3 Ways to Build Strong Sibling Bonds (We Are Fa-mi-ly Series)

This week I’m thrilled to introduce you to my friend Rebekah Hallberg, who is joining us as we continue on with the We Are Fa-mi-ly Series.

Becky and I write about similar areas of Christian Living, including faith, marriage, family, parenting, and so forth.  Once a month, I’ll be sharing over at her place, Sharing Redemption’s Stories, and she’ll be sharing here at Being Confident of This.

Be sure to give her a warm welcome by sharing this post around and leaving some encouraging comments! 😉

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This morning we woke up to a winter wonderland. The massive amounts of snow they predicted arrived overnight and we’re looking at anywhere from 18-30 inches before it’s all over. What I really want to remember from today, though, is that my kids are spending time together – and it is not just because of the snow. With kids at a wide variety of ages, it can be hard to build those strong relationships.

I want to share 3 ways to build healthy sibling relationships. Please understand, I’m certainly not an expert and my kids do not always get along, but I think that these tips are ones we can all agree on and share with our children.

3 Tips for Building Strong Sibling Bonds

1. Prayer

As our family grew, one thing my husband and I have done is to pray for our family – specifically our children and their relationships with one another. We realize that you cannot force people to get along, but prayer invites God to work in ways that we cannot. Unfortunately, prayer has not always been our first resource. We’ve tried taking matters into our own hands many times. I often wonder how much less stress we might have felt if prayer had been our first resource rather than our last resort.

I often wonder how much less stress we might have felt if prayer had been our first resource rather than our last resort.

What we’ve really learned with prayer, though, is that it’s about more than just us praying for our children. The times that have been a big blessing in the kids’ lives have been when they have prayed for each other. There is tremendous power when you genuinely pray for someone else; it makes it difficult to stay upset with them.  Praying for each other builds strong sibling bonds.

2. Prepare

This seemed basic to me when I first considered it, but I’ve come to find that it’s an important concept:

Do your kids know the expectation you have for them? Do they know that you want them to try to get along with their brother or sister?

Our kids need to know what’s expected of them. Just as we prepare them to sit quietly in church, or to behave nicely at a restaurant, we need to convey our expectations of their behavior with their siblings. Communication with them won’t guarantee a change of behavior, but it will instill those expectations in their hearts where we can nurture them and hopefully see them take root.

3. Practice

Ok, mamas, this is where it can get real. Real tough. Real dangerous. But maybe even real fun! You’ve prayed for your children and for the relationship among them, you’ve shared your expectation that they get along with one another, and now you need to reinforce that by getting them into situations where they can work on those relationships, those sibling bonds.

Some of the ways we’ve worked on this include games, books, and activities together. I’ll share a few of our favorites which all of our kids have enjoyed, despite a major age gap between the oldest and youngest.

Games:

Sorry! – This is a favorite because young kids can easily play. There’s no money involved, so they don’t feel frustrated with math skills that may not be fully developed yet. It’s simply some reading and some counting (which older siblings can {gladly!} help with), and a little revenge which keeps it interesting for everyone!

Bubble Talk – We heard about this game from my son’s Speech Therapist. It has quickly become a family favorite! We play that one person at a time gets to choose the photo to be captioned. The others choose a card from in their hands which they feel has the “best” caption for the photo. Young kids will likely choose the literal best caption, while older kids choose the card whose caption is best in the ironic sense.

HedBanz – This is similar to 20 questions in that each person takes a card and slides it into a hook on the headband. Then they have to ask questions about the card – is it a food? is it an animal? is it blue? – and try to guess the image on the card based on the answers given. I think we have the most basic edition of this game and we all enjoy it!

Books:

Here are a few of our family’s favorites:

The Narnia Chronicles – We read through the series fairly frequently, and I know the kids have each read these on their own.

Pilgrim’s Progress and Young Pilgrim’s Progress – I’ve enjoyed these books over the years and I’m glad the kids have come to like them as well. There are so many good truths packed into the stories.

Missionary biographies – I love that these books are easy to read, and tell such important stories of faith from many different periods in history.

Activities Together:

Cooking a meal – This one may require some adjustments based on the age of your children. We discuss a family-favorite meal and then each child is responsible for one portion of the meal. The oldest may boil & drain the spaghetti, heat the sauce & meatballs. The middle guy might make the salad and get all of the condiments to the table, and the younger may butter the bread and set the table.

Cleaning out the car – Maybe it’s odd, but my kids enjoy this! One child cleans out the front, another cleans out the back, and one vacuums. If your kids are older they can also wash the windows, wash the car, clean the dashboard, etc.

Do outside chores – in winter, one shovels the driveway, one cleans off cars, and one shovels the sidewalk. In spring, one mows, one moves all the outdoor furniture and one helps to weed the flower bed.

Spending time practicing what is expected of them gives them the opportunity to learn in a safe, nurturing environment. It also allows us, as parents, to point out specifically what we mean when we say, “You need to get along with each other”.  Thus, spending time together is essential for building strong sibling bonds!

It’s been a blessing to watch them grow as we’ve worked together to foster their sibling bonds! I hope these ideas, simple as they may be, will spark some ideas for how to foster sibling relationships in your own family!
Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in people’s lives. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – spreading the good news of God’s mercy and grace to a world in need.