jstults, Author at Being Confident Of This

4 Ways to Overcome the Post-argument Hangover

July 11, 2016 by jstults 12 Comments

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably experienced it – the all-day-long fight. You know, the one you just can’t seems to resolve, the one that leaves you nearly breathless and emotionally spent.

And even when you do manage to see each other’s point of view, even when you reconcile with I’m sorrys and Forgive mes, you’re left with all of these leftover ugly feelings inside. You’re still grieving the fact that you argued to begin with. You might even be nursing a few wounds even as you make up your mind to forgive.

Have you experienced this phenomenon, friends? The post-argument hangover can leave you feeling stuck, unable to move on if you let it. It keeps you mired right where the Enemy wants you.

What we need is a gameplan to help us overcome!

4 Ways to Overcome the Post-argument Hangover

1. Remember who you are in Christ.

Now that the fight has been resolved and you are right with one another and right with God, you’ll still have those leftover human emotions and hormones flooding your body. The Enemy is sure to sieze this opportunity to envelop you with debilitating guilt – the kind that leaves you feeling stuck and unable to move on. The kind of guilt that calls you a bad wife. The kind of guilt that tells you your arguing is ruining your children. The kind of guilt that whispers you’ll never change. The guilt that leaves you feeling hopeless and helpless.

Arm yourself with truth from the Word and fight to claim your status as beloved daughter of the King, holy and blameless before God because of the blood of Jesus, a work-in-progress woman who isn’t finished yet.

“Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” Rom. 8:33-35 (NASB)

It’s not the end of the story, friend. The Enemy has no right to accuse you any longer! Remembering your birthright gives you the weapon you need to defeat that post-argument hangover.

Click here to follow me over to my friend Rebekah Hallberg’s blog for the three remaining ways to overcome the post-argument hangover!

3 Ways to Prepare My Heart to Submit

June 20, 2016 by jstults 6 Comments

If you’ve been in Christian circles long enough, you know there’s a word that is certain to stir up mixed feelings, wild emotions, opposing points of views, and general frustration. There are some who try to live by the intent of the word, and there are others who immediately put up a wall when you mention the word. I want to look at that word, but maybe from a different level. But give me a fair chance, please – don’t just close the post when you read the word, okay?

Submission.

Even though I know how divisive this word is, I want to share about it from my own perspective. You’re welcome to agree, disagree, comment with your feelings, but I’d like you to hear what I have to say.

I approach this word with a good deal of hesitation. If you were to look at my life, if you knew my full story, you would have every right to say, “Why do you even want to consider submitting to your husband?”

So here’s the honest truth: On any given day, I don’t want to consider submitting to my husband.

Given all that has happened in my life, I’d like to just continue going through our mess, simply trying to get to the other side. But God keeps placing this word – one that divides even within the church – onto my heart.

Perhaps you’ve seen a picture like this before:

The point of this image is that a husband and wife draw closer to one another as they draw closer to God.

What has happened in my marriage is that we’ve struggled with selfishness, with our own desires. This has done the exact opposite of drawing us closer to each other. It’s pulled us away from each other and away from God.

Over the past couple of years, as we’ve intentionally tried to get our relationship and marriage right with each other and the Lord, we’re starting to look a little more like this triangle.

My husband has worked hard to correct issues in his past and is working hard to be the leader in our home.

Which brings me back to needing to look at the word submission.

How do you submit to another person, particularly your husband, especially when things have gone badly?

Here’s what I’ve learned, very simply:

If I want to do what God’s calling me to do, I need to remember that the situations I find myself in are an opportunity to honor Him.

When my husband and I are having a discussion and God whispers, “You need to submit,” it’s often God’s gentle way of trying to draw my own heart closer to His (God’s) heart.

God is trying to get me in line, and at the same time, He’s working in my husband’s heart to continue to learn to lead our family.

I don’t view submission as my husband ruling over me, lording his power over our marriage. My husband doesn’t treat his role as the leader in that manner either.

Rather, we both view the concept of submission as getting our hearts in line with the Lord, and letting Him gently lead us and grow our relationship as He desires.

For me, the concept of submission – even when I really don’t want to – means that I’m choosing to honor God first and foremost, by following His instruction to follow my husband.

So how do I get my heart to want to submit, especially when my husband has not always been the best leader and has let me down in some pretty big ways?

1. Get Alone With God.

I say “get alone” because time alone with God in this kind of situation almost always requires an intentional choice on my part. Often these opportunities to submit don’t come at the most convenient times. They often arise at chaotic times when I have a lot going on, so I need to intentionally choose to get alone with God.

These are times when I share my heart with the Lord. I tell Him my feelings, the situation from my perspective, and then I try to listen. The Lord loves to hear from us, but He loves when we listen as well.

Struggling? Make time to get alone with the Lord, talk to Him and listen to what He says.

2. Open God’s Word.

No, I’m not going to suggest you read the passages on wives submitting to their husbands. Not at all.

Instead, I’d rather encourage you to go to your favorite passages, your “go-to” verses for when you need reminders of God’s faithfulness. You see, God’s giving us another opportunity to trust Him, and if you’re at all like me, you need the reminder that He is faithful – no matter what – more than you need the reminder to submit to your husband.

Not sure where to start? Here are a couple of my favorites:
Jude 24,25, Psalm 91

3. Remember That No One Is Perfect.

Oh yes – this one. There are times when my husband will suggest something, or let me know what we’re going to do.

A recent example:
Our fridge started making some noise. He started at step one – identify the problem – and worked up to calling the company and scheduling a technician to come out to check the fridge. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out the way my husband plans, and I hesitate to go with his plans.

But – how am I going to see God’s faithfulness (step #2) if I keep getting in the way? If I’m going to ask God to remind me of His faithfulness, then I need to let God work, right? I need to get myself and my ideas, my preconceived notions of how things will go, out of the way.

How bad would it be if my husband was wrong about how he handled the situation? Am I willing to give up my own “need to be right” to let my husband lead?

He’s not perfect, he may in fact be wrong. But I’m not perfect either. In fact, I’m often wrong.

It’s important for me to keep in mind that while God is working in my heart, He’s also working in my husband’s heart. When I am wrong, my husband is so gracious and gentle, and I need to treat him with the same respect that he freely gives to me.

**********

I think we often get hung up on submission as us being less than, not as important as, our husband. Friends, nothing is farther from the truth. God hasn’t asked us to submit because our husbands are better than us, or more important than us.

I believe He asks us, as the brides, to submit to our husbands so that our heart can grow to learn to submit to Christ – the bridegroom of the church.

I would love to hear your thoughts and encouragement on this topic. Feel free to comment here at Jen’s blog, or hop over to my blog and leave your thoughts as well.

Rebekah has been completely overwhelmed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in her life. He has proven His faithfulness in every area of her life, especially in her marriage. She has come to understand the power of redemption and God’s work in her own marriage. Her goal is to be Sharing Redemption’s Stories – encouraging wives who are praying for redemption in their marriage.

8 Prayers for When Your Glass is Empty But Your Plate Is Full

June 6, 2016 by jstults 3 Comments

It’s one of those frustrating days when everything seems to go wrong – one thing after another. Yeah, that kind of day. Tears threaten to spill over any moment because I can’t just can’t seem to keep on the right path this week. Discouragement has been my constant companion.

As I drive down the road, I catch the words of Toby Mac’s latest song, Move:

Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet

I think yes, this is what I feel like – a soldier – a weary, weary soldier.

It’s the refrain of my life lately and likely the refrain of your life, too, since the Word claims that our battle is real! We fight against more than flesh and blood; we fight against the very forces of evil. We fight against our own sin nature, too!

That fight can drain a person.

That fight often leaves a person with a glass that is empty, but a plate still full of responsibilities.

Most days, I’m thankful for the power of Christ in me to “keep walkin’.” But some days I desperately want rest. In fact, every few days I throw one of those adult mind-fits – you know, the kind of temper tantrum you can’t see on the outside, but boy, is it brewing on the inside!

On those tough days, I find myself constantly crying out to the Lord for rescue, and as frustrated as I am with my failures, it’s a good reminder of my work-in-progress status and my need for a Savior. 🙂

If you find yourself in a season of life that requires much of you, friend, cling to these scriptures below. Pray them at every opportunity so that you can keep walkin’!

8 Scripture Prayers For When Your Glass Is Empty

He gives strength to the weary,

And to him who lacks might He increases power.

Though youths grow weary and tired,

And vigorous young men stumble badly,

Yet those who wait for the Lord

Will gain new strength;

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:28-31 NASB

Father God, I feel so weary lately, as if I have nothing left to give. But I know that the enemy’s favorite phrase for me is “you can’t.” Help me to combat that lie with the truth that I already have all of the strength I need in You.

You are the Everlasting God who never grows tired or weary. You give strength to all who need it! Help me to wait on you alone, Lord, so that I can mount up with wings like eagles.

To continue reading, join me over at Sharing Redemption’s Stories!

The Truth About a Faith That Stumbles on Water

June 2, 2016 by jstults 18 Comments

A few weeks ago I posted the verse below from Galatians 6:9 about not growing weary of doing good, which has become my anchor in this season of busy schedules and church planting challenges. It’s perfect for this season because it easily applies to every area of my life in which I desire to remain steadfast.

Do not grow weary of setting aside time to abide in the Vine.

Do not grow weary of loving and listening to my husband.

Do not grow weary of training up my children.

Do not grow weary of being a good friend and neighbor.

Do not grow weary of keeping my home tidy.

Do not grow weary of eating healthy and exercising even when….maybe especially when… the scale doesn’t budge.

Do not grow weary of…

The list could extend for pages, really.

So, I posted this verse on the blog facebook page and after seeing it there a few times, kind of forgot about it.

And wouldn’t you know that after weeks of not having a single new visitor (and very few actual attendees), we had not one… not two… but three unexpected guests last Sunday! In fact, one couple has been invited nearly every week by my persistent husband since the church plant opened way back during Easter.

There’s more. After prayer walking that same Sunday afternoon, we had almost a dozen extra visitors during our bread ministry that week and actually ran out of bread!

Do you think maybe the Lord was trying to teach us something? 😉

Here’s the thing: Sometimes we’ve prayed for something so fervently, and for so long, that we quit waiting expectantly. And then when the answer comes, when the need is met, we fail to recognize the significance.

As a daughter of the Most High, I often grow childishly impatient. I want an answer right now. I want clarity. I want an inkling of the Father’s plan. I want some sort of tangible evidence that we are on the right path.

If I’m honest, I want miracles.

And this is where I can most relate to Peter, who asked to walk on water with Jesus and then stumbled, nearly drowning in his own doubt.

Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. Mt. 14:28-29

I’m sure that first step was a mountaintop experience, a spiritual high like none other. I’m sure Peter was elated, soaring on faith-wings that yearned to stretch wider and swoop higher!

Yes, I’m doing it. I’m doing it!

I’m equally certain that the floundering steps that followed were terrifying.

Maybe it felt like too big of a leap of faith. Maybe the wind and waves increased in size and ferocity. For whatever reason, his confidence wavered.

Wait, am I really doing this? What if I can’t keep it up? What if my faith is too small?

But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Mt. 14:30-31

What right did Peter have to walk on water in the first place?

Who was he to make such a bold request?

He was no one.

A nobody.

Yet in the eyes of Jesus, he was worth an abundant amount of time, effort, and instruction. He was worth forgiving even as he was busy betraying.

And before Jesus left this earth, He claimed His Church would be built upon Peter. Imperfect Peter with the imperfect faith (Mt. 16:18).

You see, friends, we need a faith that leaps – yes, we do, but we also need a faith that stumbles on water.

We need that sudden sinking, that floundering fear that drives us straight into the arms of our Savior. Because when we are weak, then we are strong (2 Cor. 12:10).

It’s when we begin to think that we can do it on our own, when that smidgen of self-righteousness and self-sufficiency sneaks its way in, that we should truly be frightened. That truth has never been more clear to me than these last few years of struggle.

Friends, if I only talked about the faith that leaps, I’d be remiss.

I’d be painting only half of the picture.

The truth is that these last few months have been full of walking-on-water moments followed by sudden sinking and ultimately a return to the truth that trumps all others – we need Him.

We need our Father God.

We cannot do it alone as much as our perfectionism preaches to us that we can, for even our very faith comes from the Lord and not ourselves (Eph.2:8-9).

We need to keep believing that He will “show up” for us. We need to keep waiting expectantly. We need to look for the work-in-progress He is completing in us.

So, if you’ve had some of those moments of stumbling on the water lately, take heart and look to Jesus just as Peter did.

And in the words of Toby Mac,

“Keep walkin’.”

Jen 🙂

Sharing with: Grace and Truth, Faith Filled Friday, Tell His Story

To the Doctor Who Gave Us Options

May 23, 2016 by jstults 10 Comments

“The heartbeat looks strong. The measurements are all within normal range. Um, I have to go get the doctor to discuss this with you…just a minute.”

Dear Doctor,

You once asked me what I was going to do. You had just finished telling me that everything would almost certainly be fine, that a large number of people have these cysts as adults and have no problems. The cyst that was growing inside our baby’s head was no reason for concern.

So I replied that I would discuss today’s ultrasound results with my doctor the next time I saw her.

“There are other options.”

In one breath, you told me he was fine – there was no cause for concern. In the next breath, you gave me “options”. You reminded me that many people don’t want to be bothered with carrying a baby to term if there is the slightest possibility of a problem, though you said there was no cause for alarm. You told me this cyst would have to be accompanied by any number of other issues for there to be a “problem”.

You offered me options.

That child, the one who had a cyst and no other accompanying issues, is turning twelve. His health is amazing, just as you said it would be. He had a CT scan done in his first year of life and the cyst was gone, as you said it likely would be.

He’s my second child, well-loved by his father and me, and he was welcomed to this world by his big brother. A little over two years later, he would become the big brother welcoming a little sister to the world. We have three children now, each one so very loved!

This guy had a very different temperament than our first son. My goodness! He ate, filled his diaper, cried, ate and slept. Until he was 7 months old and the sleeping stopped. Two hours of sleep became a luxury – a labor of love for whichever parent was letting the other one sleep. We tag-teamed the overnight hours, exhaustion was our new companion. Five months later he had a slightly better sleep schedule.

He failed the hearing test they do for newborns. Twice. At age one, I once banged pots together to see if he’d turn his head because he would not answer when I called him. The loud noise jarred him; he could hear.

He seemed defiant. He would do the same things over and over, even when we said “no”. It would be five and a half years before we found out that he couldn’t understand language.

He attended preschool and pre-K, thought it was not smooth sailing. We didn’t realize how much he didn’t understand. He spoke so well, carried on fun conversations, yet he lacked an ability to understand the meaning of words spoken to him.

He was challenging. He’d run away at the store, he’d scream about being confined in the stroller, he’d work on a plan in his mind – you could see the wheels turning. But we could never get him to tell us his plan – until he was almost on top of the fridge. Or until after he drew in Sharpie all over the walls.

He’s got a strong will. I mean – S T R O N G. We wouldn’t make any hard and fast rules for him unless we were willing to battle it out with him. If we gave in once, we’d have to start all over again and draw the line in the sand. It just wasn’t worth it.

School has been interesting – full of ups and downs. Therapy became a part of our lives in Kindergarten. I learned about sensory issues, brain development and functions. Asperger syndrome was added into the mix a few months later. An IEP – and all the legalities – became second nature. We learned how to deal with a “twice exceptional” child. Today he is a 5th grader who does work at a 6th grade level. And for the record, he has all A’s.

The first few years of his life were…difficult.

But there was always something about him. Maybe the twinkle in his eye, or the corner of his mouth that turns up just perfectly when he’s being mysterious. The impulses that we worked so hard to control often were rooted in love. He loved his family…and he wanted to show us that by drawing our family in Sharpie inside the bathroom cabinet.

Because of his intellect, and due to the many adults in his life, he’s had some wonderful conversations with his therapists, with family and friends. He’s dug deeper into his faith than many adults I know. He’s openly shared his faith with each and every therapist.

He’s learned how to play with kids his age and has gained some wonderful friends as a result.

And next school year they will be bumping him up to 7th grade. He goes to classes with his peers through a cyber charter school. He participates, he writes reports, he interacts, he sometimes talks out of turn, and he says funny things – just like all his classmates.

This will signify a massive “catching up” for someone who once tested at a kindergarten and 12th grade level in various parts of Language Arts.

Dear Doctor,

You gave us options that day. I’m pretty sure you felt that our life might be better spent without this potential problem, though you assured us that nothing was wrong.

I wonder how many moms have taken you up on various options. I wonder how many moms, years later, wonder if maybe they could have, should have, chosen differently. Chosen life.

Though our early years were so difficult, none of us would be the same without this child in our lives.

Dear Doctor,

Our son turns 12 this week. I wish you could meet him. I wish for you the opportunity to look deep into the face of someone whose life could have been an option.

I’d love for you to see someone who might not be worth the struggle.

I’d love to know how you would explain to him, or to me, how his life isn’t worth it.

The struggles we’ve been through with him have stretched us. They’ve flat worn us out.

And then the next day, we got up and we did it all over again.

Why?

Because we believe in one choice – LIFE.

We believe that God gives and takes life as He wills. It is not ours to decide when a life ends. You probably believe differently, and that’s your choice.

But, oh, I wonder how many might have had an experience like ours – if only they had been given hope…

instead of “options”.

This week we celebrate our second son’s 12th year.
And he’s been worth it all!

8 Secrets to Keeping Tweens and Teens in the Family

May 9, 2016 by jstults Leave a Comment

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare – losing connection with a child during those tough tween and teen years. We see them making choices we don’t like, but they’ve isolated themselves to the extent that we no longer have room to speak into their lives.

How do we avoid this mistake?

How can we keep tweens and teens engaged in the family dynamic so that they stay rooted and connected?

How do we encourage independence without encouraging isolation?

I spent many years working with teens while my husband was a youth pastor, and I’ve noticed that those with healthy family dynamics seem to weather these turbulent years with much more ease. So when our own children reached the tween and teen years, we decided to be intentional about maintaining that healthy family dynamic! Here are a few of our strategies.

8 Ways to Keep Tweens and Teens in the Family

1. Keep up the bedtime hugs and I-love-yous through those awkward tween years.

I remember around the age of twelve or thirteen thinking I was too old for bedtime hugs. So, I started saying goodnight from the doorway of the living room rather than going in to hug my parents. This continued for several months until I began to miss those hugs. But by then I felt stuck.

Fast forward a few decades and I find myself in the same situation with our two oldest boys, one sixteen and the other ten. Because we were intentional about asking our sons for hugs goodnight, our sixteen-year-old man-cub continues to do so. The ten-year-old imp is a little more reluctant, but he usually relents with a grin. Since I know he’s not the huggy type, I keep it brief for him.

As parents, we have to intentionally set aside any awkwardness in order to embrace our tweens and teens.

If we begin to act shy or awkward about hugging for real, then our tweens and teens will sense that and hold back, too. But they still need those hugs.

We set the tone.

2. Guard the hearts of your tweens and teens by setting family rules for electronics, internet access, and phones.

We do this in our family in three practical ways. First, we limit the amount of time they are allowed to spend on personal devices such as ipods, Nintendo DSs, computers or tablets, and so forth.

The more time they spend engaged in their personal devices is less time they spend engaged with others.

Second, we have a rule that such devices…

To read the rest, follow me over to my friend Rebekah’s blog, Sharing Redemption’s Stories by clicking this link or the picture below.

Why You Need to Take a Leap of Faith ~ and a Giveaway!

May 3, 2016 by jstults 11 Comments

Sometimes, … no quite often, God asks us to do things that make us incredibly uncomfortable. And like the shy kid who hates reading in front of the class, we have a choice to make.

Will we follow, take the leap of faith?

Or will we back away from the edge in fear and miss our chance to really soar?

The Father has been sending me quite the message about fear lately, and I know He’s sending some of you that same message, too.

Fear not.

It’s the same message from three years ago when I typed out my first public confession here in this space. You see, I thought that blogging would be a less terrifying, safer way to obey the Lord in using this gift of writing for His glory. I think about that now and just laugh because there is nothing less scary or safe about writing about the hard things in life.

There’s nothing safe about writing how you sometimes feel unloved, or you sometimes fail at loving others. There’s nothing safe about writing out your own sin for the whole world to read.

Listen to me, friends, there’s nothing safe about sharing your story, whatever it might be, but there’s nothing quite as beautiful either because when you do, you get to hear “me, too” and “I needed that” and “thank you.” You find out there are so many other work-in-progress women out there in the world who struggle through the same life lessons as you.

You learn that while you set out to encourage and exhort others through this thing called writing, your Father set out to encourage and exhort you.

But the most beautiful part?

You get to take part in God’s story.

That’s why you need a faith that leaps because when we obey, when we take that risk of being foolish for the sake of Christ, we join in the work of reaching others for His Name. And there is nothing more difficult yet infinitely more rewarding than that, is there?

Is it worth it, this leap of faith?

Yes, a thousand times yes.

It’s worth it, friends.

That hard thing He wants you to do? That person you need to talk to? That story you need to share? That sin you need to confess? That future that He wants you to leap in to?

Take the leap, friend.

And I’m not talking about the feel-good, positive-vibes leap of faith in yourself. I’m not talking about the dream-your-own-dreams, you-can-do-it, make-your-own-destiny kind of leap.

I’m talking about the leap of faith that asks you to deny yourself and take up your cross. The leap of faith that scares the pants off of you because you’re fairly certain you are not capable on your own. The leap of faith that is only possible because you serve the God of the impossible.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, andtake up his cross and follow Me.” Mt. 16:24 (NASB)

I’m talking about a leap of faith with its object and focus as the Creator of the Universe, the God who holds you in the palm of His hand, the One who will never leave you nor forsake, who plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Take that leap of faith, friend.

To do otherwise is to willfully choose disobedience.

“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” Heb. 11:6 (NASB)

Choose faith and find yourself in awe of the Lord who works in and through you!

Jen 🙂

…………………………………………………………………………………..

It was a big week for Being Confident of This!

The facebook page reached 1,000 likes earlier last week, and with the Father’s help (because many, many times I wanted to just quit), we also passed the three-year mark here at the blog. So, to celebrate this blogiversary and God’s faithfulness, let’s have a giveaway of some of my favorite Christian living resources! You won’t say no to that, right? 😉

What I’m giving away to the winner:

By This Name by John Cross

This is our preferred Creation-to-Christ resource for strengthening anyone’s understanding of the Bible as a whole. It is our go-to tool for evangelism, discipleship, and so forth.

Every Wife’s Choice by Sarah Fairchild

My favorite resource for every marriage (and not just because it’s written by my talented sister)! Sarah delves into the greek roots of the famous First Corinthians 13 passage on love to reveal truths about the choices we have in loving our husbands. Packed with humorous anecdotes, this read will both challenge and encourage you as a wife.

Praying the Promises of the Cross by Arabah Joy

I had the privilege of working on the graphics for this printable prayer journal (pdf version). Each day contains a brief yet powerful devotional reading about the promises of the cross, a scripture to read and write out, and a section to write out your own prayer.

Philippians 1:6 Printable from me

This 8×10 print will remind you of your work-in-progress status and the hope you have in Christ to one day be complete! Be sure to hang it where you will see it often. 🙂

Okay, time to enter – and don’t forget to share this around so your friends can enter, too!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*Being Confident of This makes use of affiliate links. For more information, please see the homepage. Thank you for helping to support this blog!

Sharing with: Grace and Truth, Faith Filled Friday, Coffee for Your Heart

The Secret to Being a Warrior Wife

April 28, 2016 by jstults 14 Comments

He shuffled into the living room, shoulders slumped, and with a great sigh lowered himself to the couch. His clothes bore the marks of a man who worked hard for a living.

He could barely meet my gaze, as if he were somehow lacking or not enough. I knew he needed my compassion and encouragement, but instead of sympathy, I felt only frustration.

After all, I thought, I’m working hard in this season, too. I’m weary, too. What do I have left to offer? It feels like too much, and I have nothing left to give.

Besides, he’s a grown man. I’m busy caring for children and our home all day long, on top of the demands of work and ministry roles that I am responsible for. If I can keep myself going, why can’t he keep himself going?

And just like that I missed the opportunity to be a warrior wife.

Have you ever been so caught up in the busyness and stress of life that you forget who you are or who you were created to be, friend?

Especially as a writer and pastor’s wife, I struggle with balancing my family and home life with the demands of ministry life. Without realizing it, I begin to neglect important relationships because I’m “just so busy.”

I become task-oriented rather than people-oriented, a slave to the to-do list rather than a Spirit-led woman.

And it’s downright frustrating how quickly and easily I slip into this mode of doing rather than being!

At a recent women’s conference, I received a wake-up call from the Lord. One speaker in particular, Dana James, reminded us of who we are created to be as daughters of the one true King in relation to our husbands.

My friend Dana shared with us that God designed us to be “helpers” from the very beginning.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ ” Gen. 2:18

Yes, I know we’ve all heard this verse before. Our job is to help, right? That’s our God-given “role,” right?

Wrong!

Dana drew our attention to the original language, which uses the Hebrew word ezer (pronounced ay-zer). The word ezer is used 21 times in the Old Testament, but the majority of those uses are in reference to God himself, His character. In such cases, the word ezer is used in connection with words like shield, sword, deliverer, mighty, and hope.

**Thus, ezer refers to the warrior aspect of God’s character – the One who fights on our behalf, our Shield and Defender, our Rescue.**

As I looked further into the meanings attached to this word and its definitions, I found connotations of assistance or aid, especially in times of suffering or distress. It means relief given to someone in need, removing or reducing something that is painful, unpleasant, or even oppressive!

And this very same word ezer is used to describe a helper suitable for Adam.

Do you see what this means for us, my sisters in Christ?

When the Lord God chose to create woman, He instilled in her very character the properties of this ezer. He created us to be warrior women, warrior wives, who will bravely fight spiritual battles on behalf of our husbands, who will provide aid and relief to the men in our lives who are worn down and discouraged by the demands of this earthly life.

Here’s the rub: I think we all know this intuitively and most of us truly desire to live this out.

But sometimes it feels like a whole lot of work that we have no strength to do, doesn’t it?

So when I saw my hard-working husband down and out on a day when I was already in that weighed-down place myself, I chose to look the other way. I chose to put my needs first.

I left him without his ezer, his helper.

It was a selfish choice that I’m ashamed to say I make often when I’m already stressed. And I wonder, why do I make this choice? What is it that feels so hard about being a warrior wife? What secret am I missing?

The secret to being a warrior wife lies in our perspective.

“It’s who we are, not a role we play!” ~ Dana James

When I see being a warrior wife as a job I need to do, it’s easy for me to let it slide on the days when I’m worn out or discouraged. It’s easy for me to call it “too hard.” But when I see being a warrior wife as part of my very identity, as a reflection of God’s character that comes not from trying harder, but from yielding to the Spirit, then I’m left with no excuses.

It is who I am called to be in Christ, and it’s who you are called to be in Christ, too, friend. Don’t leave your husband without the helper he really needs.

You were created for this and in Christ, you are equipped for this.

Let’s be warrior wives who fight the right kind of battles, not against our husbands, but for them.

Let’s do battle on our knees and in our war rooms against the real enemy.

Let’s choose to aid rather than to ignore.

Be an ezer. Fight!

Jen 🙂

~ This devotional is an excerpt from the book, Hope for the Hurting Wife by Rebekah Hallberg and Jen Stults.

*This post contains affiliate links. For more information on Being Confident of This’s affiliate policy, please visit the home page here. Thank you for helping to support this site!

Inspiration for this devotional came from Dana James’s talk “Being a Very Strong Helper” at Tranfsormed 2016 (Central Conference) and was used with permission from Dana. If you’d like to connect more with Dana, she writes at The Prime Rib, a website for minister’s wives in Tennessee.

For a practical take on how to encourage a discouraged husband (and how NOT to), try this one from Club 31 Women.

Recommended resources for being a warrior wife:

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

3 Ways to Calm Your Emotions ~ Before They Ruin Your Marriage

April 25, 2016 by jstults 5 Comments

Have you ever looked at your marriage and wondered what has happened? Have you been completely dissatisfied with the state of everything? Have you gone so far as to maybe even ponder divorce?

You’re not alone.

I know that as a culture, we tend to keep doing what we do, so long as it is beneficial to us in some way. But when we turn that corner where we feel it is no longer beneficial, we’re quick to throw it away – whether it’s an old book that our kids have outgrown, a faulty appliance, broken furniture, and even our marriage.

I wrote about the day I took my ring off, and I’ve been open with struggles in my own marriage. It’s hard to want to stay, to want to work things out, when the struggles seem too big.

Fear can play a major role in trying to work through our problems. We fear more pain, rejection, we even fear other people finding out about our troubles. Fear can truly mess us up in our day to day lives.

But there is something that can add fuel to fear’s fire and really make matters seem worse than they need to be.

Our emotions.

I’ve found that when my emotions run wild, the fear flares up. When the fear seems out of control, everything seems impossible. So to quiet the fear, I have to calm the emotions.

Here are 3 ways to calm your emotions.

1. REST

I’ve found that my emotions are the most difficult to control when I’m tired. No matter how hard I try to keep things in check, every little issue seems more magnified when I’m tired. I try to deny the tiredness and convince myself that the problem truly is just that big.

Lately I’ve gone back to intentionally lying down on a Sunday afternoon. I don’t always sleep, but I do intentionally give my body a bit of a break. Funny how we have to be so intentional about these things, isn’t it?

One time, early in my marriage, I was having trouble sleeping – or maybe adjusting to another body in the bed. My husband suggested sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, which I did. I was able to fall right to sleep and I slept very well. I’ve gone back to that practice from time to time, as the need presents itself. There’s something special about having God’s Word close to our minds while we sleep.

2. WORSHIP MUSIC

Ready for a bit of honesty here? This one is the hardest for me. Yup. This is where it becomes a battle of the will.

See, once I realize that my emotions are the problem, therefore, that I’m the problem (or at least a part of the problem), I don’t want to have to own up to it. I don’t want to be accountable for what I’ve contributed to the situation. I want to push the blame to anyone else.

It’s become a heart issue by this point – one that I don’t want to deal with.

I have to physically choose to turn on the music, put in the earbuds, and let God’s Word sink into my heart through worship songs.

I don’t have any particular favorites. It seems each time I listen, there are songs with lyrics geared specifically to what I need to hear. I love how God does that!

3. TIME WITH GOD

I often go to a favorite Scripture and just meditate on that. I read the verses around my favorites, to try to understand the context, to try to get a little more out of the passage. But I meditate on verses that have strengthened my heart previously, that have helped me find rest, that have provided the assurance that I need.

Just a few of my favorites:
Psalm 71:14, Jude 24-25, Revelation 12:11, Isaiah 61, Isaiah 43:1.

There are many others – I’d love to hear some of your favorite go-to verses for when you’re needing to refocus.

I have a few books that are easy-reading, that help me to rest and quiet my heart, but also remind me that my time right then is dedicated to focusing on God.

The first is called An Angel, A Miracle, or Simply God at Work? It’s the true stories of a missionary, shared in an easy-to-read manner. He shares the stories, shares God’s work through the stories, and leaves it up to you as to what you would call it – intervention from an angel? a true miracle? or simply God at work in our world today?

The next is called When Words Won’t Come and this one is rather new to me. I’m still reading through it, but I’ve been so blessed by it. The author provides a short Scripture and just a few, small thoughts to meditate on. This book has been a tremendous blessing on the days when I’ve faced difficulty or have struggled to keep going.

These 3 ways to calm your emotions are easy to do, but can provide so much heart-relief. There are plenty of other great ways to regain control of wild emotions – a walk, quiet time by a fire, a favorite hot drink on a cool evening, time talking with a friend.

I’ve found that once I quiet my emotions, then the fear settles and it’s easier to face the realities of the situation for what they are – not for the blown-out-of-proportion image that my emotions have made them to be.

I’d love to hear how you purposefully quiet your emotions to regain control of a seemingly out-of-control situation. I pray these 3 tips are a blessing to you!

Blessings!

-Rebekah

Sharing with: Grace and Truth

10 Simple Ways to Maintain a Cheerful Heart

April 11, 2016 by jstults 2 Comments

If you haven’t noticed on facebook, all of us folks here in the Midwest have been calling Mr. Groundhog a big, fat liar. I’m not sure if it’s really his fault or if we’ve been the victims of some cosmic April Fool’s prank, but after being teased with Spring, our Winter carried right over into April. April, folks!!

As a mama of four rambunctious children, we are beyond ready for afternoons of outdoor play! In fact, it’s so tempting to use the weather (snow followed by lots and lots of rainy, dreary days) as an excuse for a bad attittude.

But this year I’m learning to be more steadfast.

I don’t want the weather, or my busy schedule, or life’s disappointments, or wild-with-energy disobedient children to dictate my own emotions any longer. Instead, I want to find my joy and strength in the Lord, maintaining the calm confidence that comes from Him alone.

Do you want that, too, friend? A steady spirit? A faith that doesn’t waver at every little wave that rocks the boat?

Here are a few simple ways to keep life from stealing the joy that is rightfully ours in the Lord.

10 Simple Ways to Maintain a Cheerful Heart

1. Abide in the Vine.

Nothing brings more joy than being right with our Creator, which makes sense. God Almighty is our very source of life, so avoiding Him literally sucks life from us!

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NASB)

On the other hand, when we spend time focused on Him, we get an infusion of life, and with it, joy – it just bubbles right over and onto everyone around us!

2. Listen to Music.

For some that might be Christian Radio and for others, classical music, classic rock – whatever it is that gives your soul wings. For those days when you really need a dose of biblical truth set to song, I highly recommend this album by Casting Crowns or this one by Sidewalk Prophets.

3. Take Care of Your Physical Body.

I don’t know about you, but nothing makes me more grumpy than skipped meals or a lack of sleep. In addition, this year I’ve noticed that consistent exercise helps me more than I realized before. I feel less stressed after working out and happier! And let’s not even talk about how not good I feel when I overeat (0r eat too much junk)…

The science behind taking care of our bodies doesn’t lie, but even more, we have a biblical mandate to care for God’s temple!

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” 1 Cor. 6:19-20 (NASB)

I’m sharing over at my friend’s place – Sharing Redemption’s Stories. Follow me over to read the rest of this article by clicking this link or the image below. And if you find this helpful, don’t forget to share. 🙂 Thanks, friends!

*This post contains affiliate links. For more information on Being Confident of This’s use of affiliate links, please visit the homepage.

« Previous Page
1
…
5
6
7
8
9
…
15
Next Page »