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7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

February 12, 2016 by jstults 8 Comments

Steadfast.

The word brings to mind a calm assurance, an unwavering faith, and unchanging character. Steadfast is a gentle power complimented by humble quietness.

A steadfast woman is a woman at peace.

This is my desire, friends, to be a woman who is steadfast in heart, faithful to Jesus and to her family. I want to be the kind of steadfast woman who is Christ-confident rather than self-confident, who utilizes the gifts He’s given not for her own glory but for His glory.

Steadfast.

Last year the Lord kept bringing to mind the word Persevere, and if you follow along with this blog or the BCOT facebook page, then you know why I needed that word! We’ve been through a season of turmoil and change that still hasn’t quite settled.

Yet in the midst of all the chaos, I’ve found a more confident faith.

I’m not just referring to the recent reminders that Jehovah Jireh provides for all of our needs, but also to the understanding that He directs our paths in ways that don’t always make sense. What I’m learning is to trust His voice rather than letting doubt seep in through cracks chiselled by the questions of others and by my own fears.

So this year, my One Word is steadfast.

That word applies to so many areas of my life in which I wish to remain secure and consistent. So, I’d love to share with you these verses for a steadfast heart.

7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

Steadfast faith

Over these past few years of writing and speaking, my faith journey has taken many unexpected twists and turns. As I continue to grow in Christ, I want a steadfast faith, one that remains consistent no matter what challenges life throws my way.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Ps. 51:10 (NASB)

I want to remain confident in that work-in-progress promise found in Phil. 1:6.

Steadfast Marriage

Faithful readers will already know that my husband and I have faced significant challenges in our marriage. However, the Lord has been faithful to see us through many trials and to help us see the progress along the way. I find that I don’t panic anymore when conflicts come. I’m no longer enslaved by the enemy’s lies that our marriage will never be any different or that we might as well give up trying to change it!

“After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore you and make you strong firm, and steadfast.” 1 Pet. 5:10 (NIV)

Being steadfast in my marriage this year means that I won’t despair during difficult seasons, but I’ll have a calm assurance that we will come out on the other side not only intact but stronger! It also means I’ll keep doing the good work of becoming a wife after God’s own heart.

Steadfast Parenting

Lately, the Lord has been convicting me that we need to keep persevering in our parenting methods even though our children are getting older and more self-sufficient. I want to be a steadfast parent who stays the course rather than one who gives in to laziness. My job is not yet finished! 🙂

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Gal. 6:9 (NASB)

Steadfast Writing

Being steadfast in the area of writing means I will aim to be more consistent, and that I will obey that still small voice when the Lord prompts me to sit and write.

“This hope we have as an anchor to the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast, and one which enters within the veil…” Heb. 6:19 (NASB)

It also means that I will grow in confidence in the voice He has given me so that I don’t make comparisons or look for outside approval. My heart’s desire is to write for an audience of One.

Steadfast Weight-loss Journey

(Sigh….) Many of you know I’ve been working toward some weight-loss goals since last year. I only got rid of a little over 25 pounds, yet I persevered through injuries, illnesses, schedule changes, and the upheaval of changing ministries this past fall. This progress was only possible through the power of Christ in me!

“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises!” Ps. 57:7 (NASB)

This year I’m aiming for another 50 pounds gone, an average loss of a pound a week. So, being steadfast in this area means I’ll keep plugging away at healthy eating and exercise while trusting the Lord to take care of the results.

Steadfast Church-planting

Being steadfast as a church-planter means I’ll be secure enough to be a fool for Christ, willing to take risks because my faith is firm and my identity is secure. It means I will keep doing the work the hard work, but I’ll trust Him for the results.

I can also be steadfast by pushing myself beyond my own comfort zone, especially when it comes to evangelism and by trusting the Lord to continue providing for our physical needs.

Steadfast Mind

I want to be like the Proverbs 31 woman who does not fear the future but greets trouble with an unshakable faith (v.25).

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.” Isa. 26:3 (NASB)

As this year progresses, I’m excited to see how the Lord continues to use the word steadfast to teach me.

Will you choose to be steadfast this year?

Jen 🙂

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25 Family Fun Days (We Are Fa-mi-ly Series)

February 2, 2016 by jstults 2 Comments

All month long here at Being Confident of This, we’ve been addressing the need for strong families, the kind that stick together for life, the kind that leave legacies for future generations. If you missed the first few articles, I suggest that you check the schedule at the bottom to catch up.

As I mentioned in previous posts, family bonding should happen often and in a variety of ways!

One way that our family creates memories and solidifies bonds is through what we call Family Fun Day, an entire day devoted to quality time together as a family. No joke – the fun must last until bedtime or the most literal-minded of the bunch will call the parents out. 😉

However, if you can’t fit in a whole day of family fun, try starting later in the day and carrying on the family fun until bedtime. Something about going to bed with an emotional tank full of happy makes family fun day stick in the minds of your children.

Here’s some help planning out your family fun days!

25 Ideas for Family Fun Day

Free (or nearly free) options for Family Fun Day:

1. Bonfire and games in the dark

If you don’t have a fire pit, you can build one yourself (make that part of the family fun) or you can buy a portable one. Be sure to have supplies for s’mores on hand and check out my Family Fun pinterest board for some glow in the dark games!

2. Fishing trip

It’s just my opinion that every kid should go fishing at least once in a lifetime. 🙂 But seriously, the quiet togetherness of fishing allows for some great conversation!

3. Family camping

Our kids love to camp! We don’t even have to travel far to do it because they most enjoy the experience of being together day and night, sleeping in tents, and cooking over the fire – simple and inexpensive family fun.

4. Outdoor fun at a State Park

Pack up a picnic lunch or dinner and head to your favorite state park or nature preserve. Choose a few trails to hike or go on a nature scavenger hunt. You can easily spend a day at a large state park!

5. Family Game Night

If family game night is new to you, then you should read about our favorite games (categorized by age and group size) and how to host a game night with other families when you have young ones at home! Our four children ask for family game night again and again – it never gets old for them. 🙂 I love the ideas on this pinterest board for creating a trophy for winners!

6.Winter outdoor fun

Sledding, fort-building, snowball fighting – you catch the drift (hee hee). If your family enjoys competition, then add some challenges to this family fun day – who can create the most unique snow creature or the best snow obstacle course?

7. Active family fun

Bike riding, trail hiking or walking, family sports (soccer, kickball, whiffle ball, etc.) – any of these work for getting your family active together. Be sure to choose something all family members can participate in and enjoy. You can take turns choosing the next activity.

If you happen to be stuck indoors due to the weather, try something from this list!

8. Wii night (0r other gaming system)

Find several multi-player games to challenge each other on, such as Super Mario Bros. (Coin battle or free-f0r-all mode add a fun twist), Mario Kart, Wario Smooth Moves, Super Smash Bros., Wii Sports mini-games, etc. If your family really enjoys competition, draw up a leader board and keep track of points to declare a Family Fun Day Champion!

9. Performance Night

This family fun night may take a little more planning or it may just evolve spontaneously. Most kids love to perform, especially to a captive audience. When Dad and Mom join in on the fun, the night gets even better. Schedule a line-up of group and solo acts – singing, plays, skits, puppet shows, anything that only requires a little creativity and leads to lots of giggles.

10. Beach Day/Swimming

Load up all of the necessities and head to a nearby beach or pool. We usually pack a lunch and plan to spend a good portion of the day enjoying the sun, the sand, and the water. Be sure to build some sandcastles together and play some water games as a family.

11. Lego Challenge

A Lego family fun day is on my list of things to try. If you check out my family fun pinterest board, you’ll find some great ideas for a lego-themed day.

12. Playground Hopping

In the summer, this one’s easy. Pack a picnic and scout out several playgrounds to visit. Perhaps you can even take a day trip to a city with a well-known or unique play area? Playground hop until everyone is worn-out, then return home for family movie night! Inclement weather pops up? No worries! Just find some nearby indoor play places at restaurants or in malls.

Low-cost options for Family Fun Day:

13. Crazy Pinz/Bowling

In a bigger town near us, we have this place called Crazy Pinz, which often hosts family nights or cosmic bowling (gl0w-in-the-dark bowling). But it’s not your average bowling alley. They also have indoor bumper cars, a huge arcade, and something called Ball-O-City – like big playground with these foam balls shooting everywhere!

Look for something similar in your area. Or, if you all enjoy the simple pleasure of bowling a strike, then stick to a regular bowling alley. 🙂

14. Mini Golf

Most mini golf places also house arcades and some even boast of go-karts, climbing walls, and other fun options. Nothing is quite as much fun as seeing one of the family members putt a hole-in-one, though! And little ones make the day even more entertaining with their interesting putting techniques.

15. Laser Tag

Our family loves laser tag, probably because we tend to be slightly competitive. This active family fun day can be both competitive and team-oriented, however, since you usually compete against another group, but still receive individual scoresheets.

16. Paintball

Similar to laser tag except it takes place outdoors (not for young children) and is a little more painful. We have not yet tried this as a family, but would like to!

17. Zoo Day

Large families should pay attention to membership prices because often a single visit for the entire family is close in price to buying a year membership! Pack your own lunch and skip the souvenir shop to save more money!

18. Inflatable Fun

Find an indoor bouncy house attraction. Most of these bouncy attractions offer inflatables for all sizes, so the whole family can enjoy time together.

19. SkyZone

If your family really likes to bounce, check for a trampoline attraction in your area. Most of these offer a block of bounce time on various trampoline attractions – regular trampoline bouncing, trampoline basketball dunk, trampoline dodgeball, trampoline jump into foam pit, and so on.

20. Creation Museum (or another Children’s Museum)

Our four kiddos still talk about the time we went to the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY. We spent the entire day learning about God’s wonderful creation, and for our older sons, the experience was a real faith booster. They still retain facts from the displays on Creation and use them to defend their faith. If you have a large family, be aware that food items can be costly, but you can always pack your own!

We also enjoy the Indianapolis Children’s museum that isn’t too far from us. Even our teenage son doesn’t mind going along. This museum (and many others) offers several free days each year, so be sure to check before you make plans to go.

21. Family Olympics

Here’s another idea I found on pinterest for a family fun day that involves lots of fun and games. Choose the games most appropriate for your ages and enjoy some backyard fun as a family!

Plan and save options for Family Fun Day:

22. Day trip to nearby attractions

Think amusement parks, dinner theaters, etc. Look for savings on Groupon or Living Social!

23. Symphony

Not everyone enjoys classical music, but if your children are older and can handle sitting, you might find a themed night they would enjoy – like Star Wars or Disney. Attending the symphony isn’t just good for family fun day, but is also a good cultural experience for kids!

24. Unique Restaurant

A restaurant with themed decor is extra fun for kiddos – think Rainforest Cafe or something similar. Since it’s not a restaurant you would normally go to, the day will automatically have a “special” air to it. Be prepared, however, as these themed restaurants are usually more costly than typical family dining.

25. Any Themed Day

This one doesn’t necessarily need to involve a lot of cost, but does require planning, especially if you need special decorations. Have a pirate day and search for hidden treasure in the backyard (scavenger hunt), or plan a family movie night around a specific theme.

The key is to incorporate as much of the theme as possible to make it a memorable night (pinterest is invaluable for planning these).

Now that you’re armed with a list of ideas, all you need to do is put a day or night on the calendar and stick with it!

Jen 🙂

3 Ways to Build Strong Sibling Bonds (We Are Fa-mi-ly Series)

January 25, 2016 by jstults 4 Comments

This week I’m thrilled to introduce you to my friend Rebekah Hallberg, who is joining us as we continue on with the We Are Fa-mi-ly Series.

Becky and I write about similar areas of Christian Living, including faith, marriage, family, parenting, and so forth. Once a month, I’ll be sharing over at her place, Sharing Redemption’s Stories, and she’ll be sharing here at Being Confident of This.

Be sure to give her a warm welcome by sharing this post around and leaving some encouraging comments! 😉

…………………………………………………

This morning we woke up to a winter wonderland. The massive amounts of snow they predicted arrived overnight and we’re looking at anywhere from 18-30 inches before it’s all over. What I really want to remember from today, though, is that my kids are spending time together – and it is not just because of the snow. With kids at a wide variety of ages, it can be hard to build those strong relationships.

I want to share 3 ways to build healthy sibling relationships. Please understand, I’m certainly not an expert and my kids do not always get along, but I think that these tips are ones we can all agree on and share with our children.

3 Tips for Building Strong Sibling Bonds

1. Prayer

As our family grew, one thing my husband and I have done is to pray for our family – specifically our children and their relationships with one another. We realize that you cannot force people to get along, but prayer invites God to work in ways that we cannot. Unfortunately, prayer has not always been our first resource. We’ve tried taking matters into our own hands many times. I often wonder how much less stress we might have felt if prayer had been our first resource rather than our last resort.

I often wonder how much less stress we might have felt if prayer had been our first resource rather than our last resort.

What we’ve really learned with prayer, though, is that it’s about more than just us praying for our children. The times that have been a big blessing in the kids’ lives have been when they have prayed for each other. There is tremendous power when you genuinely pray for someone else; it makes it difficult to stay upset with them. Praying for each other builds strong sibling bonds.

2. Prepare

This seemed basic to me when I first considered it, but I’ve come to find that it’s an important concept:

Do your kids know the expectation you have for them? Do they know that you want them to try to get along with their brother or sister?

Our kids need to know what’s expected of them. Just as we prepare them to sit quietly in church, or to behave nicely at a restaurant, we need to convey our expectations of their behavior with their siblings. Communication with them won’t guarantee a change of behavior, but it will instill those expectations in their hearts where we can nurture them and hopefully see them take root.

3. Practice

Ok, mamas, this is where it can get real. Real tough. Real dangerous. But maybe even real fun! You’ve prayed for your children and for the relationship among them, you’ve shared your expectation that they get along with one another, and now you need to reinforce that by getting them into situations where they can work on those relationships, those sibling bonds.

Some of the ways we’ve worked on this include games, books, and activities together. I’ll share a few of our favorites which all of our kids have enjoyed, despite a major age gap between the oldest and youngest.

Games:

Sorry! – This is a favorite because young kids can easily play. There’s no money involved, so they don’t feel frustrated with math skills that may not be fully developed yet. It’s simply some reading and some counting (which older siblings can {gladly!} help with), and a little revenge which keeps it interesting for everyone!

Bubble Talk – We heard about this game from my son’s Speech Therapist. It has quickly become a family favorite! We play that one person at a time gets to choose the photo to be captioned. The others choose a card from in their hands which they feel has the “best” caption for the photo. Young kids will likely choose the literal best caption, while older kids choose the card whose caption is best in the ironic sense.

HedBanz – This is similar to 20 questions in that each person takes a card and slides it into a hook on the headband. Then they have to ask questions about the card – is it a food? is it an animal? is it blue? – and try to guess the image on the card based on the answers given. I think we have the most basic edition of this game and we all enjoy it!

Books:

Here are a few of our family’s favorites:

The Narnia Chronicles – We read through the series fairly frequently, and I know the kids have each read these on their own.

Pilgrim’s Progress and Young Pilgrim’s Progress – I’ve enjoyed these books over the years and I’m glad the kids have come to like them as well. There are so many good truths packed into the stories.

Missionary biographies – I love that these books are easy to read, and tell such important stories of faith from many different periods in history.

Activities Together:

Cooking a meal – This one may require some adjustments based on the age of your children. We discuss a family-favorite meal and then each child is responsible for one portion of the meal. The oldest may boil & drain the spaghetti, heat the sauce & meatballs. The middle guy might make the salad and get all of the condiments to the table, and the younger may butter the bread and set the table.

Cleaning out the car – Maybe it’s odd, but my kids enjoy this! One child cleans out the front, another cleans out the back, and one vacuums. If your kids are older they can also wash the windows, wash the car, clean the dashboard, etc.

Do outside chores – in winter, one shovels the driveway, one cleans off cars, and one shovels the sidewalk. In spring, one mows, one moves all the outdoor furniture and one helps to weed the flower bed.

Spending time practicing what is expected of them gives them the opportunity to learn in a safe, nurturing environment. It also allows us, as parents, to point out specifically what we mean when we say, “You need to get along with each other”. Thus, spending time together is essential for building strong sibling bonds!

It’s been a blessing to watch them grow as we’ve worked together to foster their sibling bonds! I hope these ideas, simple as they may be, will spark some ideas for how to foster sibling relationships in your own family!
Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in people’s lives. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – spreading the good news of God’s mercy and grace to a world in need.

9 Ways to Cultivate a Family Identity (We Are Fa-mi-ly Series)

January 18, 2016 by jstults 1 Comment

You might know a family like them, the ones all decked out in team gear for Sunday’s big game. They root together, sharing the joy of a win or the sting of a loss. They’ll be talking about the game for days.

Other families you know gather for family dinner every Sunday or vacation together every year. Some meet for midnight openings of long-awaited movies or run every area 5K together. Some even serve alongside each other for their favorite cause.

It’s just part of who they are as a family, part of their family identity.

Strong families know who they are and that they belong together, no matter what their individual differences. If you want to build strong family bonds then you need to encourage and cultivate a sense of family identity in your home.

Here’s how:

9 Ways to cultivate a family identity

1. Clarify your family values.

Each family has its own set of values to focus on, and those values contribute to the family identity. When family members are certain of the rules and values established in the home, they feel safe and secure. On the other hand, failing to clarify values paves the way for confusion and chaos in the home.

Values guide us when we make important choices. Values teach us who we are and what we stand for.

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)

What values lie at the core of your family life? How do those values impact which activities you choose to participate in? How do your family’s values guide your children in life situations?

2. Emphasize traditions.

Traditions give children a sense of belonging, and not just to the current family unit, but even to previous generations. For this reason, celebrating traditions encourages the family identity.

How do you celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other special events? What do you do to mark the first or last day of school? Do you bake Great-Grandma’s special cookie recipe together? Is Friday night pizza night?

Even everyday traditions become part of your family identity.

You probably already have traditions in place even if you don’t realize it, but you can always add new ones, too! Emphasize the traditions you have. Draw your children’s attention to them and explain the significance of why you do the things you do.

3. Keep photo albums or scrapbooks.

I’ll never forget my Grandma’s bookshelf filled with photo albums. I believe she had over 20 albums full of family photos, a treasury. At Christmas every year, the aunts and uncles and cousins would pull out the albums and look through the physical representation of all our childhood memories.

Even as an adult, looking through photo albums is one of my favorite things to do!

Pictures remind us of who we are, where we came from, and what we’ve been through together – an important aspect of family identity. They show us that our littlest boy has Daddy’s nose and our oldest has Grandma’s chin. They document the progression of our family through time, the different places we’ve lived or visited, and the friends who have come and gone.

Memories are important to family identity!

4. Serve together.

Many families find part of their identity by rallying around a cause or a way to serve the Lord. Since I’m married to a pastor/church-planter, we are a pastor’s family. We work together to prepare for and host church events and to serve our community.

It’s just part of our family identity to work together.

If your family has a heart for animals, then consider serving at a local shelter. If you’ve experienced cancer, perhaps participate in a cancer prevention walk. Whatever need or cause your family can rally around helps to cement family identity.

5. Support one another.

We have a rule in our family that whenever possible, we will all attend each other’s events. Obviously in a family of six, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. But for the most part, we go to soccer games, baseball games, plays, band concerts, and awards days together.

It’s important for siblings to feel supported by each other in addition to the support of both parents.

Although our middle son doesn’t always enjoy his older brother’s band concerts, he certainly enjoys having his brother watch his own soccer games. And as a parent, I love to hear a proud, “That’s my brother!” (or sister – whatever the case may be). 🙂

Be a family that celebrates each other. Make that an important part of your family identity.

6. Play together (or periodic random chaos).

Families that have fun together usually have a strong sense of family identity because they genuinely enjoy being with each other. Our family loves to tease, whether with words or poking or pillow fights.

Sometimes when our teen is upstairs (or when Dad is in the bathroom), I’ll get the younger kids together for an ambush. We wait quietly with koosh ball guns and nerf guns until the target makes an appearance and a war ensues. It may only last for 15 minutes or so, but it gets everyone laughing together.

Make laughter and playfulness part of your family identity by being silly together whenever possible!

7. Encourage common interests.

One way to develop your family identity is to teach your children to love similar things. For example, my husband is an Indianapolis Colts fan, so we root for the Colts in this household.

You may not enjoy sports, but your family might enjoy music, or crafting, or watching old movies, or playing games, or spending time in the outdoors.

Find common interests that you can enjoy together as a family.

8. Give conversation a chance.

Our kids love to talk. I have to admit they come by it honestly with two parents who are also talkers. 🙂 But when we are really busy as a family, we don’t have time to really listen to each other. I’ve noticed during those times that we deal with a lot more negative behavior.

One thing we do as a family is to eat supper together at the table nearly every evening of the week. Even during sports seasons, we will eat early or late if at all possible. Eating supper together gives us a chance to talk. The more we talk together, the more we learn about each other, the better our family identity.

Find a time to set aside for good conversation.

9. Spend time together.

Out of all the ways to cultivate a family identity, this one is perhaps the most important. Spending time together is instrumental in forming close ties, so there is no substitute for quality family time.

Set aside one night a week or a couple of nights a month for family game night, or go play a sport together. Schedule a family fun day by devoting an entire day to family time. Your kids will love it (and they will hold you to the whole day, so be prepared)!

One of our favorite ways to spend quality time together is to go on family vacation. Family vacation creates fond memories that are unique to us, which is key in cultivating a family identity.

Are you concerned about finances? Your family vacation need not be expensive nor extravagant to accomplish its purpose. In fact, you don’t even need to leave home to set aside a few days for family time!

If you haven’t already put some of these tips into practice, I hope you’ll do so soon! Cultivating a family identity is just one of many valuable ways to strengthen your family bonds.

Come back next week for another installment in the month-long We Are Fa-mi-ly Series!

Join in me in scheduling some family fun?

Jen 🙂

Other posts in the We Are Fa-mi-ly Series:

We Are Fa-mi-ly: 4 Biblical Characteristics of Strong Families

Establishing a Foundation of Faith (We Are Fa-mi-ly Series)

January 11, 2016 by jstults Leave a Comment

Last week we began the We Are Fa-mi-ly series here at Being Confident of This, so be sure to stop by the first post in the series if you missed it! Today we’ll be discussing how to establish a foundation of faith.

While it’s important to teach our children obedience and manners, how to play sports and succeed in school, the most important thing we can ever do for our children is to establish a foundation of faith.

If we think of a family as a home being built, then think of personal faith in God as the foundation of that home. Parents who aren’t well-rooted in faith will struggle to pass on an understanding of the Word, as well as biblical family values.

4 Ways to Establish a Foundation of Faith

1. Talk openly about your faith, even when you struggle.

Certainly, we can’t and shouldn’t tell our children everything we go through in life. Some things simply aren’t appropriate to share with them. However, parents are often afraid to show any sort of weakness or doubt, especially when it comes to their personal faith.

The truth is, our kids already know that we aren’t perfect. They can see it for themselves! Thus, a foundation of faith depends on parents who exhibit and encourage authentic faith…

I’m sharing the rest of this article over at my friend Rebekah’s blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories. She and I share a burden for struggling marriages and families, and we’ll be working together this year to bring you quality content related to living out the Christian Faith. Once a month, she’ll be sharing here at Being Confident of This, and once a month, I’ll be sharing over at her place.

Read the rest by clicking the picture below!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Tell It To Me Tuesdays

We Are Family: Building a Strong Family Unit

January 6, 2016 by jstults 3 Comments

Most people I know would love to be part of a strong family unit, one that stays together and loves each other no matter what life brings, a family in which each member feels loved and valued.

But building that kind of family dynamic doesn’t always come easy.

As a family in ministry, we’ve been exposed to a variety of family dynamics over the years. Some families are very good at building bonds that keep them together while other families barely remain intact, and still others struggle with dysfunction for generations.

No one sets out to raise an unhealthy and unhappy child or family, but many do so by default.

So what makes the difference between families that thrive and those that fail?

Why do some families seem more close-knit than others?

What can we do to keep our family strong?

We’ll be exploring these questions and answers over the next few weeks here at Being Confident of This in a series called We Are Fa-mi-ly. Topics will range from building a family identity to keeping teens in the family, and more.

Follow along as we discuss God’s marvelous gift of family!

Characteristics of a Strong Family

If we want a family that thrives, we’d do well to examine the characteristics of a strong family. So earlier this week, I asked our four children (ages 6 to 15) what makes a good family.

Here are their responses:

belief in God (several mentioned this)
hugs and affection
enjoying time together
doing things together (several mentioned this)
helping each other
sharing with each other
loving each other (several mentioned this)
trust and honesty
talking to each other

Then I asked them (and my husband) what we could do to improve our family, and they answered:

more family time, especially game night (that’s their fav!)
consistent family devotions
share more responsibility for our home
complain less
use kind speech with siblings

I think their answers give a pretty accurate picture of our family. We really do have fun together, and faith in Jesus Christ is very important to us. But we certainly aren’t without flaws. 🙂

If you want to know how to improve your family, consider asking your spouse and children what the family does well and what you could be doing better?

An even better source to consider is God’s Word.

4 Biblical Characteristics of a Strong Family

From the beginning of mankind, God intended to use the family unit in a special way. So, one of His first commands to Adam and Eve was “be frutiful and multiply.” (Gen. 1:28)

We can see that families have had a special place in God’s heart from the very beginning!

1. A strong family begins with a healthy, God-centered marriage.

In Ephesians (5:25), we see that the relationship between a husband and wife reflects the very nature of God’s love for and pursuit of His people. Children learn much about both human love and God’s love from the relationship they witness between their parents.

2. A strong family maintains a proper relationship between parent and child.

One of the ten commandments speaks to this very relationship:

“Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.” Ex. 20:12 (NASB)

In a healthy family unit, parents love their children and because they love them, they discipline and instruct them.

Both the marriage relationship and the parent-child relationship serve to help children understand aspects of God’s character: Christ as the bridegroom and God as our Heavenly Father.

“See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called the children of God…” 1 Jn. 3:1a (NASB)

When either one of these key relationships is damaged, a child’s understanding of God’s character easily becomes skewed.

This is why building a strong family is paramount in today’s society. The more dysfunctional family units grow, the less society understands God’s true character!

3. A strong family teaches future generations about the history of God’s relationship with His people.

Even more, a healthy family will pass down the record of how God has worked in their own family, too!

“Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and grandsons.” Deut. 4:9 (NASB)

4. A strong family puts on love.

The best families are those that just ooze with love and make the rest of us jealous, right? 🙂 However, as flawed humans, we are not capable of loving one another perfectly all of the time.

We all have those tense moments when feelings trump truth or miscommunication leads to unnecessary wounds, but a strong family learns to work through those tough times. A strong family learns to embrace the work-in-progress of loving and forgiving one another.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Eph. 4:32 (NASB)

We could probably list several more characteristics of strong families, but these four are foundational.

I’m willing to bet most parents desire to leave a legacy of strong family bonds for future generations, but a quick look at the world around us demonstrates that such a legacy does not happen by chance.

As mom to a soon-to-be sixteen-year-old, I recognize that the time is all too short. These formative years fly by more and more quickly, and if we’re not careful, we’ll miss out on important opportunities.

We must be intentional in building family bonds that last!

Join us here for the next installment in the We Are Fa-mi-ly series for some practical ways to strengthen your family.

Until then, put on love!

Jen 🙂

Sharing this post with: Grace and Truth, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

The Family Thanksgiving Tree

November 18, 2015 by jstults 9 Comments

We started the tradition a year ago, when the leaves first began to blaze and all of the store shelves filled prematurely with Christmas items – our first Thanksgiving Tree.

Thanksgiving is the holiday that seems to get lost in the shuffle anymore, and that’s a real shame, isn’t it?

Listen, no matter what hard things we have going on in our lives right now, we still have things to be thankful for. If we don’t mark Thanksgiving in some sort of significant way, then we’re missing out on an opportunity to look back over the year and remember.

Why is remembering so important?

Because we fickle humans so quickly and easily forget our Father God’s goodness, just like the Israelites forgot the goodness of Yahweh time and again throughout the Old Testament.

In fact, I found myself guilty of the same trap just a few weeks ago. In spite of the magnificent and awe-inspiring ways God has provided for our family during this pastor-to-church-planter transition, I became discontent.

I grumbled. I complained. I resented the hard work we’ve been doing.

I wanted an easier way, and I failed to remember the glorious things the Father had already done on our behalf.

So this year, the Thanksgiving Tree tradition continues, but along with each family member’s “thankful leaves,” we added a whole extra section in green – the living color – to demonstrate God’s show of faithfulness.

You see, I want our children to remember.

I want that image burned into their little brains and hearts, the tangible green of God’s goodness to our family. I want them to see how plentiful the green is on our Thanksgiving Tree.

Once we finished hanging each leaf of thanks this evening, I told them, “Turn and look again at the tree. See all of the green leaves at the top! How many do you think there are? Probably at least 20, maybe even 30. That’s how well God is caring for us. Do you see it? Look at it a little longer because I want you to remember this for years to come.”

And I know they will because to this day, I savor my own childhood memories of missionary life and the often miraculous answers to prayer that I experienced as a child.

The thing about remembering is that it naturally boosts our faith. Remembering His provisions encourages us to endure the hard things in life!

I’m sure that’s why the Father continually reminded his people throughout His Word to remember the great things He had done for them, to remember His very character. Is anything too hard for Him?

We need to believe in possibilities rather than probabilities.

Even more, being thankful for what we have brings a joy to our hearts like none other.

When I saw this particular orange leaf way up at the top where only our oldest and tallest young man could have placed it, my heart nearly burst.

For that moment, I caught just a glimpse of what the Lord is doing in the midst of this tough season – that it isn’t just about us, or even this town we attempt to minister to, but it’s about the generation to come, too. It’s about the budding faith of each child who lives here in this house.

I’m so very thankful that despite our frequent parenting failures and our own often-weak faith, our teenage son sees clearly the importance of living out an authentic faith.

That’s the bright spot in this struggle, friends!

So even if you don’t have anything particularly special to celebrate this Thanksgiving, why not use this opportunity to create a visual display of God’s gifts in your home?

There is something special about writing out your blessings one by one on colorful leaves and then holding them in your hands, touching His gifts to you, knowing you could fill up a thousand leaves with the Father’s goodness.

There is something special, too, about catching glimpses of the things your children are thankful for, and for them to see the things you are thankful for, as well.

Why not take this opportunity, even just for a few minutes, to make the Lord’s goodness clear to your children, to read about it in the Word, and to take turns sharing the things you are thankful for as you place them on the Thanksgiving Tree?

I know that when we walk by that wall in the center of our home, we’ll remember God’s many gifts. And it will last long after the Thanksgiving meal has come and gone.

Every time the little ones make a remark about our Thanksgiving tree, it’s one more opportunity to tell them about the Father God we serve.

Have I convinced you yet? 🙂

It doesn’t need to be a complicated tree, or even a tree at all, but some sort of visual reminder that your blessings are many. It could be as simple as a hand-written list posted somewhere prominent in your home. (Grace in all things, friends!)

Let’s mark Thanksgiving in a special way this year!

Instructions for a Thanksgiving Tree:

The tree trunk

For the trunk and limbs of the Thanksgiving tree, cut apart a couple of paper grocery sacks into long strips (discard the bottoms – they are too thick).
Then, twist the strips by hand to make a long paper rope of sorts.
Once the paper is twisted, you can untwist it little by little to get the desired trunk or limb thickness.
For the very bottom of the trunk, you will not need to even twist the paper, just sort of crinkle it up and then shape it with your hands.
To make the smaller limbs and twigs, use a thinner, shorter strip of paper.

The leaves

Use your favorite leaf template or trace some real leaves from outside. You might even try making some leaf rubbings and cutting them out.
Even though it’s not scientifically correct, our kids like a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors of leaves from various trees.
I recommend tracing onto card stock so that the leaves will last a little longer.
Give each family member a handful of leaves to write on.
For younger kids, have them make a practice list before they write on the leaves themselves. 🙂
Use a sharpie or other dark colored marker or crayon to write each thing you are thankful for on each of your leaves of thanks.
Then, hang the leaves on the tree or fix them to the wall. (I just use tape!) We like some of ours to be falling through the air and some around the base of the tree. (As much as possible, I try to let the kids do this on their own and resist the urge to re-position any clumpy areas, haha.)
After the Thanksgiving tree is decorated, take turns sharing what you wrote on your leaves.

The Lesson

Read Psalms 100 and 1 Thess. 5:18 and discuss why it’s important to give thanks.
Or Read Matt. 6:25-34 and discuss why we don’t need to worry.
Pray together as a family – thank the Lord for His goodness.

Last year, I had plans to turn our Thanksgiving tree into a Valentine’s Day tree and an Easter tree, and so forth, but I never did. This year I am determined. So, you might want to keep at least the bare bones of your tree for a while (hint, hint). 🙂

Don’t just celebrate Thanksgiving at the family gathering this year, friends. Give it the same thoughtful treatment you do Christmas and Easter. Start talking about it with your children now.

Make a plan for how to take advantage of those teachable moments whether it be through a Thanksgiving Tree or some other way to remember and give thanks.

After all, our God deserves the glory!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R and R, Tell His Story, Think Tank Thursdays, Wedded Wednesdays

Parenting From Truth ~ Grace and Truth Week 37

September 25, 2015 by jstults 2 Comments

The pull of our world is strong, friends.

Just the other night, one of my young boys talked to me about his concerns that he doesn’t know what God wants him to do in the future, or even now. He’s looking for his purpose in life. It’s not the first time he’s mentioned such concerns to me, even at the young age of nine.

And to be honest, I’m wasn’t really sure how to answer him other than to suggest that he continue to be faithful in doing all things as “unto the Lord.” But that suggestion failed to satisfy. Looking back, I think his questions were aiming more at finding significance than I initially understood.

Although the conversation was frustrating for me as a parent, realizing I lacked the answers he was seeking for his restlessness, and likewise frustrating for him as a child, it reminded me once again of how my parenting is limited by my humanity.

Above all, we must teach our children to seek a real and personal relationship with their Creator God.

And with our oldest boy halfway through high school already, I’m more and more aware that time with them is fleeting. A parent’s influence only reaches so far, and while they are still under our roof, I want to make the most of this time!

Maybe you’re feeling that urgency, too?

To get all of the wisdom in during these years that fly by faster and faster as time passes?

In last week’s Grace and Truth linkup, I read two excellent posts from parents who get it – this need to connect our children to those gospel truths that will last beyond our home and into eternity.

Rebekah from Surviving Toddlerhood shared a poignant post relating to the Josh Duggar scandal (not your typical Duggar post at all). I appreciate how Rebekah gets right at the root of raising young men who understand their need for a Savior!

Katie from I Choose Brave shares about the lessons that hard things teach our children. She also gets to the root of the issue, which is the need for Jesus.

Thanks ladies for reminding us of our parenting priority – helping our children understand their great need and the solution to that need.

Sometimes we can effectively apply parenting advice and other times we just do our best and pray about the rest. Being a loving Christian parent isn’t about attaining perfection, but about faithfullypointing them to Jesus!

Parent on!

Jen 🙂

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On Raising Daughters: Beauty Queen or Brainiac?

May 19, 2015 by jstults 12 Comments

“Please, Mommy, please!” She begged with round eyes and crinkled nose. Her most fervent desire? To sign up for the local beauty pageant and wear a fancy dress.

It’s one aspect of mothering a daughter that I never anticipated….as a mother of mostly boys.

It’s true that daughters are different, and therefore, we worry about different things – teaching modesty and authenticity, teaching beauty that comes from within, teaching God-derived confidence and mothering skills, and a million other things I might never have considered teaching specifically to our boys.

It’s also true that one can find all sorts of conflicting advice about what is best for little girls.

Let them be princesses!

No, let them be tom-boys!

Teach them the joy of femininity!

No, teach them to seek equality!

When so many different opinions exist, how can we know the best advice to follow? Which way is right?

Should we let our little girl participate in the beauty pageant or not?

Join me over at Kaylene Yoder’s place as I share about what kind of daughters we should be raising and how to love our daughters best!

Meet you there!

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Tell It To Me Tuesday, Titus 2 Tuesday, Titus 2sdays, A Little R&R Wednesdays, #TellHisStory, Wholehearted Wednesdays, Grace and Truth, Faith Filled Fridays

Welcome to the New Christian Living Link-up ~ #GraceTruth

January 16, 2015 by stultsmamaof4 6 Comments

I’m beyond excited to introduce you all to something that has been in the works for several weeks now. Faithful readers and Lofter buddies know that we’ve hosted a link-up called #TheLoft for some months now. Recently our hosting group was offered an opportunity to merge with quite a few other like-minded faith bloggers in a new, bigger weekly link-up. Although we’re sad to lose a little of the intimacy that a smaller group allows for, we are enthusiastic about the opportunities this new link-up brings for all faith bloggers.

So, without further ado, I invite you to join us for Grace & Truth, a weekly Christian link-up!

Jen 🙂

Satisfaction Through Christ
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Arabah Joy
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A Divine Encounter
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Leah Adams
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Being Confident of This
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7 Scriptures for a Steadfast Heart

Steadfast faith

Steadfast Marriage

Steadfast Parenting

Steadfast Writing

Steadfast Weight-loss Journey

Steadfast Church-planting

Steadfast Mind

25 Ideas for Family Fun Day

Free (or nearly free) options for Family Fun Day:

1. Bonfire and games in the dark

2. Fishing trip

3. Family camping

4. Outdoor fun at a State Park

5. Family Game Night

6.Winter outdoor fun

7. Active family fun

8. Wii night (0r other gaming system)

9. Performance Night

10. Beach Day/Swimming

11. Lego Challenge

12. Playground Hopping

Low-cost options for Family Fun Day:

13. Crazy Pinz/Bowling

14. Mini Golf

15. Laser Tag

16. Paintball

17. Zoo Day

18. Inflatable Fun

19. SkyZone

20. Creation Museum (or another Children’s Museum)

21. Family Olympics

22. Day trip to nearby attractions

23. Symphony

24. Unique Restaurant

25. Any Themed Day

3 Tips for Building Strong Sibling Bonds

1. Prayer

2. Prepare

3. Practice

9 Ways to cultivate a family identity

1. Clarify your family values.

2. Emphasize traditions.

3. Keep photo albums or scrapbooks.

4. Serve together.

5. Support one another.

6. Play together (or periodic random chaos).

7. Encourage common interests.

8. Give conversation a chance.

9. Spend time together.

4 Ways to Establish a Foundation of Faith

1. Talk openly about your faith, even when you struggle.

Characteristics of a Strong Family

4 Biblical Characteristics of a Strong Family

1. A strong family begins with a healthy, God-centered marriage.

2. A strong family maintains a proper relationship between parent and child.

3. A strong family teaches future generations about the history of God’s relationship with His people.

4. A strong family puts on love.

We must be intentional in building family bonds that last!

We need to believe in possibilities rather than probabilities.

Instructions for a Thanksgiving Tree:

The tree trunk

The leaves

The Lesson

Sharing with: Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R and R, Tell His Story, Think Tank Thursdays, Wedded Wednesdays

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Satisfaction Through Christ
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Kaylene Yoder
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The Brown Tribe
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Arabah Joy
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A Divine Encounter
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Being Confident of This
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Busy Being Blessed
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Sharing Redemption’s Stories
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Satisfaction Through Christ
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Kaylene Yoder
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The Brown Tribe
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A Virtuous Woman
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Arabah Joy
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A Divine Encounter
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Leah Adams
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Being Confident of This
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Busy Being Blessed
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Sharing Redemption’s Stories
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