self-control! And here I had been scolding him to “have a better attitude” whenever the “pressure” face and those “pressure” hands appeared, whenever I saw evidence of an angry child.

Hope for the Angry Child

It turns out my angry child understood his own emotions (and boy, does he have b-i-g ones) better than I sometimes understand my own.In fact, he was learning self-control methods that work for him, without any help from me!

Our conversation reminded me that even though I have now logged over thirteen years of parenting experience, I don’t know it all. In fact, I never will!

Each child is created uniquely and requires unique parenting, a truth I tend to forget.

What I perceived as defiance or disrespect was actually the most self-controlled, respectful act my son was capable of in his angry moments.

I hope I remember to exercise caution when I see the angry child come out. I hope I remember that he’s making a greater effort than I ever realized and applaud him for maintaining a measure of self-control in the face of anger.

He has come so far in the area of emotions and self-control in the last few years, and I’m so quick to forget that in a heated moment!

I’m so quick to forget that my child is a work-in-progress, too, just like his siblings, just like his parents, just like every other sinful human on the face of the earth.

It wasn’t a proud moment for me, rather it was a thank-you-Lord moment. I couldn’t take credit for my angry child’s heart changes; in fact, I was unintentionally discouraging some of the progress he was making.

Only God can take credit.

Because our little boy who is so quickly growing into a young man accepted the free gift of salvation a few years ago. And not long after, he publicly proclaimed his son-ship in Christ before family and friends as he waded into the baptismal waters.

I see the work the Lord is doing in his young heart and mind already.

Even now as he enters his teenage years, I see how his heart has softened toward his younger siblings and how they now look up to him.

Even though our son’s passion and energy often cause trouble for him, I have faith that someday he will use those gifts to be a great leader and a bold truth-teller. He’s a born leader in the process of becoming.

What faithfulness on the Lord’s behalf!

My friends, when you’re parenting progress seems to have stalled, take heart.

Continue to follow the Lord in your parenting, and wait to see what happens. Pray for their little hearts and minds to open to the Father’s touch.

If your emotional, angry child is old enough, ask about his or her actions during a low-stress time rather than in the heat of the moment. You’ll likely gain some surprising insights!

Look for progress in the little things, the still, small moments.

Remember who your child has been created to be. He’s created to be different than your other children and different even than you.

Take every opportunity to rejoice over the slightest step forward.

Because God knows what He’s doing.

He created these children, these gifts, purposefully just as he created you and me purposefully.

Only He can see where that purpose might lead them.

Jen 🙂

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When It Is Hard to Believe Jesus

March 12, 2018 by jstults 1 Comment

My Good friend and fellow writer, Aimee Imbeau is joining us with these words today:

She was shocked by my words. And a little frightened. If it could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. That was her understanding, anyway. Probably because I was known for my strong faith.

Friends would say, “When Aimee prays, things happen”. Well, nothing was happening now. In fact, I believed that God was purposely choosing to ignore me.

Yeah, I knew He could help me. He could easily change my circumstances. Making things better would be super easy for Him. It wasn’t that I did not believe He couldn’t. I believed He didn’t want to. Maybe this is something that sounds familiar to you today. Perhaps you just don’t know what to do When It’s Hard To Believe Jesus. If so, you are in the right place.

Not believing Jesus is a very difficult season to be in, friend. It’s even harder when you try to explain how you are feeling and no one seems to understand. They seem to think you are the creator of your circumstances and you have the power to change if you only…

Read your Bible more
Trust God more
Have more faith
Just try harder
Suck it up
That’s life
God gives and God takes away
Keep praying

It’s like it is entirely up to us and our efforts to believe. And it is entirely our fault if we find it hard to believe. The trite advice is not only unhelpful, but also potetnially damaging.

If we only realized the truth, then maybe these seasons of life would be just a little bit smoother. Maybe we wouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. We would stop believing that we have failed or that there is something wrong with us. Perhaps we would begin to understand that it is in these challenging seasons that our faith is built up.

Losing My Faith

When I believed that God was holding out on me, I thought I was actually losing my faith. The truth was that my faith was weak – not as strong as people had thought – or what I thought. God wanted me to have an unmovable, unshakable faith. And in order to do that, the old faith had to go. The process took time, but I can tell you now that my faith today is much more mature. Our God is in the business of rebuilding, renovating, and re-purposing our faith. Trust Him in this process. It might look messy as any renovation does, but the end result will be beautiful.

If you are struggling with your faith, trust that He is rebuilding it.

Be Careful What You Believe

There was a popular Christian saying that went something like, “If you feel far from God, guess who moved“. I thought maybe, somehow, I inadvertently moved away from Him. I wasn’t sure how I did it – maybe I didn’t study my Bible enough or pray longer prayers. It took me a while, but eventually, I came to see just how unbiblical that statement was. So often, we hear these things that sound good but simply aren’t true. But they influence our faith, and not for the better. We need to be very careful with whom we listen to, whom we believe.

If you are struggling with your faith, be careful whom you believe.

Not A Surprise To God

God knew we would struggle with our faith. He knew we would have seasons where believing Him would be difficult for us. He expected this. That’s why He had John write his gospel account. The whole purpose of the book of John is for us to strengthen our faith and belief in Jesus.

Did you know that?

God loves us so much that He took the necessary steps to help us believe Him at His word.

God knew we’d struggle so the book of John was to confirm and secure Christians in our faith. He has given us what we need to build up our faith in Him.

Our God is so good to have done this for us.

If you are struggling with your faith, read the book of John and believe.

The Truth

As I matured in my faith and God rebuilt my trust in Him, I began to see the truth. My faith was not dependent upon how I was feeling or on my circumstances. In fact, it had nothing to do with me at all. My faith has everything to do with Him. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). He promises to hear and answer my prayers (Psalm 139:1-4, 1 John 5:14-15, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Jeremiah 29:12). And He has good and wonderful plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 1:18, Mark 10:29-30, Philippians 1:6). What a relief it is that I don’t have to strive or work harder to maintain my faith. I just have to choose Him.

I’d like to leave you with Natalie Grant’s new song, More Than Anything. May her words speak deep into your heart today.

If this is a topic you want more guidance in, I have written a study on the book of John called Believe. This study includes video, worksheets, charts, verse cards, Bible reading challenge, and more.

Aimee is a home educating support teacher who lives in the sunny Okanagan, BC. Aimee has been blissfully married since 1998 and she still swoons at the sight of her tall, dark and handsome husband, Marcus. When she isn’t home educating her 3 kids, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, baking, writing and hanging out with her family. Aimee is a certified teacher who works from home, supporting and encouraging homeschool families. She blogs over at A Work of Grace. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.

How We’re Getting Valentine’s Day All Wrong

February 12, 2018 by jstults 4 Comments

Valentine’s Day – love it or hate it?

Some say it’s a meaningful day to appreciate our loved ones while others claim the day is nothing more than one marketing ploy after the other.

Recently, I learned the surprising story behind our holiday, and how we’re getting Valentine’s Day all wrong. It’s so revolutionary and counter-cultural that I want to share with pretty much everyone I know.

Because, friends, it’s important!

In our commercialized culture, Valentine’s Day has become all about romantic love, and if you don’t have that kind of love in your life (or if your relationship is strained at the moment), then you’re just plain out of luck.

For this reason, Valentine’s Day often leads to depression and loneliness for many people because, let’s be honest, no relationship is perfect and no one wants to be alone on a day that’s all about love.

But the truth is that the origins of Valentine’s Day tell a completely different story – one that reveals how we’re getting Valentine’s Day all wrong!

We’ve been deceived by a world that would take the most precious gift we have to offer, and the most precious gift offered to us, and make it shallow and somewhat meaningless.

Why We’re Getting Valentine’s Day All Wrong

According to church tradition and historical documents, Saint Valentine was a priest who married couples in secret defiance of the Roman Emperor’s ban on marriage. Valentine believed so strongly in his faith that he demonstrated the ultimate form of love – not eros, or romantic love, but agape – the kind of love that sacrifices self for the sake of another. He put his life on the line in order to help couples who wished to follow God’s ways.

When he was discovered, Valentine faced punishment in the form of imprisonment and torture, eventually laying down his very life for a faith he so firmly believed in.

Did you catch that? He gave his life, for the sake of love and faith.

There is a depth of love to agape that is hard for us to even fathom, friends, and this world would ask us to settle for so much less, whether married or not.

When we feel “less than” because we don’t have a “someone special,” we settle for less than God’s best.

When we feel “unloved” because marriage is hard right now, we settle for less than God’s best.

When we make Valentine’s Day about what we get instead of what we give, we settle for less than God’s best.

Agape is God’s best.

Agape gives even when it hurts.

Agape is unconditional.

Agape never gives up.

And that agape love is already yours in Christ! All you have to do is receive it.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:12-13

Saint Valentine simply followed the example of love he found in Christ, who gave his life on the cross out of love for a sinful and hostile world.

You can walk through this Valentine’s Day focused on cards and chocolates and things of this world, or you can walk through the day focused on the supernatural abundance of love that this world can never, ever give you.

My work-in-progress friends, you can spend Valentine’s Day washed in the truth that you are fully loved, unconditionally loved, eternally loved, by a man who gave his very life for you – Jesus Christ.

And as you’re filled with His love, you can spend this day giving agape love away to others, too. It just might change your whole perspective.

Let’s get the day right instead of getting Valentine’s Day all wrong.

Will you join me now in thinking of how you can make agape the focus of your Valentine’s Day?

Jen 🙂

Let’s take back the ground that God intended for us to have in the area of Christian Sex!

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Here are 3 Biblical Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Difficult Marriage

The gap between expectations and reality is something every human faces, especially those of us in ministry.

Are you a wife who feels alone?

How might your perspective change if you quit believing the Enemy’s lies and began instead to believe God’s truth?

According to His Word, I can overcome temptation, even this temptation.

Hope for the Angry Child

Each child is created uniquely and requires unique parenting, a truth I tend to forget.

I’m so quick to forget that my child is a work-in-progress, too, just like his siblings, just like his parents, just like every other sinful human on the face of the earth.

My friends, when you’re parenting progress seems to have stalled, take heart.

Take every opportunity to rejoice over the slightest step forward.

Losing My Faith

Be Careful What You Believe

Not A Surprise To God

The Truth

Why We’re Getting Valentine’s Day All Wrong