Oh how I wanted to skip this Five Minute Friday because I knew immediately what I needed to write about. And it’s oh-so-personal and painful. Like any painful thing, though, there can be beauty in the ending. So, I pray you will find the beauty here.
Fall.
Sometimes, when life circumstances or sin issues overcome us, we fall.
And so last Fall, I fell, and I fell hard.
After a long year of trying to sell our home, we spent the summer moving to a new town, with a culture all its own. It’s a small country town, and I love the quiet of it, the friendly feel of it. The summer was a whirlwind of remodeling and unpacking and general chaos.
So, when the long, quiet, isolated days of winter came and I had little to do but sit with my thoughts, I began to mourn.
I mourned for the family and friends who used to live nearby.
I mourned for our YMCA with its lovely child watch room.
I mourned for the fellowship of our previous church.
I mourned for my work-out buddy.
I mourned for the amazing children’s section of our old library, the convenience of grocery stores and Walmart, the trusted babyistters who lived nearby, and on and on.
At the same time, my marriage relationship was under a great deal of stress, so I was mourning the temporary loss of my best friend, as well. And as I sit here and write this, tears fall because the pain of loss was so, so great. It overwhelmed me.
I felt alone and abandoned, even by God.
And that’s when I fell.
I quit believing that He only allows things into my life that will be worked out for good. I quit believing that He was by my side, mourning right along with me. I failed to understand the purpose in His choice to remove almost every comfort from my life simultaneously.
Falling is hard.
It’s painful.
It brings sadness and shame along with it.
But on the other side of falling, is being picked up. Just like when my sweet little daughter falls and scrapes her leg. It hurts and we want the pain to go away, but there is also comfort there. There are loving arms to envelope us, to chase the sadness away.
Sometimes we fight those arms and we fail to find comfort. And that’s where I sat for a time. I blamed God for so many things in my life, even my own sin (gasp! yes, it’s true). But He never let go of me, even as I thrashed about and begged for release.
In a weird way, I’m glad I fell because it gave Him a chance to show me just how full His love is for me – that even when I’m downright nasty and ugly to Him, and sometimes even to those around me, He loves me anyway.
When you fall down, He picks you up.
Because He loves you anyway.
Praise the Lord!
Jen 🙂
Sharing with: Tell His Story, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, Wholehearted Wednesdays, A Little R & R Wednesdays
Five Minute Friday is a challenge, a free-writing exercise for bloggers. 5 minutes of writing with no editing, etc. If you’d like more information, check here:
When we are obedient to share, He faithfully uses our fallings and failings to encourage others. I shared this with a friend, so thanks so much for letting it all out and being real. Someone, probably many, needs to hear it. God is good 🙂 (Visiting from LisaJo’s place.)
Thanks, Stephanie. It was good for me to write it and remember, too. God IS good, even when it feels like He’s not. I’m glad you visited today.
Jen 🙂
This is a great post – so glad you decided to share it! He does always pick us up again. We just have to let Him.
Marissa
Thanks, Marissa. I’m glad you stopped by!
Jen 🙂
Jen, yes, I know what it means to fall, to flail, to push back against a God I know who loves me but whom I can get frustrated with because, honestly, I sometimes wish things didn’t have to be hard. But yes, He is present and loves us . . . and I grew up in a small country town. And I know how it can be isolating. Bless you, sister, for your beauty and faith and courage in shining His light here. So grateful. (And thank you for your sweet words for me today.)
I so greatly appreciate your words! You have encouraged me.
Jen 🙂
Oh, Jen… what a fantastic post. So real, so honest, so true and such a blessing. Thank you for reminding me about the ‘picking up’ part… it’s something I too easily forget in the midst of the ‘fall’ part.
(Thank you also for linking to my poem – truly blessed to be featured here – your blog is great – so happy to have connected with you!) 🙂
God bless,
Lois
Thanks so much, Lois! 🙂 I envy your gift of poetry since I’m more gifted in the area of prose. Haha. I’m glad to have “met” you.
Jen 🙂
Wonderful writing and so true and wise
Thank you for the kind words, Ruby. I’m glad you stopped by.
Jen : )
Oh my goodness, this is *so* me. Big, long, sigh…I know exactly what you’re saying here. And God IS good to pick us up again!! Thank you for sharing!
Haha – I’m glad I’m not the only one! 🙂 I think so often when we get in those places, we think we’re all alone. But we’re not. He is there, and often if we are able to open up to others, we find that fellow brothers and sisters in Christ might be in the same spot themselves. I’m glad you stopped by!
Jen 🙂
“But on the other side of falling, is being picked up.” That is a beautiful line to remember! I moved 1,200 miles from a big city to a small town four years ago. While I love my new town, my heart still aches for the community we had down there. You are not alone! Thanks for sharing this painful, yet redeeming, piece with us today!
Wow, Amelia – I only had to move 45 minutes away, but it does feel like another world at times. 😉 It’s so good to know I’m not alone!
Jen 🙂
Hey Jen, I went through a very similar time back in ‘ 99 when we made a move south due to my husbands business. I wrote about it in a series called “Reaching Out & Developing a Community around You” . It was absolutely amazing to see all The Lord did then. We are still in awe! I’d also love to encourage you to visit with Krystle from Worship While I’m Waiting. She also just started blogging only weeks ago. You may be able to impart some wisdom to her and you both seem to be around the same ages and share the same writing styles. (She has also linked up with us) Thanks for linking and sharing with us at One Sharendipity Pl. again this week! We always enjoy visiting with you!
Sue @ thet2women.com
Thanks, Sue. I will take a look at your series and the other blog you suggested!
Jen 🙂
So happy to let you know that your post is our featured #TellHisStory. 🙂
I feel honored! Thank you so much, Jennifer!
Jen 🙂
I’m pretty sure my own decade long fall in my late teens and early 20s is the only reason my faith is so strong today – because He picked me back up again! You did a lot in 5 minutes! Blessings, liz
It does teach us about His character, doesn’t it? I have a deeper understanding of the measure of His love, and for that I am thankful! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
Jen